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  • Polarisation of desires

    Ok, so this is a little bit about money but also really relevant to seduction

    Polarisation has been discussed here by 360 in the vein of it meaning "not everyone will like you, so just go for it"
    You will turn some people away from you but turn others to you. But here I won't talk about that, I will talk about another meaning of polarisation, as it regards tto how our desires become highly polarised when faced with cognitive dissonance.

    Now many of you might know this already by intuition, but when cognitive dissonance is present in a person their desires reach for the extremes, in essence they polarise.
    The grey area, the area between each extreme/pole, essentially becomes seen as undesireable because of the dissonance the person assosciates with the uncertainty entailed with no gaurantee or certainty placed upon the outcome.

    In seduction, this tends to work against you. If a womans desires are highly polarised, drama is much more present. Average girls will want commitment, vain girls will want some guy with money (though not give a rats ass about the guy), sexual girls will want whatever dude seems shiniest at that very moment and flake a lot. So personally I try to reduce polarisation of desires in women, rather than chase it, because what are you going to do? Change your look each day to always be the best in the room, always be the richest, always the most committed? That is a paradox, cuz you can't do all those things at once. So by creating an APPRECIATION inn women for shades of grey, tolerance for the dissonance of uncertainty, and strength in their integrity, their desires become less polarised and dramatic stress decreases.

    Well, sort of...
    All people still have stresses. But maintenance of those stresses is more manageable when you help a womans desires reduce in polarisation.
    How to do that comes down to not creating a competing dynamic, drawing her out of the "screw men they are dumb" sphere, and into something more tolerable.
    That softens the dynamic a bit, and reduces polarisation of her desires. You can also do it by using good efas, and setting good examples, and feeling like a decent guy to her.
    Notice I didn't say "good" or "nice", I said decent. Decency isn't a measure of what you do it is a measure of WHEN you do it, if you do thinngs when it is percieved as hard, or when it matters, that is decency, if you do something because it is ideal or just because you think it is nice, that is "nice". It is a subtle but very important difference. Niceness instigates competition, "who is nicest deserves the most", which girls dislike as it becomes quickly a game of possession and guilt "I did all this for you and now you treat me shit!". Decency is the opposite, you might not be nice a lot, but when you are faced with a moment where you are going to get on a high horse, you smile and let it breathe help her destress a bit and not act out, and it reduces the competition, and steadies out the polarisation of her desires.

    Now, why post this in lifestyle
    It is cuz I want to actually talk about money
    Something that is an important topic to me, probably only because I like seduction so much.
    I wanted to understand money properly because, in a weird way it is part of seduction, via lifestyle.
    You get sick of living in certain apartments and such, you wanna get a nice home to go back to and such, but you don't want to sully your life with too much drama, and with money, DRAMA is everywhere. Some person overspent their budget for the month or year and they start freaking out, make drama, doesn't matter who for so long as they get their money right? So weird shit happens. As a seducer I'm like get the fuck out of my space, ha, doesn't always work out so great. So inn order to be entirely congruent in my lifestyle, cash was a thing, and I've studied it for 7 years now?

    My progress was slow cuz the dissonance is really fucking high, because my motivation for money was VERY GREY
    Its like "oh I wanna avoid drama and be congruent and understand it", and that isn't a motivation to go out there, get it and have it solved.
    In situations where DESIRES are polarised, such as with most people with money, their interests become EXTREME, their dependencies become dramatic, their ability to adjust becomes rigid, and thusly their need to threaten or influence others, even by cheating becomes INTENSE. It becomes, you guessed it, competitive.

    This competitive mindset has had an impact on society for a long time, especially regarding territory and sexual repression.
    It is a very threatening and vile beast, some might even say the natural enemy of seduction.


    Or maybe I'm being dramatic?

    Either way, it takes me a while to fully translate concepts of seduction into business, but lately I discovered a good one and I'm going to share it now.



    The desire for money that you have is likely polarised.
    Fear of your future
    Not feeling like you will belong
    Needing proof, or exileration
    The ability to subdue threats
    Catharsis of consumerism (inn order to prove you don't need certain things to yourself)

    How do you address this?

    I propose a radical theory


    Aim for the middle
    Not the top

    Michalangelo said "the tragedy of life is not striving too high and not reaching it, but aiming too low and succeeding"
    Which may seem to counter my point here, but the devil is in the details.



