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How do I answer the question "What happened to your previous gf?"

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  • How do I answer the question "What happened to your previous gf?"

    During first dates, I've been utilizing Blackdragon's patented conversation-starter, "When was your last really big relationship?" It's a great question as it gets them talking about topics that transition pretty naturally into sex. However, it has a downside that I don't quite know how to handle. Once they're done telling their story, they'll inevitably ask "How about you, when was your last gf? What happened?"

    The truthful answer is, of course, "I'm still with her, we just have an open relationship." But that's obviously not going to go over well. How do I handle this question? It seems especially difficult if I'm going after the girl just as an FB, because then if I just make up a fake answer, it sends the signals that I'm looking for something serious right off the bat.

  • #2
    You'd be surprised how well could it go over if you are just up front about it.

    However the best answer to that question is 'I broke up with my gf recently, and I am not actively looking for anything serious right now, I mean I would be open to it if I REALLY liked the girl.'

    You are communicating 2 things here: Preselection and If you hook up with her the possibility for it to evolve into something more.

    That's question is usually an IOI but you can't answer YES or you disqualify yourself as in being taken and you can't say NO because she will be thinking; Why doesn't he have a girlfriend? Maybe he is not as great as I thought he was if no other girl want's him.

    Also you don't HAVE frame it as an open relationship if you have to say something it's quite normal to say friends with benefits.

    Comment


    • #3
      Girl: "So what happened to your last GF?"


      Sly: "She's taking a nap in the desert. Want some dessert? I hear the cheesecake here is to die for." (Smile at her)


      But seriously. On a first date and you're talking about that kinda shit. Fuck that. It's none of her business yet. Divert convo. Tell her how sexy she looks in that dress.

      Comment


      • #4
        This is easy.

        Opt1: make a quick comment about your last failed monogamy relationship, best if it shows some emotion and/or vulnerability, then brush it off and keep focusing on her.

        Opt2: quick funny distraction reply (like when she asks how many girl you date or sleep with) then diverse back to her story.

        BTW you are recruiting her as FB only, show that frame, don't let her expect anything serious.

        Comment


        • #5
          I agree with Sly...this somehow works for BD but it does not appear to be working for you, so drop it.

          More evidence that trying to directly replicate what others do, or taking advice from "gurus", can easily backfire.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by slyone View Post
            Girl: "So what happened to your last GF?"


            Sly: "She's taking a nap in the desert. Want some dessert? I hear the cheesecake here is to die for." (Smile at her)


            But seriously. On a first date and you're talking about that kinda shit. Fuck that. It's none of her business yet. Divert convo. Tell her how sexy she looks in that dress.
            LOL, I was thinking "napping with the fishes."
            In Ictu Oculi

            Comment


            • #7
              How about instead of 'last really long relationship' (talk about baggage by the way for some people) ... just say how has the dating scene been going/ recent dates. That's fine for you as well, you presumably have recent dates.

              There's more than a few ways to transition into sex talk, if you feel the need.

              Comment


              • #8
                Last time girl asked me. I said she went back to her country.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Habanero View Post
                  During first dates, I've been utilizing Blackdragon's patented conversation-starter, "When was your last really big relationship?" It's a great question as it gets them talking about topics that transition pretty naturally into sex. However, it has a downside that I don't quite know how to handle. Once they're done telling their story, they'll inevitably ask "How about you, when was your last gf? What happened?"

                  The truthful answer is, of course, "I'm still with her, we just have an open relationship." But that's obviously not going to go over well. How do I handle this question? It seems especially difficult if I'm going after the girl just as an FB, because then if I just make up a fake answer, it sends the signals that I'm looking for something serious right off the bat.
                  If it's during the attraction stage - not the trust building stage

                  Reply "Oh you would ask that"
                  Make her question about you, some insinuation about her.

                  If it's during the "I like you, you're cool, you're sex, let me find out more about you stage"

                  Again, use her imagination to your advantage, and the fact that this is a common question to your advantage.

