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Ex-LDR-GF now married to an Ex-Con

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  • Ex-LDR-GF now married to an Ex-Con

    Hey all. Not looking for advice here, but wanted to relay a story. If you don't want to read something sad/foolish, stop here. Otherwise proceed.

    I just found out (mainly through googling) that an ex-GF of mine (which had become an unworkable LDR) recently married a guy convicted in 2013 of fraudulently embezzling $200K from the company where he served as counsel. He did 90 days in jail for third-degree aggravated theft, followed by 180 days of home confinement, and subsequent community monitoring. He was disbarred. With a conviction, he was forced to work at a big-box retail store for low wages. He declared bankruptcy. He tried to fight off a lawsuit by the insurance company that insured his former company against theft (apparently, fraud/embezzlement are exempt from bankruptcy protection) and a few months ago negotiated some kind of settlement (which maybe my ex-GF had to help cover).

    I also found out that his former company discovered the fraud when they checked his desk and computer after having fired him for sexually harassing a co-worker. His wife had filed for divorce just shortly before the fraud was discovered, because she found that he was cheating on her. He tried to get out of paying child support for his three kids (including for one special needs kid). Just from googling, the guy seems to be a real sleaze-bucket.

    I re-connected with her by text after I saw this, wondering how much she would disclose if anything. We casually brought each other up-to-date. After several days of back and forth, I asked if she were seeing someone seriously, and she said yes, but she didn't say she was now married. I asked about why she liked him and she said that he was "kind to her", but that was about it. She asked if I were still in a serious relationship, and I confirmed yes. I subtly asked her about his background, but she wouldn't say anything. I also asked if she had already started seeing him when our LDR started to decline, and she didn't say. She did say that my being in a different city and already in a serious relationship was a "major factor".

    I'm definitely not going to tell her what I know.

    My ex-GF is a very smart woman, but she had an abusive ex during her first marriage. I think loneliness and desperation drove her to cling to this guy, just for showing her some kindness. Now, I suspect he's leaning on her financially, because I doubt there's any way he can really make a living with a theft conviction. I think it is sad. Perhaps I made a mistake going down this rabbit-hole.

  • #2
    why do you care?

    who cares?

    I don't get this, move on...
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    • #3
      Originally posted by Skills360 View Post
      why do you care?

      Perhaps because he's still got a shred of humanity ratling around in there somwehere.

      Most of the time, I just look at all of this logically -- x leads to y, fuck emotion, make it happen. Or as Rand said: Do now, feel later. If at all. But it happens occassionally, rarely, that I feel very sad, usually for no discernable reason at all. Groundhog has given a reason. A good one.

      I understand this post. I'm sure many here do.

      Originally posted by Groundhog View Post
      she said that he was "kind to her" [...] I think loneliness and desperation drove her to cling to this guy, just for showing her some kindness. [...] I'm definitely not going to tell her what I know.
      The above notwithstanding, I think you've made a good decision by not telling her. No need to salt her wounds.
      "I like it when you come in here, take up all the space in my mind..
      I think I'll let you love me tonight"


      • #4
        Originally posted by Patterns View Post

        Perhaps because he's still got a shred of humanity ratling around in there somwehere.
        Well there's the problem right there!


        • #5
          hmm i am of the: "it"s your ex gf, let go" opinion. I mean unless you want to go back to a relationship with her... back off.. otherwise it may even go more bad instead of good. If you truly worry about it.. get a friend to go to her and check up on her/figure out the shit


          • #6
            It's natural but a weakness to measure your own value by your (ex)partner's previous (or, in this case, subsequent) choices. Men tend to do this a lot. (e.g. "What, you used to date that looser?!? Then what am I doing sleeping with you?) Women compare themselves too but they seem somewhat more immune to identifying selfworth with our other partners. I can speculate as to why.. but it'd be only speculation.


            • #7
              actually women also do it a lot. Have you never heard women talk about their exes? or the girlfriends of exes.. or the girls the guys cheated with etc.

              Think all human beings are prone to comparing themselves and their selfworth to their previous partners and the new partners of the previous partners.


              • #8
                It can be painful to watch at times, no?
                But its her choice to do so
                Desperate or not, its her choice to make