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Online Womanese Super Thread: Online Profile Clichés. Find'em, Share'em, Kill'em.

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  • Online Womanese Super Thread: Online Profile Clichés. Find'em, Share'em, Kill'em.

    We all know that reading (and responding to) profiles doesn't necessarily correlate with online dating success, and that applies no matter what you're looking for in online dating. That said, I've read over 20,000 profiles in my lifetime, and have come across some amazing bullshit. I'm going to list some clichés and hope you all share yours and grow this thread (my comments are between parentheses). This could help beginners and hopefully will make the advanced fellas giggle!

    - Where are all the good men? (This is probably the worst and stupidest cliché ever to exist)

    - No liars, cheaters, players

    - No shirtless mirror pics

    - Live, Laugh, Love (currently my personal favorite).

    - My 1st date would consist of a nice dinner and drinks (sometimes they throw in a free walk!)

    - Is chivalry dead?

    - Looking for Mr. Right, not Mr. Right Now

    - Not looking for hook ups

    - Not looking for Sex

    - No married men

    - Must love dogs

    - My family and friends are the most important thing to me

    - My kids will always come first

    - I love Jesus

    - God is central to my life and I'm looking for a man who lives by Christian values

    - Looking for Prince Charming

    - Looking for a Guy who will make me laugh (uuum...go to a comedy club or hire a clown??)

    - Looking for a hard-working man (the protestant work ethic at its best)

    - Sweep me off my feet (this one will be hard if you're over 250lbs, which is my current deadlift limit).

    - My friend made me do this

    - I can't believe I'm doing this

    - If this works, we'll say we met at <XYZ>

    - If I wanted sex, I would be at a bar (Oh really?? Thanks for letting me know how you used to get laid)

    - If I wanted sex, I could get it anywhere (this is a myth...no you can't because you're picky and you need chemistry)

    - Tired of the bar scene (great, welcome to bar scene to the power 100)

    - Looking for a man who will make me feel like I'm the ONLY woman

    - Back on the Market (serial monogamy)

    - Ready

    - Ready to settle down

    - Nice Guys only

    - Looking for The One

    - Music is my life

    - Seeking my last first date

    - No creeps (whatever the fuck that means)

    - Carpe Diem (seize the day)

    - Tired of games

    - Looking for Love

    - Everything happens for a reason (lol...nice way to console yourself)

    - Friends first (thanks a LOT for killing eroticism before it's born)

    - I'm a great catch (I'm sold!)

    - Looking for a great catch

    - Looking for a man to spend the rest of my life with (hey, no pressure on the 1st date...lol)

    - Looking for happiness (GOOD LUCK!! :-) and....I'm going to bail out on that note...)

    - Looking for an HONEST man (no you're not, because you wouldn't want him if he was honest)

  • #2
    Half way through this, I forgot which website I was on and almost went to send an opener to this Ultimate Online female...

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    • #3
      Hahaha awesome dude! But you forgot a big piece: all the MPS disqualifying bullshit such as no text speak, providers only, tall and ripped, etc.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Dude909 View Post
        Hahaha awesome dude! But you forgot a big piece: all the MPS disqualifying bullshit such as no text speak, providers only, tall and ripped, etc.
        Here you go:


        - Proper grammar a must

        - Spelling mistakes annoy me

        - If you send me a message just saying Hi or Hey, don't even bother, I will delete it and block you

        - Looking for TALL guy with great personality

        - If you live with ANYONE else, move on, I want a guy who has his life together



        Keep it coming

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        • #5
          There's also the Nobel prize laureate profile:

          "Dont kno wat to write here jus ask me xx"

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          • #6
            Haha!

            Ah, and I shall help translate this woman language in to english!

            - Where are all the good men? (This is probably the worst and stupidest cliché ever to exist)
            I like drama.

            - No liars, cheaters, players
            I like drama.

            - No shirtless mirror pics
            I need a guy with a little more money.

            - Live, Laugh, Love (currently my personal favorite).
            I'm dominated by my Disney emotions.

            - My 1st date would consist of a nice dinner and drinks (sometimes they throw in a free walk!)
            I'm a gold-digger.

            - Is chivalry dead?
            I'm an ANGRY gold-digger.

            - Looking for Mr. Right, not Mr. Right Now
            I'm a serial monogamist.

