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  • Dumbing it down

    Like a lot of guys on here, I'm pretty analytical and would rather be reading a book than talking to a stranger on my night off. Despite this, I like to get laid, and most hot girls don't have very strong opinions on public policy or hard science fiction... I pretty much always think my day twos go well, but I'm guessing that most girls see me as an "interesting" friend at best, if not just an over-opinionated bore. I suppose the solutions would be to either (a) dumb it down or (b) just go interview-syle and ask lots of questions, while maintaining good eye contact and body language; or maybe a combination of the two? Every time I've tried these things, however, I think that it comes off as insincere, since it's not in my nature to do so. So, for you overly-analytical guys who have managed to get out of your heads, what are some tips for making this second nature?

  • #2
    Think of it this way...she will feel connected to you when she feels that you know her really well.

    That means you asking questions that get her talking in depth about HER interests, passions, hopes & dreams, etc. If she asks you questions, you need to be able to open up about yourself too...but primarily, you need to show a genuine curiosity about what makes her tick.

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    • #3
      Vibing is about being present together, and the problem with asking questions that makes her need to think and not just respond effortlessly is that it forces her out of the present surroundings and into a more introverted state. If you're in a good extroverted state, vibing with people and enjoying yourself, this is annoying. If someone does this to me, for example starts talking politics when I'm having a beer and just relaxing I won't even respond to it. No matter how "interesting" the topic is, it's boring compared to being extroverted and present. This is why people like 'light topics', preferably something situational about what's happening right there, at parties.

      'Dumbing down' is one way of putting it, but what it really means is getting better at vibing with people.

      Edit:

      Tips for doing it:

      - Especially if you have an analytical job, you spend most of your time during the day in a very introverted state, and you need to put some work in to 'extrovert yourself'. Try this simple but powerful technique (cred. Captain Jack): Whenever you put your eyes on something, take time to really notice it. You will know you are doing this right when suddenly you start noticing all kinds of details about your surroundings that you haven't seen before even though you have looked at them a thousand times. As you put your eyes on whatever object and take inn all the details, also notice yourself noticing it. Do this as much as possible, it's especially nice to do while walking somewhere.

      - When in conversation with girl, do the above. Notice details about her, notice the color of her eyes, her hair, texture of her skin, rhythm of her breathing. Whatever comes into your attention. And notice yourself noticing it. (Cold read: I bet you're the introverted type and that you frequently experience talking to a person and then not even remembering basic stuff like his/her hair color afterwards, am I right? Or perhaps you don't even know the color of that building you pass every time you go to work?)

      - Sometimes when starting a conversation you need to 'force' yourself through a transition before the vibing comes natural. This is typically done with asking various questions, that's OK IMO, but keep them light, like: "Hey, how's your night?", "What is that drink?", "I like this song" etc. Since you are now noticing all kinds of stuff about your surroundings and the person you're talking too, it will be much easier for you to find things to comment on as well: "I like the texture of your dress" (touching it, :P)

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      • #4
        Originally posted by lucien View Post
        Like a lot of guys on here, I'm pretty analytical and would rather be reading a book than talking to a stranger on my night off. Despite this, I like to get laid, and most hot girls don't have very strong opinions on public policy or hard science fiction... I pretty much always think my day twos go well, but I'm guessing that most girls see me as an "interesting" friend at best, if not just an over-opinionated bore. I suppose the solutions would be to either (a) dumb it down or (b) just go interview-syle and ask lots of questions, while maintaining good eye contact and body language; or maybe a combination of the two? Every time I've tried these things, however, I think that it comes off as insincere, since it's not in my nature to do so. So, for you overly-analytical guys who have managed to get out of your heads, what are some tips for making this second nature?
        There is a difference between dumbing yourself down and hiding your likes. My recommendation is to tell girls about your likes to see if you find one who also likes those things, as she will be a better match for you. But also accept that most girls won't like these things, and have a more general way of talking to those girls.

