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'Faking' as described in 'The Art of Mingling'

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  • 'Faking' as described in 'The Art of Mingling'

    This is excerpt from a book 'The Art Of Mingling' (1992, female author). To spare you the fluff, I boldified the stuff I found interesting/useful. It really intrigues me that this woman thinks very similar to how I think..


    Chapter One

    Overcoming Minglephobia

    HOW TO FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT


    OK. There you are, standing alone, frozen against the wall in a room full of people. You've just arrived, and you've already done the two things that made you look busy: taken off your coat and said hello to your host or hostess, who has long since dashed off to greet another guest or check on the ice supply. What now?

    Number one (and numbers two and three): Don't panic. You are not the only person feeling this way. Many people descend into a state of existential angst when faced with tough mingling situations. Some people deal with their fears by withdrawing into a corner; others become nervous or clumsy. Some giggle; some play with their hair or fiddle with their clothing. In fact, minglephobia can cause people to drink too much, eat too much, smoke too much, or—and this can really be dangerous—even dance too much! So it's important not to give in to your fears, especially in those first few crucial moments. Just try to relax and
    say to yourself, I'm going to fake it till I make it.

    Believe it or not, this simple affirmation is an effective, almost magical, way to transform party terror into a positive outlook. Remember when you were little and you used to tell ghost stories to scare yourself and by the end of the night you really did believe in ghosts? It was amazingly easy to fool yourself when you were a child, and it's just as easy to fool yourself as an adult. Just pretend to be happy to be wherever you are; make believe you are confident; simulate self-assurance—even for ten minutes—and an amazing thing will start to happen:
    You'll actually begin to feel that way, partially because of the response you receive from other people.

    Let's face it. Very few people want to talk to someone who is showing outward signs of fear or depression. (Unless it's a Goth or fetish party. But that's a whole other book.) So even though you will probably have at least some apprehension when approaching people you know little or not at all, you must practice putting it aside.
    Just as if you had to walk out on a stage. Deep breath. Curtain up. Before you know it, you'll discover you're no longer faking it, that your fears have disappeared and you are actually having a good time!

    Fake It Till You Make It is an attitude aid rather than a specific technique, but it's important to remember it as you begin to mingle, because it is the basis of all the opening gambits and entry lines. Your mind-set as you enter the fray is extremely important. For the first few minutes of a difficult mingling experience, what you project is more important than what you may be feeling.

    FOUR SURVIVAL FANTASIES FOR
    THE TRULY TERRIFIED

    /SNIP/

    Pros and Icons

    This technique is kind of the Invisible Man fantasy in reverse. It may seem drastic to some people, but I find it so effective, as well as so much fun, that I highly recommend it, especially for the more adventuresome. Don't forget, these fantasy techniques are specifically designed for initial courage; to get you to take that first step, to transform you from a wallflower with an inferiority complex into a participating, mingling member of the party. So try this:
    Be someone else, just for a little while.This might seem a bit radical, especially since other people have probably been telling you for decades to "be yourself," but if you're standing there at the party terrified, halfway wishing you were somebody else anyway, then why not just do it? The person that you are is giving you a lot of trouble right now and is obviously not the least bit happy about where he is. So pick a favorite celebrity, someone whose poise, posture, or personality you particularly admire, and then . . . slip into him or her. When done right, this technique works much more quickly than the other survival fantasies, because of the mingling power most people attribute to stars—power that instantly becomes accessible to you.

