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What Poly Parties Are Like

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  • What Poly Parties Are Like

    Since moving, I've found a fairly large Poly community whose events and parties I will occasionally attend.

    Thought I'd share some educational wisdom for anyone curious about the lifestyle.

    In some ways, it is very similar to the post I made about "An MRA In Feminist Paradise," which I think I put on this forum at some point (also on my blog).

    The way they work is basically this:

    There's an initial period where everyone's hanging out, introducing themselves to new people and catching up with previous friends and/or lovers. Once the "formal" part of the evening begins, there is generally a lecture about rules, boundaries, and how things will operate.

    They operate on the very extreme end of "enthusiastic consent," regardless of gender--everything must be agreed on by everyone in a given interaction (also regardless of how many people are involved). Slips happen in the heat of the moment, but it's generally something to laugh over. I've never seen someone blatantly violate the rules, since these types of events are fairly well-screened for people with the right kind of energy and understanding.

    Then, there will be a "test run" so to speak, where people (still clothed) try out the aforementioned rules and boundaries in small doses with other people in the group. This builds comfort and familiarity with the rules and other members of the group.

    After that, there is sometimes a section in which every single person expresses their fantasies and ideal events for the evening. There is no guarantee of what will happen, it's just a safe space to express what you desire most.

    Then there is one more mini-lecture just to remind everyone and keep the mood right, after which the actual party begins.

    At this point, it is very much like any bar scene (minus the alcohol, generally, and clothing as well for those who choose to get naked): The onus of the approach is on unfamiliar men, though women will beckon over men they wish to be intimate with.

    At any point, you can ask a couple or group to join, and must respect it if they turn you down. The facilitators generally encourage people to see rejection as positive, since it gives you the opportunity to find what you're looking for elsewhere, instead of wasting time on persistence and whatnot.

    People hook up in couples, threesomes, foursomes, and partners in groups will generally change throughout the evening, though people who like each other may choose to get intimate in one form or another for as long as the party lasts.

    There is a difference between "fluid exchange" parties, which involves sex (oral, manual, genital) and parties in which fluid exchange is not allowed. The latter focus more on exchange of tantric energy and every other type of intimacy short of actual sex.

    Another way in which it's like a bar scene is that creepy guys get nowhere. They will often approach multiple women, be shot down consistently, and eventually leave early once they're frustrated enough. Anyone who makes someone else uncomfortable, by not following the rules, is immediately pulled aside and lectured. Some are asked to leave at that point.

    I have seen several guys show up to these parties who think it's a pussy paradise (which it is for some people), only to become angry when nobody wants to get intimate with them. Some of them show up at multiple parties, hoping it will be different next time.

    As always, the guys with the best game hook up with the most chicks, and the guys with the least get nothing.

    These are very sex-positive spaces, and homosexual activity is not uncommon (either between men or between women). Being uncomfortable with that will generally result in either leaving of one's own volition or being asked to leave once it's apparent that you are judging other people for their sexual choices.

    Like I mentioned, these are pretty well-screened events, through a somewhat self-selecting process as well.

    They are pretty awesome, though all the talking can get boring, and you can't quite ravish women the way you might outside of such a space. Everything progresses slowly, which can be sometimes be frustrating, but can also really spike tension and make the experience super hot for everyone.

    So for anyone curious about the poly lifestyle, check your local Meetup groups--there's probably one or two at least in your area. Meet the family, or families, display your open-mindedness and awesomeness, and you'll probably get invited to a party sooner or later.

  • #2
    CTM I hope you don't mind if I throw in my own experience with poly parties.

    I agree about the enthusiastic consent idea, but I never got a lecture unless it was in the form of the greeting by the host/hostess. There was an invite that went out, usually by email, that laid down the rules and that was about all I heard as long as everyone played nice. The ones I attended had a no sex rule so they might have been a little more tame. That didn't keep the clothing on or the snuggling up off. They really reminded me of a house party with a heavy duty sex vibe. A lot of the people at these parties get sexually involved even if its not at the party. One of the interesting things was to pay attention to interactions. I saw some poorly disguised jealousy fits and the residue from past dramas. There was some pretty cool people there.


