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How to: Scan the Bar for Eye Contact

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  • How to: Scan the Bar for Eye Contact

    At the behest of Niccolo, I'm writing my club/bar scanning-eye technique.

    So, first and foremost, girls are like squirrels- they frighten if you stare at them but they're crazy for nuts. Ok, not really, but still- you don't want to stand next to the bar with a drink in your hand doing a slow, sweeping scan of the bar. It will make you look like you're hunting, an AFC, and any girl that might be looking at you (these are the girls you want to approach) will look away before you catch her eye. When a girl sees a guy they think is attractive in a club/bar, she looks at him. But, as soon as she notices that guy starting look at her, she'll look away and try and do something attractive. After all, she doesn't want to seem too forward. Unfortunately, 'something attractive' can be too subtle for me to pick up on, or is something that creates an obstacle (like jumping into conversation with the guy next to her or with a group of her friends). Because of this, I've found the best time to determine which girls are interested in me is to catch them looking. This can be like hunting a for the snipe if the girl isn't bold enough to just look at you (22-25 year olds don't seem to be). No worries though, I spent random weekends over the last 2 years figuring out this dillema and coming up with a solution, here it is for you- hopefully it will help you as it has helped me.

    Lets start from the beginning.

    Location: You enter a club. Now, move out of the entrance way, people will constantly be pushing by you if you stand here for any length of time, you get the rain/snow/cold drafts, etc. Move deeper into club, where there is a great panoramic view of the place (not a floor above looking down, you want to be on the same level as the people you're looking at). Now, you'll notice 9/10 of the time this is at the bar, which is great. Order yourself a water, a gin and tonic, a 7 and 7, whatever- get yourself a drink.


    Sectioning: Facing away from the club, you should have a feel for how big the crowd is behind you, how much open space you're going to look through. So, you mentally divide the floor into sections. You want these sections to be small enough that you can look from one side of the section to the other without moving your head. Usually I need 4 or 5 sections for a typical bar, your number may vary. Now turn around and face the club.


    Scanning: You want to look through the sections as to not arouse suspicion of any girls in the other sections. So, you're not going to scan the club from left to right. If you turn your head to do a sweeping scan, you're giving off that predator vibe again. You want to scan each the sections non-sequentially using ONLY your eyes. What are you looking for? You're scanning the club for target, but not targets based on hottness. Scan for the targets who are looking at you, this is preselecting for interest. If the girl doesn't meet your standards, continue your sweep for the next girl giving you eyes. You'll have way more fun approaching 10 girls who are interested in you than going up to the 10 hottest girls and getting blown out of the water. If the hot girls are interested in you, you'll catch them looking at you, and you'll be in that much better of a position.

    For the purpose of this tutorial, lets say you broke the club down into 4 sections, labeled left to right as: A111111111B222222222222C33333333333333D444444444444E. You want to scan section 2 first, from C to B moving only your eyes. Then, turn your head and scan section 4 next, from D to E, against scanning section 4 with only your eyes. After this, move your head to eye-scan section 1, from B to A, and finally head move to section 3 to do the last eye-scan from C to D.

    This way, if you're looking at section 2, the girls in section 4 will continue checking you out as they'll be expecting you to scan section 3 before looking at them. Also, this sectioning method gives you a more calm and collected appearance, rather than the appearance of someone who's on the hunt. Remember, be calm and collected. You're looking for a girl who's already interested in you, not stalking the Serengeti for dinner.


    Eye-Contact: Once you spot a girl who's look at you (believe me, there will be some), HOLD HER GAZE. That's the entire point of this technique. You want to establish eye contact with her. When you catch most girls looking at you, they will almost immediately look away. Don't worry about this. Smile, and keep looking at her, she'll look back. The smile should be, 'I saw you looking at me and mutually acknowledge MY attractiveness.' When she looks back, this is again where you want to hold her gaze for about 3 seconds, then look away for a moment* (without moving your head- just your eyes look away for a fraction of a second...basically the time it takes to blink). When you look back, give her a beautiful smile and then invite her over.

