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  • General Life Advice

    I wanted to share my latest sticking point, more so in life, but in relates to women as well. But here I feel is the most objective place to get answers aside from bullshit society norms, disney fantasies, and the fantastical marketing efforts of today.

    I find myself in a predicament and I'm not sure where to go. Anytime in life where I have had this happen I've looked for the answer in models and people that have done it before. When I struggled with girls I looked and looked until I found a suitable model so that I could get better and then I followed it to a tee. Before that, I had followed a model laid out to me where I would go to school, find a nice wife, settle down, and eventually retire. etc. ect.

    Of course this was rather shot to hell when I went out picking up girls 4 nights a week and got so much experience with them. But none the less, what I am so proud about is that I saw somebody who was having the success that I wanted in life and then I went and learned how they did it. I did it myself and I was successful.

    Recently it's come to me, that I am looking for a more effective model of what I want to accomplish in life. I know that I would want to make a great impact in life, yet my contributions at age 27 are too few to be overly proud of (at least for me). As many of you know, I am currently traveling in South East Asia. This gives me the opportunity to work a ton and to have sex with so many girls without making it a part time job. It sounds beautiful as I write it, yet I know that there must be something more to all of it.

    Easily, I could go to other countries around here and work very little hours teaching English and bang a bunch of girls as well. Yet, I am not strongly drawn to that. What I know is that currently I am faced with what I see to be an issue of accomplishment or companionship. Where I could go back to America, start back in corporate world and bang very few girls. Of course, I could go and do what I did before and still go out 4 nights a week while having a corporate job and making good money, but this is a pain in the ass. My strategy for coming to South East Asia was not to spend so much time on girls. While I greatly respect the likes of those who go so deep with it here, I reached a level previously where it just didn't make sense for me, in my eyes, to keep grinding to get better at it.

    In addition, that kind of accomplishment and sex that I would gain from coming back to America is very fleeting. I am still into some kind of hopeless romantic dream bullshit and I don't trust myself. Likely I would go back and find myself getting married and then finding misery along the way too. Sum it up, this seems like a stupid plan, but it would have the potential of giving me the accomplishment I look for, specifically I could go and contribute to a company and have a steady plan for progression and growth. Things would feel fairly stable and I would notice growth.

    Yet, my women life would be terrible and I would be deprived a great deal of sex. Which is something so great about South East Asia right now. Beautiful girls and hardly any bullshit to put up with. The island that I am at now is becoming more known and is sucking every day a little more for these qualities, but there are plenty of other up and coming places. It's fucking paradise in the regards for women with sex. I don't have to spend 4 hours going to a nightclub and hoping I will get a beautiful girl, I already have 3 tinder dates lined up. Yet, my life is lacking in accomplishment.

    For me, I believe I shouldn't have to choose sex (companionship) or money (accomplishment), but it seems to be what I am faced with.

    What kind of led me to this was a family member of mine that settled down in the Philippines. Older guy, with a beautiful wife, but what I wouldn't want in that is such little life growth. Sure he manages a business, yet I don't see any personal progression with him. Sometimes these co-working centers help that, but I wonder how to keep pushing it forward. Maybe it's good to not have sex so that we are pushed to be more?

    Anyway, for the most part I am getting my thoughts all written down about this matter. I don't really have anyone to look up to in how they have designed their life to be a perfect mix of work and play. The closest example that I can really come up with is Dan Blitzerian. What do you guys suggest?
    -Supernova

  • #2
    So if I read you correctly, you have struggled back in the US to get what you want, and now you've moved to another place where you do get what you want, but you miss the struggle part of it. Which is understandable, at least to me, because (as you wrote too) it is through struggle that we develop ourselves. It's kind of like the difference between inheriting a billion dollars and earning it through your own work. You might enjoy the comfort a billion dollar brings you, but you will probably have a hard time feeling entitled to use it because you haven't really deserved it.

    For most people I know, they set themselves goals that they think are unreachable to them, and then telling themselves how "one day they might reach them" without ever working much for them. The funny thing about the big goals is that for most of them, you really don't even want to reach them. Achieving them isn't the point, it's having direction to point your struggles to. So you've come to Asia and there it's much easier to actually reach your goals in your experience. So you've reached them, and you find they kind of bore you because once you have reached them you lack direction on what to do next.

