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Harnessing the Power of Approach Anxiety

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  • Harnessing the Power of Approach Anxiety

    AA can be devastating for some guys. I have AA mostly handled, but I find it still crops up in various forms, whether a physical anxiety (ie deep chest pangs, hands shaking), a mental anxiety (ie not approaching for fear of social stigma, not approaching for lack of IOIs) or whatever else.

    In a recent PU, I felt physical AA, in the form of a flush of nerves through my body, and later my hands were shaking. But I was able to overcome it, and it turned out to be the easiest seduction I’ve ever experienced. There was something between us.

    I get this feeling that she has me on another level. High off some chemicals inside me. I’ve felt this before, and it mirrors itself in the woman. Like these chemicals are created and as they boil off my skin and enter her blood stream, she creates more and sends them back my way. Snowball effect.

    It’s as if the physical anxiety I felt was my body’s recognition of her chemicals; the initial response to them. So recognizing this feeling is something that needs to be addressed.

    I don’t want to subdue it. I want to capitalize on it.

    So rather than looking for techniques to clear this type of AA, my thought now is to transform it from nervousness to positive emotion, this way the chemicals continue to build and they can be fully received by her. Transform it into excitement. Best case scenario, transform it into horniness.

    “I must meet this woman who can make me flush.”
    “My hands are shaking. This is crazy! This is exciting!”
    “What will talking to her be like? I must find out!”
    “If she can make me feel this way, imagine how the sex will be between us.”

    I don’t meet women who can elicit this response from me often. So this is all based off of the results of a single PU. Not trying to KJ, but this is hard to field test.

    Thoughts? Comments? Go.

  • #2
    I will speak on this matter from a perspective of a virgin, and here is how I experience Approach Anxiety:

    As many novice members who have tried to help me, such as hangman, I experience little to no approach anxiety. I myself question on this lack of anxiety whenever I approach a stranger. Given a minimum amount of time, anxiety does not build up unless there are rooms for doubt and uncertainty, such as some possible negative scenarios following the approach.

    Lack of approach anxiety seems to coincide with lack of sexual tension, and now when I look back on all of my approaches, they all lack sexual intents. Most of my conversations will fall into social category, with a clear tendency of hiding my sexual intents. This doesn't mean I don't want to escalate on my targets, it simply signifies my shyness from showing my sexual interests to the targets, thus resulting in something called "deflating sexual tension", which means I sacrifice sexual tension for security. This form of anxiety which prolongs throughout the interaction, I think it is called "escalation anxiety".

    Recently when I turn more direct in my approach, which make my sexual intent even more visible, and I start to experience approach anxiety, not to a crippling degree, but I can feel its intense more than ever. Before, my targets show little sign of anxiety because they don't perceive me as a threat, and they often feel comfortable enough to talk to me more than 20 minutes. Now however, since I experience approach anxiety, and at the same time I am struggling to deliver my sexual intents, my targets react in a very different way, either they reject me outright or they accept my presence.

    My understanding is that a certain kind of anxiety is necessary to form sexual tension. Tension is what attractive to women. They may feel uncomfortable at first, but that doesn't mean rejection. If they rejected us, they should have walked away, and they are all experts in finding nice excuses to cut us out of their lives.

    Conclusion: Approach Anxiety is a good thing, it represents curiosity, and being able to handle and transform it shows true confidence. Suppressing approach anxiety by turning down the sexual tension simply makes you become a nice guy. Acknowledging anxiety that she causes to you is perhaps one of the best compliment to women, because that means we acknowledge their sexual attraction.


    • #3
      I used to have crippling approach anxiety; now I virtually have none.

      I sometimes still get hit with "I don't want to approach", but it's usually due to too loud music, high expectations of getting blown out and a generally negative vibe in a venue. It manifests more as something along the lines of "Nah man, this venue is shit, this is a waste of time, I wanna go home get some sleep" rather than fear and anxiety.

      A few tips:

      1. Venue selection is really important... in some venues I have to push myself, while in others it all happens so effortlessly (like in a new hiphop club I discovered recently).

      2. Try opening really hot women, your personal 9s and 10s. I find it much easier to open a hot woman than a mediocre one. This is because your biology does a lot of heavy lifting for you when it senses there's a possibility of obtaining high quality genes in a partner. It manifests in horniness and desire to fuck the shit out of a hot woman, thus effectively eliminating AA.

      3. The best way to get rid of AA is by opening lots of women, having lots of sex and generally not taking women seriously. Women are here for your entertainment. Interacting with women is fun!

      They're just humans like you, they don't shit gold or roses and more often than not, their judgment of you is totally impaired. Just take them off the pedestal and treat them as you would any other human being. I know, easier said than done, so that's why you need to open and interact with them a lot, until you get desensitized to approaching.

      PS. One thing that really motivated me to approach when I was nervous, was looking at other guys and realizing that none of them were approaching. So I said: "Just by virtue of talking to a few women tonight, I can already be better than 90% of cowards in this venue". Ego is sometimes a strong motivator.


      • #4
        Transform it from nervousness to positive emotion?
        I think you make this whole thing too complicated. Accept AA and approach anyway, use fear as fuel for performance. But its actually funny that AA never goes away, i still have it every time i go out (maybe some other guys have a different experience). But i know that even if i get blown out five times in a row, i would not stop approaching till things work out. Execution without emotion.


        • #5
          Just a thought, which crossed my mind several days ago, which may be KJ and mental masturbation BTW.
          Before approaching think of your previous, neither great nor bad approaches. Something neutral. Remember how actually easy it was. Imagine how it went. Expect it to go like this. Go!


          • #6
            Jazz I think it's a great mental reframe. Vex's response is gold too. If that works for you then definitely keep doing that!


            • #7
              Anxiety and Excitement are the same thing. It's just your interpretation of the same type of energy.

              Calm + No energy = depression
              Energy + No Calm = anxiety
              Calm + Energy = Vitality


              • #8
                Good feedback.

                @ Vexxor - I could see how you would interpret this as me putting the woman on a pedestal. Don't be confused. If anything, I'm putting the interaction on a pedestal. I know that not all women will make me feel a certain way. Those women cause no physical AA in me. The ones who truly react with my chemistry may or may not make me nervous. It's the fact that I know we will have deep chemistry together, it's not her that I want, it's the interaction.

                Get it? It might be hard to see clearly. But think about all those lifeless fucks you've had. There was no chemistry, no sexual tension as isidia pointed out. (Or is this just me?) But the ones that are really good fucks, are just really good for YOU. (Ok this is somewhat generalized.)

                Also, understand that I've been approaching for years now, waaayy before I've been in the community. For the most part I am desensitized. That's what I'm trying to highlight here. The fact that when I feel something, there must be a deeper chemistry which elicits that response. I just want to capitalize on it. This is how I'm going to do so, because so far it has worked (although only tested once now.)