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how to become a more likeable guy without giving your balls away? (lack of social skills?)

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  • how to become a more likeable guy without giving your balls away? (lack of social skills?)

    Yo guys,

    I am writing this post a bit sad about my latest epiphanies (https://nextasf.com/forum/nextasf/ge...days-with-cosy) I had. I come from a very unsocial background. I was raised only by my mom and we never hung out with anybody else. I never observed any socializing. I wasn't part of a a sports team. And for some years I was bullied in school and hung out with other outsiders. This is a long, long time ago. But I notice that I still lack social skills.

    Yes, I have managed to fuck some hot girls thanks to pickup. Yes, I have great friends (from before PU). But what I lack the most is connecting and vibing with a person. I am really bad in group settings and social settings. And I don't want that anymore, it makes me depressed. And I feel like shit now. Take what happened to me today as an example (things like that happen to me often)

    I was in a new work environment (I work for a media company). So I went in very positive. Said hello to people, gave people a warm smile. Talked to them, was curious about them. After a while I started to notice two things:

    a) people didn't ask me questions about me
    b) when I was in a group of 3 people, the person talking was always looking way more to the other person than me.

    This made me sad. And it also fucked with my ego. Since I know that I can give people a good time (like I did with hot girls) and still people don't seem to care about me.


    So at the end of the day, there were several groups standing, reorganizing to new groups, splitting oup, forming new groups again (imagine just a normal outside environment where people talk to each other). And I always had to look for an opportunity not to stand around like an idiot. When I talked to people they would sometimes (!) not answer me?!

    Mean while I got countless IOIs (no I am not deluded, I recognize that very well). But girls 90% of the time supress their curiosity towards me. Like they only look at me when I look away. While to other guys they behave warm.

    Like take this girl for example. I talked to her two months ago. We greeted each other when I arrived (just a hello + smile). Then when I was sitting down and she had to do something very close to me this interesting dialogue happend:


    Her: So, how's it going there?
    Me: Fine, just leaning back
    Her: Yeah, like always hein, what's your job even her? (challenging me, right?)
    Me: You know, just supervising
    Her: Ah yeah, and you don't write XYZ, right? (inside joke, another challenge)
    Me:???
    Her: Ah, you didn't know that it was me who called you and asked for XYZ, right? (next challenge?)

    Then later with the same girl: somebody put away my jacket. And I asked around. The girl opened the car and my jacket was there.

    Her: Ah, you probably thought I stole the jacket because I'm from a foreign country.
    Me: Ah no, I like people from foreign countries. we're both in the foreign country club
    Her: Ah, you're from XYZ country (she remembers from 2 months ago but challenges me again on it), that doesn't count.
    Me: you were from..?
    Her: Libanon
    Me: Ah, cool. I bought some Libanese food recently, I liked it.

    conversation fades out, don't remember.

    was that a) she disrespecting me? (she was very nice and bubbly with everybody, but to me this kind of behaviour. I know that she was 100% physically attracted to me)
    b) just a shit-test?

    I very often end up in these competetive frames where either I win (and the vibe is destroyed) or I lose (and my 'strength'/'attraction' is destroyed). Or am I missing something? Am I seeing this completely wrong?

    I often seem to be the guy that a girl doesn't like everybody else to know that she likes me. Like they would not talk to me, ask me lots of stuff in front of everybody. They would surpress their curiosity. So this leads to guys way less attractive for example get better results.

    Kind of feel shitty now. Have no idea how to fix that on my own or with an internet forum. I don't know. It just feels shit to be in a social setting where everybody ask each other questions, has fun with each other except with me lol.

    It feels like people challenge me more than other people. And think I am an asshole (and weak?). It's all so complicating and frustrating to me right now. Two days ago, I fucked an 8,5 and had a 9 hour night with her + super hardcore connecting (her telling me how nice of a person I am, how she will fall in love with me, what I nice character I am, how sexy I am etc.). Today nobody even asked me one single stupid sincere question out of 20 people I talked to and worked with.

