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Being verbally aggressive in a social situation does not make you unpopular - on the contrary!

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  • Being verbally aggressive in a social situation does not make you unpopular - on the contrary!

    This post is about an observation I made a couple of days ago. I always thought being explicitly aggressive in a social situation would not be good for my standing in that group, because it's the opposite of being "relaxed" and "carefree". But this recent situation made me think differently:

    I am in a mixed group of around 10 people, 3 male, 7 female. We know each other from work and have known each other for a while now. We talk chitchat back and forth for several hours. I'm my laid back self as always, but at one point one of the other males starts to publicly questioning my masculinity. In a very calm tone I say firmly, ignoring what he said specifically:

    "Im gonna murder you. Im gonna break every bone in your body".

    The room went quiet. A few of the girls started to laugh. Things went back to chitchat. I did not get a single negative reaction from anyone. The guy was very congruent with me from then on (laughed at my jokes etc). One of the girls that is friends with him gave me DDBL shortly after. In addition, she just added me on facebook.

    The key IMO is this: be laid back in a social group, but as soon as another male starts to question your authority, punish him immediately with a verbal threat, while staying calm. He will respect you for it. Women will respect you for it. Your social status will only go up, not down.

  • #2
    Originally posted by wolfpack View Post
    This post is about an observation I made a couple of days ago. I always thought being explicitly aggressive in a social situation would not be good for my standing in that group, because it's the opposite of being "relaxed" and "carefree". But this recent situation made me think differently:

    I am in a mixed group of around 10 people, 3 male, 7 female. We know each other from work and have known each other for a while now. We talk chitchat back and forth for several hours. I'm my laid back self as always, but at one point one of the other males starts to publicly questioning my masculinity. In a very calm tone I say firmly, ignoring what he said specifically:

    "Im gonna murder you. Im gonna break every bone in your body".

    The room went quiet. A few of the girls started to laugh. Things went back to chitchat. I did not get a single negative reaction from anyone. The guy was very congruent with me from then on (laughed at my jokes etc). One of the girls that is friends with him gave me DDBL shortly after. In addition, she just added me on facebook.

    The key IMO is this: be laid back in a social group, but as soon as another male starts to question your authority, punish him immediately with a verbal threat, while staying calm. He will respect you for it. Women will respect you for it. Your social status will only go up, not down.
    hey WolfPK, I think there is A LOT of good stuff that you said here
    I think/know, however, a lot of guys are going to criticize what you are saying

    there's this thing in the PU community that gets overblown- "Don't be reactive!"
    while the intentions of that statement are good (to teach FRAME CONTROL), for the average guy trying "not to be reactive," he ends gets pushed around by women, men and everyone and becomes a bigger pussy because he's been told "not to be reactive" and he's less assertive.. this happened to me a little bit

    so before people yell at you- I'm going to say that I agree with much of what you said
    rather than "Don't Be Reactive".... I say "DO WHAT YOU WANT"

    whatever you do, it should be to maintain a good state
    if that is nothing.. then do that
    if that is yelling at someone... then do that
    if that is walking away... then do that
    if that is whispering a threat to him... then do that
    proactive behavior (do what you want) > don't be reactive

    another thing that works is simply grabbing the girl's hand and saying "this guy is annoying, lets go over here"
    or stepping in front and backturning the guy that is being annoying
    whispering verbal threats can work too but probably try that last (unless you want to do it first)

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Good Looking Loser View Post
      whatever you do, it should be to maintain a good state.
      Thats an excellent way to look at it. I hadn't been able to put my finger on what it was that I never liked about this "be unreactive" thing.

      Do what you want. You hit the nail on the head.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by hangman View Post
        Thats an excellent way to look at it. I hadn't been able to put my finger on what it was that I never liked about this "be unreactive" thing.

        Do what you want. You hit the nail on the head.
        thanks man.. i have a lot to say on this subject- but it all comes back to that
        if a guy finds himself constantly getting sidetracked or in physical/verbal altercations then that's a different story obviously.. and that's worth looking at.. but verbal/physical conflict is pretty rare- people don't want conflict

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Good Looking Loser View Post

          so before people yell at you- I'm going to say that I agree with much of what you said
          rather than "Don't Be Reactive".... I say "DO WHAT YOU WANT"

          whatever you do, it should be to maintain a good state
          if that is nothing.. then do that
          if that is yelling at someone... then do that
          if that is walking away... then do that
          if that is whispering a threat to him... then do that
          proactive behavior (do what you want) > don't be reactive
          Thanks for the feedback, GLL. You are correct that "don't be reactive" , "be unattached, carefree" is the rule that I just broke.

