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  • My son, update

    So I put my 12 yr old in public school. People kept trying to tell me it would help so much and that he needs that structure and it would solve all his behavior problems. He's been there less than 3 weeks and has already had 4 days of in school suspension. Today I had to go pick him up for another three of OUT of school suspension. Fun. I had 3 meetings at the school the other day too. One with 7 of his teachers, one with the principals and school police and one with the counselor. He is in 7th grade.

    Some of the things he has been doing that have them so upset:

    1. Wearing bracelets and lanyards with inappropriate sayings on them. (He has gotten them from the mall and other kids and had them taken away before but keeps coming up with more). When they told him to take them off he did but then put them back on and got in trouble again. After the school meetings I picked them up and he was wanting them back because he paid money for them and I said okay, but here is the deal, I don't ever want to see you wearing the ones with cuss words or inappropriate stuff on them (some of them don't have that). Sell them or somehow get rid of them and don't ever wear them to school again. So he sold them to other kids and the kids wore them to school and told the teachers who they got them from so he got in trouble again.

    2. Riding his bike into traffic after the crossing guard at the school told him to wait. He was also riding "too fast" on school property. The school police men went after him and had him lay face down on the ground with his hands over his head and he got in school suspension for it.

    3. Jumping over a bench during a fire drill.

    4. Running in the hall, passing notes and flirting with girls in class instead of doing his work. According to the teachers he "really likes the girls".

    5. The school policeman searched him after the lanyard incident and found condoms in his pocket. (I'm pretty sure these condoms aren't being put to use, but he still has some that he got from the AIDS awareness place).

    6. While walking home from school yesterday (I actually met him and his friend halfway and picked them up, the friend couldn't ride the bus with him so they walked) he was flipping off cars and one of them happened to be an 8th grade teacher from the school who recognized him because he was carrying a bag with the school name and logo on it. This is what got him out of school suspension. He was far off of school grounds but he had already been told that until he gets home they are responsible for him. So he lied and said he came home first but that was not the case.

    7. The school policeman searched him again today and he told him to "back the fuck off".

    UGH. I'm so frustrated because I will probably end up having to homeschool him again. They are threatening to send him to the alternative school already and that would just be fun and games with a bunch more behavior problem kids to learn things from.

    I've tried talking to his dad. He didn't want to come to the meetings at the school. I asked him to start taking our son more by himself sometimes but he hasn't done it. Like one day I called/texted and was like could you maybe take him and just spend some positive time with him and he never showed up, then calls at almost 10 pm (on a school night) to "talk" but it lasted maybe 30 seconds. I asked what he thinks we should do and he said "he needs a positive male role model". I asked where he thought he might be able to find that? (HMMMM......) and he said "I don't know I thought maybe at the school". Soooo frustrating. :/ He won't even TRY to help out with him. The sad thing is that when we were married my oldest followed him around everywhere and tried to do everything with his dad and talked to him all the time and now his dad pretty much ignores him and has basically abandoned them. I'm lucky if I can get him to take them half the time that he is supposed to and he's WAY behind on child support. Nice.

  • #2
    wtf is a school policeman?

    And i know you´re frustrated because it´s your kid but i just can´t see anything wrong with this kid from this post. Just normal stuff. I did a lot of worse stuff when i was his age and i was on a private school at the time.

    And if school policeman is just some kind of dumb school security and they would have forced me to lay down face forward on the ground i would´ve probalby done a lot more than just tell them to fuck off.

    Didn´t you plan to put your kid into boxing or any sport in which he can get rid off his energy and maybe find a male rolemodel you´re desperately searching for?

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Reptar View Post
      wtf is a school policeman?

      And i know you´re frustrated because it´s your kid but i just can´t see anything wrong with this kid from this post. Just normal stuff. I did a lot of worse stuff when i was his age and i was on a private school at the time.

      And if school policeman is just some kind of dumb school security and they would have forced me to lay down face forward on the ground i would´ve probalby done a lot more than just tell them to fuck off.

      Didn´t you plan to put your kid into boxing or any sport in which he can get rid off his energy and maybe find a male rolemodel you´re desperately searching for?
      The school police are like security guards but Im not sure if they are employed by the school system or the police dept. My son was in boxing but not anymore. He was not wanting to go and throwing big fits about it and the guy wasn't really a great role model anyway. He does want to play basketball for the school but that doesn't start until Nov. and if he gets in too much trouble before then he won't be allowed to play.

      Oh and the other thing he got in school suspension for was because he was with another boy at the elementary school by my house and they went inside the building (school was already out) and the other boy stole a carton of milk and it was caught on video. My son didnt steal it but he was with him.