    *You break eye contact the second time to communicate that this isn't something you do all the time (create a 'soft vibe'). In turn, this unfamiliarity makes you come off as a human, which is surprisingly underrated. When you set yourself up as a human she'll come over intrigued and wanting to get to know you, but more importantly, not she wont be threatened If you're very focused on her and you're never breaking eye contact, you will come off as more dominant, HOWEVER I've found girls are less likely to come up to me when I've done this. I think the unflinching look gives off too strong of a vibe, especially if you haven't built rapport with her. You're going for an instantaneous isolation by inviting HER over to YOU, the strong vibe would work if YOU are going to HER, because you can back up the strong vibe with comfort.


    Inviting: Since we're doing something a bit more calm and collected, lets try not approaching her. When you approach her, you're supplicating already! (not really... well kinda... but its not a big deal) Instead, invite the gal over to you. If you followed my method this far, you should be able to use a simple smile with an accompanying head flick to invite her over. You might have to do it and then hold her gaze some more, communicating, "yes, i am that bold."

    One caveat to this: these movements should not be jerky. The head movements between sections should be slow and deliberate. The head flick to invite her over, should be an invitation, not a demand. You don't want to look like you're having a neck spasm at any point.


    Receiving: So now she's on her way over to you, from here you should proceed as if this set somewhere between approach and isolation... you're in a grey ground in the middle. Because you're in the middle and technically isolated, you need to quickly establish soft kino.** As she nears you, offer her your hand and pull her into a position facing you, where her back is to her group still. You still need to build rapport the same as you would if you'd just approached her, but you can do it much faster because you know you have attraction. The soft kino is extremely effective at quickly confirming leadership/dominance over your environment, which is an important trait to display because you've given off the soft vibe.

    **soft kino escalation i'm going to define as leading contact. If you're physically in front of her, you want to take her hand to bring her with you. If you're letting her walk first (you've decided to move closer to the pool tables) you can still lead her by put your hand on her waist/small of the back to guide her to position. Soft kino helps build comfort, establishes you are a leader, demonstrates compliance, and allows for easier hard kino escalation

    A sample of how I would run this down is: lead her into position, "hi." I might throw a quick compliment at her something like, "You have an amazingly seductive look... though your walk up leaves a little bit to be desired." let it sit and watch her reaction You can follow it up with a suggestion for improvement, "i'm thinking something more like a runway/catwalk would be better. Do you want to try that real quick?" If she does it, laughing say "thanks." Put my arms over her shoulders and smile, gently massage the back of her neck for a second then stop and say, "I want to see more hip pop next time, ok?" Smile, pull her in for a kiss if its right. Really anything. Situational conversation works the best, so say whatever you want. You can always lessen the 'neg' by giving her a suggestion for next time and making it into a fun game (that's why I never say things like, Is that your real hair? Well, it looks nice" No one wants to hear that and it hurts.) The whole reason I put her back to her group is so that I can keep an eye on them and if the conversation is lagging, I always have the option of saying something like, "I think your friends are jealous I stole you away from them." Then you can take her hand, guide her to standing next to you, put an arm around her waist, pull her in close, and tell her to smile and wave to her group. Tell her she's adorable, go in for a quick kiss if it feels right, you can tell her you don't like people undressing you with their eyes, and her friends are getting pretty "eyesie." "lets put their minds at ease that you're having a good time. Give me a quick kiss (point to your cheek) and they should relax" Have a conversation, tell her about your aspirations (make them great, at 23-25 girls are judging a guy on where you are, but also where you will be). Move her to a difference location where you can hear her better, grab a seat, dance, whatever. Typical seduction at this point. Keep escalating quickly. At the point where she comes over to you, she's interested in you. She's compliant, you can do instant make outs pretty easily with this.
    ^this is just an example, but you can be this forward without much of a problem.



    This method has been extensively field tested.