    I am saying, that if your desires for money are a result of highly polar desires, your mind will flit and flutter and change course,it will never truly find its center.
    You'll get money and it'll feel weird, so you'll lose it. Or out of fear you'll stash it away and create "awkward money", the kind of money that has no real use and can get cumbersome. Most entrepreneurs either lose their big success winnings or they create a very awkward relationship with cash.

    The reason I say aim for the middle is just saying, it is okay to rid yourself of highly polarised desires.
    If you make it to the middle, you will have "fuck you" money, enough money to say fuck you and gracefully exit dramatic situations.
    Now, in order to fully understand this, you MUST understand that this is a mindset that can go VERY WRONG as well as very right.

    The very wrong path is that when you get fuck you money you close off. You get bitter. You proclaim to the world, fuck off I know it all.
    The very right path is, when you get fuck off money, you open up. You get generous. You look at the world and ask, "how can I do more?".


    This is a subtle but important difference that you could search the whole internet for and never find explained.
    It is the difference between a man who is NICE and creates competition, and a man who is decent and reduces it.

    Ha, I remember this homeless dude I used to help out a bunch. He was a chill dude, not some freak. Just hated people, drama, the whole fucked up dilemma of it all.
    I could relate, so I'd give change, I'd give him food as I walked past from shopping etc. He was a pretty grateful guy too.

    My point is this...
    Create less stress through your desires, not more.
    Subdue polarisations, and create smoothness.
    Reduce the task of being NICE all the damn time and give people the break they are due when they are DECENT.


    In seduction, I never require women be NICE to me.
    Sometimes they do it all by themselves, thinking I want it that way, and maybe they never catch the hint that I don't want that...
    But what I really watch for is if they are DECENT when it matters.
    I cut them slack to be human and not nice the rest of the time.
    Why?

    Cuz its smooth man, it is SMOOTH.
    And it is also real. Not some bullshit qualifiier pulld out of nowhere :P



    Okay, so now to my point

    Do you want a lot of money?
    A lot of freedom?
    Feel a shitty grindiing entitlement in your gut without it?

    Look at the polarisation of your desires and how they are making you compete for other peoples forced niceness
    STOP TRYING TO BUY NICE
    Instead, learn the power of WHEN something is decent instead.



    For a few years my money/drama situation has been fine
    What I lacked was the soul of it
    The true understanding
    And it fucked with me not knowing
    But then I was generous and decent
    And it let the rough edges and a lot of the shit wash away

    Now, as I see money infront of me, I do not run, with extreme desire in my eyes
    I walk, enter smoothly, with grace in my stride


    This is the ULTIMATE difference I was searching for
    The soul of satisfaction
    The real measure of your success



    A rich man in his castle is trapped by the torment of all he does not have
    A satisfied motherfucker... in that very same castle finds fulfilment in its peaceful halls

    Being given space can be equally as much a problem as a problem solver
    Make sure that inside your four walls you arent haunted by the isolation but that it fuels you like fresh air


    If you are bitter, your desires polarised, your money is awkward...
    You are not wealthy imo... you are marking time until you die just as much as the next guy
    If you are generous, your desires move within areas of grey, you are decent not competing for niceness, then presumably you know how to use that isolation to create your best work and can forever grow.
    And that GROWTH can be your true liberation.



    It might have taken me 7 years to understand this, but now that I know it, I feel contentment.
    Money, is a drama inducing thing... it will dice you up if you let it.
    It will cut off your balls, and betaize you just as effective as any mediocre marriage might.
    I offer you this piece of advice.

    Seek the dissonant middle.
    Its terrible, and it sucks...
    But the point isn't to sit there and take an ass beating till the end of time.
    The point is to stop chasing what is paradoxical
    And instead do what is actually attainable and satisfying (thrill of the hunt vs pleasure of sex anyone?)