      Comment


      • #4
        Reptar- Schools in America typically have an armed police officer assigned to them by the local department. Fucking charming, eh?


        LG- I'm starting to like this kid. He has absolutely no respect for authority. Considering what modern school administrators are like, I can't really blame him. They usually don't deserve anyone's respect.

        Your kid's problem is that there IS no one he respects in his life. If you recall, *MY* suggestion was to put him into military school. This is really important. The reason being, at the current rate, he is likely to end up in jail before he is old enough to join the military. Which is an organization where he would fit right in and really excel.

        Comment


        • #5
          It's a pleasant thought for me to think about how my hard earned tax dollars will some day go toward the funding of this young man's incarceration, or unemployment checks so he can get high/drunk and impregnate future generations of lovergirls.

          I detect a tone of bewilderment and blame in your post, and it's annoying.

          Tell us Lovergirl, what are your 16 children doing while you're off rendezvousing with Internet hookups, attending sex parties, or validation whoring on an Internet forum for men? Are they with their deadbeat dad? Are they just hanging out at home alone? Getting babysat by some not giving a fuck babysitter?

          Do you have a job Lovergirl?

          You also don't strike me as the type of person with much discretion or tech savvy. Have you considered that your son knows and has seen his Mom's Adult friend finder profile, Craigslist solicitations, read her text porn chats with whoever, or her sexual exploits on this forum?

          Do you take any responsibility for his life, or any of your children, or do you chalk it up to "lack of a male role model" or just his disobedient nature?

          Dear lord I feel sorry for the kid, because he is FUCKED.

          Meanwhile mom just keeps cranking out more kids, banging away, acting like a young woman sowing her oats.

          Try being a real parent. Instead of wasting your time on this forum, pay some attention to the people you brought into this world. They didn't ask for it, and the rest of us certainly don't want to pay for them the rest of their fucked up adult lives.

          I know a lot guys on this forum think you're great and hang on your every word. I don't.

          Garbage like your post here is simply validation whoring, drama drumming garbage. Cancer of the seduction community whose only purpose is to ferret out the AFCs in disguise (you know who you are) that rush to kiss your ass, fawn, and validate.

          Do the world a favor and grow the fuck up...

          ...and sure as shit stop looking for parenting advice on a fucking Internet forum for male pickup artists.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by JetSetJim View Post
            Reptar- Schools in America typically have an armed police officer assigned to them by the local department. Fucking charming, eh?


            LG- I'm starting to like this kid. He has absolutely no respect for authority. Considering what modern school administrators are like, I can't really blame him. They usually don't deserve anyone's respect.

            Your kid's problem is that there IS no one he respects in his life. If you recall, *MY* suggestion was to put him into military school. This is really important. The reason being, at the current rate, he is likely to end up in jail before he is old enough to join the military. Which is an organization where he would fit right in and really excel.
            I've looked a little bit into military schools, but man they are expensive!! Its like paying for college! There is one here in my state but not in my town and it costs 10,000 (tuition plus uniforms and computer fees, not counting the cost for the dorm) just for going during the DAY only!! Not to mention meals and stuff like that. I don't know how I could possibly pay for it unless they have full scholarships and I'm not sure how you would qualify for something like that.

            Yeah the police officer is armed. He has a gun and a taser. My son can't stand him and after meeting the guy I don't blame him but I didn't tell him that. The counselor was incredibly nice though and said she thought I seem like a really good mom and that a lot of times they have trouble even getting parents to come to meetings and stuff. I sat and talked with her for like an hour and she was gonna refer me to some other counselors for him outside of school and also put him in a class with a mental health professional that comes and does a group thing with some of the 7th grade boys. The teachers and principals seemed like they actually want to help him. Really they are just seeing the same things I have been seeing for a long time. I've always said his teachers would hate me if I put him in public school because they would see what I go through on a daily basis. He has a challenging personality. I love him to death and he is really smart and can be a great kid but he has a lot of anger and a naturally challenging attitude and you put that with what appears to me to be ADHD and you have a lot of trouble. It's hard because I WORKED with behavior problem boys before I had kids of my own and felt like that was definitely my niche. I was GOOD at it, so its super frustrating when those tactics don't work on my own child.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Shackleton View Post

              Tell us Lovergirl, what are your 16 children doing while you're off rendezvousing with Internet hookups, attending sex parties, or validation whoring on an Internet forum for men? Are they with their deadbeat dad? Are they just hanging out at home alone? Getting babysat by some not giving a fuck babysitter?
              I have 5 children, not 16 and when I am having sex or at a party they are at their dads house or with a competent babysitter. Just like anyone else I need adult time without the kids and to have sex and relationships in my life. I'm sorry your madonna/whore makes this out to be a bad thing.

