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You say warm / cold / direct / indirect approach - I say mingle!

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  • You say warm / cold / direct / indirect approach - I say mingle!

    (Sorry if I sound a little frustrated in this post. I looove to mingle, so I wish I could have written this with more positivity and less emphasis on how much I dislike the way others tend to conceptualize this process. Please bear with me.)

    From my experience, the only thing that leads to negative reactions, is excess pre-meditation prior to direct communication with a girl.

    Interestingly enough, the concept of 'approaching' is designed to maximize this very aspect; Should I approach? Yes/no?

    So, out of all the ways you can picture the process of talking to someone, 'approach' is the one most likely to generate negative reactions imo.

    - - - - -

    From my experience, the only thing that leads to me freezing up before talking to a girl, is excess pre-meditation prior to direct communication with her.

    As mentioned above; the concept of 'approaching' is designed to maximize this exact aspect; Should I approach? Yes/no?

    So, out of all the ways you can picture the process of talking to someone, 'approach' is the one most likely to prevent you from even talking to girls.

    - - - - -

    Lets illustrate the brilliant concept of mingling, and how it differs both conceptually, mentally and practically from the miserable concept of 'approach' that so many of you seem to buy into, or at least seem willing to use as a terminology:






    Note: The movement on the right is EXAMPLE only. The key part is that you are moving 'around', not 'towards' someone in particular.

    Final note: Behold the lack of thought clouds on the right side! (This implies that i keep comments real simple, and DISREGARD stuff I dont know already. Especially avoiding to analyze how warm/cold the girl is!! YES Im talking to YOU, analytical/observant guys in this board! I really find such discussions and terminology to be the OPPOSITE of productive, even if I bite my tongue most of the time!)

    EDIT: related post worth reading: http://www.pua-zone.com/showthread.p...rt-of-Mingling
    Last edited by ijjjji; 12-03-2013, 07:31 PM.

  • #2
    Yea cost of success and ijjjji right this is mingling: transitive and intransitive verb mix gently: to mix together gently or gradually, or mix things together gently or gradually"Heat gently to allow the flavors to mingle."

    2.
    intransitive verb speak to people: to circulate among a group of people such as guests at a party


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    • #3
      @360 all of your complaints are logical/not mingling and can be resolved by mingling more.

      XP

      Also approach machines as in the quoted section, are actually just too heavily premeditated, and they burst out in a flurry of logic.

      Instead if they mingle better an more like ij suggests then they won't have hate mail xD

      My comment: come on man, where is the constructive critique? Where is even the comprehension of his post? Perhaps read again a few times and experiment until you understand it better or at least have more to say on it. Cuz right now you are just highjacking/venting without seeing that this post answers the questions you are bringing up.

      Prove me wrong, show me how your post is relevant in one small paragraph max. If you can't condense it down, then maybe it is time to consider that your thoughts on it aren't so clear after all.

      Give due respect to ij, he filters this information carefully. Its more like tea than a candy snack, so just take your tiiiiiiiiiiiiime 360.

      Edit: (360's post change) Cool man, I like the transitive intransitive thing, I think they both impact it for sure.

      Comment: I really like this mingle thing, its simple, and very clear. No hassles.
      Masterful.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by thecostofsuccess View Post
        @360 all of your complaints are logical/not mingling and can be resolved by mingling more.

        XP

        Also approach machines as in the quoted section, are actually just too heavily premeditated, and they burst out in a flurry of logic.

        Instead if they mingle better an more like ij suggests then they won't have hate mail xD

        My comment: come on man, where is the constructive critique? Where is even the comprehension of his post? Perhaps read again a few times and experiment until you understand it better or at least have more to say on it. Cuz right now you are just highjacking/venting without seeing that this post answers the questions you are bringing up.

        Prove me wrong, show me how your post is relevant in one small paragraph max. If you can't condense it down, then maybe it is time to consider that your thoughts on it aren't so clear after all.

        Give due respect to ij, he filters this information carefully. Its more like tea than a candy snack, so just take your tiiiiiiiiiiiiime 360.