    In seduction I REDUCE womens need to have polarised desires, it lessens drama
    If you want less financial drama, depolarise

    No don't mute your desires like a monk, don't become apathetic and woe is me and think it is all pointless
    Just learn that you need to weild the silent vacuum that follows money
    You need to stand in that emptiness and feel alive


    Money isn't valuable because of what it buys you,
    Its valuable because of what it can't



    You can't chase down clarity
    You can't stash it away
    You have to embody it

    And to embody it, you have to depolarise your desires so you can operate with complexity
    And by depolarising, learn how to utilise decency, not perfection and utter acceptance/validation
    And by utilising decency, turn fuck you money, into generousity and growth
    And from the silence that follows money and its isolation, find clarity and openess


    Not hate ...

    You know what I mean?


    Maybe not, or maybe you do, just thought I'd say it anyway.



    Lol, so, well if I say that dudes can spare me the psychobabble entrepreneur talk
    What I really think/feel is that people are too driven by polarities in their desire to GET they are betaized and chasing everything they despise

    It takes a whole other gear to do the full measure
    To understand the reality
    And overcome the illusions of dissonance and frustration

  • #2
    I think the intent is right here, but I'm with ijjj when the goal is not to further complicate things when you have the basics down. This concept may very well be true, but I find what you talk about here as unhelpful in any application that you can have in life. For me it's not about polarization but rather a strong this is me, who I am, and what I am about. Take it or leave it.
    -Supernova

    Comment


    • #3
      Personally I like very much, the feeling of competitiveness. I never thought about it much, but I think logical outcome dependence and competitiveness are two very different things. If anything, I would say competitiveness is very now-based focus. Its also something I personally can utilize to get into a very social/outgoing mood.

      For me desires are more like a bad consciousness. When I have them, I can start worrying if Im doing enough. And when I dont have them, I can start worrying if I lack 'purpose' in life. Its like a catch 22...

      I guess I wish I had like a secretary that could sort out all my desire-stuff, leaving me free to just do things, knowing that its all in line with the 'greater good'..
      Loves: Shy Girl-coding into Starry-eyed Extroversion, spamming Open-loops and Mini-cold-reads and lots of light kino.
      Hates: Putting pressure on others. Things that feel 'brainy'.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by ijjjji View Post
        Personally I like very much, the feeling of competitiveness. I never thought about it much, but I think logical outcome dependence and competitiveness are two very different things. If anything, I would say competitiveness is very now-based focus. Its also something I personally can utilize to get into a very social/outgoing mood.

        For me desires are more like a bad consciousness. When I have them, I can start worrying if Im doing enough. And when I dont have them, I can start worrying if I lack 'purpose' in life. Its like a catch 22...

        I guess I wish I had like a secretary that could sort out all my desire-stuff, leaving me free to just do things, knowing that its all in line with the 'greater good'..
        Depends what the competition is on though. I mean competitive banter, sports, etc is good.
        Competition on who is most deserving? Who is nicest? Is just trivial and dumb :P
        I think there is another word for it actually
        Combative? One upping? Censorship?
        I dunno, but you can tell the difference I'm going for there
        Where one is a healthy robust oomph, the other is a withered and confused lashing out.
        Those two feelings are connected in high dissonance situations one is easily confused to mean the other, or to erase the others existance conceptually.
        Though, in reality, the withered version is a lack of being able to properly frame and handle the robust version.
        On that I certainly agree.

        So that is your "logical outcome dependence vs competitiveness" idea.

        (thinks a moment on what you are meaning)

        Oh yeah, that...
        Simplification.

        Supernova:
        1st off, you are right about ij's point, props
        2nd, applicability... thats a good point
        3rd, a strong you, damn everything else. Ok, but it depends. I mean if the strong you is watered down, and is chasing stuff you are kinda fucked long term. Though I agree that in essence you want everything to build into that identity.

        Hmmm...

        Seems there is a feel here of
        Applicable self referencing?
        Like, how referencing yourself affects how applicable your held beliefs are?

        (thinks for a bit)

        Ok, so if I'm talking about smoothness and you guys are talking about self referencing, maybe the idea is about how referencing oneself can affect that goal?
        How referencing yourself in a certain way can help bring about smoothness better than just addressing desire (and its polarisation) directly
        So in order to make it applicable and simple, you need to address the polarisation of your desires, in a way that doesn't depend on some ongoing passive/weak statement


        Yeah, I like that. Thanks.
        Umm,
        Maybe it is related to changing gears?
        Or how to change gears through how you orient and reference yourself in the context of the desired outcome?

