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  • Snarky Toxic Behaviour

    Get rid of it and replace it with reasoning
    Don't be a lazy asshole



    You know, we are all born with a certain amount of "toxicity"
    You can't just go around assuming you are pure as the freshly fallen snow
    Everyone has a degree of toxicity to them, everyone

    So if you see a toxic action creep up onto your list of possible actions
    Be GLAD you can see it, cuz now you can avoid it


    Often times people argue that acting toxicly brings attention to something that otherwise wouldnt get noticed
    However,
    By getting in a habit of removing toxicity, you probably wont even NEED the attention
    So you are ultimately just creating problems for yourself and bringing attention to it... which actually makes no sense
    Cuz you are CHOOSING to just be a "guy with problems, now look at me!"
    Not a dude whos actively searching for solutions seriously enough that he doesn't hedge his bets in such a retarded way

    Now, if your problem is "shit I have toxicity, but no matter what I do it just doesnt fully go away"
    My advice is to read a book like
    The bright red bow - pam robinson

    Its a bit of a weird book for a guy to read, but if you truly empathise with the woman and her story, you will learn a lot about toxicity and where it comes from and how to remove it


    Don't think that bringing attention to toxic shit in you is a way to solve it
    Its a problem in itself
    KNOW THAT
    Inscribe it in your brain that its not "ok" to "let it out" on chicks or even dudes helping you with chicks
    Its the number one way to get yourself on the scale of "this guy has to be a troll" and get ignored

    You might get attention initially but itll die out as people catch on
    Don't blame people for their own self preservation
    Look inside yourself and get it solved

  • #2
    Learn to simplify your message,it's on the communicator not the public.

    Comment


    • Grodmeister General
      Editing a comment
      its not a stick up my ass its healthy skeptism ..you cant simplify your posts and muddy them to point where they read like the electricians handbook, that makes me think you are not an expert but a charlatan! Trust nothing over the internet and you are pretty reactive yourself . You wrote whole ass post about sarge cuz he didnt get whatever the fuck you were rambling about! the feedback you get is based on your communication , thats a basic seduction principle, think about that!

    • thecostofsuccess

      thecostofsuccess

      commented
      Editing a comment
      like I said
      Keep your scepticism
      Id not ask you not to be
      Just the "stick" is that you lack enough empirical experience so label stuff you dont quite get
      Good to be sceptical, but if you lump your own baggage on top of it, its not exactly "just" scepticism

    • Grodmeister General
      Editing a comment
      your word salads mean nothing bro you stacking sentences at this point ,stop the pot before you post!

  • #3
    I've come to a realization that "nice guy" behaviour is a mask, or rather a shield against leaking out toxic behaviour.

    Comment


    • thecostofsuccess

      thecostofsuccess

      commented
      Editing a comment
      I agree
      You gotta realise its often just a redflag that indicates a hidden agenda or temprement that could go into troll mode
      You wanna be careful when you find yourself in nice guy mode
      Lots of shadey stuff swimming around in that soup of crazy :P

  • #4
    Originally posted by Saturnus View Post
    I've come to a realization that "nice guy" behaviour is a mask, or rather a shield against leaking out toxic behaviour.
    See I disagree with this. Yeah, some dudes act nice and are really the most sexist assholes who believe acting nice is just the cost of admission to pussy. HOWEVER, as someone who grew up in the 90s when PC feminist culture really started to take hold, when you are told for years that part of your role as a man is to be respectful to women, the jarring realization that this is incorrect fucks with your head. The guys you're talking about are just sociopaths. But the majority of my observations from myself and other men is that we are taught women want to be treated like princesses, so we do that, or we just treat them that way because we get the whole "she's a girl respect wahmen" thing for years and it just gets ingrained. Then you find out that doesn't work and there's this shock to the system thinking "wait wtf I'm doing exactly as instructed, and not only is it not working, but it appears that the opposite is fairly effective." So you try being an asshole without being righteous about your actions, so it doesn't come with the confidence that really draws in the chicks. And eventually the guy either finds that red zone where it works or they just constantly swing back and forth failing.

    It kinda reminds me of this whole incel thing making media rounds. Pickup is the free market solution to all of this, except you can't talk about pickup openly without being called a sexist.

    Comment


    • #5
      Originally posted by DJ_Z View Post
      she's a girl respect wahmen
      Could you clarify what is meant by respect women?
      I think this clarification could shine the light on where the line is between being a "nice guy" and being a genuinely friendly person.

      Comment


      • #6
        Nice guy can be the most toxic of them all. Just saying.

