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  • Day 2 went ok, how do I continue ?

    So I met this girl in a club 1 week 1/2 ago, #closed quickly, built rapport in smoking area, and left. I had to cancel 1st meeting but went on the second just tonight. We had a drink (she paid hers), talked for a while, I made her laugh a couple times, we had a good vibe... But she was a bit sick so I didn't go further.

    On the way home in the subway, she invited me to a party at her place with her roommates and friends (we hadn't talk about that party before). I said "ok we'll keep in touch, try to get better" on my way out. I think it's a good sign. I think I should go, there will be alcoohol, it probably will make the whole thing easier... Never kissed her, holded hands once, didn't really kino except for "hello" and "good bye" kiss.

    What do you think my chances are ? It's in more than a week, I think it's a long time, but logistics sucks right now. I believe I shouldn't see her until then though, but I need advices on that too.

  • #2
    Here is my take on this one.
    What you should be doing now is to move things forward, you want to escalate further and get more intimate with her. She invited you to a party, which is good since she want to see you again. You said things are going well, but is it clear to her that you want to be more than a friend? Are you dangerously close to the friend zone? did she do something back could indicate that she is with you on this one?

    Now, are you confortable escalating in an environment where you are with all her friend, with people you don't know yet? I know that personaly, Im better when Im in isolation, alone with her than in a group of people I dont know. I can be social and make friend, but making friend And escalating things, moving things forward is more complicated than when im alone with her.

    My point is, it doesn't mather that you go or not And you can see her before or not, its up to you. But you want to be confortable and keep in mind that your goal is to keep moving thing forward. You want to get intimate with her, you want to be closing her and these things are easier in isolation. I won't tell you to do this or that, but I think if it was me, I would make sure that she knows im not "in lets just me friend land" before the party. Not by telling her but by spending time with, getting her confortable and etc. It would be easier for me there if its was clear that there was something between us. If it doesn't work out, you can still game other girls there.

    If you can see her before and get her in isolation, why wouldn't you do it. And if you can't because of bad logistic, keep your goal in mind. Tell us how it went and have fun.

    Comment


    • #3
      I don't know. I feel close to her but yes there is a little risk of friendzone. Oh well if it happens, there will be other girls at the party so I'm not wasting a week end night. I hope alcoohol will help. I'm not too worried though, because it's not like we are in the same class or we have any sort of social group we both belong in. We have no mutual friend or activity, so why would she friendzone me ? It's not like we are going to see each other a lot... Either she moves on, or she wants me, that's how I see it.

      About being with her friends, I'm comfortable with that. My plan is to develop interactions with all of them first, meet them and know them, and then spend time with her, alone if possible. I don't want to be the guy who makes it obvious that he comes for the girl only. And I like meeting strangers so it's fine.

      Logistics prevent me from seeing her until next saturday (when the party is). It's annoying but oh well. I don't think it matters that much though. It could be better to escalate earlier though.

      Comment


      • #4
        Ok, so I've been friendzone. I have no idea on how it happened. She seemed happy to see me but since I didn't know anyone at the party, I thought she would introduce me to some people, which she did but left the group pretty quick. For a bunch of hours I was left alone so I talked to a lot of people in the room and the balconey, built friendship, which was part of what I expected to do. At one point she came and talked to me, apologizing for leaving me alone. After like 2 sentences exchanged which were only the beginning of a conversation (in which I was planning to escalate), another guy came and started talking to her, so I left her to try and cat string her... But it didn't work at all, and I ended up talking to other people once again.

        Then I tried to talk to her again a couple times but both times it was in a group so I didn't figure out how to isolate and build intimacy. But at some point, she was left alone and I went to her, started kino, and thanked her for the party and complimented her. As I tried to get close to her I heard her say that she invited me as "just a friend". And as I was about to answer (I prepared a "we are not going to be friends and you know that"), a random dude pulled her by the arm and started to dance with her.

        I was devastated and went outside for a smoke. I remember talking for a while with a cute girl while eating pizza, she was giving IOIs but I was still shocked by what just happened. Then I went outside again and a fat girl came to me and we talked, danced, and talked again, and I took her number but I'm not really interested.

        Anyway. What I don't get is, she is obviously single. She got hit on by pretty much every guy and turned them ALL down. She went on a date with me, she invited me to a party in which I didn't know ANYONE, I mean how can she do that to a guy she barely knows, who is obviously interested in her, without saying anything about inviting me as a friend BEFORE the party ? She never mentionned being gay or anything so I doubt it's that.

        A friend told me she was possibly behind a shield and maybe she needed more time, but how could I work on her since she was all over the place (and sometimes I couldn't even figure out where she was) ?

