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How leeching on empathy and compassion works

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  • How leeching on empathy and compassion works

    Only a few people do this, but thought I'd point it out so it is clearer

    People have a tendency to empathise with others and offer compassion when people seem hard up
    In order to leech on this a person only has to do two things
    1) act in need
    2) act out at any sign of inadherance to that need with bitterness

    A (bad) hobo comes up to you (some hobos are cool and smile and don't expect anything)
    I AM IN NEED
    Then thinks you are a stingy asshole

    How is it that some guys think it is OKAY to be like a hobo when it comes to women?
    I AM IN NEED
    Omg I can't believe the betrayal and backstabbin bullshit of this OMG

    Acting initially like you would be grateful for help but then turning around the next second to act like you are from the gossip girls
    I'm addressing this, cuz sarge's ISSUE with pua isnt cuz he is aspergers or something, its because he has bought into a lie that "it is okay to be a leech" "so long as you feed on peoples empathy and compassion"
    By applying this infield he is utterly rotting from within every technique he touches
    So instead of pussyfooting around it pretending that things will sink in for him eventually if we are all nice about it
    I am going to expose this shit for what it is
    Cuz if he doesn't rip this bandaid the fuck off, hes just going to amplify his leech-ness



    Ok, so
    Most guys don't wanna give sarge crap cuz this is how the leeching starts
    1) presents himself as whole as he can (this takes social deftness to do and intelligence, all the sadder that he uses it for this trick)
    2) uses the whole appearance to say "but there is only ONE problem, this little problem", to gain curiousity
    3) encourages a person to indulge him through flattery and feigning that he is paying attention

    The resultant assumption for the unaware person is
    He is adept, intelligent, with only a minor flaw to contend with, and that he is paying sharp attention
    However, this is not the case
    The reality is that all adeptness is used up front to create an image or an illusion of being whole, so he can say the problem he faces is small, and come across flatteringly
    BUT by doing this via illusion and NOT earnestness or true humility or vulnerability as a man, he holds the belief and egoistic stance that he has SUCCEEDED in tricking you
    He feels ACCOMPLISHED by this act, and now feels entitled to all the respect he has glimpsed by playing this trick

    However the trick is paper thin and quickly divolves into him HUSTLING you
    "its is just a few bucks" "ill just be on your couch for a day or two, week max" "just until i get on my feet"
    It is a lie he suckers people into, over and over and over

    A repeating cycle of conning a person into letting him exploit empathy or compassion
    The really twisted thing is though, he has the belief that these actions are GOODNESS
    That he really is a GOOD GUY
    And so sells "helping him" as truly a good act, and not helping him as a betrayal of feeding back the good vibes


    This is known as gas lighting
    It means to make someone out to be crazy for disagreeing with an embedded assumption
    And embedded assumptions work by creating a strawman to highlight its negative opposite truth

    "in the perfect world we all know pickup and dance in a field of flowers all hand in hand"
    The opposite of this strawman is apparently a gross reality where people are selfish hoarders of knowledge and everyone will have to be out for themselves

    The real reality isn't THAT negative, but by him highlighting a strawman he makes it easier to compute the reverse in an exaggerated manner too
    The truth is that each man succeeds differently and has different challenges and sticking points, that success isnt garunteed but an endeavour we take anyway with the good intent of succeeding
    But by him appearing OBLIVIOUS to this he blocks out that possibility
    It is either we all dance in a field of flowers or some horror flick out of the saw franchise

    He does this to further manipulate a person to believing he is anything but a leeching shithead
    And I say this without animous
    I actually say it with compassion for the guy

    I imagine it must be terribly lonely and devoid of joy, acting this way to people
    It must feel hollow and empty


    This doesnt make it ok to
    1) embed negative assumptions
    2) encourage people to contribute while secretly feeling accomplished and like a good guy for doing so
    3) when pretending a problem is small
    4) in order to act in need and prey on compassion and empathy


