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Frustrated with Game, How To Reconcile the Goddamn Contradictions/How to find what works for me?

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  • #16
    Subterfuge I remember the pickup panorama in London nightlife to be quite grueling, especially in clubs.


    SargeMaximus have you thought about getting some actual coaching? It helps when guys are hard cases, with very little social calibration/empathy/awareness.

    I can recommend a great NaturalLifestyles coach who's gone his own way and charges less, giving much more time and providing a really high-quality service from first-hand (a friend of my brother's) testimonial. Shoot me a PM if you're interested.

    Regarding the game in general, I would say that priority #1 is get your life under control, create a situation for yourself where your income is almost passive (very low responsibility in job, enough money to pay bills, rent, food, save and travel), max out your looks (hit the gym, feel good in your body, healthy diet, sleep well), max out your style (find your archetype, fool around with that)

    And once all those preliminaries are taken care of, dedicate yourself full time to game. Because without total focus for a certain period of time (sometimes it's a year, sometimes 3, sometimes 5), you won't be able to get anywhere.
    In pussy we trust

    Comment


    • #17
      Originally posted by Subterfuge View Post

      I've got so many infields of Tyler and Julien opening with that line that i've lost count lol.
      Besides, as I said, I was getting the same reactions with mystery method opinion openers or whatever.
      I'm as looksmaxxed as I can personally get. (gym, diet, fashion etc, although i'm short and I have some ugly facial features unfortunately which I suspect is killing me but it is what it is)
      tyler and Juliean i bet can see micro indications prior to the opening.... (approach invites)

      Sexting, my unique natural game, aggressive dance floor seductions, 15-20 minutes hook ups in clubs. Learn the proper way to maximize your results in a club type environment, check out my blog and youtube clubbing channel:

      www.dancefloorseduction.com









      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by Bismarck View Post
        ...
        ...
        Regarding the game in general, I would say that priority #1 is get your life under control, create a situation for yourself where your income is almost passive (very low responsibility in job, enough money to pay bills, rent, food, save and travel), max out your looks (hit the gym, feel good in your body, healthy diet, sleep well), max out your style (find your archetype, fool around with that)

        And once all those preliminaries are taken care of, dedicate yourself full time to game. Because without total focus for a certain period of time (sometimes it's a year, sometimes 3, sometimes 5), you won't be able to get anywhere.
        ....
        Amen.

        Comment


        • #19
          Originally posted by Bismarck View Post

          Regarding the game in general, I would say that priority #1 is get your life under control, create a situation for yourself where your income is almost passive (very low responsibility in job, enough money to pay bills, rent, food, save and travel), max out your looks (hit the gym, feel good in your body, healthy diet, sleep well), max out your style (find your archetype, fool around with that)

          And once all those preliminaries are taken care of, dedicate yourself full time to game. Because without total focus for a certain period of time (sometimes it's a year, sometimes 3, sometimes 5), you won't be able to get anywhere.
          So, living my passion and having a mission isn't the way to go anymore? Contradictions ><

          Comment


          • #20
            The "getting your life under control" part would ideally include your almost-passive income source being something you're at least moderately passionate about.

            Your mission is a long-term concept, and you will discover the various phases of it as you pursue your passions - if this doesn't include meeting and connecting with beautiful women I wonder what you're doing on this forum,

            If you are totally on your non-game related mission/passion and you don't go for game (learning how to seduce/manage stable of high quality girls) you will always be looking over your shoulder at other women and wondering "what if."

            Focus defines reality, and success in the struggle to improve will lead to decreasing levels of effort to get the same results.

            In your case though what you need is private coaching. Check out the guy I recommended.

            I've already said all I had to say here. Take my advice or don't, it's up to you.

            (I have a feeling you won't though and this thread is once again just a bid for other forum users' attention so you can validate your persona of the struggling WWWBAFC trying to "make sense" of all this "contradictory stuff" guys keep writing on the forum. "Life is so hard, waa, waa" sort of thing).
            In pussy we trust

            Comment


            • SargeMaximus

              SargeMaximus

              commented
              Editing a comment
              Well I am on my path. And I am doing something I love (sales). That was my point.

              I could easily go back to school, learn a "safe" job like accounting, and have a paycheck that would support me financially, but it wouldn't be my passion. Sales is my passion but I'm still learning and not good enough at it to have a steady income, let alone a passive one.

