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  • #16
    Originally posted by Blackdragon View Post
    It's interesting you've asked the question since I devote an entire chapter in the Alpha Male book I'm writing specifically on how Alphas raise children, and I've been strongly considering expanding that to 2 or maybe even 3 chapters. It's that important.
    It is that important, and I am VERY happy to hear that you are devoting your time and effort to that. I don't know how far along the project is, however since I am interested in the subject I wanted to posit some of my own questions and that may give you insight into what someone in my situation is looking for.

    There are a number of initial subjects which need attention on their own. Things like getting ones own life together, personally and financially, and how to screen for the right woman. But suppose for the sake of argument that is all taken care of. What comes next? As I try thinking through the next few steps I hit some road blocks. For instance:

    1. community thinking” states that women are creatures of the moment. Both in “seduction” as well as “relationship management” theories it is frowned upon to rely on a woman for things like planning or keeping commitments.
    2. community thinking” states not to talk about “the relationship”
    3. Life states that all “relationships will end”, but “community thinking” states that the duration of sexual relationships is very short relative to the length of ones life.


    Given these things how do I talk to her about raising a child, and how do I hold her accountable to what she says? How do I make sure that her and I are on the same page on things like parenting strategies and what values to teach. How does the relationship transition from seeing each other “once a week” to something else. How are finances handled for things the child needs. How do we approach explaining to the child why mommy and daddy's relationship is so different from everyone else. How do we establish a code of conduct when the relationship inevitably loses its sexual luster and there is a breakup of sorts.


    You also talked elsewhere about one parent being the primary. I have been thinking about that and would love for you to elaborate on it. Is there any legal framework which supports this? I can envision talking to a woman about that logically beforehand, but how do I hold her to it when I say that I want something done my way that she strongly disagrees with? I see a woman getting very emotional and resorting to “this is my child too goddamnit!”. I cant exactly next her at that point..

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    • #17
      Originally posted by Hylas View Post
      Why?

      This sounds like completely irrational behavior. As far as I've experienced, the temptations for monogamy come from a scarcity. I.E-- I was a chump who only got a "date" every month or two; therefore, I promised monogamy because a) society told me to do it, and b) I wanted to get laid; she wanted monogamy as part of the "deal". Of course every time I did this, it was only rewarding short-term. It was still a rational act, though, since I thought the value of a few months/year(s) of relative happiness would be worth the ultimate drama. I've learned since.

      But for guys who have an abundance of women (good at seduction) AND have an ability to maintain relationships, it makes no sense to go down that route. Why would they do it?
      Hey, you'll have to ask them! There are many on this site right now!

      In all seriousness, I made a big post on the old forums about this, but to summarize, these guys start thinking that "they want more" and they "get tired" of fucking chicks all the time. They also buy into the societal programming that says you can't be truly in love with a woman if you're still out fucking other women. A lot of these men also kinda like drama, so they don't view the "consequences" of monogamy as bad as a consistent-happiness-loving guy like me does.

      Originally posted by JimmyChonga View Post
      It is that important, and I am VERY happy to hear that you are devoting your time and effort to that. I don't know how far along the project is, however since I am interested in the subject I wanted to posit some of my own questions and that may give you insight into what someone in my situation is looking for.

      There are a number of initial subjects which need attention on their own. Things like getting ones own life together, personally and financially, and how to screen for the right woman. But suppose for the sake of argument that is all taken care of. What comes next? As I try thinking through the next few steps I hit some road blocks. For instance:
      1. community thinking” states that women are creatures of the moment. Both in “seduction” as well as “relationship management” theories it is frowned upon to rely on a woman for things like planning or keeping commitments.
      I agree with that. It is a bad idea to enter into long term contracts with a woman.
      1. community thinking” states not to talk about “the relationship”
      Okay with OLTRs. Not okay with MLTRs or FBs, generally speaking.
      1. Life states that all “relationships will end”, but “community thinking” states that the duration of sexual relationships is very short relative to the length of ones life
      I don't agree with that. I've had women (off and on) in my life for almost six years now. Length, yes. Consistency, no. Women are not consistent creatures.

