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Approach Anxiety Even When Relatively Advanced WTF?

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  • #31
    Originally posted by Teevster View Post
    That said, I believe my reasons for disliking swing-clubs are more universal, but please correct me if I am wrong.

    - Swing-clubs are controlled by women - I like to be in control over the situation.
    - Most dudes in swing-clubs are secretly jealous - making it hard for me to wreck havoc...
    - If not they are a bunch of beta's, if not cucks (literally) - these people do not share my reality...

    The girls are usually dominant freaks who basically just want to be hotwives for their boyfriend. The idea that I just become a mere tool for THEIR relationship (a bull, or a couple/guy joining in) just kills it for me. a club I frequent on Thursdays usually have a lot of couples looking for bulls... and i have been offered to join the couple. But I always reject. It just is not my thing.

    I prefer full blown liberated pleasure with as little moralism as possible. Swing-clubs may be seem sexually open on the outside, but once you get in there, you will see that in their so-called sexual openness, there are a lot of codes and rules. Only rules that I believe in are: no harm + consent + no underage. However, you will soon realize that swingers have way more rules than that and that just kills it for me.

    ^ lol this is kind of true, is undercover drama shit show....

    But the sex is pretty cool with the right people, and gives you a sexual high too (maybe not to you) can be addictive.....

    But is better for people that have a rotation or in a relationship (not really your thing teev.) Seduction wise the only seduction is really influencing a girl to go there...


    • Teevster


      Editing a comment
      Agreed, but cool swing-sex is rare and you have to be very selective. Finding a good girl for a uniquely good bang is hard enough. Now you have to find 4 people that can synergies... so even though you are right, it is not a piece of cake. Additionally, my experience (could be different in higher end swing-clubs) is that the hottest and coolest couples only swing privately. They only use the club for mingle and networking and they usually only go there occasionally. This is why I advised using swing-clubs as a place for networking rather than fucking.

      You are right, I currently focus purely on cold approach, but this may change when I move out of copenhagen. I currently have 0 Fb's lol.

  • #32
    Originally posted by Teevster View Post

    Kratom is pretty heavy. Also the side-effect of lowering libido is a dealbreaker to me.

    How about you try some Catuaba? Not only healthy, but really good effects + increases libido! Catuaba, according to Glow is that the Tantra community takes. I took it a few times and it is a very pleasing sensation of openness, energy and pleasure. Try it out. Red Ginseng is like a gold shower, wakes you up. I found this to be less heavy than Kratom/Cava with less side-effects and better effects.

    I would however only use those when:
    - I found myself in bad momentum
    - When tired
    - After spending too much time in field and I need a kick
    - Experiences major state drop

    I avoid using them too much, because I do not want to develop a crutch. I don't want to be in a situation where I need Catuaba or Ginseng to rock the field. Gladly I am for away from being there.

    Also have you considered that Swingers club generates AA because of a form of sexual anxiety - particularly performance anxiety? I know you've been banging a lot, and that you have no problems getting naked in front of chicks etc. but swing clubs/sex clubs are a totally different beast in the sense that it does not have a normal sexual vibe and because of that, your past experience getting naked with chicks only solves partly (a small part) the problem of sexual performance anxiety related to swing clubs. In fact you now have to get naked in front of:
    - Multiple people at the same (that's a different deal than getting naked in front of one, or 2 or even 3...)
    - Getting naked around people fucking...
    - Getting naked in an environment with a very different sexual culture... than in the "normal world". This one had a huge impact on me, and sounds like nothing, but "culture" should not be underestimated. Whenever facing a new culture, people get tense. Add nudity to the mix and yeah...

    I suggest you go to swing clubs a few times without the intention of fucking - just talk and chat. Most couples don't even fuck in swingclubs. But this is a good way to make you feel more comfortable with the vibe and get you used to the place and get contact. Winning in the swingers world is based on:
    - Familiarity and understanding of the scene (you get to understand it more by interacting on a SOCIAL as well as a SEXUAL level with the crowd (the social part offers a different dimension though)
    - Comfort with the scene (remember no swing clubs are the same - and you may happen to frequent one that just does not fit you!) . You get comfortable by knowing the place and its people.
    - How hot your girls are - but you are already know that.
    - Your reputation - SO KEY. Get good rep and you win, bad rep and you are out. Swingers club in my book should not be considered night game, but more as a social circle type of game.
    - Your contacts - networking is everything here. Trust me.

    My advice to you is to drop the whole idea of fucking in a swing-club. Instead you want to get to know the right girls and more importantly the right guys (or couples). In fact most of the people in those clubs are trash... but some of the guests may be high up in the hierarchy. You want to get to know them, become friends with them... and get invited to the private swingers parties... because it is there that you will have all the fun, not in the swing-clubs. Pelusita is an expert at this and he gets invited to wild parties.

    I never got invited to those wild parties, but I have swung with people based on appointments and private meetings outside the club. Much better than swing-club bullshit.

    My opinion on the matter: change your perspective on swingers clubs, it is not a cold approach form of game, but social circle, and you may consider focusing more on using clubs to build a network so that you can get invited to the private swing parties. Just saying.

    PS: I haven't swung since 2014 and I must also note that I did not do it for long (wasn't my thing), but since you currently only have skills to give you advice, I believe my words may be at least a bit useful.

    my AA is more like my approach style I just like going direct cause it works the best for me and eliminates timewasters but at the same time I don't want to be perceived as creepy or make someone to uncomfortable. Conflicting parts of that want to be liked / want to be efficient and get what I want.

    I use cautaba once a week. CAn't say I feel much from it to be honest. I use good stuff too. wild crafted 10 grams. tastes like fucking bark lmao


    • #33
      Unno bro when I go to swing clubs I'm the boss and I bring my girls to it. Advanced game haha the orgys etc. that I have though after I got decent at it 3rd time though I'm often the most alpha or co-alpha of the group.

