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How To Determine *Why* She Didn't Like You

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  • Practical Technique How To Determine *Why* She Didn't Like You

    In business, one of the most important pieces of information you can possibly learn from your market is why a potential customer didn't buy. Companies, at least the smart ones, spend thousands if not millions of dollars on market surveys in order to determine why qualified prospects did not purchase their product or service.

    This information is hugely valuable. Often the primary reasons are things the company can very cheaply and/or quickly fix, thereby suddenly seeing a huge upsurge in sales very quickly.

    Since I run my seduction life like a business, in that I want maximum results for minimum input, this struck me some time last year. Most women you approach will not sleep with you, even if you're very good and do everything right. This is a fact of life. But think about this: Wouldn't you like to know exactly why a woman you met did not want to pursue anything sexual with you? Wouldn't that be hugely valuable information?

    Hell yes it would. Especially if you kept getting the same type of answer over and over again. You would know exactly what change to make in order to improve your results. And likely, it would be a very simple and easy change that you probably never even thought about.

    Have you ever been on a first date, and it went really well? Then you went on a second date, and then she suddenly didn't want to see you anymore? Or have you actually gotten to sex with a woman, and then when you tried to see her again she suddenly didn't want to see you?

    Of course you have. This happens to me sometimes too. I promise you that in those scenarios, you did something or said something that immediately killed the deal for her. Wouldn't you like to know exactly what that thing was so you won't do it again with the next woman?

    How I Use This

    Going out on a first date or a second date with a woman who does not end up having sex with me is a huge waste of time and resources. I'm a Pleasure of Sex guy, so I get no pleasure or value whatsoever from first or second dates that go nowhere. Back in the old days when I was learning this stuff, these failed dates were good practice, but these days they're literally just wasted time (and money, considering even my dates cost a little money, plus some gas).

    So a while ago I started a new technique, and it's really helped me. It will help you too. It's simply this: Whenever a woman tells me after a first or second date that she doesn't want to see me again, I ask her why, and I do so in a way where she will hopefully give me an honest answer.

    I've done this several times now and it's been very eye-opening.

    The Procedure

    The challenge is that women will normally sugarcoat (i.e. lie) about why they don't want to see you. They'll give you the usual politically correct bullshit about how you're a "cool guy" but they "didn't feel any chemistry" or don't think "you're a good match" for them or just "weren't feeling it" or whatever. Well, shit, this is nice, but it really doesn't tell you about the specific reason WHY she doesn't want to see you anymore. Therefore it's not helpful at all.

    So when you ask for for the real reason, you need to phrase the question in a very specific way. I have field tested several variations until I found one that works reliably. Here's how you do it.

    Let's say you hit a woman up for a third date after a second date that went well. Maybe you had sex on the second date, or maybe you didn't but you felt it went well. When you pitch the third date over texts, you get a response like:

    "Hey I think you're a nice guy but I don't think we should see each other again. I wish you the best of luck."

    I used to reply with something like:

    "No problem at all. I hope you find what you're looking for."

    Then I would delete her off my spreadsheet and move down to the next woman on the list.

    However, NOW what I do is say this (feel free to copy it word-for-word, because it works):

    "No problem at all and I completely understand. Could you do me a really big favor? Could you tell me the one big thing that changed your mind? Please be completely honest, and I promise you will not hurt my feelings no matter what you say."

    When you say it like that, in a very casual, almost submissive way, and include the part about the "one thing", there is about an 85% chance she will respond with exactly what you did or said that killed the deal for her. You're never going to see her again, so you can be as AFC as you need to be in order to get your valuable information.

    She'll come right out and say that she didn't like what you said about the waiter, or what she didn't like about your shirt, or how she didn't like what you said about AIDS when you were talking about STDs.

    That last one was an actual one a woman told me last year. Oops. I got a little too relaxed on date and talked too much, violating one of my own rules (the one about letting her do 80% of the talking). We had already had sex once, so it wasn't a complete loss, but she never became a regular FB/MLTR, so in my book it was a failure.

    So guess what I do now? I make sure to not discuss any opinions I have about STDs until I've had sex with a woman twice (what I call in my ebooks "Lock In"). I still bring up the topic of STDs of course, since that's important, but I don't give opinions about them until I have had sex with the woman twice. (Then you're "in" and can do whatever you like.)

