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Guide on approach anxiety and how to get rid of it

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  • Guide on approach anxiety and how to get rid of it

    Let me preface this by saying that I used to have crippling AA. A couple of years ago, I'd walk into a club, grab a beer and then wallflower for 3 hours before going home feeling like shit. So if you're having AA problems, I know exactly how you feel, I went through that. These days I have virtually no AA. I do avoid situations I deem to have a low risk/reward ratio or not worth it, but I can approach like never before.

    What is approach anxiety and where does it come from?

    Hundreds of thousands of years ago, trying to court a wrong female could very well mean expulsion from the tribe (which equaled death) or death itself. Natural selection ensured that guys who were smart enough to stay clear of taken women managed to survive, because guys who weren't probably got killed. This means that a certain trait that made guys cautions about approaching propagated into descending generations.

    Since approach anxiety is an instinct and not based on intellect (it's a common genetic trait), it rooted inside your CNS (central nervous system). This is why when you see a hot chick you rationally conclude that approaching her is the best course of action and yet something LITERALLY PREVENTS you from doing it. You want to approach really bad, but it feels like there's an invisible force preventing you from doing it. You'd feel the same thing if you (assuming you're mentally healthy) approached the edge of a tall building and contemplated jumping. I guarantee you wouldn't be able to jump. You get paralyzed, you can't move. Fear has overcome you. The same thing happens in the club or the street when you want to make a move on a hot woman.

    How to get rid of it

    There is obviously no threat of getting killed by approaching women in this day and age (assuming you stay away from mafia's women) and it's important to reiterate this fact to yourself several times.

    You need to retrain your nervous system to make it realize that there is no threat associated with approaching. Our CNS is hardwired to get desensitized to a certain input if that input is repeated over and over again. You basically need to desensitize your nervous system to approaching and the only way to do it is by approaching until you're no longer scared of it. I promise you that this works; I'm not bullshitting you. After you do a few cold approaches and even if you fail, you'll see that nothing bad has happened to you and you'll say "ok, this wasn't so bad, I'm still alive. What was I so afraid of?". So how do you do that if you're scared of approaching in the first place?

    Well, you need to realize that your time on this planet is limited. Some day you are going to be dead and that day is very soon. In fact, if you're in your 20s like me, in 15-20 years your capacity to do pickup will be greatly diminished; you have EXTREMELY little time on your hands. You may as well use that time to do the things you like, such as fucking as many women as possible.

    Steve Jobs (RIP) once said something very deep, pay close attention to it:

    "for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: 'If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?' And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. ... Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything--all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure--these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."
    This great man got it right. There is nothing to be afraid of, since somewhere down the line it won't matter anyway. In the face of death, what does it matter if you get blown out by a random club skank? YOU WILL DIE SOMEDAY!

    If this argument isn't enough for you, then you gotta trust me on the fact that I can't remember a huge majority of failed approaches. I can't remember the girls, their names, their faces, the blowouts, nothing. I can remember being afraid before approaching, but I can't remember most of these situations. I've done so many approaches that each additional approach is just a small increment on the mass of approaches already done that they simply lose their power over me. Once you approach more than 50 chicks (which should happen in a matter of weeks or months anyway), you probably won't be able to remember half of them. Hell, guys can't remember all their lays, how could they remember all their approaches? So any potential embarrassment will be very short lived.

    Further... if even this isn't enough for you... then I gotta tell you man the fuck up and stop being a pussy. Seriously, are you a man or are you not? What kind of man are you if you don't have the balls to approach a woman you'd like to fuck?

    If all of the above isn't enough for you... then maybe you should quit pickup. Seriously, there ARE other hobbies in this world, such as ice skating, ballet dancing, knitting, candle making, flower arranging or whatever. No one is forcing you to do this. Feel free to quit at any time. Do you want to quit?

    If the answer is no, I'm telling you... FUCK FEAR AND FUCK APPROACH ANXIETY. And fuck society and their norms too. You're a man, you have your desires and you have EVERY right in the world to fulfill those desires without ever apologizing for them. What are you afraid of?

    Today is Friday and tomorrow is Saturday. Perfect time to go clubbing. Or to do some street approaches. Refer to this post and go escalate on some girls. Go to a club, approach some girls and escalate HARD. Go to your local Starbucks and open girls. Do it until you're no longer afraid and until you're feeling so alpha that you feel the entire world can be yours. If you've ever had a threesome, fucked multiple chicks in short timespans or approached without hesitation and fear, then you know the feeling I'm talking about... it's the ultimate high, better than any drug out there, you will feel like you are omnipotent.

    There's a cool quote from Dune:

    I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
    You've been given all the tools you need to become good at this, your are reading the best forum on seduction in the world and if you fail at this, then you only have yourself to blame and no one else. Are you a man or are you a mouse? What will it be? A lifetime of self pity and fear or a lifetime of greatness and conquest? The choice is yours.