      Given these things how do I talk to her about raising a child, and how do I hold her accountable to what she says? How do I make sure that her and I are on the same page on things like parenting strategies and what values to teach. How does the relationship transition from seeing each other “once a week” to something else. How are finances handled for things the child needs. How do we approach explaining to the child why mommy and daddy's relationship is so different from everyone else. How do we establish a code of conduct when the relationship inevitably loses its sexual luster and there is a breakup of sorts.
      You also talked elsewhere about one parent being the primary. I have been thinking about that and would love for you to elaborate on it. Is there any legal framework which supports this? I can envision talking to a woman about that logically beforehand, but how do I hold her to it when I say that I want something done my way that she strongly disagrees with? I see a woman getting very emotional and resorting to “this is my child too goddamnit!”. I cant exactly next her at that point..
      A lot of questions and I have answers to most of them. Start a new thread if you want to discuss that further and I will contribute.
      How to have 3 hour meet-to-lays and nonmonogamous relationships with any type of woman:
      The Blackdragon Blog

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by Blackdragon View Post
        As long as you don't get monogamous, don't plan on the relationship lasting more than a few years, and can easily afford children and child support, then sure, go ahead.
        Child support and Alimony used to run a close race with insurance fraud in the U.S..

        Comment


        • #19
          This thread is turning out pretty interesting.

          In long-term perspective, I hope to get my game at an elite level by age 35. Then try to figure out relationships till 45, and then have children after that.

          Though seems like you really have two options for relationships: 1) mLTRs/FBs that leave after you decline the ultimatum for monogamy, and may come back. 2) LTRs that you next after NRE and they get shitty.

          So maybe we should divorce the idea of raising children from relationships in the first place? Since there's no such thing as a long term consistent healthy happy relationship?
          My natural friend and I once came up with the idea that it may be the best option to just have kids with a good female friend who wants kids.
          Though, it may be that she'll get involved with some guy who'll try to white-knight his ass in on the kid-raising.
          Got plenty of time to think about it, but I wonder what some alternative-child strategies people come up with

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          • #20
            A lot of my best girlfriends end up getting married to some chump eventually.

            Seems like the only way of me having a poly-open-relationship where children are involved, is to knock them up when they have chump boyfriends in the wing to pick up the responsibilities.

            That's pretty fucked up.

            Comment


            • #21
              Originally posted by Blackdragon View Post
              It's interesting you've asked the question since I devote an entire chapter in the Alpha Male book I'm writing specifically on how Alphas raise children, and I've been strongly considering expanding that to 2 or maybe even 3 chapters. It's that important.
              +1

              Comment


              • #22
                Originally posted by Blackdragon View Post
                A lot of questions and I have answers to most of them. Start a new thread if you want to discuss that further and I will contribute.
                I will, let me get some thoughts together.

                Originally posted by Neo-Rio View Post
                A lot of my best girlfriends end up getting married to some chump eventually.

                Seems like the only way of me having a poly-open-relationship where children are involved, is to knock them up when they have chump boyfriends in the wing to pick up the responsibilities.

                That's pretty fucked up.
                that is VERY fucked up. Its one of the main areas I want to ask BD about. If she is a high quality woman she likely wont pick a total chump, and so I would feel relatively comfortable in knowing that a new guy would do basic stuff like make sure the kid is clothed and fed. Those "responsibilities" should get covered fine. But what about imparting wisdom, values, life lessons and direction? When you are no longer in a sexual relationship with a woman her loyalties, and by extension her being impressionable, lie with someone else. How in the world do you exert what you feel is right into that and at the same time how do you prevent unwanted things coming from her direction?

                /rant. Ill get some thoughts together.

                Comment


                • #23
                  From the old generation of PUAs I am most impressed with Owen Cook (Tyler Durden) who still provides in field videos from clubs and he continues to give lectures and seminars of high standard.. and he is a parent to two kids ... at least

                  sure he is into self help but most of it is related to pick up.

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