      I even actually start the approaches I go up with my girls and say can we join while people are playing (feels awks cuz if they're down it's just good but if they're not down you're literally like distracting them from something intamate but it truly is the best way to do it in my experience.) with people playing so far it's been like 1 in 4 out of 12 total sets. so two fourcomes and an orgy (3 girls for the price of one approach)

      for a cold approach pua with a heavy rotation it's super easy when you get the swing of it. a lot of the guys are chodes that go there and heavily rely on the club doing screening for you (hell i do too) but they dont have the ability to bring a fresh girl there as often as I do


      • #34
        with kratom tho bro like if I just use it once or twice a week libido lowering aint that bad the profit u get from approaches might be worth it literally doubled my close rate when I used it. also libido comes back 2x when it bounces back for a bit


        • #35
          It never goes away, does it? I think when you've built up a lot of experience, it can even morph into something different. Sometimes it's approach apathy, I can't be asked is a feeling I sometimes feel when a girl is a little too far and I can't be bothered to invest that much energy to physically get to her. Another seems like approach judgement, lol, I am literally just making these terms up, and that is where I make a judgement call about a girl who I think will not respond positively towards me, based on her looking eerily similar to the kind of girls who had no interest in the past, so I won't approach her either.

          Generally though, yeah your brain still scrambles for excuses as to why it won't work. My favourite one is when you face a scenario where you have previously approached and conquered a girl, yet despite that, when you are in that scenario again, your brain still tells you why it's not a good idea to approach.

          A technique I sometimes use when I am feeling this way prior to an approach is exaggeratedly push my chest out, make a deep sound through my diaphragm, reaffirm perfect posture and go the fuck in.


        • #36
          was talking with my good friend about regrets in life and mine was not going for every 9+ I ever saw. thought of that today at the gym. Got a fucking stunning girls number caught her checking me out though while I was treadmilling. her ass was insane in yoga pants doing squats. Might have her over on saturday. for 9+'s always ideally try to swing the bat. because there aren't that many so you can't just wait around during a daygame sesh. still had the anxiety but basically made a deal with myself. even if it's 1 in 400 chance she'd be down it's worth it because an approach takes like 1-2 minutes + almost nothing bad ever happens. All upside.

          not sure if it's possible to get rid of approach anxiety but those two thoughts and negotations made me able to muster up the courage to just approach cold with no warmup in a sorta high pressure situation like a gym. it helped though they I think she lwas a yes girl and caught her checking me out. dunno why I was sprinting and dont think i look good when im huffing and puffing LOL. looked around the gym though I usually am at least top 20% there are some better looking guys too though but they dont approach so guess that makes me number 1? haha


          • #37
            One thing I have found super useful, something I've started to do in the past 6 months, is just being so into my music, that I start bussing moves wherever I am. I don't full blown dance, but I'll sing away the lyrics and move my hands and head. It's really great in relaxing me and removing any potential anxiety. It's helped develop a 'I don''t give a fuck' attitude. I do it everywhere, in class, on the tube, on the street, in the gym, wherever. It's crazy how many times I catch women smiling at me, when I am in this state. It's a carefree and relaxed attitude that you are conveying. I was just at the gym an hour ago, there is a fitness model who was working out next to me. I've been wanting to speak to her for sometime. In the past, I'd be in a relatively serious state of mind, scheming on how best to approach her. Instead, this time I started dancing right next to her. I caught her glancing from the mirror and smiling. I approached her, we exchanged names and got the ball rolling.

            P.S. You will get a lot guys looking at you, but who gives a fuck about them? You aren't doing this for them, it's for own internal state. I've noticed a lot of black people doing this, and they are great at conveying the 'I don't give a fuck what you think' attitude.


            • Skills360


              Editing a comment
              "where is the mirror?" i was trying to say, you sound like you are doing things i do... aka you sounded like me... no don't do "ta la da ta da" just move your mouth like you actually know the song... thing is unlike most guys here say "no needed" as you can see "fun" "happy" is very attractive and do draw people to you, the problem is you eventually need to switch to seductive...

            • hey_lover


              Editing a comment
              Ah I see. Another thing I been looking into.


              Next time walk up to her like this.

            • Skills360


              Editing a comment
              yeah that walk is "self deprecation" "ridiculous cocky funny" in the context of she knowing is over the top briefly to force a reaction it could work.... Just calibrate so it does not come across like a clown...

          • #38
            when I'm in state I tend to start singing. I'm a singer though so I often have music in my head. maybe consciouslly singing would put me into state. I doubt it but worth a try. I did some busking and I noticed after I finished I was sorta in state as if I had done approaching. Guess anytime you put yourself out there socially your brain turns on.


            • #39

              It never goes away ... I'm starting to think it's a subconscious wiring ... It's a survival wiring mechanism, in the ancient times you'd be risking serious harm approaching a female who belong to an alpha male, there was a high level of possibility that he might just take a stone and crush your brain like a watermelon... thousands of years have re-enforced that thinking.

              Nowadays as you can attest, there is no risk in approaching a woman, taken or not ... in the worst case , less that 0.1% of the times someone might puff up their chest and throw a punch but it would almost never escalate to a level of serious bodily harm.

              Even though that wiring is still there, you can just reinterpret as something positive.... I used to play basket ball in high school and had lot of anxiety before the game start... once the game starts I'm primed and ready to make a killing... so I've normalized to be a bit anxious before an approach and it doesn't bother me as much.

              Once I've said Hi, it's game ON


              • #40
                yeah there's definitely times that I had little to none though so sometimes lends to the notion that it can vanquish. Social momentum definitely helps and certain drugs too (though not sustainable).