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New here, and not sure where to make my first post (WARNING: Ranty other stuff)

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  • #31
    Originally posted by ConfusedLoser View Post
    Here's what I'm getting from this, and maybe I'm interpreting it wrong, but I get the feeling I should "become" a character of sorts.
    I should be a character that personifies who I am on a greater level.

    If I'm wrong, let me know.
    If I'm right, I kind of have an idea of how to approach this.
    I'm not going to be talking for everyone here, and maybe some will disagree, but I certainly have a "character" that takes over in interaction. You know, the guy that spills all the memorable lines I never seem to remember, the guy who expresses who I deeply am in a funny and attractive way, the guy who always seems like he just jumped out of a fucking movie.


    So yes, that's a way that can work. Not obligatory, though.



    Also, as has been said before. Don't change too many parameters at once. You'll just end up being the uncalibrated douche. Just change a few things, for example, focus on being the guy who enjoys everybody's positive sides. You do seem like a cool guy, so don't be chasing dragons.

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    • #32
      Its really not about acting a certain way to get positive results from woman. I mean it is, but even more than that, it is about changing yourself in a way that will benefit you for your entire life. Maybe you're not the best with women right now or the most social guy, but we as people are constantly changing (for better or worse) and building on our own character through experience. This site can be viewed as a means to speed up this change and making sure it is a positive one.

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      • #33
        By "character" I mean try to show appealing parts of my personality.

        I'm introverted, okay whatever -- that's just how the fuck I am. I have a general dislike of people, hate most of them and all that crap.
        But why be the nerdy, computer-addicted introvert when I can be the "badass" kind?

        DISCLAIMER: This next part will come off CORNY-AS-FUCK, but bear with me and try not to laugh.

        Some badass introverts I can think of are the kind of characters Clint Eastwood plays, Dirty Harry and all the cowboy characters he's played. Those are introverted characters, but I'm sure women get their panties moist for them.
        Another one I can think of is Wolverine, he's a badass motherfucker.

        Yeah, I know, it's all fiction...maybe I'm looking at it the wrong way.

        My point is that I'm kind of "gruff" (shave every other day or every 2 days and hair grows fast for me), I've got a blunt personality, I hate dealing with nonsense...that sort of thing.
        So why not act like that guy who does his own thing and tells anyone in his way to go fuck themselves?


        Then again, maybe I'm being an absolute dumbass about this and the lot of you are dying of laughter back there....

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        • #34
          Hi ConfusedLoser, Welcome to SedFast.

          Like most of the people here, I know where you come from cause I was there too.

          I don't like to play the psychologist and being rude with people but I must warn you:

          This thread is starting to get too long and you are probably perceiving it as a comfort zone where you can manage your frustration but you must not feel satisfied with it. Yes people here understand you Yes we support you and Yes you feel so happy every time you get a new reply but we are not psychiatrist so STOP. Use the the Journal board if you want to talk more about yourself...

          For now, my best advice for you is:
          - To stop reading & posting in this thread. (same for the other posters)
          - Take one of the advices given to you on any page of this thread and follow it (if it's a field exercise do it, if it's a youtube link, play it etc...)
          - Come back to the forum (not on this thread), do some research about specific questions then read and bookmark what could be useful for later. know which stuff is for you (beginner) or not.
          - Read the new threads and bookmark. know which stuff is for you (beginner) or not.
          - If you didn't find answers to your questions, make a new thread.
          - No matter the result and the emotions you get: practice, practice and practice.

          Have fun.

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          • #35
            EDIT: Cross posted with KHL ^^ but I agree 100% with his post above.

            Originally posted by ConfusedLoser View Post
            By "character" I mean try to show appealing parts of my personality.
            Come on. You already do this. It's called tact. You don't walk up to strangers and say "hey asshole! " but you might do it with your friends. It's not YOU that's different, it's the nature of the relationship. It's a calibration and if you're not aware of it, you could be turning women off left and right without even realizing it.

            I'm introverted, okay whatever -- that's just how the fuck I am. I have a general dislike of people, hate most of them and all that crap.
            No one really cares. You're not going to make friends (or get laid) telling people this or acting like this so the only reason I can think of to talk or act this way is to satisfy your own ego (which is more important to you than developing rapport??).

            This is a habit you are in. It's what you tell yourself (and others) over and over again. My advice is to just stop doing it. Because again, no one cares. They're more interested in the things that make you feel GOOD. Maybe you should focus on them, too, for your own sake.

            But why be the nerdy, computer-addicted introvert when I can be the "badass" kind?
            Honestly, you can "act" any way you want. I suggest having some fun with it. Push boundaries and take on personas to see how you feel and what kinds of responses you get.

            Some badass introverts I can think of are the kind of characters Clint Eastwood plays, Dirty Harry and all the cowboy characters he's played. Those are introverted characters, but I'm sure women get their panties moist for them.
            Another one I can think of is Wolverine, he's a badass motherfucker.
            Absolutely act like these guys! It's amazing how people respond to it. My personal go-to for this is Don Draper

            Yeah, I know, it's all fiction...maybe I'm looking at it the wrong way.
            No I think you're on the money here. You should absolutely be your authentic self. But it's okay and fun to play with different personas or to emphasize and de-emphasize certain aspects of your personality.

