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    Whats the worst thing that can happen if I marry someone with 200k in student loans? Assuming we use condoms and sign a prenup.

  • #2
    You should speak with an attorney in your state/province/country but here are the basics, I have made the assumption that you and she are in the United States as that is where most people with this kind of horrifying debt slavery live. I factored that into my answers:

    1. She is so swamped by the 200K in debt (this comes out to between $1100 and $1500 a month depending on the terms) that she needs to defer some of the loan. This is a very bad idea as it will allow the principal to continue to grow. So assuming you are both in your 20s and she does not defer any of it, this debt will probably eat up as much as half of her take home pay... Do you want to support this woman financially, I am going to strongly suggest that you do not. See warning #2 as to why this is a big problem... Even if you can afford to do this. Please note that there is no mechanism for discharging student debt in bankruptcy.

    2. Her dependence will make it hard to end the relationship if you want to... and believe me at some point you will want to... If you want a divorce but she is so mangled financially that she can't support herself you are going to feel a lot of pressure to "make it work" because the other option is putting her on the street which is morally troubling.

    3. Your prenup could be set aside as "unconscionable." In many states if one party in a divorce is going to be left destitute by the terms of a prenup the judge may set the agreement aside as "unconscionable" and simply order you to pay either alimony or a portion of her debt or really just about anything else they want.

    4. A marriage is a business partnership, would you go into business with somebody with truly bad business judgement? Unless this 200k in bankruptcy proof debt was racked up getting your fiance into a very very lucrative profession... Think Plastic surgery....Then she has shown incredibly bad judgement to get into this devastating financial position... One that is likely to haunt her for life.

    5. Why merry... Seriously Why? Marriage is about 2 things... Money and Kids. She sucks with money... Again assuming that she did not rack up the 200k in order to get on the partner track of a white shoe law firm... and you are not planning to have kids, thus the rubbers from the OP... Why... Why... Why are you thinking of a wedding? Is it because she is pressuring you to merry? This is very bad because it means that she views you not as man but as a resume item, a check off on her bucket list. You want to be your woman or women's lover not their Ken doll or social accessory.

    Please pause and think hard...

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by j View Post
      Whats the worst thing that can happen if I marry someone with 200k in student loans?
      Here's the absolute worst thing that could happen:

      1. You live in a CP state
      2. You do the single most moronic thing guys getting married do: open a joint account with your wife
      3. In the worng states, that single stupid act makes you jointly liable for your W's $200k
      4. Bus runs over wife
      5. Congradulations! You now owe $200k to a predatory bank taking advantage of the fact that US bankruptcy law doesn't release people from student debt


      Read this: https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclope...bts-29572.html

      Seriously though, don't be one of those PUA poseurs who clings to their Disney fantasies and believe they're the special snowflake who can live "white-picket-fence-forever happily" with the girl of his dreams

      Comment


      • #4
        why get married there is nothing to gain for a dude getting married, her having a 200k debt should be a good excuse not to (use it against her)...

        Comment


        • #5
          Ok, you guys are overlooking a few things here to answer the question directly
          First of all hy are you thinking marriage if you don't already have reasons to marry her?
          Kinda weird that you think its an assumed or necessary next step don't you think?

          Second, is the idea that marriage is just a law/property thing... and that is the only plausible negative.
          Marriage can be great for people, sure, in rare cases but it inbeds a person into a permenant tie with someone
          You shouldn't be heading that way if you don't even know what ALL the consequences are

          Otherwise its just a desperate leap of logic to solve a problem

          The real question, is why are you asking this question, cuz it infers you are already in a bad place,


          I'd never be viscious about marriage, cuz to some people it means a lot
          It helps them feel accomplished, united, etc

          But there are big dangers
          With EVERY choice


          Its not just the 200k debt
          Thats just an extra financial strain where a huge chunk of her salary goes out the door for ten or twenty years
          Severely crippling your abillity to buy a home etc

          That dosnt erase her worth as a person, it just makes the future more unstable,
          And when stuff is unstable there is more FEAR
          And if she resents you at some point, and feels like 200k is all back on her shoulders, shes reaaaaaally not going to like you

          Its a factor, sure...
          But not the only factor

          My biggest factor is that most women can't see 5 years ahead in their personal growth
          Women change, context changes


          Maybe she pays it all off, but in ten years, some other crap happens and you realise the mistake was rushing into it
          Don't always assume the problem is coming from some obvious place, often its curveballs

          Comment


          • #6
            1) Why marry if you don't want to have children? It's not a rhetorical question. There are good reasons to marry. Financially, for example, even with a prenup you can deduct a portion of student loan interest on a joint tax return. Also, family/societal acceptance can further your career, inheritance, mutual support, etc. What's your reason? More info needed. is she a doctor or a lawyer making $million/year and you are a mall security guard with little prospects or an artist that needs her financial support?
            2) Why are you asking about "the worst thing that can happen." It's reactive. Why not ask how to do it right? I've been married for eighteen years. I've made some mistakes. Hindsight 20/20 and all that. I would change some things I did and sure, divorce sucked but I don't regret having married.
            3) I'm not sure this is the right forum to ask your question (I see someone has low-rated your post already. How can someone down-rate a genuine question is beyond me.) Most people here have not been married and fear it worse than the plague. Also if you are here to develop your PUA skills then it's going to be very hard to justify getting married.

