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How do you keep an Alpha mindset with women when other things in your life are going to shit?

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  • How do you keep an Alpha mindset with women when other things in your life are going to shit?

    Note: I didn't intend for this post to be this long, and I somewhat went off on a tangent towards the end. However, if you make it through the post, any advice or related experiences would be appreciated. Thanks.

    What do you guys do when other things in your life are falling apart? How are you when you're around your MLTR's at night but know that tomorrow is going to be one giant shit show? How can you be happy while you're with them, have a good time, joke around, laugh at stupid movies, all while knowing that you're professional life is currently up a shit creek? When the light at the end of the tunnel is bleak, how do you still keep that Alpha mindset?

    Right now, I walk through the door to my MLTR's places, and they look at me with stars in their eyes. They see me as their light, their escape. I don't lie to them, or have a false persona around them. They know I'm dealing with "things" at the moment, and they see me relatively not affected by it, which, in essence, is my nature (at least not to show that anything is bothering me), and it may actually be something that increases their attraction towards me. Problems come my way, and I either let them slide off my shoulders, deal with them, or, as a last resort, just stick my head in the sand and forget about them. Lately, all of this has allowed me to come across as someone of strength, someone who can handle anything that comes their way. However, lately I've been sticking my head in the sand a little too much. And now, those problems that I've been avoiding are starting to fester. I can feel them inside of me. They haven't affected me outwardly too much, but I feel some of them are coming to a breaking point. I'm not going to snap or "lose it", however I may have somewhat of a minor break down. Something needs to change. If I stay on the current path with my professional life, and nothing changes there, then something will happen with me. I feel I will change. I won't be the same outwardly care free, charming man, that these have women grown accustomed to. I am okay with losing these women, but what I care about is ME, what would be causing me to lose them. Me changing. Me losing myself. I've been through financial ruin before, I've had J.O.B.'s go south at the drop of a hat. I've been on my own, I've struggled....but my mindset with experiences like this is simply & metaphorically..... NEXT! However, I'm starting to wonder, how many times can I keep struggling? How many times can I subject myself to the stress, and pain, before something inside me does change. Before I am permanently altered.

    I have a relatively strong character, and I do not need much. Like most people, I do enjoy the finer things, but I don't need them. Theoretically speaking, I could probably live as a bum, and somehow turn it into a good time. I'd walk the Earth (like Kane from Kung fu - P.F.) get into adventures, and add some more experiences to my complex and adventure filled life. That's who I am, and who, for the most part, I've always been....turning lemons into lemonade wherever I go, but then, for some reason dumping that lemonade out and starting a new batch. However, I don't want to lose that about me. I don't want to lose my relatively care free, look at the bright side, life goes on, way about me. But Lately, anxiety has been creeping in, I've been through stages of anxiety before, with certain experiences and happenings in my life, but I've moved on, lived through it, and came out the other side with a lesson or a story to tell, or a life experience that may or may not have been something that "defined" me. But now, I feel, at times, the anxiety taking over, usually while I'm working, or sometimes even when I'm with a woman.

    "why are you acting like this?" "I've never seen you be this way before."

    Every so often I'll hear things like this^, then I'll see a bewildered, almost scared look in their eyes, a "who are you??" kind of look.

    Like I said, if these women go, or I have to leave them, that does not matter to me. What matters is losing myself, losing who I am. I have an Alpha mindset, but when that anxiety creeps in, that mindset starts to get fuzzy, I almost feel as if I just want to slump my shoulders, put my head down and give in. Then I'll make some realizations, or do affirmations, and I'll snap out of it and come back.....I'll feel me again.....but it's not always 100% me.

    My Alpha mindset is currently weak, I know this. It's there but I feel, due to outside circumstance, that it's like a "glass house". My foundation, that I've been working on for many years, is starting to show wear and tare, small cracks are starting to form. But oddly enough, at the same time, I do feel my inner game is as strong as it's ever been. And I don't know how that's possible with everything else that's going on with me. I do feel inner game and an Alpha mindset are compliments to each other, but I don't know if you have to have one in order to have the other.....