        Anyway I was so pissed that on my way home 3 hours later I sent her a really rude text. But I would like to understand what happened. And man, I'm so devastated now. I almost cried waking up. That with the hangover was more than I could take. I almost threw myself out of the window when she friendzone me, thankfully I didn't, but I feel like the worst shit right now. I wasn't unhappy before playing this game. A bit lonely sometimes, but I never had this feeling of trying and failing. It's the worst feeling in the world. I don't know what to do next. That's it, I'm crying.

        Comment


        • #5
          I mean, it's not like we are going to be friends. How can she NOT see that ? We don't have the same friends, we don't go to school together, we don't even live in the same city... So the shield theory makes sense. She probably needed more comfort or something, but it's also a step closer to the friendzone. I really don't get it.

          Comment


          • #6
            Don't be pissed off at her for not being clear about this only being a friend-thing thing, I mean did YOU make it clear that you wanted something more? No. 90% of friendzone things result from the guy putting himself there, it's what happens when there's too much comfort and too little attraction. So basically, you should've escalated some on the first date but you didn't - end of story.

            And don't shy away from failure, embrace it. Just consider these experiences to be tuition payment.

            Comment


            • #7
              Yeah well I don't get how I can run into a girl in a nightclub, get her number, and her thinking we are "just friends"... Who makes friends this way, seriously ?

              But you're right, I should escalate more. And I shouldn't be angry at her. But I was pissed because it costed me a saturday night with friends (and other girls to sarge). And I've been trying this for months and I'm still a virgin. But I don't care, I didn't plan to have a "friend" anyway, so even though I somehow regret my text, I won't apologize or even talk to her again. I've done my time of being "just a friend".

              Comment


              • #8
                Ei Margo, what's up, I am virgin like you too. My heart is bruised with rejection, but no matters man. I've learned hard, forcing the interaction to the point where she sleeps with you, or she kicks you out, that feels better.


                Check Vex's thread on Nightgame, it looks exciting, I will be out this weekend so can't wait to take some waists with me. =)) hihi
                http://www.pua-zone.com/showthread.p...ggressive-kino

                Comment


                • #9
                  First off, don't be dependent on alcohol. It's a crutch and is ultimately damaging to your game. At least for me alcohol makes it harder for me to be smart about what I'm saying to a girl (not to mention volume control and coordination) and fucks with my sexual performance. These are bad. Try not drinking too much or not at all so you can see that you don't need alcohol to be social/pick up women.

                  Originally posted by Mago View Post
                  Ok, so I've been friendzone. I have no idea on how it happened. She seemed happy to see me but since I didn't know anyone at the party, I thought she would introduce me to some people, which she did but left the group pretty quick. For a bunch of hours I was left alone so I talked to a lot of people in the room and the balconey, built friendship, which was part of what I expected to do. At one point she came and talked to me, apologizing for leaving me alone. After like 2 sentences exchanged which were only the beginning of a conversation (in which I was planning to escalate), another guy came and started talking to her, so I left her to try and cat string her... But it didn't work at all, and I ended up talking to other people once again.
                  Did you really think that would would? She barely talked to you and then you left, hoping she would follow? I'm pretty sure you're supposed to leave during a high point in the conversation, not meekly walk away when another guy starts chatting her up. I was at a bar Thursday talking to this girl and two different guys (friends of hers) came up to her and started talking to her. My first instinct was to leave, but instead I stayed, introduced myself to the guys and started talked to them and kept kinoing the girl in front of them. Both guys left after about a minute or two and I teased the girl about those being the only 2 people she knew. I know I'm no guru, but I think that you should have stood your ground.

                  Then I tried to talk to her again a couple times but both times it was in a group so I didn't figure out how to isolate and build intimacy. But at some point, she was left alone and I went to her, started kino, and thanked her for the party and complimented her.

                  What's wrong with talking to her in a group? You don't have to wait for her to be alone, you could just go up to her and her group and start talking. You don't know anyone there except for her, so you could have just walked up and said "Great party, who are your friends?" (Maybe put your arm around her waist and introduce yourself as her mancandy or something like that).

                  As I tried to get close to her I heard her say that she invited me as "just a friend". And as I was about to answer (I prepared a "we are not going to be friends and you know that"), a random dude pulled her by the arm and started to dance with her.

                  Again you didn't really do anything and you let some other guy take her. Why didn't you start dancing with her and show her how you're not just friends? Also, do you really expect to hear her tell someone else that she invited you so that she could fuck you later?