    But wait... if he isn't doing this to get advice, why is he doing it???
    He is doing it to feed off of your empathy
    To be "partner partner" and use social proof to "have empathy by assosciation"
    This causes people to agree with him, so he can further leech on more empathy
    More and more and more until he can BELIEVE HIS OWN LIES

    He does it, to change his reality
    Not by changing reality from the inside out
    But by gaining prestige to change it from the outside in

    Hes basically acting the part of gold digging ho
    Or a hobo



    I don't think he is fully aware of it
    It is like he woke up from a really bad and trippy dream
    Is hung over, and feels like utter shit
    And just started doing it

    He has no comprehension of what he is doing, or why it is wrong
    So I ask people here NOT to feed the gremlin
    But to instead help him stop being a leech
    And unravel for him why hes doing it

    It is the only way he will EVER become better at PU


    You cannot LEECH on women as a way to pick them up
    They will always feel disturbed and or horrified deep inside
    While on the surface they may give you things via compassion and empathy,
    IT IS NOT THE RIGHT WAY TO TREAT PEOPLE


    STEP ONE
    Become aware of the mechanisms you are using
    CRYSTAL CLEAR AWARE

    STEP TWO
    Don't abuse it like "well this is what I got? might as well use it"
    Instead try to understand why its wrong and not right and ribbing your life of substance and true connections

    STEP THREE
    Work out a solution


    People will respect you if you deal with the actual problem

    Stop pretending your problems are small anmd scattered across different outings as little tips you need
    Understand you have one giant gaping shitstorm of a problem
    And it is based in reality,

    You cant stop these mechanisms
    You got used to them somehow
    Youve got to understand them so you can stop them

    And go to a shrink who is capable of doing a lot of the lifting here and helping
    Not some quack but someone who can accurately see this issue and get to the underlying mechanisms at play and talk you through them



    It might seem like an ugly prospect but it is better than having your problem undiagnosed and lying to people like a coward who cant admit his own problems
    I know I know, Im being super harsh
    But if you choose to actually handle it props to you and you can feel good about what you are doing


    Until then though
    I'm afraid that advice here wont play a big role in your recovery
    So try not to leech on people
    Know what you are, fix that
    Dont sell it as small
    DONT SELL IT like you are "just another forgotten soul"

    Dont lie like that
    Ive diagnosed your issue, so now ffs
    Handle your shit
    Then come back and we can tell you how to pickup

    It will be much easier once the embedded assumptions and manipulative leeching on empathy and rewarding yourself is gone
    Replace that shit with true ways to connect with people

  • #2
    Sarge had a date with a hot Asian girl last might,you still bitching cuz he doesn't wanna read your weirdo complicated posts ,fuck off dude.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Grodmeister General View Post
      Sarge had a date with a hot Asian girl last might,you still bitching cuz he doesn't wanna read your weirdo complicated posts ,fuck off dude.
      gg this is extremely uncalibrated... He just gave sarge an almost 100% accurate diagnosis(i am still on the fence if he is an aspie).. As i was reading before i thought it was for sarge, i was "sounds like sarge"

      Just look at the post of the hot asian how he goes "fuck bd kissing rule" to prove cosy point....

      Or read long enough any of his journals and you will find equally opportunity people that try to help him, thrown under the bus.. He reminds me of you know who (don't want to mention his name) in the making...




      Comment


      • Grodmeister General
        Editing a comment
        cost of success post is uncalibrated,he just is bitching about sarge, cuz sarge said his posts were hard to understand! the solution was to make his posts less weirdo long winded and more straight forward and to the point, cost of success showed lack of social intuition and still posts his soliloquy of nothing.

    • #4
      Originally posted by Skills360 View Post

      gg this is extremely uncalibrated... He just gave sarge an almost 100% accurate diagnosis(i am still on the fence if he is an aspie).. As i was reading before i thought it was for sarge, i was "sounds like sarge"

      Just look at the post of the hot asian how he goes "fuck bd kissing rule" to prove cosy point....