    Don't get me wrong I also have good times when people do ask me questions and do want to get to know me. But I am talking about everyday life. I don't know. I crave connections to other human beings so much. But most of the time I don't know how to get it without being disrespected or ....whatever. I am tired and angry-sad now.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Dr Feelgood View Post

    Don't get me wrong I also have good times when people do ask me questions and do want to get to know me. But I am talking about everyday life. I don't know. I crave connections to other human beings so much. But most of the time I don't know how to get it without being disrespected or ....whatever. I am tired and angry-sad now.
    part of fixing it is ... unfortunately... growing to hate it

    its a realisation that stings, mixed with just the normal knee-jerk fuck this sucks reaction

    Its not as bad as you think
    But moreso, you are more aware now so are likely experiencing hyper sensitivity to it

    I'd say just breathe and relax, trust yourself a little more
    And believe it will come

    You are not inherently shitty at any of it
    You just need time to broaden your awareness of things, both good and bad so you can improve
    That is ok, it is part of learning

    Comment


    • Dr Feelgood

      Dr Feelgood

      commented
      Editing a comment
      thanks for your encouragement, it's true what you say

  • #3
    This describes my experiences as well. In fact, when I saw the title I thought someone had replied to an old thread of mine that was similar.

    id like to know the solution to this too.

    Comment


    • #4
      Sounds like your inner need is to foster genuine human connections so i would focus on that, not the gamey stuff. If/when you start to feel that happening follow those a bit to see how you like that. It might be very simple but provide great joy to start connecting w people beyond the superficial level.

      A few tricks:
      1. Show genuine interest - ask sincere questions about peoples life/interests, do it with several people in groups - be the guy who actively shows interest.
      2. look for real connections vs being likeable. eg with the girls dont "game" - joke along and then ask into their world around work showing sincere interest. aka shift it. Then enjoy the connection as it grows.
      3. learn to be curious . lead yoursef into that when you feel the darkening happening
      4. Aknowledge others - especially in front of others - say thank you and give appreciation in front of other people.
      5. Assume people are interesting and make it an aim to get into that part of them.
      key is to create good emotions with people in a genuine way. Just showing sincere interest tends to give that as you leave people with a nice feel.

      > Whenever you feel you withdraw or darken - do this: Physically open your body language, lift your chin up, smile and switch yourself back into being curious. Like set the intent of it and go from there.
      Heard you not the type that you take home to mom

      Glows Log

      Comment


      • Dr Feelgood

        Dr Feelgood

        commented
        Editing a comment
        I did all of that. but it didn't work. at least yesterday. must've come across insincere or leechy...the day before it worked like a charm

      • Grodmeister General
        Editing a comment
        I was gonna tell you dr feelgood thats not how you get people to like you ask questions to them bla, you make statements you say funny interesting cool shit ,you tell stories , I run a group when im in it cuz I am NOT ASKING QUESTIONS ABOUT THEM , I am making STATEMENTS ABOUT ME!

    • #5
      that woman in that example didnt like ya bruh , a lot dudes on here and in the facebook forums (3sr guys who are not coaches) lack the ablitiy to self evaluate , those were not shit tests bro , those were IODs . But thats neither here or there .....learn 3sr game .....learn to stimulate and captivate people ..and you will get the questions . see this is the skill discovery was talking about , most dudes can only chat with someone asking questions (boring) and or cant tell stories or captivate with one, learning group game has given me the added side benefit of being people to win over groups of people, guess who is the most popular person at the new temp job (meeeee) and read what Imjd wrote about me (super friendly social guyyy) and allymyfriends has met me as well!

      I learned the style I learned to avoid this exact thing many top 3sr coaches talked about , inability to do groups turns you into a seducer a person who can get a girl ina seduction setting but it doesnt make you decent in a SOCIAL setting!