                  Anyway. What I don't get is, she is obviously single. She got hit on by pretty much every guy and turned them ALL down. She went on a date with me, she invited me to a party in which I didn't know ANYONE, I mean how can she do that to a guy she barely knows, who is obviously interested in her, without saying anything about inviting me as a friend BEFORE the party ? She never mentionned being gay or anything so I doubt it's that.

                  How did you show that you were obviously interested in her? You hung out with her once after meeting her, didn't escalate, and barely kinoed. Did you really do anything to label yourself as something other than a friend? Maybe she just thought you were a nice guy and a potential friend. Maybe she was interested in you, but you didn't do anything and she lost her attraction.

                  A friend told me she was possibly behind a shield and maybe she needed more time, but how could I work on her since she was all over the place (and sometimes I couldn't even figure out where she was) ?

                  I really doubt this. Maybe she is just a flirt or an attention whore, but from what you've said, you didn't act interesting enough to keep her attention on you, that's probably why she wasn't hanging out with .

                  Anyway I was so pissed that on my way home 3 hours later I sent her a really rude text. But I would like to understand what happened. And man, I'm so devastated now. I almost cried waking up. That with the hangover was more than I could take. I almost threw myself out of the window when she friendzone me, thankfully I didn't, but I feel like the worst shit right now.

                  The rude text was a bad idea, what did that accomplish besides you venting a little and probably ruining any potential chance you had with her. You also probably won't be invited to any more of her parties (It's not a terrible thing to have female friends, after all, they generally have female friends and if they think you're a fun guy that's not a jerk/creep, that's good for you).

                  Also, you seem way to upset for this. You met her at a bar, went on one date with her, and barely talked to her at a party. How can you be so emotionally attached to her that her rejection effects you this much?

                  I wasn't unhappy before playing this game. A bit lonely sometimes, but I never had this feeling of trying and failing. It's the worst feeling in the world. I don't know what to do next. That's it, I'm crying.

                  Seriously? Is this your first time trying this stuff? Rejection sucks, but have you read any of the material here? It's a numbers game. Failing comes with the territory. All you can do is pick yourself up and try again (trust me, rejection itself gets easier and you get better the more you try). If you expected to read a couple posts and then every single girl would automatically want to sleep with you, you're wrong. This is work. I started doing this like 8 months ago and in that time I started approaching women I didn't know (big step for me), but I have also gotten blown off and rejected and I even gave up for a while when other aspects of my life became too consuming. But I started again and things are starting to click in my game. All you can do is keep trying and learning from your failures.

                  So I want you to tell me, what did you learn from this failure? What will you do or not do next time you're pursuing a girl? (I really want you to answer this)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    You seem to think that its wierd to meet friend at a night club. You also said two times that she would have no reason to befriend you because you didn't have the same social circle, didn't go to the same school etc. Why do you think people go out: to have fun, meet people, change their mind and socialise. Its totaly okay to make friend there. In fact, you can make friend everywhere. And the fact that you two are different make it interesting for the both of you.

                    You want to know what happened but the thrut is that you will probably never know for sure. There are too many factors involved, too many things that could have gone wrong. Sometimes when things don't work out, its not even your fault because no mather what you could have done it wouldn't have changed the outcome. The best thing you can do right now, is realise your mistakes, and move on. You got her number, you can definitly to this again and again and as you to it, it will be easier because you will be more confident.

                    Most of the time, you end up in the friend zone because she wasn't attracted to you. And you can't blame her for that. I don't beleive she needed more time and comfort. The better way to stay out of the friend zone, is to take the lead and make thing happen. You have to make it clear that you aren't there to be friend her. You supposed she wouldn't want to be friend you, but you didn't take the lead and made your intention clear.

                    But hey, we all make mistakes. like I said, the best thing you can do is realise what and where it went wrong and move on.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Apollo View Post
                      First off, don't be dependent on alcohol. It's a crutch and is ultimately damaging to your game. At least for me alcohol makes it harder for me to be smart about what I'm saying to a girl (not to mention volume control and coordination) and fucks with my sexual performance. These are bad. Try not drinking too much or not at all so you can see that you don't need alcohol to be social/pick up women.

                      Yes. Thing is, alcoohol is everywhere in those parties, and NOT drinking is sometimes something you have to justify... It's weird. I can drink less though.

                      Did you really think that would would? She barely talked to you and then you left, hoping she would follow? I'm pretty sure you're supposed to leave during a high point in the conversation, not meekly walk away when another guy starts chatting her up. I was at a bar Thursday talking to this girl and two different guys (friends of hers) came up to her and started talking to her. My first instinct was to leave, but instead I stayed, introduced myself to the guys and started talked to them and kept kinoing the girl in front of them. Both guys left after about a minute or two and I teased the girl about those being the only 2 people she knew. I eventually fucked it up because I left when my FB came in (I know I fucked it up b/c this girl literally grabbed my arms when I got up to leave and wanted me to stay, but I left to talk to my FB). I know I'm no guru, but I think that you should have stood your ground.