              You also don't strike me as the type of person with much discretion or tech savvy.
              That's fascinating. Why do I "strike" you that way? Actually I cover my tracks well and am very discreet. It helps that my first and only affair partner happened to be a computer security guy, lol. He's taught me some stuff.

              Have you considered that your son knows and has seen his Mom's Adult friend finder profile, Craigslist solicitations, read her text porn chats with whoever, or her sexual exploits on this forum?
              I take the necessary precautions so that he WON'T find this information.

              Do you take any responsibility for his life, or any of your children, or do you chalk it up to "lack of a male role model" or just his disobedient nature?
              I take the BULK of responsibility for everything with all my children!! Of course I consider my own part in the things that they do and tear myself up over any possible mistakes but after all that and realizing that I haven't done anything bad enough to warrant this kind of rebellion from my child, I have to look at the other possibilities.


              Meanwhile mom just keeps cranking out more kids, banging away, acting like a young woman sowing her oats.
              Sweetheart, my only children were born during my 13 years of marriage to their father. He had big dreams and plans to go overseas as a missionary one day and our life and goals were in line with that when we chose to have children. I wasn't setting out to be a single mom, but in any case I have the right to bang away all I like. Women have sexual needs too.


              Try being a real parent. Instead of wasting your time on this forum, pay some attention to the people you brought into this world. They didn't ask for it, and the rest of us certainly don't want to pay for them the rest of their fucked up adult lives.
              My children get the bulk of my time and attention and I do my best to be a good parent. Its pretty presumptious on your part to assume I don't because I am posting on the same forum that you yourself are "wasting your time" on.


              ..and sure as shit stop looking for parenting advice on a fucking Internet forum for male pickup artists.
              If my thread doesn't interest you no need to read and post on it. In case you didn't notice the title, its an update from previous threads regarding my son that were more related to the theme of this board. Anyhow, I am happy to have the advice of all the men here. Since I am on this forum posting about other things why not ask?

              Comment


              • #8
                Lovergirl I know this is hard for many females but you need to take responsibility.

                It seems like everything that goes wrong in your life you blame on other people.

                The way your son is behaving in school is directly your responsibility as his parent.

                Your failed marriage with your husband is directly your responsibility as a failed wife.

                Your husband not paying child support...who picked him? Your husband was gay the whole time...who picked him? You're sexually attracted to black guys but you married a white guy...who picked him?

                YOU DID!

                Seriously take some fucking responsibility.

                As long as you keep blaming everyone else and acting like a victim things aren't going to change for the better.

                Also...why post this stuff on a seduction forum? Why don't you try posting this on maybe...a parenting forum?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Silvertree View Post
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                  There are tangentially off-topic posts and completely off-topic posts. This forum is for issues tangentially related to pickup, seduction, sex, and/or relationships in some way. If your topic has nothing whatsoever with those areas, DO NOT POST IT, HERE OR ANYWHERE ELSE. It is sometimes temping to post WAY off-topic posts in this forum and that is NOT what it’s for. Wildly off-topic posts will be deleted, as will any political, religious, spamming, or trolling posts here. If you’re ever in doubt, contact a moderator before posting. You have been warned
                  Originally posted by Lovergirl View Post
                  UGH. I'm so frustrated because I will probably end up having to homeschool him again. They are threatening to send him to the alternative school already and that would just be fun and games with a bunch more behavior problem kids to learn things from.

                  I've tried talking to his dad. He didn't want to come to the meetings at the school. I asked him to start taking our son more by himself sometimes but he hasn't done it. Like one day I called/texted and was like could you maybe take him and just spend some positive time with him and he never showed up, then calls at almost 10 pm (on a school night) to "talk" but it lasted maybe 30 seconds. I asked what he thinks we should do and he said "he needs a positive male role model". I asked where he thought he might be able to find that? (HMMMM......) and he said "I don't know I thought maybe at the school". Soooo frustrating. :/ He won't even TRY to help out with him. The sad thing is that when we were married my oldest followed him around everywhere and tried to do everything with his dad and talked to him all the time and now his dad pretty much ignores him and has basically abandoned them. I'm lucky if I can get him to take them half the time that he is supposed to and he's WAY behind on child support. Nice.
                  Originally posted by Silvertree View Post
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                  Comment


                  • #10
                    God help me, I don't want to go on a rant.

                    Your son has a lot of energy like all boys that age. He needs to find a way to channel it and spend it on something meanful.