        Comment


        • #7
          Interesting discussions regarding nice guys. But I am not sure how to fully translate it into something practical. Lets say there is something about a girl that is bothering you, the nice guy would pretend like all is fine and dandy while boiling with emotions on the inside. But if you on the other hand go the other way and bring light to the ugly truth, your thoughts and feelings, you let out the toxicity.

          So what is the solution here? It seems to me that OP suggests that you put the lid on like a nice guy?

          Comment


          • #8
            http://www.heartless-bitches.com/ran...niceguys.shtml

            "Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS

            You hear it all the time: "He was such a NICE Guy, and she's such a Heartless Bitch for dumping him."

            I get letters from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like shit, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea."

            If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.

            What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

            Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life...

            Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.

            Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date".

            They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.

            They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.

            Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.

            Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.

            Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."

            The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?"

            More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip!

            Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results.

            This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love".

            Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.

            You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible."

            Comment


            • #9
              Originally posted by Stargazer View Post
              Interesting discussions regarding nice guys. But I am not sure how to fully translate it into something practical. Lets say there is something about a girl that is bothering you, the nice guy would pretend like all is fine and dandy while boiling with emotions on the inside. But if you on the other hand go the other way and bring light to the ugly truth, your thoughts and feelings, you let out the toxicity.

              So what is the solution here? It seems to me that OP suggests that you put the lid on like a nice guy?
              Put the lid on a nice guy?
              No, put a lid on being snarky, lol
              Mr. "I know better" cuz he has a half solution to a frustration that is killing him

              Real solutions and fixes don't feel like they are half measures
              So you don't need snark
              Snarky fuckers don't know wtf they are saying, they just thiiiink they do

              I get it though, but still snarky shit gets no one girls
              You gotta change that up

              Comment


              • #10
                Originally posted by thecostofsuccess View Post

                Put the lid on a nice guy?
                No, put a lid on being snarky, lol
                Mr. "I know better" cuz he has a half solution to a frustration that is killing him

                Real solutions and fixes don't feel like they are half measures
                So you don't need snark
                Snarky fuckers don't know wtf they are saying, they just thiiiink they do

                I get it though, but still snarky shit gets no one girls
                You gotta change that up
                I meant putting a lid on being snarky, thus making yourself a nice guy. You know the type of guy who carries lots of toxicity but never opens up due to being nice. That may be the short term result of simply "not let toxicity out".

                Perhaps one could say the long term solution is to, after noticing the toxicity in oneself, figure out the cause and then change your whole attitude and lifestyle so that next time it doesn't arise in the first place. This may require lots of awareness though.

                I actually think venting can be a good lesson if you are aware of what happens. I have done that, and after seeing how it did nobody any good it was a great motivation to not go there again and to change the way I am and live my life so that I am not put in that situation again where I feel those feelings.

                Comment


                • #11
                  Originally posted by Stargazer View Post

                  I meant putting a lid on being snarky, thus making yourself a nice guy. You know the type of guy who carries lots of toxicity but never opens up due to being nice. That may be the short term result of simply "not let toxicity out".

                  Perhaps one could say the long term solution is to, after noticing the toxicity in oneself, figure out the cause and then change your whole attitude and lifestyle so that next time it doesn't arise in the first place. This may require lots of awareness though.

                  I actually think venting can be a good lesson if you are aware of what happens. I have done that, and after seeing how it did nobody any good it was a great motivation to not go there again and to change the way I am and live my life so that I am not put in that situation again where I feel those feelings.
                  Nah venting does shit all
                  Infact it slightly causes you to get more annoyed at things if you arent careful

                  Best way is to look at its uselessness, and how you will be useless by holding onto it
                  Then give it up
                  Then you say a few curse words "ahhh fuck, damn this shit" and you handle it
                  And look at the non snarky perspective and get clear on reality

                  Reality is rarely in that snarky zone btw, so just use it as a redflag that something is off in your perspective
                  Including if you are holding snarky stuff in
                  Just privately pull it out, look at it, know its an incorrect perspective, change the angle you look at it from and voila

                  Its just simple self maintenance really

                  Comment


                  • #12
                    Originally posted by Saturnus View Post

                    Could you clarify what is meant by respect women?
                    I think this clarification could shine the light on where the line is between being a "nice guy" and being a genuinely friendly person.
                    Well nobody deserves respect simply for their gender, Saturnus. Respect is something earned on an individual to individual basis. The idea that women should automatically get respect is flat out wrong, same as thinking men should automatically get it. NIt's less about being respectful and more about being civilized, I guess is the answer to your question, though.

                    Comment

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