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Approach Anxiety Even When Relatively Advanced WTF?

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  • Approach Anxiety Even When Relatively Advanced WTF?

    okay so since I'm not really in the pickup business I can be honest about this and admit weakness.

    WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

    Why do I still have approach anxietY? I've been in the game 10 + years. Approaches thousands of girls. Fucked hundreds of girls. It's definitely way easier to approach then when I first started but still when I want to approach my mind sometimes tells me 'she'll think you're creepy, she looks busy, she'll think you look too old, everyones watching and they'll hate you.'

    not going to lie when I first started off the game I had CRIPPLING approach anxiety. I couldn't ask the stranger for the time. I worked through this though. Could be genetic too my parents are highly anxious people.

    Is there little hope just being able to do a non anxious approach at will? There are periods I have no approach anxiety. My mind is feeding pure positive self-talk and often when I have social momentum or riding a previous high.

    99.99% of the time nothing too bad happens. Yes sometimes you get a rude rejection. Girl looks at you aggressively 'who the fuck you think you are' or just that you're not attractive but honestly nothing really to lose from my vast experience. It's always the best route of action to swing the bat (barring social circle/work tingz)

  • #2
    it never goes away, with that being said the old 3 second rule-5 second rule works...


    if you can not do ^ this move to an area were you are not visible to the girl... come back and try again, if you again hesitate rinse, wash repeat...


    Forcing approach invites or hoovering is superior tough...


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    • #3
      Originally posted by Skills360 View Post
      it never goes away, with that being said the old 3 second rule-5 second rule works...


      if you can not do ^ this move to an area were you are not visible to the girl... come back and try again, if you again hesitate rinse, wash repeat...


      Forcing approach invites or hoovering is superior tough...
      you still have it too eh? the one thing that almost obliterates it for me is maeng da kratom. also makes my libido dampened tho haha. only works if you use it like once a month though. 5 grams or so? haven't used in like 2 years though might get some more

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      • #4
        Yeah it never goes away, I notice when I take long breaks from doing approaches it comes back 200 times stronger. The more you push that momentum the less intense the anxiety will be.

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        • #5
          I remember having a chat with Gun, about some pre-approach mindsets and mechanics.

          He mentioned the value of pre-approach visualization. More specifically, he talked about the importance, of mentally visualizing the girl. Not just being receptive, to your advances. But actually fully naked, on all fours. Or whichever position you like to fuck in. Visualize her as, sweaty and red-faced with desire, as you fuck her, with the full force of passion.

          Because, it's true that what's going on in your mind, before approaching the chick, will have certain effects on you.

          It's quite common, to have your mind racing, before approaching a chick. You might start making assumptions, about the girl in front of you. And it's also common, for the mind to race, towards negative thoughts and assumptions. These thoughts can have a noticeable effect on your body. Thumping heart. Sweaty palms. Etc. They can make the approach a lot more stressful than necessary. This is why you want to have, a tight control of your thought patterns.

          Or the autopilot thought loops, you'll fall into before approaching a chick. Because most of this happens, on an unconscious level.

          So by getting into the habit, of picturing the conquest, you motivate yourself to approach. You bring on the feeling of assured success. And you allow yourself, to get into sexual state easier. Me personally, before every approach. I basically wipe my mind of all thoughts. I do this on autopilot, because I made it a habit.

          But yes it's completely blank. Right before I open. So I can be fully present. It's similar to a meditative state. Either one of these will help. Field tested.
          “You know I cant hear none of that spend the night shit... that kumbaya shit”

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Bacchus View Post
            I remember having a chat with Gun, about some pre-approach mindsets and mechanics.

            He mentioned the value of pre-approach visualization. More specifically, he talked about the importance, of mentally visualizing the girl. Not just being receptive, to your advances. But actually fully naked, on all fours. Or whichever position you like to fuck in. Visualize her as, sweaty and red-faced with desire, as you fuck her, with the full force of passion.

            Because, it's true that what's going on in your mind, before approaching the chick, will have certain effects on you.

