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Not making moves and dumming down game

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  • Not making moves and dumming down game

    So this is common situation that happens to me..... A girl likes me, but for some reason the chemistry is not there, so i don't make the moves (back in the days i would fuck this girls, now i am extremely selective)..... Girl start to think "this guy is clueless about women he does not get it..." specially when i know she is sharing that with her female friends.... now i know this is happening, she autorejects, which is what i wanted in the first place myself.... But then my ego gets bruised of the idea that i know she think i am clueless.....Logically i know about outcome Independence, why should i care about this stupid shit, but for some reason it bothers me, i hate feeling like a guy that is clueless perception. I know this most happened to some of you, how you guys handle it...



  • #2
    It's counter productive to dumb your game , long term you'll start normalizing beta behaviors ... Go hard or Don't engage

    Comment


    • #3
      Dont be so hard on yourself. Girls recognize EXACTLY whats up, which is why they dont linger. Remember, this is something girls go through much more often (having to ever so gently create a barrier that stops chemistry from blooming, without ruffling any feathers.)

      Sidnote - since turning 40, my overall libido is more dependent on zinc, sun, carbs and gym moderation, in roughly that order. And when Im low I have a tendency to downgrade most girls below 8 lol.. just something to consider for guys our age.

      Comment


      • #4
        Hey Skills!

        Good topic! No offense to anyone, but I always feel like discussions here stay superficial and no one really digs into the heart of the matter or how to best solve or exploit the issues. Bit unfortunate

        Getting back to your post:

        It's our pet insecurities!

        This is what caused us to get into game in the first place, what we are constantly struggling against and what we develop game to compensate for. Mine is not feeling like I'm attractive enough to my personal 10s, yours is feeling like women think you're clueless about them.

        Note I wrote "feeling like", because who we are is really nothing more than how we "feel", what we feel is "our reality" but it may not be related to how others feel. For instance, in your case, the girl likes you but you don't feel the chemistry, you don't make a move and she goes away. This is where the "objectivity" ends.

        Now afterwards, you feel like she thinks you are clueless and is talking negatively about you to other girls (your pet insecurity). While maybe she was attracted to you in the first place because she "felt like" you were good with women and when you didn't make a move, she may have felt rejected that you didn't want her (her pet insecurity). Now she may or may not have talked about you in a negative way with her girlfriends to save her ego just like guys do, but that is irrelevant as she liked you in the first place.

        So on to your other question. How do I handle this?

        Recognize the trap. It is all about me and my feelings, nothing to do with the girl. So I would focus on always keeping my feelings (some refer to this as "state") where they need to be. The optimal state is different for each one of us.
        Forgive me, as I'm clueless regarding game jargon. I wouldn't know the difference between the older gen and new gen seducers or verbals, etc. So I will describe things according to how I understand them not by terminology used here.

        For example, my insecurity about not feeling like I'm attractive/sexy enough to my personal 10s...Ö
        So if I see my super hot 10 and I get that insecure feeling like I'm not attractive/sexy enough, my brain will freeze and lock up, I won't approach or if I do my game is super weak and I feel like shit afterwards. This will become a self reinforcing trap if I don't break free from it. Correction: I believe that we never break free from our insecurities, we can only distract ourselves long enough to get the job done.

        This state for me is a game killer, I have to make sure I never end up here. It is much easier said than done. The way for me is to feel sexual tension and emotional connection.....that is where my focus needs to be and what my entire "game" is built around.

        So going back to my example, if I see that super hot 10, I need to figure out a way to feel sexual tension or an emotional connection with her. Even if I don't feel the sexual tension or emotional connection or I'm feeling insecure, I look for ways to change the way I feel, I am essentially "gaming" myself. I try to find something about her that I can latch onto and focus on, could be a body part, the way she moves or something my intuition perceives about her etc.

        You need to figure out where your game is most efficient, when and how you get into the "zone". This is the main focus of many professional athletes, it's what separates the best from the average. My game is most efficient or I'm in the "zone" when I feel sexual tension and am surrounded by it, then everything flows naturally on auto-pilot.

        Figure out what your optimal "zone" or state is and learn to get there as often as possible.

        Hope this made sense.

        -Razorjack

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        • Dr Feelgood

          Dr Feelgood

          commented
          Editing a comment
          awesome post
          funny sidenote:
          When I watched RSD Julien's youtube videos (the pu-related have been taken down recently) and read your archive I always felt like you share some very essential insight.

      • #5
        Razorjack thanks for the response, interesting take, i do know is mental but it does not affect my state, it happens in 2 scenarios:

        -as i said in the op when i dumb down game and don't make moves.

        - when i have been with a girl previously (sexually or messing around) and she is present and seeing me in the clubs gaming or trying to game other women, i get anxiety of she seeing me gaming....


        the first scenario which is the op, does not affect my state/game

        the second scenario totally affects my game/state and gives me anxiety... So what i do is go to another part of the club or venue...