              So the point I'm trying to make is, if the goal is to be financially secure enough to pursue game, I'll have to give up my passion.

              OR, I could keep on my mission, keep gaming, and keep hustling, getting better at both. They kind of feed off each other anyways.

          • #21
            1) If you haven't, read this one. I'm not sure I'm able to convey perfectly what I was trying to, but if you get that one, you'll see through the contradictions between different methods and see they are just different "forms" (or, as cosy puts it, "drills"), to help you expand your possibilities. They are not to be followed through 100% exactly, like, "Do X to get Y":
            https://nextasf.com/forum/nextasf/li...specific-forms

            2) What turns a mistake into a mistake in the first place? This is very important to understand. If you remove the judgement out of any situation, you would simply be doing someting and then be observing the reaction. Like, imagine you're telling someone what had happened just focusing on the facts. Children do this a lot, they don't yet have a concept of what is good and bad, so they are just exploring. This is why they so often break rules: they want to explore what might happen if they do.

            Now in the process of growing up, you learn that certain stuff you do leads to certain reactions of the outside world. You figure out ways to predict the sameness of situations, and if you deem a situation similar to another you've already been in, you check your past experiences to protect yourself from having to feel negative emotions again.

            This process, as helpful as it can be, can backfire if you get into the habit of assuming the similarity of situations when it isn't appropiate, because then you'll very often chose prevention strategies instead of exploration strategies when faced with a situation. You create a prison of "been there, done that" while in fact every situation is potentially new with different possible outcomes.

            Usually this is triggered by someone thinking "this is my last/only/... chance", which creates extra stress to get it right. You can only safely explore (judge whether it was a good decision after you act) if you feel safe enough to do so. This is why outcome independence works very well, it allows you to go into exploring mode instead of predicting mode where you would try to pre-judge the outcome.

            In an ideal state, you'd be mostly exploring the world without caring all that much about the outcome. If you it's an enjoyable outcome, you enjoy it fully, and if it is not, you'll have an interesting story to tell. Either way you win by exploring boldly.

            A few years back, I would be this way most of the time without having to think about it, then lost it for a while, but now I'm consciously working on regaining that outlook, and I can tell you it is very possible. And enjoyable, too

            Jester
            Bunterrichten - Alternativen zum Unter-richten:

            Comment


            • SargeMaximus

              SargeMaximus

              commented
              Editing a comment
              Thanks. I had this when I was doing approaches today. I forgot how fun it is. But the lack of results still annoys the fuck out of me.

            • Grodmeister General
              Editing a comment
              make enough money to take a bootcamp and not be in debt when you do it !!!! you can have your life in order but without social charisma and know how ..you wont be able to get that out to women!

            • SargeMaximus

              SargeMaximus

              commented
              Editing a comment
              I’m working on it grod

          • #22
            Originally posted by SargeMaximus View Post
            So, the title pretty much sums it all up, but after reading yet more on game, getting excited, and trying the stuff in field and getting worse results than when I DON'T DO ANYTHING I'm pretty much fed up with game. And the contradictions. Like, "don't be outcome dependant" yeah? Well I wouldn't be approaching women if I had no outcome in mind, so fuck you.

            Seriously. Someone help me make sense of this shit.
            maybe stop reading ASF for awhile. can fuck your head up regarding expectations and what not.
            Last edited by youngjd; 1 week ago. Reason: idk

            Comment


            • SargeMaximus

              SargeMaximus

              commented
              Editing a comment
              What will that accomplish tho? I'm here because I want to get better. I don't think I'll get better by doing nothing.

            • youngjd

              youngjd

              commented
              Editing a comment
              i didnt say stop talking to girls, just stop the foruming...

            • SargeMaximus

              SargeMaximus

              commented
              Editing a comment
              How am I supposed to get better talking to girls with no feedback?