                    If you can put your son in a martial arts class. Karaté and Kung Fu classes are fagotty for kids that age so avoid them (they don't really hit or fight, they do the monkey and the snake and depending on the class, they either focus on Kata and kick wooden boards because they don't kick back). Put him where he can kick ass and get his ass kicked.

                    For this age, Judo is great. (Boxing is good too, but boxers aren't agile). If there are no girls in the class, it's best. Martial arts classes where there are girls have low standards, they tend to be "self improvement bullshit" like "what counts is the participation".

                    Girls are weaker than boys and hold the class back because they fall down way early in the effort and then just sit there and it's depressing for morale. It's hard to get motivated when a lot of people are just sitting there (that's why you always train with people who are stronger than you, because you rise to the challenge). Seriously, you might not consider it important, but they wouldn't do as many push-ups/pull-ups/sit-ups, as they would had it been a boys only.

                    Plus they would put your son in fights with girls and it's not serious. I tried a class like that, I smacked down the girl and she went unconcious, then vomitted. We spent the rest of the session worrying about her even after she recovered conciousness, the trainer told us to take it easy and play nice ??. In my following class, vomitting and going unconcious was normal (because it is, you vomit when you do a great amount of effort, you go unconcious after a strangulation where you didn't hit the tatami to surrender)

                    Chose one where the instructor is young and isn't fat (is still practicing the art and not just teaching, this stuff needs demonstration, kids have a profound disrespect of someone who can't do what he's expecting them to do). I trained where I lived (inside the base), our instructor was military and hard as hell (special forces instructor, young, ripped like an AK-47, agile like you can't imagine. He showed us what to do by DOING it). Avoid fat "teachers" who just "teach". Trust me, when you talk about a "male role model", this kind of classes teach you perseverance, discipline, being fit and healthy, pushing your limits, humility, withstanding and enjoying pain, empathy.. and a bunch of other human traits.



                    You want your son to sweat, feel sore muscles, win fights and feel on the top of the world and then lose fights and get humbled.
                    Your son would only come out stronger, mentally and physically.




                    Originally posted by Lovergirl View Post
                    So I put my 12 yr old in public school. People kept trying to tell me it would help so much and that he needs that structure and it would solve all his behavior problems. He's been there less than 3 weeks and has already had 4 days of in school suspension. Today I had to go pick him up for another three of OUT of school suspension. Fun. I had 3 meetings at the school the other day too. One with 7 of his teachers, one with the principals and school police and one with the counselor. He is in 7th grade.


                    My gut told me that they were dramatizing, but nevertheless ... I kept reading.

                    Some of the things he has been doing that have them so upset:

                    1. Wearing bracelets and lanyards with inappropriate sayings on them. (He has gotten them from the mall and other kids and had them taken away before but keeps coming up with more). When they told him to take them off he did but then put them back on and got in trouble again. After the school meetings I picked them up and he was wanting them back because he paid money for them and I said okay, but here is the deal, I don't ever want to see you wearing the ones with cuss words or inappropriate stuff on them (some of them don't have that). Sell them or somehow get rid of them and don't ever wear them to school again. So he sold them to other kids and the kids wore them to school and told the teachers who they got them from so he got in trouble again.

                    I'm not religious, but something comes to my mind .. Something Mohamed said ... He said "Does not belong amongst us he who has not mercy for our littles or has no respect to our seniors".

                    Kids and old people get to have a special treatment. They have that luxury

                    All right .. So he has bracelets with curse words.. They're educators and your son is 12. There's a terrible lack of maturity and they take shit too seriously.

                    Have they ever tried to show your son some respect and just for one day, try to treat him like a man and talk to him ? I grew up in a military base and sometimes, I did some stuff and eventually, a soldier would find me doing it (taking something that was there to be taken, being somewhere where I really shouldn't be).. You think he would call my parents and put me on Dr Phil ? I was a kid ! He would just catch me (if he really sneaked upon me, if I was far, I would run). He would say something like "What are you doing here ?" .. I would try to hustle... We would walk in silence and I prepare some story or something... Then we would go and usually it's some kind of a place where he's posted with another soldier.. Then we would just banter .. He'd ask me who my father is (what's his rank, they recognize people by their rank like some people recognize others by their car). They'd offer me Coke, gum, pistache, sandwitches, whatever they're eating and we would just spend some time bantering, they'd show me pictures or letters of their girlfriends, we would talk about girls, etc.. They're bored, so a new visitor is nice..

                    Then they would say that it's not a good idea to climb the wall of a military restricted area and that they would have problems with the commander. How could I possibly be a jackass to them when they treat me like that ?