    Problems:
    She's not on her way over to you, but she's still holding eye contact- I'd shoot her a questioning face. Then wave her over. If she shakes her head no, roll my eyes and walk up to her. (be prepared to eject if you're not getting compliance quickly out of her... she's likely thinks your attractive but is after the attention).
    She not on her way over to you and has dropped eye contact- NEXT
    She comes over to you, you mess it up- NEXT


    Advantages:
    Once she comes over, she's already isolated and complying.
    You know the girl is interested in you and aren't just using you for attention because you approached her.
    You're not constantly in motion like a shark (you don't have to fight through crowded locations).
    You don't need a competent wing.
    If you get blown out, there's no scene, no awkwardness of ejecting.
    Its fun.


    Disadvantages:
    If she hasn't noticed you, there will be no introduction.
    When she comes up, you wing can fuck it up not realizing you've signaled interest and called her over.
    If she's with her friends, she might be less inclined to leave them despite attraction (then again, that could be a girl who wouldn't let you isolate her anyway or is an attention whore)
    Attraction has to be high initially
    There's no chance of her leading group to build attraction


    Then again, if she doesn't come over- you can walk up to her and introduce yourself. You haven't lost anything. You can then bust on her to the group and proceed like a normal bar/club set.



    Let me Know if anything is unclear so I can rephrase/explain. Hit me up with any questions.

    -Adonis
    Last edited by Adonis; 11-07-2011, 06:53 PM. Reason: More information, spelling mistake "Serengeti"

  • #2
    I don't like waiting for eye-contact, but your post is right on. The structure of eye-contact (and the way to capitalize on it) is EXACTLY how you describe it. I think inviting them first is a good idea because if it works you have instant isolation. I usually go over and open instead of calling them over with something like "I noticed you noticing me" or somn. If you have smiled at her and kept eye-contact, it works.

    Comment


    • #3
      Good post Adonis. Well done on cleaning it up. I'm definitely going to fieldtest this.

      I think it would be good if you went into a little more detail in the "EyeContact" and in the end of the "Inviting" section.

      EyeContact: Make it a little clearer why YOU look away for a second on the second eye-contact.

      Inviting: Spell it out for everybody who wouldn't know how to exactly precede from the point where she comes over to you. How to behave, what to say, how to kino her, how to move her (do you make her stand in front of you facing you, do you bounce her immediately or do you move out from the bar and stand next to her after she came to you).

      Also, two things I wonder about:

      1. If you make eye-contact in one section but do not get her to come to you, won't the other girls that are in the same section automatically start "doing something attractive/talk to other people) once the first second of scanning is done. I mean, if you miss out on the first eye-contact in one section, won't all the other girls in that same section automatically avoid eye-contact and do the above-mentioned things? Do you just take a shot at each section, then move on to the next section?

      2. What if she doesn't come over but keeps holding eye-contact? Do you keep holding it and walk over to her? How exactly do you handle the eye-contact while you walk over? How do you open?

      Again, well done. Gonna field test it.

      Because I Can, Nick

      ps: It's "Serengeti" [National Park] not Saran Ghetti. Sounds like the name of a female rapper.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by NICCOLO
        1. If you make eye-contact in one section but do not get her to come to you, won't the other girls that are in the same section automatically start "doing something attractive/talk to other people) once the first second of scanning is done. I mean, if you miss out on the first eye-contact in one section, won't all the other girls in that same section automatically avoid eye-contact and do the above-mentioned things? Do you just take a shot at each section, then move on to the next section?

        2. What if she doesn't come over but keeps holding eye-contact? Do you keep holding it and walk over to her? How exactly do you handle the eye-contact while you walk over? How do you open?
        1- I scan and lock in to the first girl that holds my interest. If she doesn't comply, I shrug, grab my drink, scan a different section. If i'm not seeing anything, I grab my drink (hold it low at the waist, Mystery was DEAD ON about that... no arms in front of chest) and roll out to a different location (not venue, but different place within the venue) and either resection and scan again again or go for a walk up approach on a girl. I don't exclusively use this method, I'm not above normal approaches. The success rate on this is just really high, so I use it initially.