          • #23
            I think Bacchus is a good goal for you
            His personality has some very core similarities to yours actually
            THOUGH, there are some differences that are VERY VERY VERY KEY

            1) He was always exceptional at compromising even when frustrated, without losing ground (makes it easier to cope with contradictions) so in other words hes always had the understanding of "alpha" you were searching for a bit back
            2) He has a deep resolve that isn't built on selfish motives and scarcity, its more built on a common sense idea that he ought to be better (different from you in that you are more freaked out)
            3) He can be very chill and knows how to rejouvenate those he talks to, instead of flattery

            So,
            I mean...
            1) Learn how to not lose ground while also mediating a compromise
            2) tweak your motive, so it isnt all from what you lack and bad stuff, but rather is a constructive idea on what you could be
            3) Learn to rejouvenate people without flattery (comes down to being a bro)

            If you could shift a bit to be more like Bacchus, if that is even possible it would indeed help you

            Comment


            • #24
              Originally posted by thecostofsuccess View Post
              I think Bacchus is a good goal for you
              His personality has some very core similarities to yours actually
              THOUGH, there are some differences that are VERY VERY VERY KEY

              1) He was always exceptional at compromising even when frustrated, without losing ground (makes it easier to cope with contradictions) so in other words hes always had the understanding of "alpha" you were searching for a bit back
              2) He has a deep resolve that isn't built on selfish motives and scarcity, its more built on a common sense idea that he ought to be better (different from you in that you are more freaked out)
              3) He can be very chill and knows how to rejouvenate those he talks to, instead of flattery

              So,
              I mean...
              1) Learn how to not lose ground while also mediating a compromise
              2) tweak your motive, so it isnt all from what you lack and bad stuff, but rather is a constructive idea on what you could be
              3) Learn to rejouvenate people without flattery (comes down to being a bro)

              If you could shift a bit to be more like Bacchus, if that is even possible it would indeed help you
              Anything is possible cozy. I do have an idea in mind of what I could be. Rejuvenating people without flattery is an odd one. I won’t ask you to explain because I won’t understand.

              Comment


              • SargeMaximus

                SargeMaximus

                commented
                Editing a comment
                In fact, my whole goal of PUA is to become who I want to be. And make positive vibes for everyone I come in contact with.

              • Grodmeister General
                Editing a comment
                be the ghost and the flame ..a ghost is non reactive and the flame is fun to be around ..that vibe will help you out a lot ....thats the vibe people and especially hot women in general wanna be around!!!

              • SargeMaximus

                SargeMaximus

                commented
                Editing a comment
                I’m trying grod. its hard when you don’t know how to do that...
                Last edited by SargeMaximus; 6 days ago.

            • #25
              Lately I've been experimenting a lot with inner calmness, like, not being affected by whatever is thrown at you by the outside world. As a drill, I've found doing physical stuff helps (going into cold water, ...). Found out quite a few limiting connections in my mind this way (if I enter cold water and it's windy, I'll be sick. Every time I did this I got sick before, but not anymore once I severed that "sure" prediction in my mind).

              One experiment I found especially interesting (which also relates to the "flame" thing Mr. Grodmeister mentioned perhaps) is experimenting with sitting down and staying calm where nobody expects you to. Been to this business meeting a while back where everyone was there to impress others, and at one point I just sat down at the balcony to relax, closed my eyes, and when I opened them again, 8 people were standing around me chatting. Felt like a campfire attracting/inviting everyone without having to do nothing.

              This has happened a lot of times in the past few years. Learning to be non-reactive helps, and probably sitting down, too. There's this saying in the Tao Te King where it says: "Why is the sea king of a thousand streams? Because it lies below them." which I really love. It tells you that the one who can genuinely take the lower position without striving for the higher one will naturally attract others in the long run. Found this to be very true in my life.

              Jester
              Bunterrichten - Alternativen zum Unter-richten:

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              • SargeMaximus

                SargeMaximus

                commented
                Editing a comment
                I'm able to do this easily Jester, but it doesn't lead anywhere. I had women approaching me for years but could never sleep with them because I didn't have the flame. Was Ghost only.

              • Grodmeister General
                Editing a comment
                that passive behavior is not the flame and wont work in higher stimulation enviroments you want the nothing is a big deal energy the ghost combined with the flame ..(storys funny soundbites interesting routines etc) the flame should draw groups of people in the general area to you!

              • SargeMaximus

                SargeMaximus

                commented
                Editing a comment
                Yeah I know. But what I'm telling you is that I can be the ghost and get people to talk toi me or girls approaching me, but as soon as I say or do anything they leave shortly. It's hell.

            • #26
              I belief that for example joungdj is right when he says take a forum break. I wish you find a way to overcome your self pity and helplessness. And also the dependency of this forum.

              You see no one can give you 100% specialiced advice for your needs. I wish you find a away to lead your self. I think you read most of the theory that is necessary.
              Asking her every time is triggering the helplessness in you.
              As said if you fail to hard, get frustrated its time for a break and working for other areas of your life.
              With the pressure to reach the goal you reach nothing. flirting is a bit vegetative like, try to fall a sleep now. You must fall asleep.... that wont work. Thats my opinion. But I also did not see this in my solo times.