        And maybe my real point is something like
        Money is both an illusion and a reality
        The illusion can trap you
        The reality can fuck you
        But if you KNOW both of those things
        You can understand that illusiary goals and reality are not the entire picture regarding motivation.
        You need a steadiness, or a kind of "forward" attitude that is independent of them both.
        Something to rely on, something more than a desire.


        Like ijjjji said, it is bad to have such a tangled up sense of things, to be so conscious of logical contradictions, that you are paralysed by it.
        I guess I'm saying.
        It is hard for me to fully develop that independant forward mover (but that is hard for everybody)
        But a key to it is to remove your dependency on the initial, highly strung out desire.


        Ok, sorry if that was all a bundle of confusion, I'm trying to get my head straight here

        Momentum?
        Maybe I'm referencing momentum.
        And how a lack of momentum creates logical fallacy?


        Or maybe qualification (the difference between those that jump in vs those that know what they are doing)

        Gathering up disparate conscientious thoughts, in a non conformist way?

        Creating a full bodied approach?


        I dunno, I'll think on it, I might be able to nail it down

        Comment


        • #5
          Ok, so if I'm talking about smoothness and you guys are talking about self referencing

          My thoughts are that smoothness is just a product of who you are. While anyone can have a smooth moment, a smooth guy has a life experience of smoothness.
          -Supernova

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by thecostofsuccess View Post
            One upping? Censorship?
            Very good point! Ego- type competitiveness is poisonous. Maybe there is a better term out there for the type of competitiveness that has inclusiveness and appreciation at its core..

            Originally posted by Supernova View Post
            While anyone can have a smooth moment, a smooth guy has a life experience of smoothness.
            While I see what you are trying to say, I feel that 'a xxx guy' is a non-real concept (pipe dream).
            -Life is a string of moments, each with a reality of their own.
            -Creating conceptualized expectations (denying reality) just makes it even more like that (FRAGILE).
            -Seeing and allowing the true dynamic nature of moments, is where strength lies.
            (Side note - this way of thinking is perhaps one of the two biggest problems with the 'self help movement'..)

            So yeah, letting it all flow from 'you' is fine.. just be careful with attaching 'brands' (expectation) to it.
            Loves: Shy Girl-coding into Starry-eyed Extroversion, spamming Open-loops and Mini-cold-reads and lots of light kino.
            Hates: Putting pressure on others. Things that feel 'brainy'.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by ijjjji View Post
              Very good point! Ego- type competitiveness is poisonous. Maybe there is a better term out there for the type of competitiveness that has inclusiveness and appreciation at its core..

              While I see what you are trying to say, I feel that 'a xxx guy' is a non-real concept (pipe dream).
              -Life is a string of moments, each with a reality of their own.
              -Creating conceptualized expectations (denying reality) just makes it even more like that (FRAGILE).
              -Seeing and allowing the true dynamic nature of moments, is where strength lies.
              (Side note - this way of thinking is perhaps one of the two biggest problems with the 'self help movement'..)

              So yeah, letting it all flow from 'you' is fine.. just be careful with attaching 'brands' (expectation) to it.
              In your response to it, I would also say it is a similar concept as to that of step function (similar to what you mentioned on an earlier post).

              nThe beauty of life is how dynamic and how ever-changing it is, but it's also in such a way as there are levels of energy. For example, a guy with no experience of high-level achievement (swapped smoothness for achievement to make the point here) is going to have a dynamic experience of life just as someone with many references of high-level achievement is (Tony Robbins for example), but the difference comes down to the habitual 'level' I would call it. Of course being is fluid, however if we see at levels of energy, it can always fall (just as a wealthy man can go into debt and a poor man can win the lottery), but the energy already has a propensity for being at a higher level just as the wealthy man who loses it all is far more likely to get it back than one who never has known that kind of wealth success.
              -Supernova

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by ijjjji View Post
                -Creating conceptualized expectations (denying reality) just makes it even more like that (FRAGILE).
                -Seeing and allowing the true dynamic nature of moments, is where strength lies.
                Yes, that is what I try to reach in business
                A DYNAMIC sense of movement and competancy
                Yet it is often hindered by how sharp desires become (because of how everyone holds their insecurities so tightly)

                In order to succeed in business you need to be able to not just meet those desiires, but to soften them up out of dramatic and confrontational expectation.
                Otherwise you cannot MANAGE the drama very well. It is why so many guys in business are strung out and hyper and freak out so easily, and thusly kinda give up on life and act "nice" instead of embody decency.