            - Not looking for hook ups
            I have a three-date rule before I have sex. (At least three dates, probably many more.)

            - Not looking for Sex
            I have a three-date rule.

            - No married men
            If you're married you can't be my provider. So no married men.

            - Must love dogs
            I have no children.

            - My family and friends are the most important thing to me
            I am LD.

            - My kids will always come first
            My kids will always come first.

            - I love Jesus
            I've fucked too many guys and now have to pretend I'm a good girl for a while to satisfy my ASD.

            - God is central to my life and I'm looking for a man who lives by Christian values
            I've fucked too many guys and now have to pretend I'm a good girl for a while to satisfy my ASD.

            - Looking for Prince Charming
            I'm provider hunting.

            - Looking for a Guy who will make me laugh (uuum...go to a comedy club or hire a clown??)
            I'm beta male hunting.

            - Looking for a hard-working man (the protestant work ethic at its best)
            I'm provider hunting.

            - Sweep me off my feet (this one will be hard if you're over 250lbs, which is my current deadlift limit).
            I'm provider hunting.

            - My friend made me do this
            I haven't had sex in a long time.

            - I can't believe I'm doing this
            I'm desperate.

            - If this works, we'll say we met at <XYZ>
            I'm a liar.

            - If I wanted sex, I would be at a bar (Oh really?? Thanks for letting me know how you used to get laid)
            I have a three date rule.

            - If I wanted sex, I could get it anywhere (this is a myth...no you can't because you're picky and you need chemistry)
            I haven't had sex in a long time because I'm over 33 and have too many rules about when I allow myself to do that.

            - Tired of the bar scene (great, welcome to bar scene to the power 100)
            My standards are too high.

            - Looking for a man who will make me feel like I'm the ONLY woman
            I'm high maintenance.

            - Back on the Market (serial monogamy)
            I'm a serial monogamist and love it. I'm going to dump your ass just when things are getting really serious and wonderful.

            - Ready
            I'm provider hunting.

            - Ready to settle down
            I'm provider hunting.

            - Nice Guys only
            I'm provider hunting.

            - Looking for The One
            I'm provider hunting.

            - Music is my life
            I'm easy. Sex with me by the second date should be no problem. Send me an opener right now.

            - Seeking my last first date
            I'm provider hunting.

            - No creeps (whatever the fuck that means)
            I love drama.

            - Carpe Diem (seize the day)
            I'm not very creative.

            - Tired of games
            I love drama.

            - Looking for Love
            I'm over 33.

            - Everything happens for a reason (lol...nice way to console yourself)
            I take no responsibility for my actions.

            - Friends first (thanks a LOT for killing eroticism before it's born)
            I'm over 33.

            - I'm a great catch (I'm sold!)
            I'm over 33.

            - Looking for a great catch
            I'm provider hunting.

            - Looking for a man to spend the rest of my life with (hey, no pressure on the 1st date...lol)
            I'm provider hunting.

            - Looking for happiness (GOOD LUCK!! :-) and....I'm going to bail out on that note...)
            I'm high maintenance.

            - Looking for an HONEST man (no you're not, because you wouldn't want him if he was honest)
            I love drama.
            How to have 3 hour meet-to-lays and nonmonogamous relationships with any type of woman:
            The Blackdragon Blog

            Comment


            • #7
              LOL!!! Fascinating.... Can you elaborate a little more on the family & friends?? I'm intrigued....had no clue that this could mean low sex drive...



              Originally posted by Blackdragon View Post


              - My family and friends are the most important thing to me.

              I am LD.


              Comment


              • #8
                -I've had my heart broken.
                "I'm stupid, and easily manipulated"
                -I'm tired of playing games.

                "I'm stupid, and easily manipulated"
                -I'm looking for an honest man.

                "I'm stupid, and easily manipulated"

                Comment


                • #9
                  I'm guessing all this bullshit they say should be ignored?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by BabelFish View Post
                    LOL!!! Fascinating.... Can you elaborate a little more on the family & friends?? I'm intrigued....had no clue that this could mean low sex drive...
                    Purely my anecdotal experience, though I've had a lot of it: Women who are really into their families, spend large amounts of time with siblings / cousins / parents / etc and have huge "family social circles" tend to be lower sex drive and/or more ASDish. The exception to this would be Asians and Latinas where that type of thing is cultural, I'm talking about normal white girls here.