    /SNIP/

    Some favorite Pros and Icons for women: Ingrid Bergman, Campbell Brown, Katie Couric, Bette Davis, Kirsten Dunst, Goldie Hawn, Katharine Hepburn, Scarlett Johansson, Grace Kelly, Vivien Leigh (as Scarlett, of course), Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Lopez, Madonna, Marilyn Monroe, Jackie Onassis, Sarah Jessica Parker, Julia Roberts, Diane Sawyer, Gertrude Stein, Venus Williams, Oprah Winfrey, and Catherine Zeta-Jones.
    Men can use Antonio Banderas, Humphrey Bogart, Tom Brady, Pierce Brosnan, George Clooney, Johnny Depp, Leonardo DiCaprio, Harrison Ford, Jamie Foxx, Bill Gates, Cary Grant, LeBron James, Derek Jeter, Larry King, David Niven, Jack Nicholson, Brad Pitt, Jerry Seinfeld, Jon Stewart, Denzel Washington, or even Prince William. Please note: It's best not to use people who are charismatic but may actually be frightening (such as the Rock, Michael Jackson, Christopher Walken, or Janice Dickinson).

    /SNIP/

    Copyright © 2006 by Jeanne Martinet. All rights reserved.
    Source

  • #2
    Smile, deep inhale, spread through chest, find something positive to 'notice'.

    Useful and intersting find ij - is the whole book worth a read?

    Comment


    • #3
      No, not if judging from first few chapters of audiobook. (God I hate audiobooks, but that was all I could find online.)

      Field testing:

      Since remembering Halley Suitt raving about Pierce Brosnan in her '18 lessons in male alphaness', and now mentioned again in this book, I watched some episodes of Remington Steele online prior to hitting clubs last night! This Remington Steele character is somehow perfect for this, because he himself is doing exactly that (faking).. so you get a double layer, pretending to be someone who is pretending, which makes it kinda hilarious. Id say it was a huge success, since pretty much all the girls ended up competing for my attention

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by ijjjji View Post
        pretending to be someone who is pretending, which makes it kinda hilarious.
        Meaning, you're just imagining that you're someone else, actually saying things that aren't true, or acting the way that person would, (WWRSD, what would Remington Steele do?)

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        • #5
          no I think it is about pretending to be someone who is pretending to be someone else. Double pretender.(there should be a name for it, but my english is very limited) In the end you are no one and you can flow any way you like

          I like to act that way in parties no one knows me, fucking hillarious

          Comment


          • #6
            Yea its hard to pin it down very precisely. I guess you could say its 'cabaret' vs 'shakspear'..
            a total lack of 'expecting to be believed or taken seriously'... ... ...

            TBH, the RS-character is already doing this. He himself is 'intentionally half-assed' in his pretending, so to speak.. I guess its a bit of SATIRE in the mix, poking fun at the character you are putting on.. yeah that could be the right word for this..

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by ijjjji View Post
              Yea its hard to pin it down very precisely. I guess you could say its 'cabaret' vs 'shakspear'..
              a total lack of 'expecting to be believed or taken seriously'... ... ...

              TBH, the RS-character is already doing this. He himself is 'intentionally half-assed' in his pretending, so to speak.. I guess its a bit of SATIRE in the mix, poking fun at the character you are putting on.. yeah that could be the right word for this..
              Puppy doggin
              Making light of a "serious" situation such as "approaching"(actually mingling) and getting past her "high standards"(her need to be stimulated).

              I find that over the long term, its better to switch to a qualifying frame, that is playful in the same manner, but is "less committed", but remains easy to flow with.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by thecostofsuccess View Post
                I find that over the long term, its better to switch to a qualifying frame, that is playful in the same manner, but is "less committed", but remains easy to flow with.
                Yes I too was thinking this exactly, since I wrote that reply.

                Oh Im 75% on the audiobook now, and its actually pretty good. Its all familiar concepts, but the 'frame' is really nice and different! (PU is in fact a needy frame! In case you didnt know..)

                If you have some passive or repetitive activity lined up anyways, I would consider downloading this audiobook to help pass time.

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                • #9
                  Okoko there are 3 ways to copy another person:

                  Ways to Impersonate:
                  1 Pretend/make believe
                  2 mimic/imitate
                  3 parody/satire/mock impersonation
                  (exaggerated self importance)

                  Each has its use, I guess. With practice you can probably mix them up as you go, for added effect.

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