    What if you take your current experience as something like a safety net for yourself that you can always come back to if needed? Like, set aside an amount of money for yourself that will reliably bring you back to where you are at the moment, and then return to where you came from, where you found yourself struggling (and thus potentially growing), and struggle on there to destill your true value you can give to the world? I've been struggling a lot myself over the last 10 or so years, regarding women and professional life, but through all the hardships I experienced I was able to distill a few truths for myself that now allow me to live my life more aligned with what I truly need and can offer to this world:

    - In regards to women and relationships, I've found that I'm capable of loving more than one woman at a time. So I've learned how to not having to hide that fact or feel bad about it, but rather be congruent. I've found myself a main gf who is very similar in this regard, and although she was very afraid of actually experiencing the consequences at first, we have both had other people we had sex with and felt love for over the last 2,5 years or so we've been together, and we still love each other very much. We've discovered that if we allow ourselves to love more than each other, we can more easily accept each other as who we are and not give in to the notion of "you have to change in order to satisfy my needs" so easily. If my gf isn't meeting my needs at any moment and isn't willing or able to do it, I can simply find me someone else who can and will without having to sacrifice the immense value she brings into my life. We've found a way in which we both know from experience that on of us increasing the distance between us doesn't necessarily mean splitting up for good. It's rather like a heartbeat or something, a pulse of closeness and distance that allows us to not stale our own growth and our growth together.

    - In regards of work life, I've been working in many different jobs over the last 10 years and changed professions a lot. It took me a long time to accept the in-between defeats at times, especially since some of those were somewhat foul play by former bosses who would lie and use political agendas against me. I've fought at times, and simply accepted at times, and although I was hurt considerably through all of it and quite a few times found myself doubting whether I could provide any value to the world at all if I seemingly had fucked up so many times by now, after a while I've realized how people around you are something like messengers. They might lack constructive language to tell you in a way that doesn't hurt what they ought to tell you, but they are (often unconsciously) helping you wear down layers of protection that keep you from becoming who you were meant to be. In my case, I'm much too open- and flexible-minded to work as an employee, but it took me about 10 years to accept that. I'm also not a good daily leader because that involves many repeat tasks which simply bore me and which I will stop doing when more interesting problems arise so I can focus fully on those. Which is why I finally realized I'll probably have to work in a role more closely to a consultant or something, because that's what I'm really amazing at. I've been in work situations in which I could use this ability, and this is where I've thrived, although I still had to do many day-to-day-tasks that cost me energy I had rather spent on doing what I most love. So now I'm finally understanding that I will probably never be happy as an employee where some boss is defining how I should work, and I'll probably never be fully happy if I can't find a way of working in a consultant role. So although I'm scared shitless about it all, I'll now be trying to start my own consulting company starting this January. Perhaps I'll realize doing that that I still didn't get it right, and I'll still have to undo much of my protective layers that hold me back from doing what I'm meant to do in this world. But I'm really looking forward to the struggle, because this time I'll have no boss getting in my way that I can blame for me not having the space for creative solutions.

    So judging from all your past experience, where does life want to lead you? Where is not only struggle to be found, but formative struggle, the one that sharpens and prepares you for what you're meant to contribute to this world? Answer this for yourself, and you'll probably know where to go and what to do next.

    Jester
    Bunterrichten - Alternativen zum Unter-richten:

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Supernova View Post
      Easily, I could go to other countries around here and work very little hours teaching English and bang a bunch of girls as well. Yet, I am not strongly drawn to that. What I know is that currently I am faced with what I see to be an issue of accomplishment or companionship. Where I could go back to America, start back in corporate world and bang very few girls. Of course, I could go and do what I did before and still go out 4 nights a week while having a corporate job and making good money, but this is a pain in the ass. My strategy for coming to South East Asia was not to spend so much time on girls. While I greatly respect the likes of those who go so deep with it here, I reached a level previously where it just didn't make sense for me, in my eyes, to keep grinding to get better at it.

      1. Having a corporate job (working for somebody else's dream) is more a means to an end than a goal IMO. What exactly do you want to accomplish in life? Your actual goal seems at best vague to me.

      2. Do you really have to go out 4 nights a week in the Western world? I personally know most of the top guys on this forum now and few/none of them does this other than in vacations. Many are just out 2x/week.