                    Originally posted by Dallaz View Post
                    I'm guessing all this bullshit they say should be ignored?
                    Yep. This thread is a great example of why I don't read profiles.
                    How to have 3 hour meet-to-lays and nonmonogamous relationships with any type of woman:
                    The Blackdragon Blog

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Blackdragon View Post
                      Purely my anecdotal experience, though I've had a lot of it: Women who are really into their families, spend large amounts of time with siblings / cousins / parents / etc and have huge "family social circles" tend to be lower sex drive and/or more ASDish. The exception to this would be Asians and Latinas where that type of thing is cultural, I'm talking about normal white girls

                      You are onto something my friend. I did some research that corrobrates your anecdotal experience.
                      In his Affective Neuroscience book, Jaak Panksepp discusses people with a high Nest-Builder emotional command system (the women you're describing above) and suggests that their Sensualist emotional command system (sex, romance, etc) is most comfortable when in medium to low activation.

                      On another note, can you translate this one for me? It slipped thru the cracks but appears massively in women's profiles:

                      - Looking for a REAL man

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        You guys keep this up and I might feel compelled to create an online translator. Copy/paste her profile in and see what she's really saying...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Just posted this in the fat thread. Think it belongs here much more.

                          Originally posted by Dude909
                          Originally posted by JetSetJim
                          What blows my mind is how hard it is even to get a fat chick to fuck you from online.

                          It always blows my mind when fat chicks act like they are HB9s and are flaky and hard to pin down for a meet.
                          What blows my mind is how online dating screws up the mind of women, by giving them non-stop undeserved attention and validation.

                          Typical newbie chick on dating sites: nice, enthusiastic, will open you and qualify you, eager to meet up. Even if very hot. You can spot them easily from their profile: "Let's try this!", "Here fishy fishy", "My friends made me do this", etc.

                          Typical long term user: bitchy, oversized MPS, will make you qualify yourself and jump through hoops before agreeing to meet, will flake 50% of the time. Even if ugly. Profiles easy to spot with the oversized MPS (long list of requirements, tell you what to write/not to write in your opener, etc.).

                          Unfortunately the "newbie" period only lasts a few days. When you spot one, move fast. And I mean FAST: in a matter of days she will realize how much choice she has. (Which is the opposite of men, who start feeling like this is a heavenly candy store, only to realise how hard it is to land an average looking chick).
                          Last edited by Dude909; 03-04-2012, 02:40 AM. Reason: Edited the shit out of this because initialy posted like a moron

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Dude909, very interesting insight...I heard a talk the other day on TED about "choice" and how it does not necessarily correlate with happiness. For chicks who are socially conditioned, psychologically controlled by their families or ASD, not truly intellectually independent, and who are on a time-limited agenda to find the "one", this choice actually turns into an unmanageable nightmare. Add to that the possibility of A.D.D. and a full social calendar (including the girlies and besties) and feggedaboutit!
                            For us secure guys, it is indeed a candy shop!!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by BabelFish View Post
                              You are onto something my friend. I did some research that corrobrates your anecdotal experience.
                              In his Affective Neuroscience book, Jaak Panksepp discusses people with a high Nest-Builder emotional command system (the women you're describing above) and suggests that their Sensualist emotional command system (sex, romance, etc) is most comfortable when in medium to low activation.
                              Makes sense to me!

                              On another note, can you translate this one for me? It slipped thru the cracks but appears massively in women's profiles:

                              - Looking for a REAL man
                              That statement, taken in a vacuum, is a fantastic indicator and you need to open that chick ASAP. It means she's tired of needy guys sending her 1000 texts a day about how much they miss her. She wants an Alpha now.

                              However! If that statement is encased in a profile full of the typical gold-digger / MPS stuff, "real man" means "chivalrous man" which means "I'm a gold-digger who expects lots of dinner dates before sex".

                              If the word "chivalry" is anywhere in a woman's profile I would move on.

                              (Fortunately that word seems to be the purview of the over 30 types and I don't open those.)
                              How to have 3 hour meet-to-lays and nonmonogamous relationships with any type of woman:
                              The Blackdragon Blog

                              Comment

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