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Difference between Attraction and Sexual Arousal

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  • Difference between Attraction and Sexual Arousal

    AsianPlayboy, one of CJ's wings, dropped this knowledge back in 2007:

    HOW does one defeat or at least start the process of managing this debilitating fear that has defeated so many newbie PUAs and stumped the intermediate level guys? I’m no psychologist or pie-in-the-sky theorist( when it came to Pick Up, becoming better with women, and just getting LAID, I did it the hard way. Through field experience and self-learning. MORE IMPORTANTLY, I called myself out on my weaknesses and OPENING myself up to CONSTRUCTIVE criticisms and input.

    So let’s talk sex. I’m going to break it down into some general categories on how to better manage your Sexual Anxiety:

    1. Education (formal and informal, but real and field-tested)
    2. Inner Game (motivation, self-control, reward vs punishment)
    3. Outer Game (the logistics what, where, and how)
    4. Exposure & Gradual Pursuit of Sexual Opportunities

    I. SEX ED 101
    First, when it comes to sex, you need to be EDUCATED. Ignorance breeds fear so you need to start by understanding women AND sex as a connected and related pair versus two separate entities. I won’t go into the finer details, but let’s establish that I make a marked difference between what I call GENERAL ATTRACTION versus that of SEXUAL ATTRACTION. Maybe you don’t. To which I say, think back to a time when you had a beautiful woman laughing and smiling at you. Obviously attracted, right? You’re feeling good. You da man!

    Now think back when she started REALLY touching you, gazing into your eyes, licking her lips, “accidentally” brushing with her breasts, sexual innuendos, RIGHT BEFORE THE KISS( Call it chemistry and the release of Dopamine and Norepinephrine, but to me, there’s a world of difference between when a woman is simply engaged into your story and listening to you versus the seriously different PHYSICAL effects she’s going through in a sexual aroused state like:

    1. Elevated Heart Rate
    2. Perspiration
    3. General Feeling of Sexual Arousal (ie getting wet/hard)
    4. Loss of Higher Brain Functions (ie logic)
    5. Flushed Skin
    6. Sweaty Palms
    7. Elation
    8. Intense Energy
    9. Sleeplessness
    10. Craving
    11. Loss of Appetite
    12. Focused Attention

    Therefore to me, General Attraction’s more common and physical signs commonly include:
    1. Laughter
    2. Feeling of Wellness
    3. Feeling of Safety
    4. Bonding on Commonalities

    In other words, a woman could be ATTRACTED to you, but still not want to SLEEP with you. There’s a big difference in my mind between being a GOOD conversationalist versus being a good SEDUCER. One of them makes you a cool guy to be around( the other makes you a good lover. Sometimes they’re the same. More often they’re not.

    But let’s continue. There are CONCRETE and identifiable Sexual Arousal Triggers in a woman that can be consistently and SUCCESSFULLY triggered once you’re past the General Attraction phase and into Sexual Attraction.

    Here’s just a few off the top of my head:

    1. Erotic Thoughts (conversation leading towards imagining sex)
    2. Visual perception (how the other looks);
    3. Olfaction (how the other smells, naturally or artificially; the wrong smell may be repellent);
    4. Audition (how the other’s voice and/or movements sound).

    * EROTIC THOUGHTS
    Now here’s the thing about the Sexual Arousal Trigger that is Erotic Thoughts which is both the boon and bane of average and even some advanced PUAs. Some guys become routine monkeys, that on one hand have allowed an average PUA to advance from neophyte to somewhat competent, but are limited in their arsenal in the different ways to turn a woman on.

    In other words, conversation is just one way to turn her on so learn to be more physical instead of limiting yourself to only one method of seduction. Shoot from all barrels versus being overly dependent upon one form of arousal. Of course, this is why Speed Seduction, the Gunwitch Method, and similar mentalities and use of sexual story telling comes into play and can be highly useful.

    * VISUAL PERCEPTION
    When it comes to Visual Perception, there are a limited number of things you can do. And yes, I do believe looks matter( to a certain degree. It’s not the ultimate factor, but it helps when you present the RIGHT look. In other words, you can still get the girl if you’re a fat slob, but you WILL have to work harder.