      Or read long enough any of his journals and you will find equally opportunity people that try to help him, thrown under the bus.. He reminds me of you know who (don't want to mention his name) in the making...

      I'm not trying to throw people under the bus.

      I'm really sorry for doing that and I'm working on it.

      EDIT: To address Cozy's post, it's fairly accurate I'd say.

      Nowadays I try to focus on what to do instead of what not to do however.

      So, like last night, I made the girl laugh a bunch (a lot actually) that is good. I kissed her a bunch which I assume is good too. I touched her ass and I assume she liked it because she didn't resist.

      I paid for our drinks, so no leeching there.

      I do have the leeching problem but instead of focus on it "oh damn! I'm a leech! Fuuuuuck!" and get all shamed, it's better to flip the script I think and focus on being the opposite of a leech. So, like, I try to give more than I get for example.

      It's definitely a work in progress and rome wasn't built in a day, but I'm actually working on it so I think it's a good idea to call me out when I'm leeching for sure because like Cozy says, I'm not fully aware all the time, but I am trying.

      Comment


      • #5
        Originally posted by SargeMaximus View Post

        I'm not trying to throw people under the bus.

        I'm really sorry for doing that and I'm working on it.

        EDIT: To address Cozy's post, it's fairly accurate I'd say.

        Nowadays I try to focus on what to do instead of what not to do however.

        So, like last night, I made the girl laugh a bunch (a lot actually) that is good. I kissed her a bunch which I assume is good too. I touched her ass and I assume she liked it because she didn't resist.

        I paid for our drinks, so no leeching there.

        I do have the leeching problem but instead of focus on it "oh damn! I'm a leech! Fuuuuuck!" and get all shamed, it's better to flip the script I think and focus on being the opposite of a leech. So, like, I try to give more than I get for example.

        It's definitely a work in progress and rome wasn't built in a day, but I'm actually working on it so I think it's a good idea to call me out when I'm leeching for sure because like Cozy says, I'm not fully aware all the time, but I am trying.
        this is excellent as long as you mean it, recognizing your mistakes and then try at least to improve... Which is what cosy wanted from you in the first place...


        Comment


        • #6
          Originally posted by Skills360 View Post

          this is excellent as long as you mean it, recognizing your mistakes and then try at least to improve... Which is what cosy wanted from you in the first place...
          Yeah I hear you.

          Making that girl cry last week shocked me out of it. I don't want to hurt people, I want to make their time with me good times and good memories for everyone involved.

          And so I'm focusing on what I should be doing and trying to always be solution/positivity oriented.

          Comment


          • #7
            Originally posted by SargeMaximus View Post

            Yeah I hear you.

            Making that girl cry last week shocked me out of it. I don't want to hurt people, I want to make their time with me good times and good memories for everyone involved.

            And so I'm focusing on what I should be doing and trying to always be solution/positivity oriented.
            Thats good man,

            Everyones PU journey is different. They have different needs. Their strengths and weaknesses are different.
            I think that YOUR personality... well... it is like a slab of stone
            You are a guy who has to chip things away and remove them

            I think that if you remove shit views, the ways to be better will "become clearer"

            The trick to removing flaws though is to find the right balance
            The right balance is not to kill yourself over it
            BUT
            To also put yourself in a position of enough stress about it that you do not omit facts simply because they are painful to acknowledge



            One of the hardest things I ever had to do was to see how my ex, who I loved, saw me
            Like betrayal and stuff she felt and fear

            To know its real, to face its reality...
            To not loathe certain ways I had been
            To think productively
            To take things in a way that I could get better

            And constantly stopping myself like "wait am I doing it again?"


            Ha what a story that whole thing was... I mean, I know how I was wrong to her as a man.
            But only with that knowledge can I be wise enough to seperate a bit of the fiction too.
            So for example, had I been perfect, it would have ended like it did anyway.
            She was... a tempremental girl without enough concern of her own either.