      Comment


      • Dr Feelgood

        Dr Feelgood

        commented
        Editing a comment
        dude, she was attracted to me. I have a good ability for self-evaluation.
        other than that: yep, the skills you describe are those that I have to learn.

    • #6
      Originally posted by Dr Feelgood View Post

      Like take this girl for example. I talked to her two months ago. We greeted each other when I arrived (just a hello + smile). Then when I was sitting down and she had to do something very close to me this interesting dialogue happend:

      Her: So, how's it going there?
      Me: Fine, just leaning back
      Her: Yeah, like always hein, what's your job even her? (challenging me, right?)
      Me: You know, just supervising
      Her: Ah yeah, and you don't write XYZ, right? (inside joke, another challenge)
      Me:???
      Her: Ah, you didn't know that it was me who called you and asked for XYZ, right? (next challenge?)

      Then later with the same girl: somebody put away my jacket. And I asked around. The girl opened the car and my jacket was there.

      Her: Ah, you probably thought I stole the jacket because I'm from a foreign country.
      Me: Ah no, I like people from foreign countries. we're both in the foreign country club
      Her: Ah, you're from XYZ country (she remembers from 2 months ago but challenges me again on it), that doesn't count.
      Me: you were from..?
      Her: Libanon
      Me: Ah, cool. I bought some Libanese food recently, I liked it.

      conversation fades out, don't remember.

      was that a) she disrespecting me? (she was very nice and bubbly with everybody, but to me this kind of behaviour. I know that she was 100% physically attracted to me)

      I often seem to be the guy that a girl doesn't like everybody else to know that she likes me. Like they would not talk to me, ask me lots of stuff in front of everybody. They would surpress their curiosity. So this leads to guys way less attractive for example get better results.

      It feels like people challenge me more than other people. And think I am an asshole (and weak?). It's all so complicating and frustrating to me right now. .
      This girl is shit testing/busting your balls because she is attracted to your Asshole Rockstar attitude (I've not seen the product, but I imagine its about being a piece of shit with girls). As you said in this previous thread, https://nextasf.com/forum/nextasf/ge...-of-shit-tests, you know this attitude gets you super shit tested (so I don't know why this girl's behavior is coming as a surprise to you). BUT here in this example, you are behaving friendly kinda chodey and its turning her off (you are not being congruent with your earlier "asshole" persona she was intrigued by).

      These Asshole/douchebag personality types are not really liked by a lot of people (perhaps why the girls conceal their attraction to you. Your the Secret Society bad boy ), BUT hot girls love these guys. If your gonna go that route, be fully congruent with the asshole persona. If not, drop it, and be more friendly (I don't know how, I'm kind of a dick IRL lol).

      I also wouldn't worry about the guys she is being "nice and buddly" with, because they have zero sex appeal to her. That's why she's not shit testing/challenging them.

      Here is a good example of a fully congruent asshole social guy handling a group of 4 hot girls and AMOGing the incel looking dudes. Notice how he's hated by everyone at first, and then slowly wins them over by being fun and silly (which leads them to start asking questions about HIM) (the 'Kandy' girl LOVES this type of guy).
       

      Comment


      • Velasco

        Velasco

        commented
        Editing a comment
        couldn't add a second link but start this one at 3:30:00

        https://youtu.be/TLgW4ZYGu9M?t=12600

        watch the two girls on the bottom screen (which coincidentally also happen to be the hottest girls )

      • Dr Feelgood

        Dr Feelgood

        commented
        Editing a comment
        thanks for your c omment and reminding me of what I forgot (about the asshole rockstar thing).
        indeed one guy that was in charge for the music thought I was the band leader lol


        it's just that I actually wanted to connect with the people that I worked there. get to know some people you know. not just being competetive with the one girl, get her number and fuck her. you know? and her giving me these challenges made me realize: okay, you are perceived as this asshole guy. thats why nobody wants to talk to you. thats why girls dont openly show their attraction for you and hide it.