    For example: getting a better wardrobe is, in my opinion, far easier to do and once done can be EASILY maintained without any work on your part. Think of it as PASSIVE VALUE (ie you don’t have to TRY and make her attracted, you already are making her attracted to you with what you currently have) versus ACTIVE VALUE (i.e. you’re actively engaging her and actively working her Attraction Switches as well as Sexual Arousal Triggers).

    Other things might be simply losing or gaining weight and muscle, better hair, tanning, and whitening the teeth. Pretty simple things that take only a modicum of effort, time, and pain to improve (well, not the working out part).

    Other aspects include:
    1. Body Language
    I think Verbal Game is very important, but I don’t think it’s the END ALL BE ALL. Having the right body language for the right situation is essential to subcommunicate what you want about yourself. Be it playfulness, confidence, and emoting with your face, having mastery of your body can easily enhance one’s verbal prowess.

    Another aspect of Visual Perception is:
    2. Dancing
    That’s right, I said it( dancing. It’s the dreaded D-word that incites terror and nightmares into those who are afflicted with the disease known as C.R.D. Tough. It’s almost an unwritten truism that you DO NOT OPEN ON THE DANCE FLOOR which has somehow morphed into this belief that a PUA should never work the dance floor. Poppy-fucking-cock I say. I am far from a good dancer, but I have taken a few classes and can fake competency. And if there’s one thing OTHER than being Socially Proofed & Pre-Selected by Women that projects HIGH SEXUAL VALUE is the ability to MOVE and to DANCE.

    So yeah, learn how to fucking dance. I don’t APPROACH on the dance floor, but I’ve used it to isolate, escalate, and successfully pull a Same Night Lay or simply to close the deal on a date. It’s an awesome, inexpensive skill that you can achieve some competence within six (6) months.

    Your best choices are to learn hip-hop and salsa. Ballroom and swing are decent to learn some basic moves, rhythm and body language, but only if you don’t have it in your area as a secondary choice. Better dancing means better body language to boot.

    * OLFACTION
    Women naturally have more sensitive sense of smell than us men. They also respond to certain testosterone derivatives in our (fresh) sweat that causes the secretion of dopamine in their brain that makes them more aroused. General word of advice (and no, don’t go out and buy yourself those scam pheromone colognes) is to avoid smelling bad. Curiously, I’ve never once been denied because I smoked.

    Not a whole lot more you can do other than being clean and throwing on cologne. I’ve heard about putting on baby oil (never did that), wearing women’s perfume (never intentionally did that), etc. One thing I did find was using strong scented body wash that matches your cologne. It’s something you rub all over yourself and she’ll smell all over your body (I’ve been told I smell like “snow”).

    * AUDITION
    Audition isn’t quite like the “Erotic Thoughts” Sexual Arousal Trigger but somewhat similar. It has more to do with one of the most powerful tools in a man’s arsenal, his TONALITY. Your tonality projects a huge amount of information about you like:

    i. Personality
    ii. Mood
    iii. Educational Level
    iv. Culture
    v. Sexual Intent
    vi. Etc
    I also think it’s important to identify that there are different types of tonalities. One of which is the Sexual Tonality that can cause a woman to be TURNED ON. Some attributes of a sexy voice (think Barry White) include:
    i. Deep voice (bass)
    ii. Projecting from the diaphragm (commanding and dominant)
    iii. Volume control (whispering sensually versus deafening)
    iv. Suspense (intentionally elongating your words)
    v. Judicious use of pauses
    vi. Speed (slow versus fast)
    vii. Etc

    Thus, forewarned is forearmed. The point of this portion of the “Sexual Anxiety” series is understanding that fear and anxiety comes from a lack of understanding and education. In order to get better at anything- be it picking up women or riding a motorcycle- you need to start with some basic level of understanding Sexual Arousal and the BELIEF that you can indeed not only turn her on, but should do so as it is your right and privilege as a man!