    85% means there's about a 15% chance you'll still get some bullshit feminine response after you ask the above question, like:

    "I just didn't feel the spark."

    Or something like that. That's not good enough. She's hiding the real reason. If she does that, then send her one more text:

    "I completely understand. Was there one specific thing I did or said? It would really help me out. Again, you won't hurt my feelings, I promise."

    It's important you re-iterate that "won't hurt my feelings" part, since that's what she's afraid of doing. You need to position your statements in a way where she is helping you, which of course, she is.

    There's a good chance she'll finally come clean with the answer. If she still doesn't it, just end the conversation and bid her farewell.

    What To Do With The Information

    Usually, the woman will tell you a specific thing you DID or SAID that killed the deal. That's good news. That means you know exactly what not to do or say on subsequent dates or approaches.

    Other times, though likely less often, she will say something about how she "just wasn't physically attracted to you" or some other reason that is not attached to a specific action on your part. In these circumstances, you simply need to make a mental note based on what how you're currently presenting yourself. If you're already maximizing your personal appearance, i.e. you're dressing well and you're losing weight, etc, then there's not much you can do about this. Just keep doing what you're doing. You can't please everyone. But if you're not maximizing your appearance, this is clear information telling you that you need to step it up a little.

    The point here is regardless of the information you get, you'll know exactly what areas change (or improve), and your success rates will instantly increase. It certainly did with me.
    How to have 3 hour meet-to-lays and nonmonogamous relationships with any type of woman:
    The Blackdragon Blog

  • #2
    Very cool, I'll have to remember this.

    Do you also do this with girls that you've messaged back and forth but couldn't nail down a date with? Or is this just for women that you've been on a date with at least once?

    Comment


    • #3
      I like it
      I have usually sent the "hope you find what your looking for type message" after receiving a knockback
      But tonight, (after getting a "didnt feel the spark" type message from a date that I thought went well) I'm field testing this new advice
      Last edited by jackog; 03-04-2014, 12:51 PM. Reason: grammar

      Comment


      • #4
        Hey BD, a couple questions from past experience running this type of messaging:

        1) Does this have a certain type/age of girl that it works on or doesn't work on? I remember a year or so back when I asked things like this(obviously not as well worded as your response), I was always met with "It's not you, it's me". Perhaps that is because of my shitty EFA/neediness that seemed to plague my interactions with attractive girls?

        2) Are you sending these messages to girls that you are completely writing off? I know when I receive messages/texts like this I usually say something along the lines of "Fair enough. Thank you for being honest and open. I hope the next guy can keep up " or whatever bullshit comes to mind, and then a week or a month later I usually get a text from them saying "Hey, what's up?", which we all know is code for "please fuck me tonight". Is getting the information from her and writing her off better than keeping the door open for her to come back as an FB?

        Comment


        • #5
          I usually hate it when guys ask me this and sometimes they do. It's very hard for me to give an honest answer because a lot of times it results in more begging/pleading/arguing. So if you let her know that you won't be offended OR try to argue with her that might help.

          Comment


          • #6
            Very cool, but how would you apply this to girls that just seem to lose interest (but you're not sure) that you are "talking to"? See I don't go on dates. I meet girls, and sometimes we hook up that night...sometimes we hook up later with some texting in between the meet and having sex. Sometimes during that period between meet and fuck she appears to lose interest. However, I don't always know for sure. My go to move has always been to just stop hitting her up, move on with my life, and then try to guess what may or may not have happened. Considering there's really no actual evidence that she doesn't like me anymore, I feel that it would be very weird asking what I did. You understand what I'm asking?

            Comment


            • #7
              This is actually funny and I'm glad you posted this BD.

              It's funny because I stumbled upon an article regarding actress jennette mccurdy very hot gal dating NBA player Andre Dummond.

              The girl was asked in a interview why she rejected him, unsurprisingly she straight up told the interviewer something along the lines of "When we first kissed, I just didn't feel that spark just because he was so freakishly tall (he's 6'10) and it was awkward."