            It's quite common, to have your mind racing, before approaching a chick. You might start making assumptions, about the girl in front of you. And it's also common, for the mind to race, towards negative thoughts and assumptions. These thoughts can have a noticeable effect on your body. Thumping heart. Sweaty palms. Etc. They can make the approach a lot more stressful than necessary. This is why you want to have, a tight control of your thought patterns.

            Or the autopilot thought loops, you'll fall into before approaching a chick. Because most of this happens, on an unconscious level.

            So by getting into the habit, of picturing the conquest, you motivate yourself to approach. You bring on the feeling of assured success. And you allow yourself, to get into sexual state easier. Me personally, before every approach. I basically wipe my mind of all thoughts. I do this on autopilot, because I made it a habit.

            But yes it's completely blank. Right before I open. So I can be fully present. It's similar to a meditative state. Either one of these will help. Field tested.
            thing is I was at a sex club yesterday and me and my wing girl still had AA when a girl was fully naked haha. We were missing the part of assuming she'd be receptive though and she probably wasn't got the guys number who seemed keen but I don't think she was. We'll see

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Jack Gignac View Post

              thing is I was at a sex club yesterday and me and my wing girl still had AA when a girl was fully naked haha. We were missing the part of assuming she'd be receptive though and she probably wasn't got the guys number who seemed keen but I don't think she was. We'll see
              facepalm! jesus christ aa in a sex club again facepalm...



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              • #8
                Ive used the "Horn yourself" up too - get in contact with your sexual drive, lust etc. that Bacchus mentions. That is the dominant fuel of it all.

                Boost INTENT
                Ive also had times where my INTENT aka the mere feeling of wanting a girl rom a decisive sorta point, was so trained i could just sorta connect w it, focus on it, amp it and it would take over and reduce AA to a puddle. For this you need to get in touch with your INTENT however it looks for you. I think i originally learned it through martial arts where you learn to get into states pre fights similar to the intent feel. Killer instinct type states. For me its a dominant agressive but calm and very centred and decisive state, a determined state boiling but contained removing all fuzz from the brain collecting all focus for whats in front of you. The feeling can grow straigh outof a rejection if you know how to flip rejection into fury and then channel it well.

                The momentum approach(from Sixty):
                In short you build momentum before the approach time by progressively doing what you want despite resistances. this can start during the day before you go out. By progressively movign forward when you resist inside:
                you come in feeling a litttle anxious of the bat - but you open a girl immediately. Momentum+1
                You exit and go to the bar where 2 big dudes stand looking a bit arrogant next to a spot that you want to stand in. You go in and shoot a hiey w a nod to them and then look at the bartender. Momentum+2
                Bartender is hot as f and you feel a sting inside as she ask you what you want - you just hold the silence a bit and feel what you really want which you then order a drink you really feel like or a soda since you dont drink and game despite that it might look sissy-like to her in your mind. Momentum+3
                people around you are talking and you wanna get into some talks so you open poximity people even if youre not really in the mood yet. momentum+4
                Heard you not the type that you take home to mom

                Glows Log

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Skills360 View Post

                  facepalm! jesus christ aa in a sex club again facepalm...
                  u dont have it? not everyone is down though haha the girl I went with this time was not as hot as the girl as I went with last time so I feel we were a less tasty proposition.

                  Comment


                  • Jack Gignac

                    Jack Gignac

                    commented
                    Editing a comment
                    she's still decent to most unno maybe 8 now. in her prime she was an 8.5 but she lost something somehow. I think she's stressed and stuff her complection/smell is off but like girls suck at taking critisicm to change their lifestyle so hopefully she figures it out on her own. she's french 5'4 pretty face pixie hair cut has a bit of a bubble butt and tats, quite fair white skin with pink undertones. when we first me I considered her like an 8.5 but she got into stripping and stuff which seemed to have ruined her looks somehow. you'd think it would be the opposite but unhealthy lifestyle maybe. she's 25

                    same with this 18 year old. she had such perky tits etc. and through drugs/smoking 6 months later she lsot the suppleness in her skin.

                    gitrls who take care of their health would have acrazy advantage of this just did it but they lack discipline a lot times

                • #10
                  I also find AA increases for me sometimes if I get a really harsh rejection and if I get a really hot girls number my boldness improves winner effect. yes outcome independence is important but Ithink this is almost biology. logically I understand it so can fight past it but still on a primal level these things affect me.