    That was the good stuff, now the other side of the story. The women in general weren't very attractive. I saw parts of women that. . . well I just looked the other way. Often enough I was on the popular list because I would bring one of the hottest women there. The steamy atmosphere would get us worked up and horny, then we would go elsewhere. Never found anyone we were tempted to take with us.


    We talked about it and we wondered if there was a separate play at work here. If a hot woman/couple want to play they can sort of hit their regular social circles and find what they want. Maybe a little online time or something but the ones that went to these parties didn't have as many options. Not sure if this is true or if it was just our area. I am curious if others have noted a similar?

    Still, the cool thing about poly is that the word is getting out. I have meet poly women outside the parties/groups that are really hot by my standard. They might not have been as open and willing had there not been an underground society. It is worth it to get to know these groups and the way they operate. One thing I have found in the poly world is a vocabulary you can use. Its much more palatable to talk about loving many than it is being a pick up artist.

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    • #3
      How do you actually go about finding these communities and parties? I take it they aren't exactly advertised in neon lights but if creepy and homophobic guys can make their way to them I guess it wouldn't be impossible for your average curious guy to find his way into one?

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by ChitownMaverick View Post
        As always, the guys with the best game hook up with the most chicks, and the guys with the least get nothing.
        I have no experience of poly parties, but I do of swinger parties, and they are somewhat similar. The above, however, is EXACTLY the case.

        I thought the best looking guys would get the most action. That's not the case at all. I was at a party with a guy who my wife thought was a 10, and not creepy or anything. I asked him "So, how does a single guy do at a swingers party?" and he just shrugged and said, "You can see for yourself"- meaning he was standing there talking to me, and not pounding some HB. The guy's problem was he didn't have game. I'm sure he did get laid at the end of the night based on his looks, but probably with women who were older/not the hottest. The guy was...slightly shy. I am WAY not good looking, but I C&F girls, grind on them dancing, and end up with a chick sitting in my lap while good looking dude plays wallflower.

        Creepy (or desperate) guys...you can smell them a mile away. Just being a single guy at the party is, IMHO, a bad idea. Bring a girl- TONS of girls just want to check it out but don't want to go alone. I post craigslist ads for them. But if you dont bring a girl, you've got to be WAY fun and cool. Wear a T shirt that says, "I have candy" and hand out lollipops to everybody. Bring a deck of those handwriting analysis cards and do handwriting analysis. Be fun and have a great vibe, and even if you're chubby and homely, some chick will end up on your dick.

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        • #5
          Sounds like the sex clubs I've been to, which are way harder than the regular night clubs. The only guys that got laid were either super built guys, or guys who came with girls so they had FFM threesomes or swinged with other couples.

          There was only one night where a regular average joe got "pussy paradise" and it was the yearly university event where regular non sex-positive girls came just to get laid. Sounds ironic.

          Sadly I was late for that night and couldn't get in but my buddy banged 3 girls. I went the following week which they advertised was for some of the people who couldn't get in the first time. I ended up isolating a really hot blonde and sucked on her tits but she was too nervous to do anything else. I think I may have had some chances. Hopefully they'll have one this year.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by JetSetJim View Post
            I have no experience of poly parties, but I do of swinger parties, and they are somewhat similar. The above, however, is EXACTLY the case.

            I thought the best looking guys would get the most action. That's not the case at all. I was at a party with a guy who my wife thought was a 10, and not creepy or anything. I asked him "So, how does a single guy do at a swingers party?" and he just shrugged and said, "You can see for yourself"- meaning he was standing there talking to me, and not pounding some HB. The guy's problem was he didn't have game. I'm sure he did get laid at the end of the night based on his looks, but probably with women who were older/not the hottest. The guy was...slightly shy. I am WAY not good looking, but I C&F girls, grind on them dancing, and end up with a chick sitting in my lap while good looking dude plays wallflower.