      • Dr Feelgood

        Dr Feelgood

        commented
        Editing a comment
        I would disagree with one thing you wrote:

        the guys she is bubbly with. yes girls will fuck them. warmth + little bit of attraction is enough.

    • #7
      I am shitty in groups as well. One on one is much easier for me. I have read a few books on social skills I just haven't made the time to practice group interactions. There is not a whole lot on group interactions as well. Mystey Method seems to be the best source. One on one I have found being genuinely interested is very good. Listening asking questions. Group conversations focus on the most popular people and you are competiting with the attention from the group with them in most cases. The books that made the most sense to me had these advice:

      Locate the person who is standing on the outskirts of the group kinda quiet or not participating as much as the others. Make friends with them the others will be warmer to you and then you can win them over.

      Pretend you are the alpha of the group. Initiate topics and talk over the alpha others to do it. This may be rude but the alpha members of the group do this to people regularly. It may make them mad because they are now competing with you and they don't want to give up the platform. This one is going to piss some people off so beware but some of the members of the group will accept your dominance and will become your friend. If this is a work related environment you may opt not to do this.

      3sr Mystery Method game I think would be the best to learn.

      Comment


      • #8
        Dr. Feel good i recommend you to work on your mindset it seems little stuff gets to you, (which since joining the community is one of the things till this day i still don't get, community guys are the most sensitive dudes ever, i joke around this in my videos)

        I really recommend you to get the book psycho cybernetics this version I have the audiobook

        Usually when joining a new group i am a bit quiet if i do not know the group for the first few minutes i do this to buy time to asses personalities, group dynamics etc... to see how i will take over the group.... This take anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes...

        I experience during this, a lot of thing you described in your samples, then after i take over the group...

        Velasco video is ok, the dude does a lot of things i do, but he did a lot of unnecessary things, but yeah that is the right idea if it matches your personality (don't know if it does)

        The girl in the sample was flirting/shit testing but the way you handle things from women is you take what they give you an expand in a way that subcommunicate different things (this could include fun) but always subcommunicating sexuality in the underlining or masculinity or any attractive masculine qualities, for example you can see how the best guys take any little thing given and super expand and subcomunicate attractive masculine shit....

        Also i am surprised that a very simple shit test you did not know how to handle and after being in the community sooo long you apologize which dries vaginas...

        with shit test, ignore, agree, amplify or my seinfeld technique (totally come with something ridiculous, actually the dude in velasco video did that technique i talk about here read this post on shit test)


        Her: Ah, you probably thought I stole the jacket because I'm from a foreign country.
        Me: Ah no, I like people from foreign countries. we're both in the foreign country club (boring)

        skills: How did you know (super angry face and scary demeanor) i was about to call security/police....


        Her: Ah, you're from XYZ country (she remembers from 2 months ago but challenges me again on it), that doesn't count.

        me: nah i am from heaven according to my mom

        her: haha, nah you told me you were from...

        me: you know what they say about (country you are from)

        and frame and expand etc...

        your convo was dull....

        Actually that is race/nationality is my favorite segway to second generations...


        Comment


        • Dr Feelgood

          Dr Feelgood

          commented
          Editing a comment
          thanks for ur comment. I will check out the book.
          I know the conversation was shit.
          Was I unable to have a good comeback for her shit-test? no.
          I was just not willing to do it the asshole-style like you described. Can I do this? oh yes. But I wanted to develop into a more nice dude in social settings.
          it was just that I was trying to go for the nice route, getting to know everybody. and it just mentally fucked with me that this girl and others couldn't just be nice to me as well.

          the asshole style works very well for me. but I am not content with the lifestyle that it gives me.

        • Skills360

          Skills360

          commented
          Editing a comment

      • #9
        My theory on not giving your balls away is very simple.
        Don't work from double binds, where you are screwed if you do something and screwed if you don't.
        Always work from situations where you will be ok if you fail, and in ok shape if you succeed, and neither is game ending.