                      You're right.

                      Then I tried to talk to her again a couple times but both times it was in a group so I didn't figure out how to isolate and build intimacy. But at some point, she was left alone and I went to her, started kino, and thanked her for the party and complimented her.

                      What's wrong with talking to her in a group? You don't have to wait for her to be alone, you could just go up to her and her group and start talking. You don't know anyone there except for her, so you could have just walked up and said "Great party, who are your friends?" (Maybe put your arm around her waist and introduce yourself as her mancandy or something like that).

                      It's not that she was in groups, she was out of sight range. I just didn't know where she was in the house, so I stayed in the main room.

                      As I tried to get close to her I heard her say that she invited me as "just a friend". And as I was about to answer (I prepared a "we are not going to be friends and you know that"), a random dude pulled her by the arm and started to dance with her.

                      Again you didn't really do anything and you let some other guy take her. Why didn't you start dancing with her and show her how you're not just friends? Also, do you really expect to hear her tell someone else that she invited you so that she could fuck you later?

                      Anyway. What I don't get is, she is obviously single. She got hit on by pretty much every guy and turned them ALL down. She went on a date with me, she invited me to a party in which I didn't know ANYONE, I mean how can she do that to a guy she barely knows, who is obviously interested in her, without saying anything about inviting me as a friend BEFORE the party ? She never mentionned being gay or anything so I doubt it's that.

                      How did you show that you were obviously interested in her? You hung out with her once after meeting her, didn't escalate, and barely kinoed. Did you really do anything to label yourself as something other than a friend? Maybe she just thought you were a nice guy and a potential friend. Maybe she was interested in you, but you didn't do anything and she lost her attraction.

                      She was sick, that's why I didn't try to get too close. I was worried about catching something, or that she would keep saying that she is sick or whatever... But deep inside I believe I was afraid of losing her if I pulled too hard. I think I'm afraid of taking chances.


                      A friend told me she was possibly behind a shield and maybe she needed more time, but how could I work on her since she was all over the place (and sometimes I couldn't even figure out where she was) ?

                      I really doubt this. Maybe she is just a flirt or an attention whore, but from what you've said, you didn't act interesting enough to keep her attention on you, that's probably why she wasn't hanging out with .

                      Anyway I was so pissed that on my way home 3 hours later I sent her a really rude text. But I would like to understand what happened. And man, I'm so devastated now. I almost cried waking up. That with the hangover was more than I could take. I almost threw myself out of the window when she friendzone me, thankfully I didn't, but I feel like the worst shit right now.

                      The rude text was a bad idea, what did that accomplish besides you venting a little and probably ruining any potential chance you had with her. You also probably won't be invited to any more of her parties (It's not a terrible thing to have female friends, after all, they generally have female friends and if they think you're a fun guy that's not a jerk/creep, that's good for you).

                      I have way enough female friends. I usually don't even go out with them. I definitely won't be invited to her parties now, but I don't mind, I don't really like house parties (or flat parties) anyway. But the text was a huge mistake I must admit.

                      Also, you seem way to upset for this. You met her at a bar, went on one date with her, and barely talked to her at a party. How can you be so emotionally attached to her that her rejection effects you this much?

                      I'm upset mostly because of repetitive failure. I don't seem to see the whole picture for some reason. It's like, I always do at least one thing wrong. And I've already tried that for months. Also, I "barely talked to her" because she was mostly unreachable (not because she were in groups, but I just couldn't see her). So I just kept talking to people in the main room because I didn't want to lurk around in the house.

                      I wasn't unhappy before playing this game. A bit lonely sometimes, but I never had this feeling of trying and failing. It's the worst feeling in the world. I don't know what to do next. That's it, I'm crying.

                      Seriously? Is this your first time trying this stuff? Rejection sucks, but have you read any of the material here? It's a numbers game. Failing comes with the territory. All you can do is pick yourself up and try again (trust me, rejection itself gets easier and you get better the more you try). If you expected to read a couple posts and then every single girl would automatically want to sleep with you, you're wrong. This is work. I started doing this like 8 months ago and in that time I started approaching women I didn't know (big step for me), but I have also gotten blown off and rejected and I even gave up for a while when other aspects of my life became too consuming. But I started again and things are starting to click in my game. All you can do is keep trying and learning from your failures.