              I'm simply sitting here like wow, women will literally reject you over the most mundane actions if it makes her feel weird in the slightest.

              to be fair no one will ever know the full picture, but its just very funny how as a guy the smallest actions/words can be huge variables into whether you will be getting laid or not.

              Definitely gonna try out your method BD.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Faust View Post
                Do you also do this with girls that you've messaged back and forth but couldn't nail down a date with? Or is this just for women that you've been on a date with at least once?
                No, this is just for women you've spent real time with in real life, i.e. at least one date/meet.

                Girls you're trying to nail down via texts whom you've never been on a date with can flake on you for all kinds of reasons that have nothing whatsoever to do with you, so they would not apply here.

                Originally posted by tov View Post
                1) Does this have a certain type/age of girl that it works on or doesn't work on?
                I've used this successfully on all ages, from age 20 to age 41 so far.

                I remember a year or so back when I asked things like this(obviously not as well worded as your response), I was always met with "It's not you, it's me". Perhaps that is because of my shitty EFA/neediness that seemed to plague my interactions with attractive girls?
                I have no idea why she said that, but I promise you, you did something to turn her off, and she's refusing to tell you. Next time follow up with a second press for information, as I demonstrated in the OP. Don't just take her word for it. She's not giving you the real reason.

                2) Are you sending these messages to girls that you are completely writing off?
                No. I am sending these messages to women who have clearly written ME off.

                Unlike most men, I don't "write women off". I will continue to attempt to nail down dates with everyone until they clearly tell me they don't want to see me again or until they ignore two texts from me. At that point, she's just a name on a list to me.

                I know when I receive messages/texts like this I usually say something along the lines of "Fair enough. Thank you for being honest and open. I hope the next guy can keep up " or whatever bullshit comes to mind, and then a week or a month later I usually get a text from them saying "Hey, what's up?", which we all know is code for "please fuck me tonight". Is getting the information from her and writing her off better than keeping the door open for her to come back as an FB?
                What you're describing is a completely different circumstance than what I'm discussing here. In your circumstance, I would ignore everything that happened earlier and simply press for another meet.

                Originally posted by Lovergirl View Post
                I usually hate it when guys ask me this and sometimes they do. It's very hard for me to give an honest answer because a lot of times it results in more begging/pleading/arguing.
                Right, but this is after a woman has already dumped you. So I don't give a shit what she hates or doesn't at that point.

                That's the beauty of this technique. There's nothing to lose.

                Originally posted by Newman301 View Post
                Very cool, but how would you apply this to girls that just seem to lose interest (but you're not sure) that you are "talking to"? See I don't go on dates. I meet girls, and sometimes we hook up that night...sometimes we hook up later with some texting in between the meet and having sex. Sometimes during that period between meet and fuck she appears to lose interest. However, I don't always know for sure.
                When she "appears to lose interest", you need to get a solid no from her. It's when you ask her to meet up and she gives you "solid no" like I demonstrated in the OP. Then you deliver your question.

                If a woman is just hemming and hawing and not giving you a solid no, but is clearly dodging meeting you, you need to get tough with her so you know what's what. You need to send a text like:

                "Okay cool. Do you really want to see me again or is this not a good time in your life right now? If you don't, that really is okay."

                Then get her to give you a solid yes or no. (I just did this with a woman last week.) If she answers with something like:

                "No, no, I really want to hang out again! I'm just really busy and I'm not sure what to do blah blah blah."

                Then proceed as normal and do your best to work within her scheduling constraints. But if she says something like:

                "Yeah, I think it's just not a good time in m life right now."

                Then deliver your question I gave in the OP.

                My go to move has always been to just stop hitting her up, move on with my life, and then try to guess what may or may not have happened. Considering there's really no actual evidence that she doesn't like me anymore, I feel that it would be very weird asking what I did. You understand what I'm asking?
                Yes but we don't want to guess. That's the entire problem.

                Your problem is that your'e not getting definite yeses or nos, and that's what you need.
                How to have 3 hour meet-to-lays and nonmonogamous relationships with any type of woman:
                The Blackdragon Blog

                Comment


                • #9
                  This makes perfect sense... in a logical world. But if I’ve learned anything here, it would be that women are not logical.