        So, I will look at how I'm approaching a situation and I'll identify that I'm in a double bind, I'll stop and reassess to get out of it, then I'll say "it should be that i fail with dignity, and when i succeed i move to the next step calmly".

        From this, I realise that all perceptions of "losing your balls" is a false reality. And the reality I seek to see things from is the one where me and the girl are very naturally getting along. I consider it the true reality and that anything less is "sunken below the normal state". So I just return things to the real world, the real world being, there are none of these double binds of losing your balls.

        Its weak to think you always need to sack up.
        But that doesnt mean, you can passively expect respect.
        No no, its more like, your perception and interaction mode, has to elicit respect by its natural momentum and that you need to learn that this is a natural state of things. I used to use memories of doing it right to remind me that it was real and true to get me out of bad headspaces.


        Its weird but generally, you will try to win respect and momentum at the same time by shooting out comments, BL, and game, but it will get shut down.
        You don't want to do that, you want to observe you are in that frame of mind, and then do some mental jujitsu where you flip the situattion on its head.
        Where you are not trying to win respect taken from you, but rather, embodying the respect that is already naturally going to be there.
        Once you embody the respect, you wont need to fight for it, people will just nod and agree that it is in the right place and comfort you.

        That is normal, not extroardinary. But as guys, we often slip into little pockets of despair cuz we see this other side of reality where we get ignored n stuff.
        You just gotta learn to be vigilant and know that certain perceptions of reality are there only to fool you into believing you suck.
        And you react in an appropriate manner (not a cocky or assholish manner) to repair it back to normal by adjusting expectations of your success aswell as your failure.

        If all results are MODERATE, both in rejection and success, there is no need for ego to get out of control, nor an argument to take place over who has balls.
        Moderate being, if rejected you all leave with your dignity, and if you succeed you don't win EVERYTHING, you just move to the next step.

        Comment


        • #10
          shit tests in the way i outlined it are handled by being genuine in response to her "challenge". This will dedramatize and handle shit tests too making you lead a new vibe towards genuine connections. This very way to handle it will build respect since its a light way to softly surf it and just move things in a better direction. And it has a harmonizing calming effect on the women literally slicing away their bs/drama if thats their reaction.

          This is inside game if you wanna understand the seductive aspect of it.

          if the nuance of their challenge is playful a flirty shit-handlng approach is what i do as its a playful shit test drawing her energy into flirt/fun.

          thats just how i do it.

          Under my apparent soft way there is a subtle form of authority where you lead through active questioning and grounded confidence. under that you can hold a respect creating authority or confidence that is way more nuanced than the misperceived offensive "alphas". i find calm powerfulness much more interesting than loudness and socalled alpha-bs. Respect for the powerful is way deeper. Dark versions of that is like Tywin Lanister in the game of thrones vs the big warriors in the front lines. Tyrion lanistors social presence is way more likeable but still he has authority too. Just to underline that authority comes in many forms - choose how you want to obtain respect.

          subtle things like how you put weight in your sayings etc. Authorithy of the mind. etc

          in work situations the gamey alpha way is often bad for collaboration and limits your capacity.

          i personally like a subtle grounded confidence where the force is used to lead pleasant sides and genuine connections.

          just to say there are many way not to loose balls. part of it is to not fighting for it. Own your balls if you will.

          ----
          Btw - i especailly write al this because of the following:
          Originally posted by Dr Feelgood View Post
          But what I lack the most is connecting and vibing with a person. I am really bad in group settings and social settings. And I don't want that anymore, it makes me depressed. And I feel like shit now. Take what happened to me today as an example (things like that happen to me often)

          I was in a new work environment (I work for a media company). So I went in very positive. Said hello to people, gave people a warm smile. Talked to them, was curious about them. After a while I started to notice two things:
          This is much more like social circle setting.
          in the company beware that people wear masks and have agendas too. they are busy. focussed on issues, working on things etc.
          Dependent on the culture of the place and time of being their reactions may be a lot more due to the environment vs. you. so take it into account
          and theres prob an established hierarchy which you need to understand and work alongside.

          most of the cold approach gamey theory should be trashed since SC in a WORK SETTING is a totally different beast.

          lovesystem/braddocs social circle game gave me a lot of good understandings of settings like this. maybe check it out.
          Heard you not the type that you take home to mom

          Glows Log

          Comment


          • #11
            Okay guys, thanks for all the answers.