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                  • #11
                    Originally posted by Jack Gignac View Post
                    I also find AA increases for me sometimes if I get a really harsh rejection and if I get a really hot girls number my boldness improves winner effect. yes outcome independence is important but Ithink this is almost biology. logically I understand it so can fight past it but still on a primal level these things affect me.
                    AA is pure psychology. Basically it comes down to two things if you want it to be gone forever:

                    1. Getting good at hooking. (basically how would you feel if you knew on the 90% of approaches you did are likely to be a positive experience)

                    2. How well you can handel rejection or negative experiences when you do approach. (for example; if after a harsh rejection you start value scaning the enviroment and your own value in relation to others vs a more healthy approach where you don't dwell on it)

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                    • #12
                      A few days ago I was waiting in line at the supermarket, and there was a woman waiting in front of me that was radiating amazingness in this totally unconscious, relaxed manner. It was like she was surrounded by that sphere that would "bounce" my vision off it, so I couldn't even look at her directly. Objectively speaking, it would have been quite easy to start a conversation, but I was so overwhelmed by the situation that I didn't. This doesn't happen very often, but I've found that when it does, it usually is because there's a real opportunity here.

                      Now from doing Tai Chi I've learned that if you feel threatened/overwhelmed (and those situations can cause that), what helps is consciously relaxing your body (which tends to clamp up unconsciously, especially your breathing). I admit I didn't manage in the waiting line situation, or not fast enough, for I had had only like 5-10 seconds and failed to overcome my inner inhibitions in that timespan. But in other situations this has worked well. So you might want to experiment with that.

                      I've also found that in certain situations, you'll be somewhat connected to others, and if you feel clamped up, you can be quite sure those others "connected" to you will be as well. Consciously relaxing can help them relax, too. No idea why this works, to be honest it's beyond me, but in my experience it does. And if the one you intend to make contact with is in a more relaxed state, it's so much easier to accomplish that without running into annoying resistances.

                      Jester
                      Bunterrichten - Alternativen zum Unter-richten:

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                      • #13
                        opening paralysis boils down to for me , lack of what to say and not doing it enough , I open any and everything ..I am talking large sets, dancefloor sets, mixed sets, tabled sets etc. You gotta traumatize your self and do a ton of similar type of sets you are struggling with , I reckon a lotta dudes on here struggle with AA cuz a lot of hotties are found in groups , if you looking for the solo girl, in a nighclub you are assed out! also fuck hovering dont do it , its loser behavior , all you are doing is lowering your valuing and making opening for you harder(they are gonna be weary of you cuz you stalled and they can smell a pick up coming)
                        Last edited by Grodmeister General; 4 weeks ago.

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                        • #14
                          yeah I typically just do 'sessions'. perhaps as an exercise going for really difficult sets where I'm scared more often (sometimes I don't as much cause I feel i've 'earned my stripes'. might be a thing.

                          crazy how my mind tricks me sometimes cuz close ratio number wise is exact same as easily approachable sets so might as well do what you want. I still feel like some girls would be 'out of my league' but you have no idea how a girl will perceive you until you try. like I like really young girls and i'm starting to get grey some of them say i think i'm a little young for you but other girls prefer older guys, gotta stop rejecting myself and let them do it lol.

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                          • #15
                            I never liked approaching and always saw it as a necessary evil. I get passed the point in order to get to the good stuff. As a risk-averse person, approaching is the part of the game I like the most, which is why I would only approach 5 girls a night. However compared to many other guys I do not get scared off hot girls, as a matter of fact they motivate me.

                            However, those 7's are usually:
                            - Less nice than hot girls
                            - Want to reject cool/hot/attractive guys in order to validate their ego
                            - Not worth your time

                            I usually don't approach those girls at all, unless:
                            - I got an approach invitation
                            - She approaches me
                            - She is the only girl in the room (sad story)

                            For me to be motivated to push myself and approach she has to be hot, and have a cool vibe. No white trash stripper vibe - but rather a cool classy or interesting (artistic vibe). Models tend to be the coolest girls to talk to in my opinion. So weird.