        I will however field test what you are saying of getting into that "optimal zone" (gwm 1 gets into the sexual, nice you combine it with emotional super hard to do that)

        If I see that super hot 10, I need to figure out a way to feel sexual tension or an emotional connection with her. Even if I don't feel the sexual tension or emotional connection or I'm feeling insecure, I look for ways to change the way I feel, I am essentially "gaming" myself. I try to find something about her that I can latch onto and focus on, could be a body part, the way she moves or something my intuition perceives about her etc.


        Comment


        • allmyfriendsaredead
          Editing a comment
          why do you want to get into an optimal zone just to have a girl that you don’t like like you. you shouldn’t need her approval. find a girl you like and game her. how fulfilled would you feel the next day if you “got into the zone” enough to game and bed a girl you didn’t even care about. at some point it’s important to become a chooser and not just take what you can get. just my two cents. with all due respect, you sound pretty desperate for female approval.

        • Grodmeister General
          Editing a comment
          thought the same allmyfriendsaredead ! who cares about what some girl you dont like thinks if you reject her.

      • #6
        Originally posted by ijjjji View Post
        Dont be so hard on yourself. Girls recognize EXACTLY whats up, which is why they dont linger. Remember, this is something girls go through much more often (having to ever so gently create a barrier that stops chemistry from blooming, without ruffling any feathers.)

        Sidnote - since turning 40, my overall libido is more dependent on zinc, sun, carbs and gym moderation, in roughly that order. And when Im low I have a tendency to downgrade most girls below 8 lol.. just something to consider for guys our age.


        Ijjji this is a great take, i will survey female friends about it...... To your second point, i take zink, vitamin d, maca, gym, dunno about to many carbs i favor protain due to the feeling of being full vs carbs, but i do intake decent amount of carbs.


        Comment


        • #7
          just eject yourself from the set if youíre not into her. itís not rocket science. screening and being selective is what girls do. if you eject yourself youíll walk away ego intact. outcome independence is a myth.

          Comment


          • #8
            @Razorjack: pls post more, I've learned a lot from reading your stuff already

            Skills360 :
            1. Practice curiousity. Most people have a goal in mind and feel bad/will stop doing what they do if they believe they aren't at least going in the right direction. By that, they'll often create the situation they fear in the first place. Like, you really like a woman and fear she doesn't like you as much and you'll look like a fool, so you stop investing in her. She thinks "Damn perhaps he's not that into me after all!" and stop investing as well. This can be prevented by investing in her just because you want to. It's probably what people around here mean when they say "outcome-independence", but that's like saying "Don't think of a pink elephant". It's easier to call it "curiosity", because it's a positive concept: "Let's see what might happen if I do X".

            2. Chose whose opinion you care about. You won't be able to be liked/respected by anyone. Doesn't matter how you chose, you'll always be less attractive to or offend some people. So that 10 talks bad about you to her friends: Is she someone you actually care about? If yes, can you change your behaviour in ways that benefit you, too? If yes, why not. If no, it's her problem, not yours.

            3. Overcome the need for crutches: It can be useful to use certain tools to experience a certain state/situation you might not be able to imagine without them. But in the long run, it's worthwhile to get rid of the crutches and rely just on who you are authentically. If you feel partly ashamed when imagining a woman you're interested seeing you game others, your game still seems to be in the "crutch"-state and isn't yet fully integrated with who you are.

            Jester
            Bunterrichten - Alternativen zum Unter-richten:

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            • #9
              Originally posted by Skills360 View Post
              So this is common situation that happens to me..... A girl likes me, but for some reason the chemistry is not there, so i don't make the moves (back in the days i would fuck this girls, now i am extremely selective)..... Girl start to think "this guy is clueless about women he does not get it..." specially when i know she is sharing that with her female friends.... now i know this is happening, she autorejects, which is what i wanted in the first place myself.... But then my ego gets bruised of the idea that i know she think i am clueless.....Logically i know about outcome Independence, why should i care about this stupid shit, but for some reason it bothers me, i hate feeling like a guy that is clueless perception. I know this most happened to some of you, how you guys handle it...
              This at times used to shock me when it happened, and at times I could knee jerk get offended by getting that label.
              My general reaction is to laugh and keep things light. Essentially mocking her for making it too serious. Just like I'd mock a guy for getting twisted up about a girl. (she is being silly but shes emotionally investing so can't see it)
              Girls are going to judge and "stick" on ideas, you need to not take it as too serious and more just her projecting in order to self protect.

              To me, what freaks me out is, like music videos of girls smashing things and crying because "a guy didn't call". I'm like "don't be this crazy ok, especially because you can feel that way based on nothing".

              My point is...
              Girls EMOTIONS have a role in things, and emotions aren't always right, and screw towards a girls doubts and fears. In this case the fear of disappointment leads girls to put that on the guy.
              You just learn to kind of handle girls "emotional side" a bit, and then laugh and be light.


              I dunno... I have loved some girls for sure... and well... emotions come into shit. You learn how they are.
              But the truth is never as sharp as the emotions make it all. It requires some calm and confidence. And as the guy you provide some of that (but they might hate you for it as much as like it).
              That said, guys and girls will fight over stuff like this...
              But you just have to keep your cool anyway, and not need her to act all swollen up about you to get how shes feeling.
              And you let it go.