        2- If she doesn't come over, but keeps looking, I usually roll my eyes and then go in for her. Sometimes I shoot her a disbelieving, "who are you to refuse me" look, then a, "young lady, are you serious?" then point at her and wave her over. If she's playing a game and holding her ground, I'll look at her and start walking up to her, stopping and talking to people along the way (only for a moment, I still want the main girl to have my game in her mind when I get up to her. But, I also cultivate options as I approach her, so if I go talk to her and she's anything less than a joy to be around, I can walk back the way I came and talk to the girls/guys/whoever I opened immediately before). I don't hold her eye contact the whole time I'm walking. I've already done that and she lost her opportunity to hold my full undivided attention. When I finally get up to her, I open her with, "Really?" *pause* "you sit there throwing off that amazingly seductive glow, I give you the opportunity to meet me, an amazing person by all accounts, and you stay here?" *pause* "Why? Are you the type of girl who's trying to stop me from having everything I want?" Depending on her response to these questions, I'll roll out or reengage. If it turns out she is trying to stop me from getting everything I want, or she wants to be different from other girls, I'll reengage. I will mandate that she complies to my initial request and we end up going back over to where I started... just out of principle, sets a good precedent.

        -Adonis

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        • #5
          I have used this an can attest that it works, however I feel that it works best in certain situations. For me personally, it has worked best when social status and value are implied.

          For example, when you have a booth at a club or are partying with the DJ, this method of scanning the bar is like fishing with dynamite. You can stay in your "high value" location and with a little head or finger flick girls will literally be walking up to you. It makes catching eye contact much easier.

          Comment


          • #6
            Excellent tech, Adonis.

            I like your concept of compartmentalizing the venue. I would add one more embellishment: the body fake. Basically act as if you are about to look in direction 1, but quickly turn your gaze to section 4. The advantage is obvious: "Gotcha!" Done smoothly and slyly with a look of self-amusement is is powerful. If my head is down and I look up seductively to catch her and only her looking, I might playfully bring my pointing finger up to my eye like a gunsight- "Naughty girl caught you looking...". Note this gesture is kept somewhat surreptitious to create a private vibe.

            I do this in the gym if I suspect a target is checking me out- reach for a weight in one direction then look over. In a bar the fake-out could be reaching for a drink or into a jacket pocket. This will usually result in a sidelong look on my part which accentuates the surprise factor and creates dramatic/mischievous emphasis when you turn in her direction to motion her over.

            I've used this prior to approach, but I will try the beckoning first, it sounds more effective, especially in extracting her from her friends, a major sticking point for me, as I hate MM-type stuff for the most part.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Bad Boyfriend View Post
              Excellent tech, Adonis.

              I like your concept of compartmentalizing the venue. I would add one more embellishment: the body fake. Basically act as if you are about to look in direction 1, but quickly turn your gaze to section 4. The advantage is obvious: "Gotcha!" Done smoothly and slyly with a look of self-amusement is is powerful. If my head is down and I look up seductively to catch her and only her looking, I might playfully bring my pointing finger up to my eye like a gunsight- "Naughty girl caught you looking...". Note this gesture is kept somewhat surreptitious to create a private vibe.

              I do this in the gym if I suspect a target is checking me out- reach for a weight in one direction then look over. In a bar the fake-out could be reaching for a drink or into a jacket pocket. This will usually result in a sidelong look on my part which accentuates the surprise factor and creates dramatic/mischievous emphasis when you turn in her direction to motion her over.

              I've used this prior to approach, but I will try the beckoning first, it sounds more effective, especially in extracting her from her friends, a major sticking point for me, as I hate MM-type stuff for the most part.
              dude can u seriously make a video about this.

              i have no idea what you mean:

              the body fake. Basically act as if you are about to look in direction 1, but quickly turn your gaze to section 4. The advantage is obvious: "Gotcha!" Done smoothly and slyly with a look of self-amusement is is powerful. If my head is down and I look up seductively to catch her and only her looking, I might playfully bring my pointing finger up to my eye like a gunsight- "Naughty girl caught you looking...". Note this gesture is kept somewhat surreptitious to create a private vibe.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by PrinceofNaples View Post
                I have used this an can attest that it works, however I feel that it works best in certain situations. For me personally, it has worked best when social status and value are implied.