              Comment


              • #27
                Do you want to know the actual source of your seemingly immense frustration, because I personally don't think it's a priority for you.

                If I'm wrong, and you're actually interested figuring out the source, getting better and making the type of paradigm shifts. . . which can put a permanent smile on your face for weeks, and fill you with an actual sense of accomplishment when you consider how far you've come, and the progress you've made compared to your older days.

                If all of this sounds like something you're interested in, then keep reading and get ready for some tough love.

                First things first, let me start with an anecdote from my life, to illustrate what you need to start doing, to achieve what I'm talking about here. Several years ago, long before I was a seducer and back when I was just a middle school kid with other priorities. I used to be a competitive sprinter. Nothing huge like pre-olymipc training or something like that

                I was just a kid on the athletic team, competing against classmates in sports class and in yearly school competitions. Think sports day and things like that.

                Now I was pretty fast as a sprinter. Not the fastest guy in my grade, but top 5 out of a large number of athletic students. Of course, back then I wanted to be faster, become a better athlete and obtain all the hard-earned respect that comes with being one of the fastest guys (if not the fastest) in my grade.

                Some guys might remember when being the fastest guy mattered in terms of social status at school.

                Anyway, as I mentioned earlier, I was only top 5. Not bad but there was still a lot of room for improvement. And it was this idea of improving in this arena which would consume my thoughts and desires. Every year, in the weeks leading up to sports day, we would have impromptu 50m sprints in the play-ground at school.

                Sort of like a causal, yet competitive race every lunch break. I remember constantly coming 4th or 5th in these races, and getting pissed off because I wasn't placing higher. Keep in mind that in the yearly competitions, you only got a trophy if you placed in the top 3.

                So yeah, I was pissed, and frustrated. But even then, I was able to step outside that state of frustration and direct my focus on how I could improve, and what I was doing wrong.

                Now, what I was doing wrong was pretty simple actually. Every time we had one of these playground races, and we would run, I would pay more attention to the guy running directly in front of me, instead of on my own race and of course, the finish line.

                I would get so focused on how fast he was running, and how much I wanted to overtake him, that it actually affected my ability to run quickly. Like how can someone even run properly if they aren't looking at where they're trying to go. And that mistake, of putting ones focus in the wrong place is exactly what you keep doing wrong.

                How can you expect to make solid improvements when you keep looking at other people's journeys. Comparing yourself to them, and freaking out over minor shit like that. Think about how juvenile, silly and borderline idiotic that is. Because it is. It really is, and you have to accept that.

                As a seducer, I might come to forums like this and offer advice or have discussions. . . I might help my wings out with their sticking points. . . I might even read something that inspires me. But at no point. . . do I shift my focus away from MY PERSONAL JOURNEY and start to focus on other people's journey's or trying to impress / overtake anyone other than myself or anything else. Because you cannot excel in any skill, if your focus is in the wrong place.

                Back to the anecdote now, I had made this realization that my focus was in the wrong place. But by this time, it was already sports day. There weren't any more playground races to practice with, so it was now or never. But with this realization, this race was going to be different. I could feel it.

                And from the start of the race, to the end, the only thing I looked at was the finish line.

                Nothing else existed, not even the people cheering at the sidelines, or other guys running. All I could see was the finish line. . . and I placed 2nd in that race.

                Note I had not been doing any real sort of training that could have increased my speed. The only real difference I made was a shift of focus, to my race, the finish line and the journey in between. And as you might already be thinking, this is precisely what you want to be doing as a seducer.

                So in short, stop comparing yourself to guys who are currently better than you, stop trying to impress other people here or ingratiating yourself to them with flattery or whatever. And instead put your focus on YOUR PERSONAL JOURNEY. Because honestly, no one else should care about your journey as much as you do.

                Think about how you can get better instead of complaining about what currently frustrates you, and guess what, things will get better.

                I hope this makes sense to you Sarge. Because it would be much better for you, to put your focus where it should be, and start to make leaps of improvement. Also, I have no desire to get into yet another long discussion about your frustrations again. And on that note it's Bacchus out. . .
                “You know I cant hear none of that spend the night shit... that kumbaya shit”

                Comment


                • SargeMaximus

                  SargeMaximus

                  commented
                  Editing a comment
                  I post field reports and ask questions in the forum precicely because I cannot identify my own sticking points, unless I have a good idea. But you're right.