            My point is that I'm kind of "gruff" (shave every other day or every 2 days and hair grows fast for me), I've got a blunt personality, I hate dealing with nonsense...that sort of thing.
            So why not act like that guy who does his own thing and tells anyone in his way to go fuck themselves?
            Try it and see how they respond. I've never done this, personally, so I wouldn't know. I do think this is a MASCULINE quality which will attract FEMININE personalities. But at the same time, I think you can hold your no-nonsense frame without being a dick about it. You'll have to explore that a bit, or maybe some of the other guys with similar personalities can comment on it.

            Then again, maybe I'm being an absolute dumbass about this and the lot of you are dying of laughter back there....
            Eh, it's really not like that. We will be hard on you sometimes but I think the majority of people here, if not all of them, are here to HELP. And if not... fuck 'em... I mean, it's an anonymous internet forum. I'm only going to say that once though because this is part of your story and you should stop letting your mind go there at all. Just break the habit.

            (being humble is one thing; being self-deprecating and paranoid is another)

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            • #36
              Originally posted by ConfusedLoser View Post
              So why not act like that guy who does his own thing and tells anyone in his way to go fuck themselves?
              Then again, maybe I'm being an absolute dumbass about this and the lot of you are dying of laughter back there....
              No one's laughing at you. But earlier you demonstrated enough self-awareness to know what this is all about: I think your gruff manners are a defense mechanism you've built up to protect your ego. Rejecting other - telling them to go fuck themselves, etc. - is a way to pre-empt being rejected. I mean, look: if you're uncomfortable interacting nicely with others because of introversion, why would you be comfortable interacting asshole-ily with them? What I see here is that you want interaction with others, but you're protecting yourself against a possible negative outcome.

              Originally posted by KHL View Post
              This thread is starting to get too long and you are probably perceiving it as a comfort zone where you can manage your frustration but you must not feel satisfied with it. Yes people here understand you Yes we support you and Yes you feel so happy every time you get a new reply but we are not psychiatrist so STOP...
              Agreed. This isn't reddit. Circle jerk time is over. It's go time. What are you gonna do now, Confused?

              If you don't know where to begin, I have a suggestion. It's called the newbie mission, and it's been around for a long time. It goes like this:

              Find a place with a bunch of women - a busy street, a shopping mall, etc. Practice making eye contact with women you find attractive. When a woman returns your eye contact, smile and say, "hi." That's it. That's all you have to do. You can continue the interaction if you feel like it, or you can just keep walking. This is baby step #1.

              Sounds easy enough, right? It is. But a word of warning: willingness to perform this mission is a litmus test for your ability to succeed with women. A wise man once said of the newbie mission, "if you can't or won't do this - just smile and say hi - then you're beyond help. There's no advice anyone can give you that will improve your situation."

              Remember, results don't matter here. We're not up to that yet, so don't worry about it. You don't have to sink or swim - I'm just asking you to dip a toe in the water. Should you choose to accept this mission, please come back and post your experiences in on the "general" board.

              Good luck, soldier. Over and out.

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              • #37
                You guys are right.

                Maybe a Mod can close this topic so my Pity Party can end (and none of us got to eat any cake).

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                • #38
                  If there is any advice I'd give to you as a beginner, it's to say it will possibly take years to learn all you need to know. Actually, the learning never stops, whenever you get to a certain level, there is always another higher one.

                  You'll first focus on superficial stuff like newbie missions, techniques, little phrases and things you can say to women in different situations. Which is all good. They work, a lot strategies and techniques you can learn to improve your results and get what you want.

                  After you get some exposure you get the experience to realize why some techniques worked, and why some backfired.

                  Then you'll realize it isn't all about techniques, lines, 'faking a persona', acting, etc. Then you can work on becoming an AUTHENTIC changed person.

                  From your description of how you don't like other people, yeah, I know it can conjure up images of Clint Eastwood and how you could be like that, but in the real world you'll need to mix a bit of that with a guy who actually LIKES women at least. You'll only succeed when you actually enjoy interacting with the women.

                  Disliking everyone else around you is a sign you don't have empathy for them. You need to have empathy for women in order to truly seduce them. Empathy is the ability to put yourself in their shoes. You need to be able to put yourself in the womans position, and understand her position, without having sympathy for it. You don't have to cater to a woman or kiss up to her ideals of what you should be, but you need to see where she's really coming from. That isn't always obvious.

                  You GOT to have a love for women, while at the same time not being a doormat or suck up for them. You gotta be a bit of that asshole Clint Eastwood type that you're talking about, but coming from a position of positivity and love. You gotta want to have fun with them and make them have a blast and feel good being with you, badass that you are, you have to let them enjoy being bad.

                  Women WANT to fuck you, they want it bad, you just need to make it easy for them and not give them reasons NOT to fuck you. There are many reasons why they wouldn't want to fuck you, but nothing you can't change.

                  A lot of the game is about emotions, states, and empathy. You can only seduce a woman through emotions, so you need to understand emotions, and how good feelings are what are going to allow women to be attracted and sleep with you.

                  The cockyness and assholishness of a PUA is more about playfulness then actually being an ass. It's a way of flirting. So the best way is to be a 'jerk' to women, but be a lovable jerk, one who is playing around, doesn't give a fuck because he's having fun, making you both feel good, even if she gets pissed off sometimes.

                  So when you're trying stuff, don't get frustrated if things don't work out, because techniques and 'acts' are like a crutch to get you experience, and with experience and advice from places like this you'll get an ATTITUDE shift that will make the changes authentic. You'll then be an attractive man and not just trying to act like one.

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