        Comment: I really like this mingle thing, its simple, and very clear. No hassles.
        Masterful.
        Yea you are right I misunderstood, I will delete... Just re-read it...


        Comment


        • #5
          A tip: Approach those in closer proximity to you, without too much thought. Do not target "likely candidates" at a distance, instead be "pleasantly surprised" when you stumble upon a girl that is much better

          Second tip: If mingling fails, and you cannot get it "catching" right, then you should not "press the issue" but rather relax and yawn, and connect to your environment better
          Mingling is kind of like the heat of one lonely molecule, it jiggles, wiggles, then later breaks free on its own. xD

          Third tip: Mingling goes good with gestures, and token comments. Keep them light hearted and don't stomp or tantrum around. Break off easily at resistance, but don't shut down.

          Fourth tip:
          Lets illustrate the brilliant concept of mingling
          Can you think of ways to illustrate the concept of mingling? What is the difference between mingling, and the more common errors people make? How does it work for you in field when you mingle, instead of get stuck in circular logic?

          Edit: "You say warm / cold / direct / indirect approach"

          I agree I believe those classifications are unnecessary and not very (or at all) true distinctions in reality.

          Comment


          • #6
            Yeah, it's a safer play to mingle, but I love a straight approach.

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VC2xh8hufq8

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by grocer View Post
              Yeah, it's a safer play to mingle, but I love a straight approach.

              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VC2xh8hufq8

              That was not that direct, she had open body language look at .05 minute... Yea! but i know what you are saying... The world would be a better place if seducers combine all of the approaches... But the mingle works specially at parties and bars.


              Comment


              • #8
                I'm all down for mingling, in fact that's what I used to do in the past, was bounce from group to group. But how does that result in getting laid? So you walk around dropping short comments, sometimes getting into short convos.. When does it turn into full escalation? when you've entered a conversation where she seems overly interested?

                Also what can you talk about? Most of the time you can talk about something superficial like what she's wearing or the venue you're located in, this usually transitions into "Where are you from?" and logical conversations about the girl.

                If you're in "state" then the conversations are a bit more ridiculous, like sexual jokes or whatever, like Brent Smith's Banter. I'll call this "improv".

                So it's Mingle -> superficial conversation which then leads to either improv or interview style questions.


                As for my take on cold vs warm, direct vs indirect. I don't think any of it matters, I don't think you'll have better "results" going for warm over cold, more efficient results, yes, better results, no. The girls that like you, are the girls that like you. Except some girls don't know they like you because they haven't seen you yet, and some girls don't give off signals. So the cold vs warm debate is pointless. As for direct and indirect, I don't know, I can't say for certain it affects results or not, I've heard arguments on both sides.
                The Qlue, simple perspectives on life.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Qlue: Mingling is just one aspect of an overarching and multifaceted persona. You transition into sensuality after you open opportunities with some mingling mixed in with other attractive traits. You establish a mingling nature and then you layer other strategies over the top.

                  So think of it like bread, and you'll need some meat, sauce and salad, before you then are more appealing and then you escalate.

                  Think of it like "occupying" the girl whilst you warm up everything else. ij's method so far as i know would then include being alluring, using kino, keeping connected to the scene, apply specific looks he shoots at her etc.

                  Its like a coreographed sequence that must go with it, and this is the basic one two step of the larger and more flexible plan he has ready.
                  So in short, in a fashion, you are right, you must compliment it.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Skills360 View Post
                    But the mingle works specially at parties and bars.
                    Agree. Also for daytime gatherings/crowds. I guess day-gamers have to rely more on talking to persons who are entirely by them self.

                    Originally posted by Qlue View Post
                    When does it turn into full escalation?
                    Hey Qlue, Im a bit surprised by the number of questions/logics trigger in your mind by this. To me there is no difference. I AM fairly direct though. If the girl is cute, I will tell her asap in one way or another.