                    Had they acted harshly, I would have went to great lengths to irritate them.

                    When I was 10, the teacher found out that I wrote poems with curses and showed them to my buddy.. Then he would laugh his ass off and write something more "cursy" and sentd it back to me. We wrote that on the cover of our notebooks, just beneath the plastic protective sheet.

                    When she read it, she became red. What a filthy mouth I had. She wanted to see my mother. My mother came, she took the notebook, we went home. She didn't like it, but she knew better than to go "insane" or "shocked" or something. We talked, she asked me why I did it, what I gained from it, and is it necessary to do that, etc.. My own answers lead me to realize how puerile this was (Howdy ! I was a kid, puerile should be the norm).. Anyway.. The lesson I had learned that day was: Don't get caught.

                    Anyway, the curse incident was less trouble than an incident that happend earlier that year(I tried to fuck a girl in the stairs and she didn't really want to, so she told my mom).

                    My mom told me that it's not a way to behave, that I wouldn't like someone trying to fuck my sister like that and it made sens, it truely did..

                    Of course, preceptual contrast made that writing curses seemed futile compared to being a rapist trainee.

                    THAT's where we want kids to be. We want them to get to the point of saying "It makes sens" or "Yeap, it's true". I didn't want to cause trouble to the military guys, and they put me in a position where it was up to me.. It was like saying "Do you want us to have problems?" .. Of course not, not after they'd been so cool with me, let me touch rifles and guns, helped me build stuff, etc...

                    Staff of your son's school can take the bracelets all day long, he'll buy some more. They become agressive, he'll do that just for the fun of raising their blood pressure and watching them chase after him.

                    Most people who call themselves "educators" think they're trying to educate kids, there are councellors, teachers, meetings, etc.. Yet, the first one concerned (which is the KID for memo) is excluded from the process. They forget that the very reason they're there is for the kid. "HEY ! It's about me ! If I wasn't a kid, this school wouldn't exist and you would be out of a job!"


                    2. Riding his bike into traffic after the crossing guard at the school told him to wait. He was also riding "too fast" on school property. The school police men went after him and had him lay face down on the ground with his hands over his head and he got in school suspension for it.
                    All right, that's it. These wannabe tough guys need to chill the f*** out. They take their job waaay too seriously. I mean it's not gangsters we're talking about here, it's KIDS. Having a kid lay face down on the ground, it's just too much. They should get a more appropriate opponents.

                    I don't know if they've been touched by their dad when they were kids, or were bullied when they were in school and then quit school and hit the gym and became school police, but it's just inapropriate.


                    3. Jumping over a bench during a fire drill.
                    So ? I don't see the point.


                    4. Running in the hall, passing notes and flirting with girls in class instead of doing his work. According to the teachers he "really likes the girls".
                    Who didn't do that ? Running in the hall and flirting with girls ? Were the teachers ever young or they were born old ?

                    5. The school policeman searched him after the lanyard incident and found condoms in his pocket. (I'm pretty sure these condoms aren't being put to use, but he still has some that he got from the AIDS awareness place).
                    I'm sure these guys didn't know what they were. Theses guys need to get laid ASAP. I mean, condoms, so what ? I'm sure they told with a victorious air, culpabizing you like "This is the kind of sons you have, how shameful". If they found drugs or a knife or something, then yeah. At least the kid's smart enough to know what that is and have some on him in case.

                    6. While walking home from school yesterday (I actually met him and his friend halfway and picked them up, the friend couldn't ride the bus with him so they walked) he was flipping off cars and one of them happened to be an 8th grade teacher from the school who recognized him because he was carrying a bag with the school name and logo on it. This is what got him out of school suspension. He was far off of school grounds but he had already been told that until he gets home they are responsible for him. So he lied and said he came home first but that was not the case.
                    That's different. We used to go to school on our own (no bus, no rides from parents or something).. And we get out and go home or whatever for lunch, then go back to school. It wasn't far though, about 15 to 20 minutes walking.


                    7. The school policeman searched him again today and he told him to "back the fuck off".
                    This could easily have been avoided.. if your son was on this forum.. "Enjoying feeling me up, officer?" .. "Getting hard yet?".

                    Seriously, what's with this acharnement ? That's what makes kids agressive and makes them do what they do. They don't get a chance and are always harrassed.

                    I'm not a parent, but I've been educated in a great way. Nobody ever slapped me as a punishment or something, the worst punishment I could have had was a look on my father that said he was disappointed. And he didnt' use that look for small matters.

                    How do sons become men ? They learn. How do they learn ? By figuring out the right thing to do. How can they even possibly do that if everyone is getting off jumping on the kid ? He's taking it from everywhere. That's not good.