    Contrary to my professional life, 99.99% of the time lately when I'm with women, I feel in complete control of the situation. I almost feel like I have too much power over them, like they would do almost anything I say. Even with those few moments mentioned above, I feel that those times are adding something to their attraction for me. Something mysterious and maybe even dark about me that enthralls them, gets them excited....makes them want to know more. Even with women I rarely or never talk to. I see the hot neighbor wife checking me out when she doesn't realize I can see her, I can feel her eyes on me, I can feel what she wants. I can go to the grocery store and see the check out girl lose herself for that split second that gives her away. I know what she's thinking, and at that moment, I feel all I have to do is give her a "look" and we've communicated everything that needs to be communicated, and she could be mine. There are times I am so sure of myself that I feel I can just walk down the street, and like a a fucking Jedi, I can pull women's attention away from whatever they're doing and get them to focus on me...... "there's something about that guy". It almost feels like I can control my aura, like there's a nob inside me for turning up it's volume. It's fucking insane, and I don't fully understand it. Sometimes it's even there when I'm down or not trying to put out any "vibes". I'll be lost in thought, staring off into space, then I'll come back to reality and there will be a woman staring at me...and she'll have this look of total focus and wonderment, and she won't be shy or trying to hide it, it's almost as if she is lost deep in thought. I'll get up and take off, but her look will not go away. It feels like she's staring at something she doesn't understand, like a problem she's trying to figure out. It's not some type of surface level physical attraction, it feels deeper, it's almost as if I can feel a need in them, and I'm the one that can fulfill that need.

    I've been consciously working on my inner game for many years now, but this last year I feel that I've made incredible progress, and, when it comes to women, once some type of connection is made, I feel I can control almost any outcome. But overall, at the same time, I don't fully understand what's going on with me.. I feel secure but I feel that anxiety from other areas in my life are still there, spilling over....or at least somewhere, floating around underneath the surface, or knocking on the door to my house that I've taken so long to built. I know my professional life is not where it should be, and I know I need to get this area in my life handled. But I'm fearing what will happen if I don't get it handled, or if I'm wrong and that won't solve the issue I'm having. For the first time in my life, I'm fearing the future. And I need to deal with it.

  • #2
    Temporarily next all of your women, nicely, then temporarily suspend any other non-financial goals and hobbies, and spend the next 30 to 60 days absolutely, 100% focused on turning around your financial/career life. In unusual times or times of crisis, you need to be laser-focused on the problem area, which means you need to put all of your other areas in life on temporary pause. And yes, I've done this myself before so I speak from experience.

    Your women won't like it, but they'll understand. As a side benefit, their attraction for you will shoot into the stratosphere. Return to them once you're done fixing your current financial/career problem, which shouldn't take longer than 30 or 60 days at the very most if you focus.
    How to have 3 hour meet-to-lays and nonmonogamous relationships with any type of woman:
    The Blackdragon Blog

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Peaks View Post
      I know my professional life is not where it should be, and I know I need to get this area in my life handled.
      Is this "should" coming from within you? It's not some external pressure / expectation?

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by tryhard
        Is this "should" coming from within you? It's not some external pressure / expectation?
        This is all me, and it's warranted, believe me on this.

        Originally posted by Blackdragon View Post
        Temporarily next all of your women, nicely, then temporarily suspend any other non-financial goals and hobbies, and spend the next 30 to 60 days absolutely, 100% focused on turning around your financial/career life. In unusual times or times of crisis, you need to be laser-focused on the problem area, which means you need to put all of your other areas in life on temporary pause. And yes, I've done this myself before so I speak from experience.

        Your women won't like it, but they'll understand. As a side benefit, their attraction for you will shoot into the stratosphere. Return to them once you're done fixing your current financial/career problem, which shouldn't take longer than 30 or 60 days at the very most if you focus.
        This is great advice. However, I actually already did this, and right about the 45 day mark I started climbing up the walls. It did help somewhat but unfortunately not enough, it might not have been the right time. I'd have to get into more detail about my professional life to explain, but basically I was recruited by someone I worked for in the past to help get his new company going. And, overall, it's been a long and tiresome road. I'm more or less "invested" in the company right now, and for many reasons, it hasn't been moving along like it should be. I realize I've kind of backed myself into a corner. I dove head first into this job, and it's just not panning out the way it should be. My work ethic, as well, has had it's ups and downs. Since a lot of the work I do is sales, long term sales, 6 months to a year to close a client, there's been a lot of let downs, broken promises, last minute fall outs, that my motivation has, at times, severely dropped. And because of this, I've also gotten down on myself, as well as the company, prospective clients. It's been an all around "roller coaster" of an experience. The payoffs are big, and I knew I was taking a risk going into a venture like this, but there's just enough of that light at the end of the tunnel, along with my previous investment (time), as well as my lack of other options, to keep me moving forward, as slow as it may be. I'm, for the first time, just really concerned.

        I guess I originally started this thread, as the title states, to see what you guys do when "shit happens" and life hits you. Are you still "allowed" to be Alpha when you're struggling to pay bills, and your professional future looks bleak? When you're in the shit and you're starting to realize you may not be able to handle what's coming your way...... how do you keep your head up? When you realize you may have to rely on other people (family/friends) to take you in or help you out, how do you still go about proclaiming to be Alpha?