            So I accept how she saw it, but I don't make her out to be a strawman either.
            Neither do I think the goal is to live up to strawman arguements that come from women.
            The goal is... to face the most immediate concern which is willful "fuck off that makes no sense I gotta do it my way" arguements
            That way you are at least a human being, not a meat grinder of peoples views

            Peoples views are sometimes MORE REAL and MORE relevant than your own
            So for example
            When in bed with a girl, a girl may have views of what pleases her
            But lets say you have another view

            If you were to argue that your view is more real, I would say this to you "who does it most affect?" "what do you even get out of it if you are right?" "nothing right?" "what does she get if she is right? a lot right?"
            So in that context, her view does actually matter more because it has substantial effect for her, whereas it has minimal affect for you

            Now, that doesn't make you wrong... maybe you DO know something that if her eyes were opened to it shed be like WOW I DIDNT EXPECT THAT!
            But you gotta bring that to a person in a SANE way, not discard all a persons views
            And you also gotta admit that sometimes you might be wrong, so to not put all your eggs in that basket


            Yes dont punish yourself
            But put yourself under pressure to not avoid facts or twist things as much as is possible before it sours you

            It is a damned if you do, damned if you dont situation
            Fully avoiding this and taking it too lightly will make you a sour dude
            Punishing yourself until its done will also make you sour

            But you gotta lean more towards getting it fixed, than not
            Or you have no way out of it



            Thats the issue
            And thing is... doing nothing about it, while it seems easier
            It actually isnt
            Because the stress FINDS YOU ANYWAY
            It comes in the form of ambivalence and feelings of "woe is me" and "woe is my situation"
            The stupid man takes that woe and says "its everyone elses fault"

            The smart man knows ahead of time, it isnt
            And does his best
            His real earnest best

            And if you do try and you do work through it
            Itll CARVE AWAY THE SHITTY STONE and reveal a better half of your personality


            However I notice you ignored my advice of a shrink
            A really good one
            Do not discount that advice
            It might seem like overkill and "stupid"

            But looking in that direction might help you find a way to COPE with challenging yourself and your flaws, so you can face them without getting too sour about it


            Aight Ive said it now, you know your issue
            I'm out

            ps don't leech on this topic
            resolve to work it out yourself as your responsibility
            don't leech on compassion or empathy to feed yourself

            Comment


            • #8
              I had professional therapy for three and a half years in my early 20s, right after I graduated.

              My therapist was a senior lady in her late 50s who was super sweet!
              Buuuut at the same time she had no problem knockin' me down (hard) of my wrong assumptions.
              Funny thing is physically she was half my size LOL...but when she spoke about life in general she seemed like a giant to me!
              Best money I've spent at that time, because she helped me put my life on the right track for sure.
              personal blog: https://realpob.wordpress.com/

              Comment


              • #9
                Iím on my phone so I canít reply in depth like Iíd like to, but Wrt therapists, the only reason I discount it is because Iíve had so many in my life (at least 6) and they didnít help. In fact, Iíd wager I knew more about psychology than they did.

                so anyhow, the best approach is to find out what I need to accomplish and how best to accomplish it. Itís so hard to convey but for example push pull tactics work. Or talking about travel works.

                the more of those realizations I can stack together, the better I seem to get with women and people in general.

                unfortunately I need specifics or principles in order to make that kind of progress.

                Examples of specifics would be: donít pay for food on a date, touch her on a date

                examples of principles would be: be self amused (to steal from Julien), or a meta-principle would be something like be self-amused but not if it means you will do something that puts the girl off you or if it means you wonít do something you need to do. So you could be self amused talking about video games but that will probably hurt your chances more than help you.