                  Anyway, I’m still trying to figure a lot of this stuff out, so please bear with me... I’m not suggesting this as fact; but rather posing this as a question to those of you who have a greater understanding of female behavior. Tell me if the following statement or concept is accurate:



                  There is a big difference between...

                  A) What a woman says (and may even consciously believe) that she wants...

                  versus...

                  B) What she actually responds to.



                  A common example of this might be: HBtypical says that she just wants a ‘nice guy’ (i.e. beta). But she gets bored with the nice guys, and rejects them repeatedly. At the same time, even though she can’t explain it rationally, she is attracted to (and will likely have sex with) the ‘bad boy’ (i.e. alpha).

                  So the potential problem that I see with this technique is that sometimes a woman may not actually know (at least consciously) why she’s not attracted to you.

                  You may have done or said something that (subconsciously) reminded her unfavorably of her father, or her ex... or whatever. But she may not recognize this consciously. She just knows that she’s “not feeling any chemistry”.

                  Then when she’s pressed for an answer as to “why” she’s not attracted, she may not be able to pinpoint specific behavior and give honest, accurate feedback... even if she really wants to help you. Instead, she gives you either a vague or misleading answer... just to placate you.



                  So... am I way off base here, or not?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by AlphaBuddha View Post
                    There is a big difference between...

                    A) What a woman says (and may even consciously believe) that she wants...

                    versus...

                    B) What she actually responds to.
                    Absolutely correct, but you're talking about seduction, and I'm not.

                    This is after the woman has already clearly rejected you. The process of seduction is officially over by the time you ask these questions.

                    So the potential problem that I see with this technique is that sometimes a woman may not actually know (at least consciously) why she’s not attracted to you.
                    Ohhhhhhh no. LG and Present might be able to back me up on this, but trust me, within the context of a date, when a woman suddenly decides she doesn't like you, she knows EXACTLY why. There is no ambiguity about it.

                    Getting her to verbalize that real reason...that's an entirely different story of course.
                    How to have 3 hour meet-to-lays and nonmonogamous relationships with any type of woman:
                    The Blackdragon Blog

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      This is a really great idea. I had thought about doing something like this in the past but talked myself out of it. Have you had many surprises in the answers? I usually feel like I have a pretty good idea already in most cases but I might be wrong. The interesting dynamic that I can see this setting up, is that it might open the door for her to come back later. For instance, if she says something like she has kind of got this thing going with another guy and you just thank her and wish her well. . . . When that ends she has a backup plan. That has happened to me before. This just might be the best way to leave on a good note.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Blackdragon View Post
                        In business, one of the most important pieces of information you can possibly learn from your market is why a potential customer didn't buy. Companies, at least the smart ones, spend thousands if not millions of dollars on market surveys in order to determine why qualified prospects did not purchase their product or service
                        but companies have also learned long tine ago that these product surveys are extremely unreliable and cannot be safely used to determine the future roadmap of the product

                        Basically people are very bad at giving you a reliable feedback of what they like and what they don't like, in a way which is consistent with how they actually act

                        in your particular examples - the shirt she didn't like, or your attitude towards the waiter that she didn't like, whatever else she didn't like which was the deal breaker according to her - is this the causation or just a correlation?

                        May it be the case that she "wasn't feeling it" and so your shirt suddenly started to look pretty bad and your behaviour to the waiter suddenly started to look pretty rude, and if she "was feeling it" with some other dude, wouldn't she just ignore the bad shirt and the interaction with the waiter at all?

                        -M

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I've never really done this with chicks that didn't work out, just because I typically wanted to be moving on, but I have done this a lot with chicks that did work out, just to see if it mentally matched when I saw it click. Usually just a quick, "So when did you know we were going to hook up" while lying in bed does the trick. Not quite the same principle as this, but useful in seeing if your judgment is as good as you think it is.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Manneken-Pis View Post
                            - is this the causation or just a correlation?

                            -M
                            If you keep getting the same answer from different women, it's probably causation.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I don't see how this is useful at all. What one woman doesn't like you has no effect on whether other women would like it.

                              Let's say I make a hilarious joke about how kids in China may be starving, but at least they have a solid work ethic.

                              One women may think "what an insensitive asshole, fuck this guy."

                              Another will think "this guy is awesome, I'm gonna fuck this guy."

                              Comment

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