                • Grodmeister General
                  Editing a comment
                  your sticking point seems to be you cant hook on open sarge...comes down to a few things, you are showing too much interest(in relation to value) you are not stimulating the set or solo set (boring) !!! never mind attraction or anything of that you gotta open effectiveily first!

                • SargeMaximus

                  SargeMaximus

                  commented
                  Editing a comment
                  I agree grod

              • #28
                Originally posted by SargeMaximus View Post
                "don't be outcome dependant" yeah? Well I wouldn't be approaching women if I had no outcome in mind, so fuck you.

                Seriously. Someone help me make sense of this shit.
                You always should have an outcome in mind when approaching yes. But if you are struggling that outcome shouldn't be getting laid but working on your sticking points.
                I haven't read a lot of your cold approach reports, but to me it seems you are not able to hook girls. Have you even had longer interactions with girls, went on instant dates, stuff like that ?
                Thats your sticking point, when it comes to cold approach. You should work on that.

                Like for example have an outcome in mind like "I need to stay in set for 5 minutes" Then when you do that, increase to 10 minutes. then 15, then half an hour, add instant date as outcome etc

                Comment


                • SargeMaximus

                  SargeMaximus

                  commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Lol k

                • Grodmeister General
                  Editing a comment
                  sarge you are really missing out , doing just day game in fact you are gonna never have the complete skil set...and i have soundbites i can give you that makes opening groups in the night easier, you have lots of situations where a soundbite can work at night , for instance,when a girl is waiting at the bar for a drink, when someone spills ,throws up or stumbles, or gets ina fight, when a girl bumps into or its really crowded, when you are asked why are not drinking ...all this and this isnt opinion openers that work too, in the day you are much more limited.

                • SargeMaximus

                  SargeMaximus

                  commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Can't be helped Grod. I'm living my purpose and that doesn't leave room for night game. I want to get good to pull women I see throughout my day and put them in rotation.

              • #29
                Originally posted by SexualHero View Post

                You always should have an outcome in mind when approaching yes. But if you are struggling that outcome shouldn't be getting laid but working on your sticking points.
                I haven't read a lot of your cold approach reports, but to me it seems you are not able to hook girls. Have you even had longer interactions with girls, went on instant dates, stuff like that ?
                Thats your sticking point, when it comes to cold approach. You should work on that.

                Like for example have an outcome in mind like "I need to stay in set for 5 minutes" Then when you do that, increase to 10 minutes. then 15, then half an hour, add instant date as outcome etc
                Ah yes, this helps me.

                so yes, I had an instadate this year from online and one back in 2015/16 after approaching a girl in a mall. But I would say my sticking point is hooking girls specifically conversation. My convos fall flat or I run out of things to say

                Comment


                • Grodmeister General
                  Editing a comment
                  to piggyback what sexualhero says is i go for the education not the girl ..girls are the bonus(back to bakc weekends where i went home with a lovely woman) for example..lets say i have a stack with a gambit that i havent worked on yet ..well im gonna run it ..that night 20 times so by the end of the night i got the delivery and the timing of the routine down !!!!

              • #30
                Wow bachuss that was really a great anecdote.

                Sarge did you contact Gunwitch already for a Skype session? I I guess that would really help you.

                Do you have people in real life who are also into pu?

                I ask because I also often did posting here but my actual intention was to chill with the cool guys.


                And finally what is your conclusion of the post? What do you want to do now. What do you take out of this post
                ​​​​?


                ​​​

                Comment


                • SargeMaximus

                  SargeMaximus

                  commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Yes I contacted Gunwitch but he gave me some BS about not wanting to work with me because I got a refund for one of his products.

                  I bought the product again just to show him I was serious but he never got back to me. Not impressed.

                • Bexx

                  Bexx

                  commented
                  Editing a comment
                  ok thats a pity... however can you answer the other Questions:
                  Do you have people in real life who are also into pu?
                  what is your conclusion of this whole post? What do you want to do now? What do you take out of this post?

                • SargeMaximus

                  SargeMaximus

                  commented
                  Editing a comment
                  No I don't have anyone in RL who's into PU.

                  I don't understand what post you're referring to.

                  What I want to do now is go look for more PUA resources that handle my sticking points.
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