            Comment


            • #7
              My psychic powers are telling me she studied medicine.
              -If yes, go for it. Then make sure she gets a job at a hospital. Then make sure she works mostly night shifts + the max allowed extra shifts.
              -Student loan will be gone in 2, max 3 years
              -Regarding her dying before that - get debt insurance. Its pretty cheap for young healthy people.

              -You will have to live cheap to make this work though. Shitty rental. Old beat up car. No traveling.

              -I would also go for it if she is a lawyer AND very good looking. (killer combo)

              If her profession has no such prospects, AVOID! Because if so, she was rather thoughtless going that deep into debt. Many people are dumb like that, seeing loans/credits as 'free money'. This would mean that she is the type to spend ANY left over money (your money too), rather than pay down loans. Economically, its quite horrible living with such girls. They will always have a ton of ideas of things to buy/do, the moment there is ANY $ in the bank account.

              Comment


              • #8
                Sase:
                1) She makes 60k, but after paying back the loan and rent she is left with $300/month
                I make 60k
                2) How to do it right? What would you change?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Sase View Post
                  I'm not sure this is the right forum to ask your question (I see someone has low-rated your post already. How can someone down-rate a genuine question is beyond me.) Most people here have not been married and fear it worse than the plague. Also if you are here to develop your PUA skills then it's going to be very hard to justify getting married.
                  Originally posted by throughfare View Post
                  Seriously though, don't be one of those PUA poseurs who clings to their Disney fantasies and believe they're the special snowflake who can live "white-picket-fence-forever happily" with the girl of his dreams
                  Sase is correct there is a fair amount of keyboard jockeying on these boards about marriage from people that have never been married... But I am not one of those people... I had a long term over 15 year marriage with all of the Disney accouterments including a pretty blond daughter, a chocolate colored rescue dog, a 19th century farm house and wait for it.... Wait.... A white picket fence! The whole set up was like Barbie's dream house meets Martha Stewart in the Preppy Handbook... We got along great, we almost never argued, we entertained, we gave to charity and political causes, we were fixtures at the country club, we mixed drinks and threw dinner parties... We were a fun couple!

                  Except for the part where she refused to have sex with me, ran up secret debts, took secret vacations (business trips she told me) to bang her lovers, falsified documents and hid basic facts about our finances from me... But heck we were top drawer so I never worried about any of it until it was too late.

                  Thoroughfare is looking out for you... The Barbie dream world is in fact a smokescreen that will obscure the reality that you are being used like rented pony for years...

                  Originally posted by throughfare View Post
                  You do the single most moronic thing guys getting married do: open a joint account with your wife. In the wrong states, that single stupid act makes you jointly liable for your W's $200k
                  This is a real thing... This is the reason that I ended up paying half of the secret credit card debt my former wife ran up in her own name and lied to me about, to the point of having a secret PO-Box to get her secret bills. This was quite galling as it was clear once I subpoenaed the records that much of the debt had been spent on travel, meals, tickets, and gifts associated with her extramarital affair. But the law rather then viewing this behavior, that in a business partner would be viewed as embezzlement and criminal fraud, instead because we were married saw it as a "joint obligation."

                  In the end I have come to think they did me a favor by ejecting me from the fictions that kept me trapped in the gilded cage that society's expectations and my own seance of chivalry had locked me in... But still this is a cautionary tail my friend... I hope you can learn from my mistakes and avoid the cage altogether...

                  Best of luck,

                  -TTM

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I'm afraid to get married because I don't want to pay alimony/her debt.
                    If I have debt and make less than her, will I still have to pay her debt/alimony?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Alimony fears for all but the 1% are overblown. The sort of thing that Red Pill Grandfathers tell as ghost stories.

                      Regular guys have to deal with child support more than they do alimony

                      As for you taking on her debt - Thin Man outlined a common scenario - where the woman spends from the community account/credit and runs up new bills that you end up holding the bag for.

                      But if you keep your finances separate, and you don't co-sign anything for her - then her money and her debt stays with her.
                      Even in a community property state.

                      In a community property state, what you make *during* the marriage, she gets half of.

                      WIA

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        If she isn't a doctor with a license, you have to question her sanity in racking up that much debt for a degree. If she is a doctor and has a job as one, she will be able to pay it off quickly. Otherwise, this is going to be a problem.

                        We have twice as many lawyers as we need and many make very little money and many become activists, which doesn't pay well.

                        Why do you need to get married unless you want children? Even if you get a pre-nup saying you are not going to be responsible for the debt, courts always decide what is best for the kids if you have any, pre-nups get thrown out all the time if they favor the man, and women have a way of getting pregnant by accident when work gets too hard.
                        The older the violin, the sweeter the music. Augustus McCrae

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