            Lots of things are right. Yes I fucked up the interaction with that one girl. Yes, she considered me an asshole so she shit-tested me on that and was pseudo-rude to me. Why did I freak out? Well the whole day I've been trying to be nice to people. But still, I came across as this insencere asshole. I just wanted to have a nice normal conversation. But people constantly challenge me out of nowhere. So when I am not my asshole-mode I appear weak (like I did with the girl) but when I am I succeed with some and polarize loads of people away. From all the IOIs I got I know that a couple of girls would've liked to be with me. So why am I negative about it? Well, coming across like I apparently do, it's always a battle. Girls don't make it easy for you. They surpress their curiosity, they act aloof. They don't compliment you. They don't open up easily towards you. But it's not about that particular girl. It was about the whole situation. I just wanted to be "part" of the people there. But in the end I stood there alone like an idiot. Yeah of course I could've gathered some phone numbers and maybe fucked them. But I wanted to be a warm person. When you are like that, people and girls come like bees to the honey. They ask you out, they get your phone number etc. For a long time I have accepted the fact that I am more like the lone wolf guy. The black sheep. And girls are attracted to it. On a wedding there was one girl giving me nothing but when we happened to be alone she wanted me to fuck her. But did I have anything sustainable from that? no.

            What I finally realized when I was with Cosy is: people with warmth have an easier life. they are approachable, they are easy to talk to, easy to connect with. And connection is what I have been missing in my entire life so far. It's something that I want but due to a lack of experience not able to get. Opening up, looking for the connection and getting rejected hurts. It hurts way more than being a douchebag and getting rejected.

            It was not about the girl that I didn't get. It was about the entire setting that didn't seem to care about me. What's it worth getting some IOIs from girls thinking (oh, that's a cool badboy) whatever?
            The day before I was with a beautiful girl, a really nice person both inside and outside. And we spent 9 hours (our third date), we couldn't fall asleep, we were talking, cooking, dancing, singing to each other, I put her in my clothes, I wore her dresses (lol). I have never come so close to a person (especially within 3 dates). We were telling each other dark shit from our past etc. We fucked each others' brain out. Both physically and mentally naked in front of each other. That's what I want. Share a good time with people. Connect, find out about them

            Then there are these fucking rollercoasters. One day I am so easy connected with anybody, the other day people reject me left and right ( yeah, it's energy, mental and vibe work). This shit triggers the fuck out of me. Saw these 5-6 young people (my age) bantering around, having fun, sharing a good moment. Me outside, getting in my head: "again, it's always been like this, remember what happened in the past, in your childhood, in your family...."

            Talking about the double bind: Tough for me to find the balance between not being too nice (people quickly lose respect, happend to me too often) and not being too aloof/distant (people dislike you).


            Or did I just come across annoying, low value, supplicating?


            I don't know. I just feel very discouraged. Sad.

            Comment


            • thecostofsuccess

              thecostofsuccess

              commented
              Editing a comment
              don't let it crush you
              ... this awareness is part of being a warmer person... why?
              it means you care
              and when you care, shit going the wrong way stings
              just stick with it, you'll find an epiphany

              being open to change like you are, is huuuuuuge
              not many people can do it
              it hurts like fuck

              its easy to be fearless when you treat shit as "meh"
              its much more impactful on your fears when you treat it equal to something you want and give a shit about

              that said, there is a way to be kind of "cool" about being warm
              less desperado for it, more just "hell yeah warm is great"

              take it a step at a time, no one changes overnight

            • Grodmeister General
              Editing a comment
              dr feelgood why is it be social and not fuck women or be an asshole or fuck women to you, I do both at the same time, im social with the group and pull the girl outta the group !!! they are not seperate bro!