      3. You can get laid a lot and have an ordinary career at the same time (there are guys on this forum doing that in the West), but you probably can't OPTIMIZE both at once unless you are in some very special situation. Many sunny locations with easy pussy is good for exactly that, not so much for work. And many places good for careers are dark and cold in the winter, have higher taxes and a higher level game and effort is required for the same amount of pussy. Again you could probably find a place or an arrangement where both factors are reasonably OK if you investigate a bit, I don't know the answer myself. And this will from my experience also be highly dependent on your own tastes. I have talked to several advanced guys about where they want to live and they all give different answers. Some want easy pussy of different colors, some want sun, some want low taxes, some want to be freelancers, some want to get away from political correctness etc. Several factors are irrelevant for many of them. So I am not sure if you can just copycat what others tell you here.

      4. Your post is a bit self-contradicting also. You complain about lack of growth, while thinking that going back to the West would be a pain in the ass in several respects, but how are you supposed to grow without any discomfort?

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      • #4
        You're assessing only two aspects of your life (work and women) in the post, which I think is where your main problem is hiding. If that's all there is to life for you, then of course you're going to feel like an underachiever. There's only so much you can do in one given field.

        So my advice is to get one or several hobbies, and getting accomplishments within those. Also, (not saying you are doing this, just writing in case you are), stop giving a damn about what other people might think of your achievements. Say you get into something random like mycology. Set your own goals, and reach them for yourself. If you have a friend who's into the same thing, by all means, get ideas from him but don't compare yourself to him.

        Also, no "general life advice"-reply is complete without Kiplings "If", so enjoy;

        If you can keep your head when all about you
        Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
        If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
        But make allowance for their doubting too;
        If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
        Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
        Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
        And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

        If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
        If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
        If you can meet with triumph and disaster
        And treat those two impostors just the same;
        If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
        Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
        Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
        And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

        If you can make one heap of all your winnings
        And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
        And lose, and start again at your beginnings
        And never breathe a word about your loss;
        If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
        To serve your turn long after they are gone,
        And so hold on when there is nothing in you
        Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

        If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
        Or walk with kings—nor lose the common touch;
        If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
        If all men count with you, but none too much;
        If you can fill the unforgiving minute
        With sixty seconds' worth of distance run—
        Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
        And—which is more—you'll be a Man, my son!
        It's very likely that I'm just being sarcastic.

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        • #5
          You're lacking an actual mission of value. . you're in coast mode. That's only satisfying for so long, especially for your particular personality type.

          Comment


          • #6
            I can only write from the perspective of my current trajectory and perhaps throw some points out for consideration:

            1. are you really learning to pick up when absconding to SE Asia where pussy is like you say practically a free-for-all as against staying in your home turf and first learning how to seduce and fuck girls from your own country or are you simply caving in to being a "passport dick/foreign fuckboy" and thus being able to get laid consistently (living the abundance lifestyle) without learning the requisite skills? (I did the same with the tours; 0--- did the same thing with travel; kant did the same thing with Tinder)

            2. AFAIC pick-up must first be learnt by dint of dedicating a considerable amount not only of time for approaching but of mental space for analyzing SPs giving room for realizations and optimizations + constant practice from which point you can then focus on other areas of your life safe in the knowledge that you know how to approach random girls wherever (cos you've done it plenty of times before) and pick them up should you need a quick lay or of moving things on to the point where you can obtain a few rotating FBs/mLTRs

            3. then of course the world is your oyster and by all means get out there and challenge yourself, excel, rip the world a new Supernova
            In pussy we trust

            Comment


            • #7
              It's really interesting as to what happened as soon as I wrote this post. I got something that led me to inspiration then a desire to go even harder at life. The message I somehow received was to bring more masculine energy to the world and give it more self-expression.

              There is a new drive and motivation going towards what I want, although still not well enough formed, it gives me at least an aiming trajectory.

              But to your responses:

              So if I read you correctly, you have struggled back in the US to get what you want, and now you've moved to another place where you do get what you want, but you miss the struggle part of it.
              Actually, I did a great job getting what I wanted. I was 22 with a girlfriend who was in love with me and just about to graduate college when I came to realize. With thoughts of a corporate job coming, I came to realize this wasn't in fact what I wanted.

              One of my concerns in this, was that if I had continued on that path, my money goals would be a lot further along the way, I might own a house, those things. And not being so successful in that money area is bothering me.

              In regards to women and relationships, I've found that I'm capable of loving more than one woman at a time.
              I think in this same regard, my aim is to stretch the limiting mindset I have about work versus relationships to a point where I can have both of these as well.