          The thing you mention about maintaining a good state is very interesting! I did not look at it that way until you mentioned it, but that is exactly what I did. I maintained a great state by putting that guy in his place.

          In similar situations in the past where I did not give a clear verbally aggressive statement my good state actually went down.

          So yeah, the goal of your reaction should indeed be maintenance of good state. In my case it was being verbally aggressive, but other guys may maintain their state in other ways. And that good mental state is the place where you want to be in order for good things happen in from your interactions with others.

          Comment


          • #6
            you got it brotha.. its all about YOU
            exactly

            guys that seem to get into lots of physical/verbal fights (rare) are generally in a worse state after
            but those guys aren't going out for pussy though, they are going out for validation (from other people)

            "dont be reactive" to teach/learn frame control makes sense... i feel it's just taken too far for the average guy who's just starting out

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Good Looking Loser View Post

              "dont be reactive" to teach/learn frame control makes sense... i feel it's just taken too far for the average guy who's just starting out
              "Don't be reactive" may be better as "Maintain your good state" which GENERALLY involves "keeping an even keel" but allows you you to be responsive to threats, AMOGS, etc..

              Comment


              • #8
                Just to clarify: unreactive = not being emotionally affected by how people respond to you. As long as there is no shift in your state you are not "reactive" by definition. Thats also how you can pass a shit test. "You are a jerk!" "Yes (with a smile)" as long as your state maintains the same, you are fine.

                Comment


                • #9
                  You know what, I totally agree with the OP.

                  As men we tend to think in black and white absolutes. If I say "be carefree", it really means "be way way more carefree than what you are currently being because you are way too uptight about things".

                  The meaning of your communication is the response that you get. So it sounds like you said the right thing, with the right tone of voice. Had you upturned the tables, or started shaking, or quivering in your voice, or allow that to ruin your night, then you would not have gotten the positive outcome that you did.

                  Last night I was chatting with a woman who talked about seeing Cher perform in Vegas. She said "what a bitch! She was going on about her late husband and business partner Sonny, and how the crowd sucked, yadda yadda".

                  Me: "she probably was on her period... totally serious, if a woman is being an irrational bitch she's probably on her period. Of course you demanded your money back?". Total deadpan, slight smirk, and loud enough for everyone in the vicinity to hear it. Similar reaction to what you got, the women started laughing. The guy sitting next to me was shocked and held his breath. He thought I was in "big trouble". Can you believe that? I'm 5'7" and this guy is about 6'5". He is sitting between me and the woman who is 5'5" and he is literally afraid of her and her reaction.

                  So yeah I agree with you. Nothing at all wrong with boldness and even aggressiveness in the RARE times that is required. if my daughter was about to step into traffic or drink bleach I would be VERY aggressive until the danger had passed. But 99.9% of the time we are completely carefree together. A man can hold multiple attributes at once. A man is much more than just an on/off switch.

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                  • #10
                    nice work wolfpack with that line!!

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                    • #11
                      Good thread so far, OP. I'm interested now to know how and why he started questioning your masculinity. Does this guy always act like this? Can you provide more details of the situation?

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                      • #12
                        A lot of community guys totally misapply the "don't be reactive" advice and end up being pushovers instead. I know that because I've been there. Being unreactive doesn't entail allowing people to push you around. I once misused this advice so bad that I literally allowed one girl to make an idiot out of me, because I thought "It's cool, I'm being an unreactive alpha". This advice is valid for situations where being unreactive is followed by nexting the person/situation, because it saves you a lot of trouble and energy. It doesn't mean that you should allow people to abuse you.

                        Same goes for physical violence. There are situations where getting in a fight is necessary to protect yourself or those around you and where being unreactive would be just plain stupid and suicidal. Then again, there are situations where someone might say/do something you perceive as rude and where escalating the altercation into physical violence is totally pointless and the cost of the end result can't possibly justify your reaction.

                        It's important to have boundaries but it's equally important to know when to let shit go due to high cost of the consequences.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Vexxor View Post
                          A lot of community guys totally misapply the "don't be reactive" advice and end up being pushovers instead.
                          exactly what I was getting at

                          truth is, a guy ("learning" seduction/PU) can trust his instincts more than he may think... even if the guy isn't 'smooth' yet, he still has balls and a dick (hopefully) and testosterone -- which is what all this is about haha

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by JWS View Post
                            A man can hold multiple attributes at once. A man is much more than just an on/off switch.
                            Very well said.

                            In fact the true man must - of necessity - be able to transition from these various facets. It is the character of life.

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