                  "You know when something's right, it's right. Can't put it into words"
                  "You know when you've been with someone for a while, and then you kinda wake up and feel like there's something different about the two of you?"
                  "You can't really describe it, but you FEEL IT"
                  "I felt like this thing was tearing us both apart. It was only a matter of time, before one of us said something, did something.
                  "Lord knows I was tempted. I wouldn't be surprised if she was as well"
                  "Like we were both moving in different directions"
                  "We cried."
                  "We're still friends...maybe friendly is a better word - it's so easy to hate someone that you used to love, but I try not to..."
                  "I think she met someone, and I'm happy for her"

                  And basically take her on that Soap Opera/Girl Talk journey.
                  Shows that you can have a long term relationship
                  Shows that aside from your general bravado/machismo, you can think about a relationship in "female" terms.
                  Shows that you don't hate women.

                  That should satisfy most chicks because it's essentially the type of non-answer they give when they break up with a guy (LOL)

                  WIA

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by SoFasttt View Post
                    This is easy.

                    Opt1: make a quick comment about your last failed monogamy relationship, best if it shows some emotion and/or vulnerability, then brush it off and keep focusing on her.

                    Opt2: quick funny distraction reply (like when she asks how many girl you date or sleep with) then diverse back to her story.

                    BTW you are recruiting her as FB only, show that frame, don't let her expect anything serious.
                    You're just recruiting for an FB, such a serious question.

                    A better question, "Why are you single?" This usually leads to them telling about the long relationship. When it comes back to you just say, "I have an insatiable desire for women." Or say it for the current predicament. It's such a stupid response then you can change topics right after.
                    -Supernova

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Supernova View Post
                      A better question, "Why are you single?" This usually leads to them telling about the long relationship. When it comes back to you just say, "I have an insatiable desire for women." Or say it for the current predicament. It's such a stupid response then you can change topics right after.
                      I feel like any relationships question is provider-ish. I wouldn't ask that question the first place. "Why are you single" sounds better IMHO.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Habanero View Post
                        "How about you, when was your last gf? What happened?"
                        If you are non-mono and your main is not your OLTR (or very serious MLTR), you don't have any gfs

                        That said, best neutral answer would be "We split, unfortunately it was not meant to be...but I wish her the best" and move on to another topic.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Habanero View Post
                          During first dates, I've been utilizing Blackdragon's patented conversation-starter, "When was your last really big relationship?" It's a great question as it gets them talking about topics that transition pretty naturally into sex. However, it has a downside that I don't quite know how to handle. Once they're done telling their story, they'll inevitably ask "How about you, when was your last gf? What happened?"

                          The truthful answer is, of course, "I'm still with her, we just have an open relationship." But that's obviously not going to go over well. How do I handle this question? It seems especially difficult if I'm going after the girl just as an FB, because then if I just make up a fake answer, it sends the signals that I'm looking for something serious right off the bat.
                          Habanero, I want to present you with just a little bit different idea with this. It is called a marketing ploy. It is not a terrible thing and I am not bad mouthing BD, I am just saying if as a salesman you give a guy something that sounds great but seems to have a hole in it, that guy is more likely to buy your product in hopes of filling that hole. Fact is that if you can give a perfect story that leaves her a little jealous but not offended that would be great. It might be a challenge though if she is not remotely poly and you are.

                          I avoid talking about recently past relationships and so do most women. Relationships like the divorce from a few years ago and it is game on.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Yeah that line sucks. Talking about particular relationships sucks. It sucks on dates, it sucks with FBs, with mltrs and with GFs. Nothing good ever comes out of it.

                            Talking about relationships as a general subject, can be ok.
                            "I'm the kind of guy you don't want to bring home to mom. Cuz I'd fuck your mom."

                            "I don't have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination"

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              really? I haven't found talking about past relationships to be detrimental.

                              I think it's great conversation topics and helps you see where the person is coming from. Making conversation topics off the table reeks of outcome dependence too don't cha think?

                              I've even verbalized that I had oneitis with a girl I was seeing and i still had her an MLTR/OLTR for 2-3 years. As long as that needy behavior isn't done onto her I think it's good to go.

                              Rather than having no-no's perhaps there's better conversational topics to stick to tho. One of my mistakes is i go on long rants and I don't bother to look at the girls expressions and some of the stuff I'm interested in they might not be interested in LOL.

                              I think I sorta get away with it tho cause I talk about my passions. Basically anything that you really like, interested in, think about a lot is a good conversation topic I think.

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