                For example, when you have a booth at a club or are partying with the DJ, this method of scanning the bar is like fishing with dynamite. You can stay in your "high value" location and with a little head or finger flick girls will literally be walking up to you. It makes catching eye contact much easier.
                Adonis, I am willing to give this technique a try, but I share PrinceofNaples's concerns with status and value. In this regard, I tend to disagree with the location you choose. Sitting on a barstool may give you a good panoramic view of the crowd, but it happens to be the lowest-value area of a bar! AFC dudes will be sitting beside you, sipping their beer cluelessly, and you don't want to be seen with them.

                I avoid low-value areas at all costs. When I go inside a club, I go straight to the middle of the dancefloor, or close to the stage, wherever the highest social value - and the hottest chicks - are. I will dance alone, talk to random people, do whatever the hell I feel like doing. Act as if I owned the venue and everyone were my guests. If there is a clearly "alpha set" - big sets, with hot girls and their friends -, I will join the set, maybe dance right in the middle of it. I want to show everyone in a bar or club that I'm absolutely comfortable. I don't feel the social pressure at all. I'm a god of alphaness.

                This blatant display of alpha behavior is likely to get chicks gazing and drooling at you, never bothering to look away when you fix your eyes on them.


                Adamastor

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                • #9
                  I don't advocate sitting down at the bar. Standing with your back to it while you survey your kingdom isn't necessarily weak, your image depends on what you do. Calmly waiting is something everyone has to do when they want something to drink. You can stand watching the bartender make your drink and try to look down her shirt, or you can scan the crowd to strike while the iron's hot.

                  If you don't catch anyone's eyes on the first scan, or the invite fails- I recommend moving to a new location (note: not venue). This scan is simply something to do when you first get into a club, not as a sole means of pickup. With the method, it is easy to grab a girl's attention, as they're actually very aware of who's entering the club. When I enter a club, I assume I have attraction of everyone and my goal is not to fuck it up.

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                  • #10
                    Aaaand it all comes together. Good thread Adonis. I don't think there are any holes left right now. Good job.

                    +1 Street Cred

                    Because I Can, Nick

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                    • #11
                      when I get to +10 street cred, I'll bring it along with me when I go out, show it to people as a means to build rapport, and use it to gain the favor of beautiful (and compatible) women.

                      9 left...

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Adonis View Post
                        when I get to +10 street cred, I'll bring it along with me when I go out, show it to people as a means to build rapport, and use it to gain the favor of beautiful (and compatible) women.

                        9 left...


                        I see a pattern emerging.

                        Tell you what. I'm gonna give you +1 NDV points for making me laugh.

                        Collect 1 million NDV points. Win at life.

                        Because I Can, Nick

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Adonis View Post
                          ...
                          If she's playing a game and holding her ground, I'll look at her and start walking up to her, stopping and talking to people along the way (only for a moment, I still want the main girl to have my game in her mind when I get up to her...
                          -Adonis
                          How do you do this in a way that builds social status? Clubs are noisy, cramped and people are often dancing in groups. Unless you know the people you're talking to on the way to the girl, how do you ensure that the interaction goes well for you? Surely it'd be better to go straight to her than risk a non-positive interaction with someone else on the way up.

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                          • #14
                            When I start walking towards her, i hold her eye contact intensely for the first few steps. (hopefully this is letting her know i'm on my way, but I can't be sure). The places in which I've been, nobody really moves around from their position. Its like they have set up little camps and don't want to venture away from that. I figure the girl isn't really going anywhere in any sort of hurry, so I can saunter up to her.

                            When I stop to talk to people along the way, its usually just a really quick "hey I like your _____." Throwing random compliments to people as I move through the crowd helps me create a social projection- that i'm just a social person. If the eye lock target doesn't work, but I got a hint of something from someone I complimented, I can always use my compliment as a re-opener (hey- its the cool girl with the dress. That thing truly is fantastic!)

                            Does that help?

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                            • #15
                              Great thread Adonis... im going field trial this on Friday night.

                              Thanks,

                              -Mr.Awesome

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