        I guess like you were suggesting BD, you don't? You take care of what needs to be taken care of FIRST, then women come second? How do you give yourself a big kick in the ass? Staying laser focused with no guaranteed outcome is, at times, easier said than done. How do you get going again when you've been emotionally drained? When you've been through the muck, and have stayed positive, but then come to realize there's a whole bunch more shit you're going to have to go through. I've always been someone that's followed/done what he's liked, or motivated to do. What do you do when that motivation is gone?

        I guess my OP turned into more of a rant than anything, or a vent. I don't know. I guess I'm airing out my problems, looking for some type of spark.

        Comment


        • #5
          I think you have deeper problems than just your financial life. You're all over the place. You're in a place mentally I've never experienced and can't relate to. I honestly think you should go talk to someone, if only to air your concerns, which I belive go deeper than you think. I'm pretty sure your current internal problems are beyond anyone's ability on this forum (or any forum) to fix. One thing that stood out to me:

          Are you still "allowed" to be Alpha when you're struggling to pay bills, and your professional future looks bleak? When you're in the shit and you're starting to realize you may not be able to handle what's coming your way...... how do you keep your head up? When you realize you may have to rely on other people (family/friends) to take you in or help you out, how do you still go about proclaiming to be Alpha?
          That. You're stressing the fuck out about things that haven't even happened and probably won't happen. Which shows me you're going through some internal turmoil right now, and the problem may far beyond just your financial life or your woman life. It has nothing to do with Alpha or not Alpha.

          Again, I recommend talking to someone to sort through your internal chaos (then find a compelling reason to move forward, come up with a plan of action, and get to work on yourself).
          How to have 3 hour meet-to-lays and nonmonogamous relationships with any type of woman:
          The Blackdragon Blog

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Peaks View Post
            I guess I originally started this thread, as the title states, to see what you guys do when "shit happens" and life hits you. Are you still "allowed" to be Alpha when you're struggling to pay bills, and your professional future looks bleak? When you're in the shit and you're starting to realize you may not be able to handle what's coming your way...... how do you keep your head up? When you realize you may have to rely on other people (family/friends) to take you in or help you out, how do you still go about proclaiming to be Alpha?
            So being "alpha" means doing everything alone then by your definition? I believe that there is a freedom gained by being able to do things alone and not having to rely on others that might let you down, and it's important to go down that road to experience it and see how powerful one man alone can be if he refuses to take shit from others.

            Yet I also believe that together with others you can reach an even greater freedom, because well, together you can be so much stronger than alone, your power goes from individual to political. It's more complicated than simply focusing on doing stuff alone and not be sidetracked by others, but there's a much greater potential there.

            The first step is learning to lead your own life. The next is probably to lead others. And yet another one is to be a great leader.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Blackdragon View Post
              Temporarily next all of your women, nicely, then temporarily suspend any other non-financial goals and hobbies, and spend the next 30 to 60 days absolutely, 100% focused on turning around your financial/career life. In unusual times or times of crisis, you need to be laser-focused on the problem area, which means you need to put all of your other areas in life on temporary pause. And yes, I've done this myself before so I speak from experience.

              Your women won't like it, but they'll understand. As a side benefit, their attraction for you will shoot into the stratosphere. Return to them once you're done fixing your current financial/career problem, which shouldn't take longer than 30 or 60 days at the very most if you focus.
              Great advice, thanks for that. This is exactly what I did during this month. I nexted my FB, I cut hobbies and almost all of my social life and had diligently spent my time focused just on working on my career as a liberal professional. One of the greatest aspects I came to know is that I'm not going to have many good opportunities in my home town, so on October or November I am going to move away from my home town to Milan, actually one of the biggest cities in Italy.

              Luckily I was able to drive a good bargain that is going to pay the bills. Now I have to restore my social life!

              Comment


              • #8
                Wasting time when a key area of your life is in trouble, is the worst feeling.
                I would never spend time on girls at a time when my livelihood was in jeopardy!
                Nor would I waste time writing walls of text online.
                So just tell them why you cant see them right now.
                It will be ok, and you can focus on important things.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by ijjjji View Post
                  Wasting time when a key area of your life is in trouble, is the worst feeling.
                  I would never spend time on girls at a time when my livelihood was in jeopardy!
                  Nor would I waste time writing walls of text online.
                  Oh yes. My routine was like: going to job, coming back home, working on my project and being interrupted every 5 minutes from friends, the FB, my brotherÖ
                  Even when out with friends or with her, I was constantly thinking at my job, at all the details or at things to be done. I was feeling frustrated and was really nervous.

                  So just tell them why you cant see them right now.
                  It will be ok, and you can focus on important things.
                  It was ok for her, she didnít give me drama or shit. I could have lost her (actually she is dating another guy) but sincerely I didnít mind that.

                  Comment

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