                    Originally posted by thecostofsuccess View Post
                    Second tip: If mingling fails, and you cannot get it "catching" right, then you should not "press the issue"
                    Yea I guess 'manic' mingling could be bad.. What I love though, is that it never FULLY fails And you can always CONTINUE mingling imo. I guess if you are in 'cause & effect/outcome' mindset, (thinking like questions from Qlue examplifies), then you could come to a point of 'shit this isnt meeting my expectation', but I never go there.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      This is genius and the reason I stopped "approaching" a long time ago (well, I sometimes still do just for fun, but of course always at the risk of hard rejection). There are so many good reasons to mingle instead of approaching:

                      1. Mingling is always socially acceptable and if people are rude, they're being rude. No-one will cheer them for rejecting a guy who's mingling. A guy who's approaching, however...
                      2. Mingling nearly always gives a positive impression of you, and if people are being rude, you can just tell them that you were just trying to be social, and leave. Since you were just trying to have a good time, and spreading some of that joy (instead of wanting something from then like, say, sex) it is truly their loss.
                      3. Mingling builds social value in a room like nothing else. When men and women notice that you're the cool guy walking around and just chatting to everybody and making their day a little lighter, they will want to get to know you. You will have stuff given to you like men wanting to buy you drinks, men and women presenting you their single female friends, and of course women approaching you. (Btw. having women approach you isn't always positive. Expect to sometimes feel like that hot babe feels like when some ugly troll comes over and wants sex from her, but just turn the trolls down politely/flirtingly. It actually shows that you have some self respect, thus increasing your social value even more.)

                      Now, the concept of mingling is of course an old one. The first dude who turned me onto it was Brent, and he has of course also developed a lot of fun tools for mingling. However you'll most likely be fine at this as long as you're able to say hello to people and ask them how they are.

                      I've notices a subset of people who are better at mingling than others. Usually they're into leadership or high society, where you will of course also find the ubiquitous cocktail party - the mingling event par excellence.

                      Hm, come to think of it, there are one or two downsides to mingling. It won't work if you're either impatient or desperate.
                      I know HTML (How To Meet Ladies)

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Ratata View Post
                        This is genius and the reason I stopped "approaching" a long time ago (well, I sometimes still do just for fun, but of course always at the risk of hard rejection). There are so many good reasons to mingle instead of approaching:

                        1. Mingling is always socially acceptable
                        2. Mingling nearly always gives a positive impression of you
                        3. Mingling builds social value in a room like nothing else

                        Hm, come to think of it, there are one or two downsides to mingling. It won't work if you're either impatient or desperate.
                        I agree, it definately boosts your percieved value and doubles as effective and practical towards your end. And as with anything, you cannot do it impatiently and with desperation, but mingling by default as ij said it can actually lessen the needs and desperation by itself.

                        Guys should just do it more. They'll have benifits if they can adapt a bit, and ask a few pointed question to ij.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Ratata View Post
                          Mingling builds social value in a room like nothing else.
                          THIS.

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                          • #14
                            Great post!

                            Couldnīt agree more.

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                            • #15
                              Ripple effect of flirting (New topic but dont want to start so many)

                              Ive said this before: Whenever girls see you talk to other girls, their interest in you increases. (Idle time has the opposite effect. So get busy!) Hence the magnificence of mingling...

                              Interestingly (and unknown to all of you, I suspect) the increase in interest is linked to only what you do, not how/if girls are responding. This CONTRARY to the generally accepted theory of SOCIAL PROOF. So all you need to do is initiate a lot of flirting. Even little stuff helps; like smiling, waving, winking.. even simply looking overtly at girls has the same effect in my experience. Its like this:

                              When a girl sees a situation of male-to-female attention, SHE WANTS IN ON THAT.

                              This is the ripple effect of flirting.

                              Comment


                              • Grodmeister General
                                Editing a comment
                                not if it looks like youre the one doing the work aka not locking in ....my wing got called out on this when i was playing an obersvation game with a set we were both in prior(he left cuz he flamed out) they said he looked desperate..you gotta lock in and talk to girls ..so that way it looks like a dude who has girls wanting to talk to him!
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