          • #12
            Originally posted by Dr Feelgood View Post
            .
            Then there are these fucking rollercoasters. One day I am so easy connected with anybody, the other day people reject me left and right ( yeah, it's energy, mental and vibe work). This shit triggers the fuck out of me. Saw these 5-6 young people (my age) bantering around, having fun, sharing a good moment. Me outside, getting in my head: "again, it's always been like this, remember what happened in the past, in your childhood, in your family...."

            Talking about the double bind: Tough for me to find the balance between not being too nice (people quickly lose respect, happend to me too often) and not being too aloof/distant (people dislike you).


            Or did I just come across annoying, low value, supplicating?


            I don't know. I just feel very discouraged. Sad.

            Pick up is tough! is not easy dealing with the rollercoster, rejctions and ups and down for years and years.... Which is why even the top gurus end up settling down........

            "Neediness is when you prioritize the perceptions of others over the perception of yourself. "


            Your behavior scream neediness in the subcommunication (based on what you have wrote in the op and other responses.

            Getting to the meh level of careless ness a true and real (no fake) i don't give a fuck, shrug attitude is were is at...Usually comes as a result of a lot of abundance...


            Comment


            • #13
              Originally posted by Skills360 View Post


              Pick up is tough! is not easy dealing with the rollercoster, rejctions and ups and down for years and years.... Which is why even the top gurus end up settling down........

              "Neediness is when you prioritize the perceptions of others over the perception of yourself. "


              Your behavior scream neediness in the subcommunication (based on what you have wrote in the op and other responses.

              Getting to the meh level of careless ness a true and real (no fake) i don't give a fuck, shrug attitude is were is at...Usually comes as a result of a lot of abundance...
              Skills, I couldn't agree more. I am needy right now. But what is the reason for my neediness? It's not that I couldn't create abundance for myself. Of course I could be the guy that I always was. Be content with it. Give a fuck about other people's opinion. But I want to change. I want to change. I want to be warmer with people and I want people to connect with me. So it is a balancing act between being needy and being the right amount of considerate. How could I not be needy? I feel like I am in a phase where I actually have to prioritize the perception of others (no I will not sacrifice my core as a human being for that of course) in order to make the right adjustments. I feel it's about finding a new way of presenting myself (not changing entirely who I am)

              Comment


              • #14
                Originally posted by Dr Feelgood View Post

                Skills, I couldn't agree more. I am needy right now. But what is the reason for my neediness? It's not that I couldn't create abundance for myself. Of course I could be the guy that I always was. Be content with it. Give a fuck about other people's opinion. But I want to change. I want to change. I want to be warmer with people and I want people to connect with me. So it is a balancing act between being needy and being the right amount of considerate. How could I not be needy? I feel like I am in a phase where I actually have to prioritize the perception of others (no I will not sacrifice my core as a human being for that of course) in order to make the right adjustments. I feel it's about finding a new way of presenting myself (not changing entirely who I am)

                hey man this is what people misunderstand, behavior aspect in your case you assume "being warmer"=connection..... Vs other styles like "cocky/jerky/ball buster" = not being warm=not connection....


                I would argue the more polarizing styles come across as more honest and more genuine vs the warmer style... But regardless it is what ever is congruent with who you are at the end of the day....

                Trying to be a dick as technique is = bad (most puas that got bullied overcompensate with this, they are wack= a mean unattractive guy

                Trying to be warm/nice as a technique is=bad

                Being congruent is where it is at with whoever you are


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                • #15
                  this is what i keep saying about learning these fuck a girl fast and not qualify or get rapport methods you will get what you put work into , the find lonewolves without group methods ...all that shit doesnt build socia lskills and allow you to increase social capital ...the group stuff .while harder and a longer learning curve , Will give you both social and seduction skills , other methods are one or the other!

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