                I dunno, I've fought it all 7 years I've struggled to get my competancy in biz up to a very REAL level of dynamism.
                All the people I run into in biz are "nice" but nice is BAD, and cuz they aren't seducers, they just don't get that, so double down on it, get angry, justify their frustrations and polarised desires and frankly lose their god damn minds.

                I dunno, I'm human, so it always bothered me. Made me feel like an exile, choking on fumes of their hatred, while toiling in the dark to create REAL skill.
                The kind of skill that you EMBODY, that you become and forever wear as a part of you.


                In my opinion, the path to releasing all their hatred, is to just depolarise their desires and make a standard of "less drama" in biz dealings by upping your expectation of DECENCY and obliterating your tolerance for "niceness".

                You do not have to turn cruel, or careless, infact this is the wrong move, because it leads to long term INCOMPETANCY at full scale.
                You JUST need to rebalance your expectations towards SEEING THROUGH NICENESS and knowing deeply what is decent, and shape your business outlook to reflect that expectation rather than a highly polarised "fake nice" one that is full of shit, hyper, and ultimately socially retarded.



                In chess there is a concept called "weaving a mating net"
                It means you block off squares of retreat

                In business, if you allow people the avenue of "nice" and "hyper" you allow them to become assonine, abusive, and psychotic as avenues of retreat.
                You must also rid yourself of these tendencies, so that your motive is never "nice", your thoughts never "hyper", and thusly your ways of escaping stress are NEVER through abuse, psychotic reactionism, or assoninne behaviour.

                Most "business guys" will TOTALLY refute this, screaming and shouting
                I've heard it ALL
                But this is what I am SAYING
                We as SEDUCERS can see through this, we can weave that mating net, we can cut out the errors, and social retardation
                And that is how OUR view on business SSHOULD differ from a CHUMPs view on business.


                You can make a chump a businessman, but he's still a chump
                You know what I mean?

                I dunno, its fucking hard to get across


                DO NOT LET BIZ GUYS RETREAT into chumpism
                BRING FORTH standards that obliterate fake niceness
                And are built on the cold hard steel of decency (doing right when its hard not because its pretty)

                You have to PLUG that weakness
                With focus, drive, motivation...
                All you've got
                EVERYTHING

                Or drama spills out the cracks, and seedy parasitic pieces of shit chip away at you like the lil dung beetles they are


                You don't need to be a monopoly, you just need to close the wounds these weaknesses cause
                With oomph! And heart.

                But biz guys get this totally wrong, thinking they have to be "alpha" or some shit and totally chump the fuck out and act like socially retarded psycho who "play nice"

                You MUST stand up and say FUCK THAT SHIT
                If you are ever going to be fully focused and on track at 100%


                Edit:
                I think I'm talking about "Chutzpa"
                and the rarity of natural common sense

                Comment


                • #9
                  same screening and polarization in seduction works in biz, the main problem i have ever had in biz is the life cycles of biz in America it sucks big time(usually 3-5 years), the hardest challenge when starting is to get enough leads to screen... bd has the right idea were he talks about diversify in 3 unrelated biz (i am talking usa), let me give you an analogy:

                  Seduction:

                  I jumped in when pua was water down,unpopular and dying moving more to self help and lifestyle (this cycle may jump back up when the movie the game comes out)

                  Stocks.- I jump in when it was good, made a lot of money then 9/11 kill it...(cycle 3-5 years)

                  Mortgages.- Had the timing right post 9/11 but the bubble (burst, again cycle 3-5 years)

                  Hardship services.- bankruptcies, loan mods, divorces, foreclosures ( the economy got way better, credit obama, cycle 3-5 years, once the economy improve that shit died!)

                  Now i am in cloud services and back in real estate.- So far so good (expect this cycle to last 3-5 years as well)... Donald trump got elected so i think Real estate will get hot, and then he will derregulate it too much and fuck i up....


                  But anyways my point is in USA most biz cyclical... Being able to identify cycle shifts and jump fast is the key, i unfortunately stay longer than usual when cycles are shifting...
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