                Comment


                • #10
                  Originally posted by SargeMaximus View Post
                  Iím on my phone so I canít reply in depth like Iíd like to, but Wrt therapists, the only reason I discount it is because Iíve had so many in my life (at least 6) and they didnít help. In fact, Iíd wager I knew more about psychology than they did.

                  so anyhow, the best approach is to find out what I need to accomplish and how best to accomplish it. Itís so hard to convey but for example push pull tactics work. Or talking about travel works.

                  the more of those realizations I can stack together, the better I seem to get with women and people in general.

                  unfortunately I need specifics or principles in order to make that kind of progress.

                  Examples of specifics would be: donít pay for food on a date, touch her on a date

                  examples of principles would be: be self amused (to steal from Julien), or a meta-principle would be something like be self-amused but not if it means you will do something that puts the girl off you or if it means you wonít do something you need to do. So you could be self amused talking about video games but that will probably hurt your chances more than help you.
                  It isnt about the therapy man, its just a tool
                  I wager you were using it wrong
                  I am saying you need to face the manipulative shit and be kept honest

                  Like with personal trainers at gym
                  And for people who say "oh no its too hard" a bit of the right support helps
                  Dont get a full blown shrink then, get a half-shrink, casual set up, where the person
                  Knows
                  a) you have these manipulative tendenciues
                  b) you need to face them

                  I have no doubt little tricks help you out
                  But man, the ten ton elephant is in the room unaddressed



                  You will manipulate anybody close to you
                  Definately women

                  Its kinda gross man
                  So you gotta deal with it and fix it

                  Yeah yeah, not punish yourself, and not necessarily stop learning lil tips and such
                  But you gotta get rid of this baggage and manipulative shit first
                  Or you literally can't pu right


                  You think a guy like teevs has baggage he brings in?
                  Some manipulative strain?
                  No the guy is the nicest dude, so pleasant and easy to hang around
                  That STARTS everything off with women, cuz while they will punch him in the dick and say hes a lil bitch boy if given the chance, he can just get to disproving it without layering any biullshit on top of her
                  Meaning she is happy to be disproven

                  You on the otherhand...
                  If you "prove" you are good
                  I think the world turns upside down
                  Cuz now they have to appreciate leechy behaviour feeding on them n shit

                  "yes I like having a leech on my neck! It is great! All hail the leech overlords"

                  You cant force people to swallow acid, when you are selling ice cream man

                  And similarly you cant expect chicks to forgive you have baggage when the point is to NOT have such downsides then sell yourself


                  I went to a second hand store the other day and this guy tried to sell me a fridge
                  He's like "this is cheap but good" and I'm like thinking "bro I'm not buying a fridge that might need me to replace shit and has problems... no way"
                  Now you doing all this manipulative shit, you are like that fridge with a dead cat in it
                  As soon as that door opens

                  WOW FUCK NO WHY ARE YOU EVEN SELLING THIS?


                  You need to make the fridge as good as brand new, or close to it, if you are looking for tricks to sell it

                  What we do in pickup is SOLVE PROBLEMS for women, not sell shit situations, so that we get laid even when we are gross, or acting shitty
                  So why do you think these TIPS are so god-like

                  Im telling you
                  Guys who are good, really good
                  They arent like manipulative leeches and shit
                  They fix that shit

                  Its not really said in the community but it ought to be, you fix your shit
                  You dont sell broken goods
                  And manipulating like you habitually do
                  You gotta do everything you can to uproot that gremlin of an issue man, or you just ARE going to hurt chicks and freak them out while trying to sell yourself

                  Sure keep a foot in the door selling yourself
                  But fix the main problem rather than saying
                  "bah fuck it it just needs a new paint job"

                  You do NOT just need a new paint job
                  You have this cyclical manipulation of empathy going on, where as a result of it nothing gets through to you
                  YOU cannot sell that shit to chicks

                  Girls are super sensitive to leechy assholes
                  So you cant be one and just apply game on top
                  Thats like selling shit sandwiches

                  Dont be that kind of guy

                  Comment


                  • #11
                    Ok so heres the deal
                    You gotta treat PU as sacred
                    You gotta treat what you sell girls on as sacred

                    You want to sell her the purest, best, and most flawless jewel in all the world
                    And THIS helps you break through all her doubts
                    But you can't do that if you treat PU like elbow grease

                    No amount of elbow grease will polish a turd


                    You might not be a turd deep inside
                    Maybe you are a great guy
                    But that isnt what people are getting
                    They are just getting a face full of leech and manipulative shit

                    Shouldnt you be honor bound to fix that if you are "such a good guy"
                    I mean and if you care about pick up, shouldnt you pay it the respect its due and not want to use it to sell shit sandwiches?