                    It's like you're trying to teach someone something, then each time he makes a mistake, you just get pissed off and yell at him and threaten etc... Instead of showing the right way or better, asking him to think about it and finding it out.

                    I didn't have good teachers in school. Hell, we were physically abused (some got their head banged against the black-board, the wooden compass hitting our little hands in the cold winters, sometimes the bolt in that compass teared the flesh, rubber tube hitting your hand, hard tubular wood rod hitting your hand, slapping on the face, etc...) .. However, I did not suffer from these inspite all the shit I had done .. Why ? Because I was the very good in everything I did, spoke several languages, knew when and in front of whom to be polite, so there was a double standard.

                    Like I said, if you can put your son in martial arts, there are a lot of kids he could learn from who are better than him in some things, and he could get to feel gout about teaching them some things he knows.. In addition to the instructor. He'll be able to measure himself against others and prove himself. At age 12 is better than at age 18, because at that age, people join the military when they want to prove themselves.


                    I wish the best to both of you .. And remember .. It's better than to have a sloppy kid with no character, he seems alive and sharp.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      This is a seduction forum...not a ''I can't control my kids forum''

                      There's nothing ''bad'' about how your kid is behaving anyway, just because the so called ''authority'' says so. LMAO

                      but of course you are asleep at the wheel.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Wow .. My answer took a bit of time to write and in the meantime other posters did..

                        Seriously guys...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Siddhartha View Post
                          Lovergirl I know this is hard for many females but you need to take responsibility.

                          It seems like everything that goes wrong in your life you blame on other people.

                          The way your son is behaving in school is directly your responsibility as his parent.

                          Your failed marriage with your husband is directly your responsibility as a failed wife.

                          Your husband not paying child support...who picked him? Your husband was gay the whole time...who picked him? You're sexually attracted to black guys but you married a white guy...who picked him?

                          YOU DID!

                          Seriously take some fucking responsibility.

                          As long as you keep blaming everyone else and acting like a victim things aren't going to change for the better.

                          Also...why post this stuff on a seduction forum? Why don't you try posting this on maybe...a parenting forum?
                          Ive answered the question about why I posted this here already. Its an UPDATE from former threads and its in off topic where it belongs. In any case of course I have made mistakes but I cant take back the past I can only look for solutions now where we are at. Right now, in his life I do think he needs better male role models. I do think his father should be more involved but I cant force that. Ive been trying to get him to spend more time with him and its sad for me to see that he won't. Because i mention these things doesn't mean i am fully blaming him. Im telling you all what i have tried so far. Im looking for ideas on what else to do. If you have any that i as a mother can do for my son, great! Please share them. If you are just using this thread as your opportunity to be nasty because you dont like me THAT is out of order.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Vautrin View Post
                            God help me, I don't want to go on a rant.
                            Thank you very much for taking the time to write out this reply! I really appreciate it!

                            Your son has a lot of energy like all boys that age. He needs to find a way to channel it and spend it on something meanful.

                            If you can put your son in a martial arts class. Karaté and Kung Fu classes are fagotty for kids that age so avoid them (they don't really hit or fight, they do the monkey and the snake and depending on the class, they either focus on Kata and kick wooden boards because they don't kick back). Put him where he can kick ass and get his ass kicked.

                            For this age, Judo is great. (Boxing is good too, but boxers aren't agile). If there are no girls in the class, it's best. Martial arts classes where there are girls have low standards, they tend to be "self improvement bullshit" like "what counts is the participation".

                            Girls are weaker than boys and hold the class back because they fall down way early in the effort and then just sit there and it's depressing for morale. It's hard to get motivated when a lot of people are just sitting there (that's why you always train with people who are stronger than you, because you rise to the challenge). Seriously, you might not consider it important, but they wouldn't do as many push-ups/pull-ups/sit-ups, as they would had it been a boys only.

                            Plus they would put your son in fights with girls and it's not serious. I tried a class like that, I smacked down the girl and she went unconcious, then vomitted. We spent the rest of the session worrying about her even after she recovered conciousness, the trainer told us to take it easy and play nice ??. In my following class, vomitting and going unconcious was normal (because it is, you vomit when you do a great amount of effort, you go unconcious after a strangulation where you didn't hit the tatami to surrender)
                            Yeah, he would definitely not want to fight with girls and he is really strong. He did well in boxing and the guy kept saying he was gonna be a champion and his retirement plan and all this but he didn't want to do it anymore. That is interesting about Judo. I know very little about the differences between all the various martial arts and my son thinks karate is lame. He's gone to some classes with friends before but he wasn't all that impressed and didn't want to try himself even though I offered. It would have to be something more tough so I may have to look into Judo more. Basketball tryouts are in 3 weeks so I'm holding out for him to make it until then but if that doesn't work and also during other times of the year I think it would be good for him to have something else to do. The vice principal at school commented on how "athletic" my son is so she must have seen him in gym class or something. He really is good at almost every sport he tries.