    But more on that in the next future article about “Sexual Anxiety, Inner Game, and You.”
    All credits go to The Asian Playboy
    In pussy we trust

  • #2
    no hablo ingles sorry!
    Last edited by Skills360; 1 week ago. Reason: my comment was incorrect due to English slang not taught in school
    Sexting, my unique natural game, aggressive dance floor seductions, 15-20 minutes hook ups in clubs. Learn the proper way to maximize your results in a club type environment, check out my blog and youtube clubbing channel:

    www.dancefloorseduction.com









    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Skills360 View Post
      "DO NOT OPEN ON THE DANCE FLOOR"


      That is total kj, in fairness i think he is probably talking verbally (if then i agree)....

      but you can open in the dance floor dancing and have tons of success...
      Read the whole section that bit is in bro, his next sentence is "Poppy-fucking-cock I say" and then goes onto say how he find success on a dancefloor.

      Nice drive-by lol, you only read the capitalized parts before pulling the trigger?

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by pureevil View Post

        Read the whole section that bit is in bro, his next sentence is "Poppy-fucking-cock I say" and then goes onto say how he find success on a dancefloor.

        Nice drive-by lol, you only read the capitalized parts before pulling the trigger?
        i read the whole thing what does "Poppy-fucking-cock I say" means???
        Sexting, my unique natural game, aggressive dance floor seductions, 15-20 minutes hook ups in clubs. Learn the proper way to maximize your results in a club type environment, check out my blog and youtube clubbing channel:

        www.dancefloorseduction.com









        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Skills360 View Post

          i read the whole thing what does "Poppy-fucking-cock I say" means???
          It means nonsense.

          He's saying "you often hear not to open on a dancefloor. Nonsense I say."

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by pureevil View Post

            It means nonsense.

            He's saying "you often hear not to open on a dancefloor. Nonsense I say."
            no hablo ingles, i edited... thanks for the catch and English lesson...
            Sexting, my unique natural game, aggressive dance floor seductions, 15-20 minutes hook ups in clubs. Learn the proper way to maximize your results in a club type environment, check out my blog and youtube clubbing channel:

            www.dancefloorseduction.com









            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by AsianPlayboy View Post
              Therefore to me, General Attraction’s more common and physical signs commonly include:
              1. Laughter
              2. Feeling of Wellness
              3. Feeling of Safety
              4. Bonding on Commonalities

              In other words, a woman could be ATTRACTED to you, but still not want to SLEEP with you. There’s a big difference in my mind between being a GOOD conversationalist versus being a good SEDUCER. One of them makes you a cool guy to be around( the other makes you a good lover. Sometimes they’re the same. More often they’re not.
              This is a good post you dug up Bismarck.

              It touches on the confusing aspect of seduction that is attraction. It's not uncommon to see PUA's talk about "flipping attraction switches" or running "attraction game" and the like, but the word attraction itself implies something more concrete, for example you would expect a woman who is attracted to you, to be primed to fuck you.

              The idea of struggling to fuck a woman who's attracted to you seems counter intuitive but. . . it happens all the time. I've struggled with it and see other guys struggle as well.

              The main issue here & why this happens is detailed in Asian Playboy's post. A lot of guys' definition of attraction is not concrete / complete and does not take into account other necessary factors to fuck a woman such as sexual arousal. There's even a lot of talking past each other when discussing attraction in this community. Cause it's vague.

              Like what is attraction? Is it her laughing at your jokes? Is it her asking you several questions? Is it her thinking you're a cool guy from your body language and sense of style?

              You get the picture. This is why I've personally abandoned the term attraction from my vocabulary and my thought processes infield.

              These days I never have the thought "ok I need to attract her now" or "i need to run some attraction game" while out in the field, instead I view things in terms of the three keys. Makes things easier for me when out picking up chicks. Social frame, emotional stimulation and sexual arousal. I check off all three, and it's a lay.

              If you look at the signs detailed by Asian Playboy you can split them into the three keys pretty easily.

              Feeling of wellness and safety fall under social frame. Laughter and bonding on commonalities fall under emotional stimulation (although bonding could be social frame depending on how you look at it) while sexual arousal is sexual arousal lol. Now I said the same thing in a different post yesterday, but when it comes to troubleshooting your pickups the three keys is probably the most concrete model out there for checking off all the necessities to pull off a lay from a cold approach pickup.

              Social frame -> does she think you are a cool guy / logically "ok to fuck" Emotional stimulation -> does she feel positive emotions and associate those feelings to you / basically you don't bore her. Sexual arousal -> is she turned on, horny and ready to hop on your dick. Check off all three and you're good.
              “You know I cant hear none of that spend the night shit... that kumbaya shit”

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