            Creepy (or desperate) guys...you can smell them a mile away. Just being a single guy at the party is, IMHO, a bad idea. Bring a girl- TONS of girls just want to check it out but don't want to go alone. I post craigslist ads for them. But if you dont bring a girl, you've got to be WAY fun and cool. Wear a T shirt that says, "I have candy" and hand out lollipops to everybody. Bring a deck of those handwriting analysis cards and do handwriting analysis. Be fun and have a great vibe, and even if you're chubby and homely, some chick will end up on your dick.
            That's pretty much it! I do go to them solo, or at least I was a total unknown when I met the local group, so I was viewed with the understandable suspicion at first. A lot of the single dudes who go are just hoping for lots of easy sex (myself included!)

            Fortunately I had a lot of poly experience before I ever met them, so I was able to generate the necessary comfort / familiarity through my stories and the way I interacted with the people there. You really do have to be cool to be accepted as a single dude, but once you know people it's not so big a deal.

            And @ UW: Yes, poly vocabulary is awesome. I've actually been able to re-word tons of things from this very forum into poly terms which everyone understands and accepts. Even going so far as to describe "hierarchical poly," which is the whole FB/MLTR/OLTR paradigm, using those exact words (which is where BD got them from to begin with).

            It's hilarious to me when I can repeat stuff from Sedfast to people in real life and they nod along like "yeah, totally." Love it.

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            • #7
              The key to swing parties and poly parties is going with a girl, could be your gf or a fb, there is NO GAME NEEDED, other than being a normal/no creepy/desperate vibe dude... Brent smith stuff would apply good in these situations.

              You go with your girl, if she looks good, you have her suck your dick while bending over, the other couples will show interest, and usually the other women gently touch her booty or the single dudes will start touching, if you are into that.

              The key is to go with the women to the area were only couples can go, again if your girl is decent looking or hot, couples will approach or you have the girl go to the other couple and gently touch the other girl. Or you strategically fuck your girl next to a couple and escalate looking for compliance, if they are not comfortable you stop and move away.

              Going alone is stupid and most dudes alone are creepers, annoying as fuck. My 2 cents. Swing game is played by the women,they are the once that dictate the interaction no game needed under than directing your girl.

              chi where do you find this events btw??

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              • #8
                My experience as well, to show up without a girl is a big dlv (old school term I know), you definitely need to bring a girl to these things, it makes the other girls comfortable and if she's hot it raises your value big time, just like how whenever I walk down the street holding a hot girls hand I get twice the looks from girls I normally do.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Skills360 View Post
                  The key to swing parties and poly parties is going with a girl, could be your gf or a fb, there is NO GAME NEEDED, other than being a normal/no creepy/desperate vibe dude... Brent smith stuff would apply good in these situations.

                  You go with your girl, if she looks good, you have her suck your dick while bending over, the other couples will show interest, and usually the other women gently touch her booty or the single dudes will start touching, if you are into that.

                  The key is to go with the women to the area were only couples can go, again if your girl is decent looking or hot, couples will approach or you have the girl go to the other couple and gently touch the other girl. Or you strategically fuck your girl next to a couple and escalate looking for compliance, if they are not comfortable you stop and move away.

                  Going alone is stupid and most dudes alone are creepers, annoying as fuck. My 2 cents. Swing game is played by the women,they are the once that dictate the interaction no game needed under than directing your girl.

                  chi where do you find this events btw??
                  me and my girls actually cold approach sets. and I often actually do the verbals cause some of the girls I go with are too shy to ask. still works just as good. I've gone like 4-5 times past 2 months. Bang minimum 3 new girls and the highest was 7 new last night. There's a nice little room where it's like a tube and often there's like 4 couples playing. we just ask 'can we join and are you guys full swap'. people will volunteer their boundaries quickly and you go for it. the club I go to is all about extreme verbal consent. so my method is perfect for it and it suits me cause i'm not that best at reading sub communications. lol

                  I think it's shockingly easy if you're good looking + have a girl + can cold approach. trifecta combo. 1) shows good genetics 2) shows other women want you 3) most people are too shy. if another couple is hotter than you you'll still do better if you approach. those 3 things 3x my results going. Also good to ask everyone insta/number cause if your girl falls off you instantly know other girls that you might be able to go with and veterans know all the deals etc. it's a good win-win situation and makes prudes laughable. It improved my game a lot too because after you fuck 3 hotties within seconds of meeting them in the span of 3 hours you realize that girls are just pretending / socially conditioned in the vanilla world.

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