                            Thats scary about the vomiting in class being normal though. YUCK. LOL

                            Chose one where the instructor is young and isn't fat (is still practicing the art and not just teaching, this stuff needs demonstration, kids have a profound disrespect of someone who can't do what he's expecting them to do). I trained where I lived (inside the base), our instructor was military and hard as hell (special forces instructor, young, ripped like an AK-47, agile like you can't imagine. He showed us what to do by DOING it). Avoid fat "teachers" who just "teach". Trust me, when you talk about a "male role model", this kind of classes teach you perseverance, discipline, being fit and healthy, pushing your limits, humility, withstanding and enjoying pain, empathy.. and a bunch of other human traits.
                            Yeah that would be a good idea (and reminds me of the Zumba class at the gym I go to, I saw it the other day in session and the woman teaching weighed like 350 lbs- seriously???) lol. The boxing coach my son had was an older man and former championship boxer who had trained some world champions, but he was old and had back problems. He wasn't really concerned with being a good role model type, he also told my son not to worry about his studies just to work on fighting because he thought he could make tons of money as a boxer someday. Well, even if that was the case I don't think that was the direction I wanted him to encourage him. :P


                            All right .. So he has bracelets with curse words.. They're educators and your son is 12. There's a terrible lack of maturity and they take shit too seriously.
                            Yeah it does seem like they are overreacting. I think part of it is that they want to come down really hard on him at the beginning so that he will realize he can't get away with anything at their school, sort of a zero tolerance policy. He's getting really frustrated though with all the rules. He's also been homeschooled all his life so he's not used to being in an institution all day. I keep explaining to him that when you are in an institution like a school they HAVE to have all these rules and that it helps keep order or there would be chaos. I also told him that if you end up in juvenile detention it will be much worse than this.

                            He's had trouble with some things that seem silly and like ridiculous rules to me too, but I understant WHY they do that and try to explain to him that the teachers don't always like the rules either but they have to enforce them they aren't doing it just to be hateful like he thinks. Like he got in trouble for trading food with someone at lunch. He has gotten in trouble for moving across the cafeteria to sit with a friend because they are only allowed to sit with their class. He got in trouble for spending 10 minutes in the bathroom. He's never had a time limit on using the restroom before so he doesn't get it and all these things are making him very angry towards the school administration. In the library he was accused by the librarian of trying to steal a book because he couldn't remember where he got it from on the shelf so he shoved it under something and they said they thought he was hiding the book to come back later and read. He said it was a stupid book about "an old lady" that he wasn't even interested in and had no intention to steal (a book about Jane Goodall, lol). In Social Studies the teacher got angry with him for asking too many questions. He was like but I was raising my hand and he called on me. Plus I've always ENCOURAGED him to ask questions, he's not used to there not being time for that. I have to admit that some of this stuff is the reason why I preferred to educate my children at home than to have them in that sort of environment so inwardly I'm rolling my eyes, but I try to explain it in a way that he will understand.

                            Have they ever tried to show your son some respect and just for one day, try to treat him like a man and talk to him ? I grew up in a military base and sometimes, I did some stuff and eventually, a soldier would find me doing it (taking something that was there to be taken, being somewhere where I really shouldn't be).. You think he would call my parents and put me on Dr Phil ? I was a kid ! He would just catch me (if he really sneaked upon me, if I was far, I would run). He would say something like "What are you doing here ?" .. I would try to hustle... We would walk in silence and I prepare some story or something... Then we would go and usually it's some kind of a place where he's posted with another soldier.. Then we would just banter .. He'd ask me who my father is (what's his rank, they recognize people by their rank like some people recognize others by their car). They'd offer me Coke, gum, pistache, sandwitches, whatever they're eating and we would just spend some time bantering, they'd show me pictures or letters of their girlfriends, we would talk about girls, etc.. They're bored, so a new visitor is nice..

                            Then they would say that it's not a good idea to climb the wall of a military restricted area and that they would have problems with the commander. How could I possibly be a jackass to them when they treat me like that ?