                    THIS is what pisses me off
                    And it should piss me off
                    And it should piss you off too
                    And it should piss off everyone here too

                    Don't sell chicks on shit
                    Thats not pu
                    Thats just leechy asshole

                    You can try to learn pu as a leechy asshole, but its not going to work very well cuz chicks are smarter than you
                    ALSO
                    Dont expect kindness from guys who respect pu as sacred, while you seek to ROB IT for little baubles
                    While bullshitting people with GIVE ME YOUR EMPATHY AND COMPASSION SO I CAN DEVOUR IT LIKE A FREAK

                    Fuck off man
                    It is gross shit
                    And you need to be radically honest about it

                    But dont fix it all here
                    No one should have to put up with that shit unless getting paid


                    Treat it sacred, and know you are tresspassing
                    Seek to rectify that error



                    Its like trying to be a pro athlete with a fatass body
                    You cant do that shit expecting results
                    You cant even train properly when you are that out of shape to perform
                    PU isnt a charity man, its a fucking test of ability
                    You cant manipulate it down into easymode, not happening cuz girls want good shit not bad shit

                    LEECHING IS BAD SHIT
                    I dunno how to say this to you...
                    If you are concerned about more n more good techniques
                    WHY ignore the fact you have a ten ton deficit???

                    All the technique in the world aint gonna compensate for it
                    Not all the way
                    So you gotta fix it and then lil techniques will WORK

                    Comment


                    • #12
                      Fine. Any tips on how to fix it then? Seriously.

                      i had many therapists so Iím not big on that solution. All different kinds. None helped. There was one who was good. She would call me out on my BS but at the end of the day I still need to know how to fix shit. Calling shit out donít fix it.

                      calling me a leech donít present a solution it just highlights a problem.

                      maybe Iím dense but I donít see a solution. Except to learn what you call manipulative behaviour but isnít that better than nothing?

                      I just dont donít get it.

                      I also think youíre taking for granted how easy it is for you.

                      Comment


                      • #13
                        Originally posted by SargeMaximus View Post
                        Fine. Any tips on how to fix it then? Seriously.

                        i had many therapists so Iím not big on that solution. All different kinds. None helped. There was one who was good. She would call me out on my BS but at the end of the day I still need to know how to fix shit. Calling shit out donít fix it.

                        calling me a leech donít present a solution it just highlights a problem.

                        maybe Iím dense but I donít see a solution. Except to learn what you call manipulative behaviour but isnít that better than nothing?

                        I just dont donít get it.

                        I also think youíre taking for granted how easy it is for you.
                        your whole attitude is always give me give me give


                        I take i take i take...

                        I am owned i am owned i am owned...

                        everybody elses fault but me

                        i am the victim...


                        ^ women sense that crap, which we call subcommunication/vibe, so i can give you a million techniques they won't work cause you can put nice clothes, and perfum on a gigantic pupu it will still be pupu...


                        You are a leach, go to amazon and look for a book on how not to be a leach....

                        How to win friends and influence people could be a good start...


                        Comment


                        • #14
                          So, what Iím hearing is more that you guys want me to stop leeching on the forum. Fair enough, Iíll stop asking questions and only post action reports.

                          Comment


                          • SargeMaximus

                            SargeMaximus

                            commented
                            Editing a comment
                            Yes but I’m noticing you guys don’t want me asking for solutions so I’ll work on that stuff Cozy talked about without asking you guys for solutions.

