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Group Conversation observations

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  • Group Conversation observations

    Hi,

    on new years party I was sitting on a table with different people I knew and I dont knew.
    I got some interesting observations. There is always one person which is leading the conversation. Or which is dominating the others by choosing the topic to talk about.
    So if it's constantly the same person she is the alpha of the group.

    What I did was first, accepting her lead, joined the topic and slightly changed it in my favour, which raised my social frame and made me leading the conversation for the moment... But that's just some extras. What I really would like to know:

    How do you handle the group conversations? I mean not necessary to influence someone but to have fun in such situations. For me personally it's very difficult and I dont have a lot of fun talking in groups? Last events were for example. Christmas party at work, big christmas partys at home with family and uncles, aunts, grandmas etc....

    I feel most of the time there is one who leading the conversation and the others listen...

  • #2
    The person doing most of the talking isn't necessarily the "alpha." That person is sometimes an annoying windbag. That person can be the dancing monkey. That person might be entertaining without being sexy.

    For me personally it's very difficult and I dont have a lot of fun talking in groups
    You're not the only one who feels that way. Your strategy for joining and influencing group conversation is fine, but if you dislike chaotic group talk, then maybe it's not the best tack to take. Maybe you'd be better off trying to spot a girl who's also worn out by/disinterested in the group convo, and creating a little 1-on-1 vibe with her.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Impulse

      The person doing the most talking or a lot of it doesnt mean they are the alpha. So many idiots just talk and talk about complete nonsense and think what they're saying is relevant. Reality is, a lot of people are thinking in their heads "when will this clown shut up?"
      Hands down the funniest thing I've read on this forum, coming from you

      Well done sir !

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      • #4
        Originally posted by K View Post

        Hands down the funniest thing I've read on this forum, coming from you

        Well done sir !
        Damn. K for the death blow lol. Funniest post in while

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        • #5
          WIA has a good break down on this somewhere but basically there is kind of a ringmaster style where you control the convo and set the topics and then solicit input from different members of the group. Then there is a holding court style where you lean back and pass judgement on each person in the convo and maybe throw out a few choice comments but mostly let other people set the topics.

          I tend to do both depending on the situation but sometimes holding court is easier if I donít feel like bringing a bunch of energy into the convo.

          Why donít you like group convos though? Thatís gonna be more where you should look to figure things out. Basically understanding the energy behind the dislike is important to understand how to improve your enjoyment of it. Tech to be involved in convos isnít gonna help if the whole time you arenít enjoying yourself.

          Good example is recently on this forum Gun has been setting topics for discussion while PE has been more holding court and passing judgement. Youíll see the same in other types of group convos (of which forums are an interesting sub group)

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          • #6
            To have fun, simply become the host of that talk show, by directing questions at people.

            Or become the most entertaining guest.
            (BUT, your routines and stories better be top notch standup comedy worthy material!! Which they are obviously not, since you dont love it already.)

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            • #7
              all these cats saying the guy leading the chat aint the alpha or that people are waiting for that person to shutup has never seen a competent talker work a group before, intrigue routines and funny stories do not have you wishing that person shuts up and it does make you the alpha, I have seen colgate my mentor do this in front of me and never wanted him to shut up and my wing has seen me do it and never gets annoyed!!! one should strive to be the talker or alpha of the group and work on that DELIVERY so people are not wishing you shutup!

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Grodmeister General View Post
                colgate my mentor
                bruh, his name is colgate? lmao

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              • #9
                Originally posted by Black Caesar View Post
                Why donít you like group convos though? Thatís gonna be more where you should look to figure things out. Basically understanding the energy behind the dislike is important to understand how to improve your enjoyment of it. Tech to be involved in convos isnít gonna help if the whole time you arenít enjoying yourself.
                Well I think I dont like them because I dont get the attention I want when talking. It's too much chaos. If I talk to 1 person I know I have the undivided attention. In groups when I'm a listener I feel so bored and so maybe soo unimportant.?! Instead if I manage to get the word I feel I have too much attention lol

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                • #10
                  Lurked this thread yesterday and was in a situation in which this became directly relevant. Just came back from an outing in which I was the "new guy". As typical of me in situations like this, i played the observer, being present and aware but kind of watching more than anything. Over the night including conversation and finding of commonalities with everyone there, people were kind of competing for my attention. At one point earlier on the female roommate of my friend was engrossed in talking with me and was giving me a lot of IOIs but i gathered from context that she had a boyfriend so i didnt push anything. So later on in the night in the circle-talk thing, people were kind of competing for my attention. It felt as if four of us were there but everyone was talking to me. I was simply present, zen, listened, and reacted positively when it was natural for me to do so (sometimes for me this requires me to expand what i consider funny or interesting for the sake of not being a downer and being stone faced through peoples bad jokes) and responded attentively neutral otherwise. People were kind of spilling their guts to me (might be the drugs an alcohol but still) about their whole purpose in life and stuff which i found a bit unexpected based on me being the new guy earlier. Also the girl from before had linked up with her boyfriend at some point but she kept brushing past me in front of her boyfriend like girls do to maintain my attention.

                  I found that I was doing the least or near the least talking when in an actual group conversation but everyone seemed to want to talk to me (even in the group setting). It was like 3 people were trying to have the same conversation with me at once. It was kind of a quality problem really because everyone was telling me all about their philosophies and one guy seemed pretty narcissistic and would constantly steer the conversation back to himself and go on rants about these profound life experiences he's had to the point he was cutting others off and raising his voice to keep talking about it lmao. He got more and more risky with complimenting himself until he was full blown admiring his own genius to me hahaha. But anyways,

                  TLDR:

                  I tend to be a present observer in these kinds of social situations and i step in and interact when I am interested in the topic or moment at hand. I observe but dont judge and dont try to specifically make myself the focus and people spill their guts to me and even if not consciously, I think women sense others are doing this and try to be physically close to me and also get my attention subtly as it seemed another girl in the house (with a boyfriend) was trying to do this as well at some point, but I had never talked to her 1 on 1. I'd believe this phenomenon is a mixture of both how I carry myself (I tend to attract attention just by existing because of body types and intangible factors like posture and "swag") and my ability to be present while listening to people (zen) and not assert myself over them.

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                  • #11
                    They say asking about others and letting them run their mouths to you makes you a great conversationalist in their eyes, which I find to be true. Im sure this and what I talked about above are highly affect by temperament and personality types though. congruence is probably most important.

                    i'd say what im describing is kind of the holding court concept mentioned earlier but its crucial to say that I dont pass judgement, just simply observe and be attentative whime also chiming in when relevant to add value and relate to whatever is being said. I give positive body language feedback when i feel inclined to and neutral feedback otherwise.

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                    • #12
                      Young Blaze the neutral to positive BL shift is basically the passing judgement thing I was talking about. Encourage some parts of the convo with positive reinforcement and rewards. You also saw what people have been saying here about there being someone (usually a guy) who is just talking too much lol

                      The other thing for OP is that in a group you donít have to get everyoneís attention all the time. In convos sometimes youíll be talking to 1 or 2 people in the group sometimes other people have side convos and chime in. Itís not like an all or nothing thing.

                      I like to get others talking and then bring someone else from the group in by soliciting their opinion.

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