        Regarding dumbing yourself down, I actually recommend you do that, but in intelligent ways. The key is to make yourself accessible to general people and not give the impression you are talking down to them. Some examples are speaking more clearly and with shorter words which everyone can understand, and also not telling jokes or stories which require high intelligence to understand. That is more about basic social skills than seduction. If you find someone who is at your level of intelligence, you can then make your intelligence more evident by bringing the conversation up a level. You will both appreciate that.

        So this isn't about making yourself dumb for the rest of your life, or using other "blanket strategies". It is about making yourself accessible to everybody, and being willing to talk about your likes, and show that you are more intelligent, when it is appropriate -- i.e. when you find like-minded people who will appreciate those aspects of you. You will find yourself being a better match with those people also.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by NoMoreFatChix View Post
          No matter how "interesting" the topic is, it's boring compared to being extroverted and present. This is why people like 'light topics', preferably something situational about what's happening right there, at parties.
          Yeah. It is called growing a a pair, stepping outside the comfort zone of your favorite topic, and having a bit of fun. Calling it "dumbing down" is mostly just your condescending way of protecting your ego. (See, thats analytical!)

          Yes, there are some chicks who are not that bright, but even they have fucked up retarded shit to say which is interesting. I met a 20 year old pretty recently who thinks that MJ's ghost is in her mom (her mom also belives it, apparently).

          Retarded, you say? Hilarious, I reply.

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          • #6
            A problem smart guys have is they have spent their whole childhood getting validated for being the smartest person in the room. That is like social death outside of honors classes. Much of your talking about "Important" things is validation seeking for being so smart and well studied. It is about as socially calibrated as a big jock flexing his muscles at a cocktail party. Quit trying to show people how smart you are, they will figure that out quick enough talking to you. Instead try and be connected to the moment.

            Get into the local sports teams so you have a topic of conversation with male strangers. Know how the local football team is doing, who the stars are, and what is happening with them. Check the news on E! so you know who the people are that the women are talking about. Go to hot movies. (I have to admit I could not watch Twilight with my wife. There are limits to everything.)

            Practice meditation. The biggest problem you face is your brain running shit all the time. You are likely in a conversation with yourself all the time. You need to stop that and just be there in the conversation with the people in front of you. Presence is the core of being chill and meditation is presence practice.
            The older the violin, the sweeter the music. Augustus McCrae

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            • #7
              Hey, great advices!

              This communication stuff seems to be a sticking point for many guys trying to improve in PUA (me included).

              Other roughly related threads:
              http://www.pua-zone.com/showthread.p...I-am-expecting
              http://www.pua-zone.com/showthread.p...uilding-etc%29

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Silvertree View Post
                Get into the local sports teams so you have a topic of conversation with male strangers. Know how the local football team is doing, who the stars are, and what is happening with them. Check the news on E! so you know who the people are that the women are talking about. Go to hot movies. (I have to admit I could not watch Twilight with my wife. There are limits to everything.)
                When I first got into the community I dreaded this kind of advise. Pop culture bores me: professional sports, Hollywood stars, most movies and TV. I find the real world much more interesting, and fortunately I have not found this to be a hinderance in pick up. The other advise I have never found useful was that idea of keeping a low awareness radius. Instead, I take a good look at people and I start thinking about what its like living in their skin. Some skin is much more pleasant than others.

                I can usually find something pretty quick that I wonder about them and that becomes the basis of the beginning of a conversation. At that point I think Jugglers old advise was good. You need a broad knowledge. A little bit about everything. That way you can keep the conversation hopping.

                Then don't forget where you are going with all this. Stear toward your destination with things like sexual talk, future projections, knowledge of what it takes to seduce her.

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                • #9
                  Thanks for all the valuable advice dudes. I think that I just got in a weird place where I forgot what I was supposed to be doing on first dates. Even though I like talking about "serious" shit, it makes most people uncomfortable; better to save it for people that I already know well. I actually went on a very successful second date last night, and I just focused on keeping it light and in the moment. Went way better than my last ten dates for sure. Not surprisingly, keeping it fun was much easier than trying to make it "interesting." Interesting topics differ vastly from person to person (could be anything from celeb gossip to string theory), but "fun" is a pretty basic, easily communicable concept.