                          • K

                            K

                            commented
                            Editing a comment
                            People only get frustrated when you ask questions you already have the answer to. Most of your questions are answered in SMMA for example, which you've owned for years now. Asking questions is fine, but there's a difference between that and wanting everything spoonfed to you

                          • SargeMaximus

                            SargeMaximus

                            commented
                            Editing a comment
                            The issue for me is I don’t understand shit and need clarity but whatever I’ll just keep listening to pu material and doing approaches.

                        • #15
                          Originally posted by SargeMaximus View Post
                          Fine. Any tips on how to fix it then? Seriously.

                          i had many therapists so Iím not big on that solution. All different kinds. None helped. There was one who was good. She would call me out on my BS but at the end of the day I still need to know how to fix shit. Calling shit out donít fix it.

                          calling me a leech donít present a solution it just highlights a problem.

                          maybe Iím dense but I donít see a solution. Except to learn what you call manipulative behaviour but isnít that better than nothing?

                          I just dont donít get it.

                          I also think youíre taking for granted how easy it is for you.
                          The trick is to focus
                          So this thread was about diagnosing it
                          So focusing heavily on the OP is important
                          Until you can identify these actions in yourself (not just take my word for it)

                          Allowing yourself to remain unaware of it will really bite you in the ass
                          So just come at it from as many angles as you can
                          Try a bunch of ways to try to see it
                          And come up with progress on it

                          Maybe even a journal?
                          Like, "heres a link to the issue"
                          And developing
                          a) understanding of it
                          b) motivation to get to the bottom of it

                          Your posts wont be leechy if its about your actual heavy assed task
                          BUT not everyone will wanna help, so dont expect em to
                          But allow them to
                          So I think a journal on this is the way to go

                          Continue doing frs of course
                          But just try to change the way you relate to people and ask questions
                          And during the transition, just be tolerant with people "not helping"


                          On tolerance:
                          You gotta understand man that people arent gods
                          A lot of learning IS LONELY and a bit shitty
                          Don't let that realization swallow you up into a hole
                          But just try to BALANCE that awareness so the blame doesnt lie squarely on others shoulders, but is your responsibility too

                          I know that from your position it looks like all these other dudes are having a party and are just not letting you in, or suck at explaining
                          But there are actually weird areas in learning...
                          Those "deserted" areas are normal
                          It matters how you react to them because how you react to them FILLS that void of knowledge and advice

                          Like... to fix that desert you use a sort of "responsible guesswork" and "process" to fill out that desert
                          The process is any process that helps you develop ideas and angles and progress on ideas
                          By repeating observations on the problem, coming at it from new angles etc

                          Once those processes start working all of that lonely shitty desert feel goes away.
                          So the smoother you transition into "responsibly" taking on that "guesswork" (the guess work has to be done a lot and then you filter out the crap yourself)
                          Once you have that distilled/refined guesswork amplified by a responsible process devoid of blame, you will start getting a feeling of "oh ok"
                          And you wont have that ANGRY lack of knowing feeling


                          I started with a better vibe than you
                          I know this is true
                          But I mean... that is why I give you this post
                          Cuz I do realise it must suck
                          But the fact is just that it can't be fixed if ignored
                          So I'm in a situation where feeding pity will just keep you in the dark

                          So... gotta ignore the pity
                          Imagine you are the same so I can think to myself you got a chance at beating it (cuz I dunno how much of a chance you have, I think there is some)
                          I mean, I can SEE a possible outcome where this is fixed in you and how women will react to you... and I think its EXACTLY what you want
                          I dont even think you want the tricks after you have that, theyll be optional

                          So I think you are underestimating just how good it will feel once you fully own this issue of yours and fix it for yourself

                          So at that point, pity wont matter, you wont need it. Sooooo, it wont matter in the end if you face it for yourself.
                          So be tolerant in the transition

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