                            Sadly, hot girls are not that common in Denmark compared to say Norway or Sweden. This means that i may only see a handful of girls I actually like when going out. This is why I approach very little. I am just not motivated to approach crap.

                            Getting rejected by a 10 sucks. But what sucks even more to me is getting rejected by some average looking girl - or worse ugly girls. It outright makes me angry. This is why I would rather focus less on approaching and rather get my game as tight as possible to that my meet to lay ratio is as little as possible.

                            The only exception to the above is when I play the social proof card. However everybody knows that ain't my go to method. I like my approaches 100% cold.

                            And as mentioned, sometimes my head plays tricks on me too. Rarely do I feel anxietty (as in serious anxietty - i.e. freeze up) but oftentimes I feel like approaching. It all depends on your mood, which is usually an unconscious process. You cannot control your mood directly, but there are things you can do indirectly to affect it.

                            One is to build momentum. Now I personally don't like to do warm ups either - so I usually pick a difficult set, such as a 5 set. You force yourself in there. Get it to work decently. After that, your go-to 3 set becomes a piece of cake.

                            The other thing I focus on is preparation. This is probably my favourite way to indirectly control my mood (or state).
                            - High end green tea helps a lot - there is a reason why cathecin and L-theanine heavy teas are becoming more populare with pick up guys. I am obviously not talking about your grocery store tea - but the good shit.
                            - Meditation - at least 15 minutes of awareness medition works for me.
                            - Healthy food - usually containing sources of proteins (can be vegan), iron (key - spinach and broccolis are my go to) and get some C-vitamine, Zync, A-vitamins and different B-vitamins too into your diet.
                            - Fast for at least 12 hours, if not 16 (preferably) before having your meal. Eat around 2 hours before going out. Eat too early and you will hungry in field and you will crash. Eat too late and you will feel tired.
                            - binge drink water before you go out - it helps.
                            - Remember to drink water in field too! Number 1 reason for state drop.
                            - Stretch as many mucles as possible for a relaxed body language (relaxed body = relaxed mind)
                            - Warming up your muscles also has similare effects. Any normal physical warm up should do it. Massaging also helps (get a massage pillow)
                            - Clean flat before going out (makes you at ease and ready for pulling - it is key that your subconsciously feel ready to pull). Additionally make sure you got different types of booze, cigarettes, toilette paper and some vegan food at home (in case you pull a vegan or muslim chick who needs halal meat).
                            - Dress to kill also helps on your mood.
                            - Cold Shower wakes you the fuck up and does magic to your state
                            - No fapping at least 5 days before going out. My fap day is Sunday. no more fapping after that.
                            - Have a checklist of items to always have in your pocket: Lighter, condoms (so you consciously feel ready for pulling), cigarettes, wallet, phone, keys, 2x packs of gum/mints. Make sure you have money on you (I make sure I have at least 50 bucks on my cards for drinks and cab in case I pull)
                            - Go to clubs early - so that you have time to get comfortable.

                            Make sure you don't have too many worries before going out. You need to have finished every task you set yourself to do for the week before you consider heading out. Additionally, make sure you get enough sleep.

                            Also in field you may want to carry 2x pills of strong red ginseng, and 2x pills of Catuaba in case you get a state drop. Don't use them unless you hit rock bottom - you don't want to become dependent of herbal remedies (they are not addictive, but don't make it a bad habbit - i.e. a crutch). Take 1 ginseng + 2x catuaba every 3 hours. I usually take them at 4 am before hitting after hours place till. Those are usually the nights were I fail to pull at the first venue so my state is kinda meh at that point. I am also tired, so at this point a little boost helps.

                            If with all this you still struggle approaching, I think you may want to consider doing some:
                            - Extended hypnotherapic sessions (check out michael sealey on youtube)
                            - Do some trauma releasing exercices
                            - Work out more
                            - Yoga!


                            -Teevster
                            Teevster (TVA_Oslo) AKA. Alek Rolstad

                            Projects 2018:
                            - Still Rocking
                            - Flipping Lesbians (have sex with lesbians)
                            - 10 year in PU anniversary!

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