              So judging from all your past experience, where does life want to lead you? Where is not only struggle to be found, but formative struggle, the one that sharpens and prepares you for what you're meant to contribute to this world? Answer this for yourself, and you'll probably know where to go and what to do next.
              The best answer to this I have had, is somewhere in the direction of living differently and using ones mind differently. I'm accomplished in NLP and have led groups in this, so that is my lean. I'm comfortable public speaking, and inevitably I will have to make money online even if I were to go back to America and make this dream/mission a reality.

              2. Do you really have to go out 4 nights a week in the Western world? I personally know most of the top guys on this forum now and few/none of them does this other than in vacations. Many are just out 2x/week.
              I actually had not thought of this, but now that you bring it up, I don't see going out just 2 nights a week as possible for me. Just all or nothing. Get into the habit, and it's kind of addicting for me.

              4. Your post is a bit self-contradicting also. You complain about lack of growth, while thinking that going back to the West would be a pain in the ass in several respects, but how are you supposed to grow without any discomfort?
              You're right and I did a poor job wording this, even in my own understanding. Said differently, I would say it is a pain in the ass for the cost benefit that you receive. In that, I judge what I get by what it costed me to get it. Specifically, this is living in the city and paying a big price for rent compared to SE Asia where I pay about $200 for 10 minutes to the beach and a balcony. This is the approaching 20 girls in a nightclub, getting a near miss at the end of the night or worse her friend cock blocks my wing and shit is blown to hell at 2am. Then doing it the next night for a lay. Compared to getting 10 matches a day in a South East Asian country where the girls are hotter and nicer and I can stack 3 dates in one day.

              To this point, I've decided I'd rather have the pain in the ass of making significant money online compared to having an easy job in America and the challenge of meeting and arranging new girls and harems.

              You're lacking an actual mission of value. . you're in coast mode. That's only satisfying for so long, especially for your particular personality type.
              Absolutely. What would you do? pureevil

              1. are you really learning to pick up when absconding to SE Asia where pussy is like you say practically a free-for-all as against staying in your home turf and first learning how to seduce and fuck girls from your own country or are you simply caving in to being a "passport dick/foreign fuckboy" and thus being able to get laid consistently (living the abundance lifestyle) without learning the requisite skills? (I did the same with the tours; 0--- did the same thing with travel; kant did the same thing with Tinder)
              Really, I've just put the process of getting an abundance of girls on auto-pilot. To be fair, this did need some amount of skill in pick up and while I don't consider myself a master I had 4 years of going out to work with from the USA. Also, it does take a bit of skill to get the girls here and I think that a lot of people miss that. You still deal with LMR, you still deal with building rapport comfort, and stimulating their emotions to the point of sex. They are still women. However, they are women who are really attracted to you already.

              Some people are even recommending doing a trip to SE Asia over going on a bootcamp. Man, you get so much experience with the girls its unreal. While my skills are going to be above 90% the rest of the guys out here, all the concepts I have learned just continue to reinforce themselves.

              2. AFAIC pick-up must first be learnt by dint of dedicating a considerable amount not only of time for approaching but of mental space for analyzing SPs giving room for realizations and optimizations + constant practice from which point you can then focus on other areas of your life safe in the knowledge that you know how to approach random girls wherever (cos you've done it plenty of times before) and pick them up should you need a quick lay or of moving things on to the point where you can obtain a few rotating FBs/mLTRs
              Yep and thankfully for me, it was something I learned while doing a delivery job and working 20 hours a week. I credit a great deal of my success to this being my primary focus in life.

              Now it's about making business work and I had a moment two days ago where I really committed to the process and to the long and daunting work. It will be a bitch, but one that I hope will be worth it where I can be able to do really anything I want. I was considering leaving and going somewhere else, but I have re-upped.

              Thanks for all your responses Jester , sparxx , November , pureevil , Bismarck in this challenging point of growth for me.
              -Supernova

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Supernova View Post
                Absolutely. What would you do? pureevil
                I personally prioritize mission over sex and game, and ran with my childhood passion, which presents near endless challenge. While it can get tedious and tiresome and stressful at times, its also thrilling and exhilarating and rewarding in the long run, and has kept me busy and fulfilled for 20 years now. .

                How do you want to make your mark on the world?

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