              Comment


              • #10
                ok guys thanks for the responses this went to the topics of state, validation etc....(the idea i care about rejection or being liked by women or people in general shows you are not familiar with my stuff)


                let me clarify my problem is not a validation problem or state problem...


                but a SELF problem(pride on my craft sort of speak) in the way it bothers me a bit, but yes I totally understand i should not care, but i do care a lot about the SKILL SET, i worked hard to cultivate, let say you are a good at _________ it does bother me the perception that he is not good at that, when is not the reality...


                Comment


                • allmyfriendsaredead
                  Editing a comment
                  with all due respect it’s ego bro. even the way you come at it that you must do this or that for her to like you. maybe if you got over yourself for a minute you wouldn’t have to worry about girls not being interested because you didn’t bring your a game. i’m just calling a spade a spade because everyone else here probably co-signs your shit. sorry for being blunt but i’m just being honest with you. it seems like you come from a place of low value and use game to value yourself. doesn’t mean you’ve always been this way or always will. your whole post reads needy and insecure. again, i’m sorry i know your respected here. but someone needs to tell you the truth.

              • #11
                Originally posted by Skills360 View Post
                ok guys thanks for the responses this went to the topics of state, validation etc....(the idea i care about rejection or being liked by women or people in general shows you are not familiar with my stuff)


                let me clarify my problem is not a validation problem or state problem...


                but a SELF problem(pride on my craft sort of speak) in the way it bothers me a bit, but yes I totally understand i should not care, but i do care a lot about the SKILL SET, i worked hard to cultivate, let say you are a good at _________ it does bother me the perception that he is not good at that, when is not the reality...
                Maybe key is to close it down in a skillful way then?

                Often closing it confidently will Settle things and give me a good feel. rather than leave things in the open. Means i actively close it and move on. Feels more purposeful in doing it - mobilisning a momentum+ state. Pretty simple. But gives a strong finish for me.
                Heard you not the type that you take home to mom

                Glows Log

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                • #12
                  Originally posted by glow View Post

                  Maybe key is to close it down in a skillful way then?
                  .
                  Definitely which is what allmyfriends are dead is saying as well.... The thing is when i slip for some reason, usually either distraction or rust or the worst empathy or when the girl flips it (she tries to influence me to stay there with her, and then she does the rejection) the last one which is what happened to me this weekend is the one that totally pisses me off... i feel like a tool...as i said is an ego thing, and i know it is and i would answer like "who the fuck cares move on" but i can't help the internal annoyance/bother me...

                  now that i think about it (brainstorming and listening to you guys, i think i am getting to my sticky inner game problem)

                  so my problem really is when i feel Tooled or manipulated or gamed by a girl/or people in general, it totally annoys the shit out of me, specially when there is 0 need to do so, like again the girl of this weekend... I mean i am glad cause i know i was right in my gut feeling and that is just a shitty person....

                  As cosy says i just hate some of the things women do in way of actions to preserve their ego.


                  Comment


                  • allmyfriendsaredead
                    Editing a comment
                    you’re allowing her full control of the frame because you don’t want to upset her. what’s going on with you is a habit that needs broken. failure to break the habit will further reinforce these negative thoughts. you don’t even have to say a word. just turn around and walk away.

                  • Skills360

                    Skills360

                    commented
                    Editing a comment
                    I know the girl and messed around with the girl before and have her on instagram...so that is why i did not do what you suggested

                • #13
                  Why don't you friend zone her and just disqualify yourself like you normally do? So they know you aren't clueless and that you just aren't interested. I think you enjoy the feeling of keeping it open and having the power to say no to gagging pussy. After all, it's not something many men ever get to experience. I think you are just the male equivalent of a girl who enjoys the attention from a guy, even though she has no interest in sleeping with him, and won't like it if that attention disappears.

                  Comment


                  • #14
                    Originally posted by Skills360 View Post

                    so my problem really is when i feel Tooled or manipulated or gamed by a girl/or people in general, it totally annoys the shit out of me, specially when there is 0 need to do so, like again the girl of this weekend... I mean i am glad cause i know i was right in my gut feeling and that is just a shitty person....
                    Well i think its a healthy reaction to get annoyed in that situation. Or dislike it.
                    just sounds like the reaction goes out of proportion for you which shakes your centre and overtakes your focus/state?
                    I would dig in behind that...figure out the why of it.
                    im sure theres a good reason.
                    Heard you not the type that you take home to mom

                    Glows Log

                    Comment


                    • #15
                      Mostly an ego thing, as you already acknowledge in your OP.
                      That necessity to prove "I'm the best" all the time, even when the situation says otherwise, needs to be worked outside of game IMO.

                      Two possible solutions:
                      1) game her hard and satisfy that need, as the other guys said, untill you figure out the cause;
                      2) take the social route, be friendly, but don't spend any time with them when you're gaming. Save the ego satisfaction for those specific moments;

                      Don't beat yourself, having a large ego usually means you are having success on whatever you're doing...gotta keep it in check though.


                      personal blog: https://realpob.wordpress.com/

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