                      I read more than a couple posts. I browsed different forums, read entire books on the subjects, took notes, watched videos. I've tried this for almost 6 months, and every time I have some sort of close, it doesn't go further. And the more I fail, the more I'm upset at myself and others. It gives more frustration than I've ever had. And she's the second girl in a row to try and friendzone me (the first one was a christian, I made a post about).


                      So I want you to tell me, what did you learn from this failure? What will you do or not do next time you're pursuing a girl? (I really want you to answer this)
                      Well here are a few thoughts I had :

                      - overall show more interest once I see IOIs
                      - drink less is definitively a good idea
                      - know when to stay and leave the group

                      Yeah that's a lot of mistakes but it's so hard to do all this at the same time. I could add "don't get upset" but it has a lot to do with too much alcoohol. Also, be less afraid of taking chances earlier... I think she was actually surprised that I ended up hitting on her, like it was unexpected.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Hayfork View Post
                        You seem to think that its wierd to meet friend at a night club. You also said two times that she would have no reason to befriend you because you didn't have the same social circle, didn't go to the same school etc. Why do you think people go out: to have fun, meet people, change their mind and socialise. Its totaly okay to make friend there. In fact, you can make friend everywhere. And the fact that you two are different make it interesting for the both of you.

                        You want to know what happened but the thrut is that you will probably never know for sure. There are too many factors involved, too many things that could have gone wrong. Sometimes when things don't work out, its not even your fault because no mather what you could have done it wouldn't have changed the outcome. The best thing you can do right now, is realise your mistakes, and move on. You got her number, you can definitly to this again and again and as you to it, it will be easier because you will be more confident.

                        Most of the time, you end up in the friend zone because she wasn't attracted to you. And you can't blame her for that. I don't beleive she needed more time and comfort. The better way to stay out of the friend zone, is to take the lead and make thing happen. You have to make it clear that you aren't there to be friend her. You supposed she wouldn't want to be friend you, but you didn't take the lead and made your intention clear.

                        But hey, we all make mistakes. like I said, the best thing you can do is realise what and where it went wrong and move on.
                        Sorry, didn't see your post since I was answering to the other one.

                        I don't think it's weird to meet friends in a nightclub. But I think it's weird to give your number to someone who approached you, with a direct approach, from the opposite sex, on the dancefloor, and expect him to be "just a friend"... I don't know, I was surprised. I thought this just would not happen. I guess I was wrong lol.

                        I realise (some of) my mistakes. It was actually the first time I saw a girl I cold approached multiple times. I'm starting to feel better about this thing thanks to your help guys. I'm confident I'll do better next time.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Isidia View Post
                          Ei Margo, what's up, I am virgin like you too. My heart is bruised with rejection, but no matters man. I've learned hard, forcing the interaction to the point where she sleeps with you, or she kicks you out, that feels better.


                          Check Vex's thread on Nightgame, it looks exciting, I will be out this weekend so can't wait to take some waists with me. =)) hihi
                          http://www.pua-zone.com/showthread.p...ggressive-kino
                          Read it, liked it. Maybe a bit too aggressive for my style though, but I will try this at least a couple times.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            >Most of the time, you end up in the friend zone because she wasn't attracted to you.

                            No, you ALWAYS end up in the friend zone because you didn't escalate. Escalation is attractive. If you escalate, you will NEVER end up in the friend zone. You will either 1) Fuck her, or 2) be blown out.

                            Most guys are not willing to risk losing her "friendship"...which is really another way of saying her "minimal level of attention, that might, just possibly, someday, after she has been abused and dumped by all those JERKS who escalated, turn into sexual attraction for me."

                            Riiiiight.

                            You have to (and this is SO FUCKING HARD for many of us), embrace the whole idea of being blown out and pissing her off and having her slap you and being called a creep etc etc etc. Learn to LOVE it. Because it means that you aren't a pussy that sits in front of the computer jerking off to internet porn, it means you are a sexual human male.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Mago View Post
                              Yeah well I don't get how I can run into a girl in a nightclub, get her number, and her thinking we are "just friends"... Who makes friends this way, seriously ?
                              Quick story about that. Few years ago I went clubbing with a group of friends. Among them a cute friend of mine, a HB7 I'd say. We were young and she wasn't used to the clubbing scene. A couple of guys approached her during the night both of them offering her drinks and chatting about some shit.
                              While I was driving her home she was talking about them and I realized that she didn't have a clue on what they wanted from her. She thought that they were very sociable and nice guys. When I explained that they were hitting on her she was like: are you kidding?!?

                              Moral of the story.

                              The guys approached her so non-sexually that her mind wasn't even touched by the thought that they could have been hitting on her.

                              Comment

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