                            Had they acted harshly, I would have went to great lengths to irritate them.
                            No. He doesn't seem to be getting that from anyone. I would very much like for someone to act that way towards him because right now, you are correct, he is very angry and says he is just going to do worse things to get back at them. He especially doesn't like the school policeman. Sigh.... He did say that the school nurse told him she thought it was funny that he flipped off that particular teacher and that he probably deserved it. I don't think she should have said that though.

                            THAT's where we want kids to be. We want them to get to the point of saying "It makes sens" or "Yeap, it's true". I didn't want to cause trouble to the military guys, and they put me in a position where it was up to me.. It was like saying "Do you want us to have problems?" .. Of course not, not after they'd been so cool with me, let me touch rifles and guns, helped me build stuff, etc...
                            See, this is more my approach. I try to REASON with him a lot and explain things but he is admittedly difficult to reach this way. He can't seem to grasp it or care. He wants what he wants and trying to get him to behave or comply because it makes sense doesn't work with him.

                            Staff of your son's school can take the bracelets all day long, he'll buy some more. They become agressive, he'll do that just for the fun of raising their blood pressure and watching them chase after him.
                            Exactly his attitude. Though he did promise me he wouldn't take them to school again and he did what I said and gave the bracelets away, THEN he got in trouble because THOSE kids wore them to school! So that I feel responsible for.


                            All right, that's it. These wannabe tough guys need to chill the f*** out. They take their job waaay too seriously. I mean it's not gangsters we're talking about here, it's KIDS. Having a kid lay face down on the ground, it's just too much. They should get a more appropriate opponents.
                            Yeah the school policeman is over the top. He was searching my son's locker and found a gallon size ziploc bag and started questioning my son, who told him I got it for him because it was on the school supply list, which is true. The guy said he was lying which he WASN'T. It was on his list for art supplies so I had put it inside his school folder in a zippered pouch. The policeman apparently thought it was drug related to have a ziploc bag in his locker, which is ridiculous.


                            I'm sure these guys didn't know what they were. Theses guys need to get laid ASAP. I mean, condoms, so what ? I'm sure they told with a victorious air, culpabizing you like "This is the kind of sons you have, how shameful". If they found drugs or a knife or something, then yeah. At least the kid's smart enough to know what that is and have some on him in case.
                            Yeah, I find it ironic that the school teaches about sex in health class and they hand out condoms in the nurses office but if a child has one on him its considered inappropriate.


                            That's different. We used to go to school on our own (no bus, no rides from parents or something).. And we get out and go home or whatever for lunch, then go back to school. It wasn't far though, about 15 to 20 minutes walking.
                            Yes, a few of the things he has gotten in trouble for he wasn't on school grounds and it doesn't make sense that he would be in trouble at school for. I don't really get it either, because it wasn't like that when I was in school. However that is how it is now, at least here. They are extending their big brother priveleges I guess.


                            How do sons become men ? They learn. How do they learn ? By figuring out the right thing to do. How can they even possibly do that if everyone is getting off jumping on the kid ? He's taking it from everywhere. That's not good.
                            Yes and its fostering a lot of anger. I told the principals that I felt like he would do better if he realizes that they are not doing these things because they dislike him as a person and because they have to so the principal was a little more cool with him while we were in the office that day when they brought him in. My son visibly relaxed and had a better attitude after that too but now they are back to the same.


                            I wish the best to both of you .. And remember .. It's better than to have a sloppy kid with no character, he seems alive and sharp.
                            Yes, I agree. He has a very strong personality and COULD grow up to do great things if he chose to. He's got tons of drive and is insanely intelligent and has taught himself all kinds of things. When he WANTS to he can do very well. They gave him a test at school that showed him as very bright so they are a little less patient with him I think in class too. He does struggle with math and fights being taught because he doesn't like being told what to do. He wants to teach HIMSELF everything. He was that way with learning to tie his shoes and read and ride a bike and other things as well. I taught him to read and he is above average in reading comprehension but it was a fight! At 4 years old he got angry that I wanted to keep the training wheels on his bike so he could learn and went and got tools out of the shed,removed them himself then took off riding the bike across the yard. He's extremely self motivated when he wants to be.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Lovergirl View Post
                              Ive answered the question about why I posted this here already...
                              I know just as many people like to jump all over LG when she posts as those who want to jump on top of her. But I do think this post is apropos to pick-up. Fact is, most of us who have some kind of social anxiety, or ineptness learned (or failed to learn) it from our parents. It's interesting to see this process as it's unfolding. (Not implying you're fucking your kid up, LG... I just mean it's interesting to see your side of things, and how he develops, etc). So, this thread won't help you get a number, or fuck on day2, but it may very well explain some of your behaviors with women, or at least provide an insight into them.

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