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                  • #10
                    Great thread so far. I think that for me the Big Picture about being social and sexual is to learn to fully be in the "now" and to explore that fully and benefit from it. Given my own preferences I would mostly only think and talk about the limited range of things I'm already interested in with my good buddies. But by "dumbing down" (or rather opening up and simplifying) things to intract with children, old people, co-workers, hot babes, even my neighbor's cat, I am forced to turn my attention to the here-and-now, and to bridge the gaps and explore new territory. It allows me to expand my own interests and senses, even if only a little, and it can lead to great things. Some my closest friends are people with whom I initially only shared a tiny thread of common interests, but because I was fully present at some point early on and allowed myself to get drawn into a new bond, we both drew great benefit.

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                    • #11
                      I used to think I was a smart guy, a guy who knows lots of thing, and above normal people. But this is just a delusion. When you widen your social circle, you willl stop seeking validation from others. Instead, you shut up and listen to them, let them talk, and you find out you aren't the only the person in the room that is smart. Now that you have been able to connect with the world, you will see that you're just a sand on a beach. Thus becoming humble and genuine is best way to go, that doesn't mean you have to be boring or dumbing down yourself. If you are a smart guy, it will shine through, and people are smart enough to notice it faster than you think.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by NoMoreFatChix View Post
                        Tips for doing it:

                        - When in conversation with girl, do the above. Notice details about her, notice the color of her eyes, her hair, texture of her skin, rhythm of her breathing. Whatever comes into your attention. And notice yourself noticing it. (Cold read: I bet you're the introverted type and that you frequently experience talking to a person and then not even remembering basic stuff like his/her hair color afterwards, am I right? Or perhaps you don't even know the color of that building you pass every time you go to work?)
                        I don't understand this, I thought introverts were the ones to notice things extroverts typically miss. When you're highly introverted, you're (typically) extremely observant, so much so that it overwhelms and exhausts you. I don't have enough to go off of, but I'd say that this may not be the case with the OP, but it sure is the case with me. So I don't get how consciously noticing things will help pull you out of a cerebral state, it seems counter intuitive if you ask me. The difference between an introvert and extrovert is in brain chemistry, not in social attitude, and the result being that extroverts are energized by socializing while introverts are depleted by it. It also means that the introvert is stuck observing and analyzing and carefully constructing everything he says while the extrovert spits off at the mouth. I can see how it might give you more things to talk about, but I'm not sure that's the right advice to give introverts. Either way, I'll give it a try myself.

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                        • #13
                          I'm an introverted, so I usually talk less, in group, I actually talk less, then spend your time observing people, finding an opportunity to chime in with great jokes. Sometimes, you can even hijack the whole conversation and become the leader.

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                          • #14
                            I'm smart. I don't mean genius-smart, I mean, "smarter-than-the-average-bear" smart. But, more than that, I'm somewhat intellectual and yes, introverted.

                            What that means is, most people are, to me, fucking stupid. Male or female, it doesn't matter. Being smart isn't all of it- I have a coworker who I suspect is actually quite a bit smarter than me, but he is totally non-intellectual. The dude plays Xbox, drinks beer, and bangs his girlfriend. Thats it. He could easily become a brain surgeon, but the intellectual ambition isn't there. He just isn't interested.

                            Now, I don't HAVE to talk to him. I don't HAVE to talk to any guy about anything really. I have a few (very few) friends who are totally on my wavelength, and if I need someone to talk to, they are available. But, unfortunately, if I want to fuck a chick, I usually have to talk to her. So, yes, in a sense I have to dumb down conversation. What I do, is I used some routines and canned materiel, and I experiment a bit. Basically, I try to see if I can mind-fuck them. It provides me with enough of an intellectual challenge that I don't get bored.

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                            • #15
                              Consider Bill Clinton. He is super smart, but he always uses his brain to be socially excellent. He went to Cambridge on a Rhodes Scholarship, but he never plays the smart guy. His power is not outsmarting people, but in getting them to do what he wants because he is a nice guy.
                              The older the violin, the sweeter the music. Augustus McCrae

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