  • #2
    Good post.
    I would add that blaming rejection on girl and environment is very helpful.
    I mean when I'm rejected in a club, I think "She's an attention-whore".
    When rejected on street - "She doesn't like to meet guys on street. If she was in my social circle she would be much nicer to me"
    When rejected somewhere else - "I'm not her type. Whateva"
    If rejected... - "What have I done for her to make that face? Just said hi? How many times a cool, above average looking guy will say hi to her? She's nuts!"
    After only one approach I feel energized and confident like hell for several hours.

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    • #3
      Approach anxiety is something I have some trouble with. The challenge for me is to live with the thoughts and feelings you laid out in your post to try and overcome it. Another thing I'm trying to do is remain conscious of what Gunwitch says. Namely that, she's not thinking about you. Instead, she's thinking about what you think of her. In fact, everyone thinks about what others think of them.

      Frustrating thing for me when I think about it is that I remember years ago, before I knew anything about game, occasions where I would just open girls around university or on a busy street. Anxiety wouldn't even come into it. This wasn't on a regular basis or with much success, or else I probably wouldn't have ended up here. Another challenge for me is to bring out the feelings I had then that prompted me into taking that action. Talking to that girl was a must, and anything that happened afterwards seemed to be irrelevant to my mind.

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      • #4
        My 2 cents:

        a) Risk Rejection. Know well ahead before making your move that BlowOut is one
        of the possible outcomes. In fact risk it, so that you push things further than
        you could otherwise.
        b) Let Sexual Motivation be your guide :- Visualize ->I wanna SLAP that ass, squeeze those tits and cum on that face, as you approach her.
        c) GATA : Get After That Ass
        d) Do it everyday or close as possible. Breaks in PU puts you back to square one.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by illuzsion View Post
          a) Risk Rejection. Know well ahead before making your move that BlowOut is one
          of the possible outcomes. In fact risk it, so that you push things further than you could otherwise.
          Further, there is nothing to "risk" per se. You don't lose anything by approaching and failing. Fuck rejection.

          b) Let Sexual Motivation be your guide :- Visualize ->I wanna SLAP that ass, squeeze those tits and cum on that face, as you approach her.
          YEAH! This is awesome! I sometimes do this. Before I approach her, I imagine what she'd look like while lying exhausted on a bed, submitting to my masculine power. This is powerful.

          d) Do it everyday or close as possible. Breaks in PU puts you back to square one.
          Absolutely. Mystery had it right when he told guys to go out 3-4 times a week. Going out once a week doesn't cut it if you ever want to become good at this.

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          • #6
            I honestly think if your desire to get laid is strong enough, you will not have much approach anxiety.

            It's a balance between "do i wanna get laid?" and "Will i make a fool off myself by getting rejected?".

            Horniness is a wonderfull thing, it's better than ANY psychological technique at overriding approach anxiety.

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            • #7
              I have approach anxiety if I feel as if I'm "doing an approach". I find it's much easier to somehow position myself near a girl I want to talk to. More often then not, if I hang in that area and socialize with the people around there, getting into talking to the girl I'm interested in is completely relaxed and natural. That's my preferred method of approaching these days.

              I have approached tons of chicks before by just walking up to them and starting to talk to them, but very rarely has that ever felt "right" to me. Something always just seemed off, and unnatural. I always have gotten AA, sucked it up, and approached anyway in those situations....but the vibe is just always so weird....well not always, but many times it's just kinda awkard feeling. I feel like there's so much pressure on me to "properly hit on them" since I just "approached" them. Therefore, I always have felt AA before an approach like that.

              Just kinda merging myself into her area, and her group of people in a very natural way is how I like to do it. If there is a pool table or something near by, that makes it easy. If friends of mine happen to be located near her, that also makes it easy. Basically, any excuse I can get to get near the girl, without actually making a straight B-line towards her in order to talk to her eliminates any form of AA whatsoever.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Newman301 View Post
                I have approach anxiety if I feel as if I'm "doing an approach". I find it's much easier to somehow position myself near a girl I want to talk to. More often then not, if I hang in that area and socialize with the people around there, getting into talking to the girl I'm interested in is completely relaxed and natural. That's my preferred method of approaching these days.
                I prefer to enjoy the social pressure than diffuse it by making it look "natural". Half the time, you speaking slowly enough with steady eye contact in front of a group is all she needs to get attracted. An audience is a great tool for building attraction. Especially if the girl and I had some eye-contact, I think it is a bad idea to try to make it natural by talking to others around. You should be there right away, if possible.

                In general, usually whenever it feels "weird" it is just you stepping out of your comfort zone. The girl will feel calmer as long as you keep being steady.

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                • #9
                  A question

                  I have really high AA when it comes to approaching and I have done 100+ approaches in the last 3 months (80% in a drunken or buzzed state though ).

                  My biggest dilema is not that I don't wanna fuck the girls I see, but that I just can't see the connect between:

                  A. Me approaching them and
                  B. Me having sex with them

                  All the approaches I do, I do because I force myself to do them, and I have to tell you, picking up girls sucks a bag of dicks in my book.

                  The million$ question: How to connect A. and B. ?

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