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  • Tinder chat: Tell me more about yourself.

    Recently, I moved to Germany and meeting women on Bumble or Tinder has become complicated. My profile is short, only stating a few traits I have and I like in women, combined with four good photos.

    German women seem to want to know more about me before meting. After suggesting to meet up, I regularly get lines like: »Tell me more about yourself«, »What do you do?«, »Let’s get to know each other a bit better first«.

    I understand that they want to get a better idea about the person they are meeting. But I’m not going to jump through their hoops and giving them a résumé on Tinder. Long chat’s are not my thing. Here are replies I tried unsuccessfully:

    - You are impatient, let’s talk about this when we meet up.

    - Let’s be more adventurous. Getting to know each other through a Tinder chat doesn’t work anyway.

    - Wouldn’t you like to know.

    I am looking for a way of dealing with this in an engaging, fun way, without answering their dull question directly and without trying to impress them with job, hobbies, possesions.
    Any ideas?


    Edit:

    Here is what worked well with women in the UK, age range 25-38:

    1. Match on Tinder or Bumble.

    2. We exchange three to six messages – mainly small talk: what have you been up to this weekend, where do you live, is this your dog on the photo.

    3. I suggest to meet for a drink. If she is interested we exchange numbers.

    4. One or two messages to bridge the time gap(whatsapp or sms), usually about things that happen at the moment: Can you hear this thunderstorm, what are you up to, just back from a bike ride now hitting the shower…

    5. On the evening before the meeting, I suggest a time and place.

    6. We meet


  • #2
    here are some rebuttles from cocporn:


    I am a little skeptical of messaging to much on apps with people i don't know lets' meet for a cup of coffee or a drink an evening?

    do you want to get together for a cup of beer and see if holds water...


    You can add unless you have another favorite place or other suggestion.

    to objection:

    I just feel i spent too much time typing away on msn on the good old days without actually meeting people.

    OR

    tHAT IS WHY YOU ARE ON TINDER, YOU NEVER REALLY GET TO KNOW ANYONE BY JUST SENDEING EACH OTHER PARTS OF THE ALPHABET.

    or

    yes. I just feel is hard to get to know someone just sending a bunch of texts. But is easy face to face.


    however when girls make those objections they are not exited enough to meet you yet.... and also is probably because you are doing the open>reply>banter>pitch a meet model = that shit never worked for me.... It does work for bd, kant, pob and the likes, for me it never did...


    and when they ask me tell me about yourself? i take that as opportunity to display my good qualities....


    "I am really good at relationships more guys are clueless, my hobbies is capoeira and dancing, I run a Real estate biz, I work for Microsoft biz and i also help guys be more attractive,... ( But my main job is (her name) future lover

    or and the most important is i have a cyber crush on (her name)


    here she will say lol or you do not even know me...


    i go

    note to self: (her name) does not know how to flirt :-(





    But the subcommunication of your whole question is that she is in the fence and you need to get her a bit more exited and shit...( i am a fan of longer texting setting frames)

    Comment


    • #3
      "suggesting to meet up"

      This is where you are misguided. Stop doing this, and all those problems will go away. Check meeting girls guide in hof if you need more detail.

      Comment


      • #4
        "Why do you want to give me sore thumbs when all I want is to give you a sore vagina?"

        Comment


        • #5
          Why not add some details to your profile? At least answer the commonly asked questions. But use shiort sentences with lots of white space. Nobody wants to read a wall of text.

          I use a more detailed profile, and In my experience, women generally read it.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by ijjjji View Post
            "suggesting to meet up"

            This is where you are misguided. Stop doing this, and all those problems will go away. Check meeting girls guide in hof if you need more detail.
            This is worth a try, but is nowhere near “100 percent guaranteed”...in my experience and in the experience of many others. Some women just never hint at a meet.

            Comment


            • Guest's Avatar
              Guest commented
              Editing a comment
              Cool! Id argue its the _only thing_ you should do, unless you find girls saying "YES YES!!" to your meet requests on a regular basis.
              (100% was in regard to nightgame #closes, since post came from that board. Obviously, online will be a lower %.)

          • #7
            Originally posted by No More Mr Nice Guy View Post

            This is worth a try, but is nowhere near “100 percent guaranteed”...in my experience and in the experience of many others. Some women just never hint at a meet.
            the thing is UNFORTUNATELY, as i said multiple times a lot of seducers/puas lack totally "written charisma" and not only that "written charisma" has to have a goal in mind which is to get her so curious, and exited to meet you and fantasizing and projecting POSITIVE attributes about you....

            Look at how some of the guys here that are suppose to be "good" write, but before doing that make sure is before bed time cause they totally put you to sleep....

            Comment


            • #8
              Great to read all your replies. Thanks!



              Originally posted by Skills360 View Post
              the thing is UNFORTUNATELY, as i said multiple times a lot of seducers/puas lack totally "written charisma"
              Yes, writing well, with an outcome in mind can be a powerful tool. Good communication in this respect should be loaded with words that allow positive association and talk to the subconscious mind. I usually avoid negations and use words like hard, sure, rise, fill, moist, wet, come. I’m fluent in German, but not yet able to do nlp tricks.

              Originally posted by Skills360 View Post
              however when girls make those objections they are not exited enough to meet you yet.... and also is probably because you are doing the open>reply>banter>pitch a meet model = that shit never worked for me
              It worked for me in the UK and other European countries. Not in Germany unfortunately. I wonder why; never mind, time for a change.

              Originally posted by Skills360 View Post
              note to self: (her name) does not know how to flirt :-(
              My experience with most German women I met on Bumble, OKC and Tinder :-/

              Originally posted by Skills360 View Post
              But the subcommunication of your whole question is that she is in the fence and you need to get her a bit more exited and shit...
              I guess you are right.



              Originally posted by ijjjji View Post
              "suggesting to meet up"
              This is where you are misguided. Stop doing this, and all those problems will go away.
              I prefer to set up a one-on-one meeting with women. It usually works with one flake in 20 maybe. Plans hardly ever result in cold feet. Usually I don’t have the time for a proper mobile chat. Only really cool or original messages get a reply immediately when I read them. Every other day, I take half an hour to answer all messages on mobile »dating« apps. Always before bedtime, so that they thinks about me before going to sleep. Nevertheless, I can see that your 100%-Method creates a different dynamic. Now that I am re-thinking my process, I will give it a go. I believe logistics are crucial for this.



              Originally posted by COCPORN View Post
              "Why do you want to give me sore thumbs when all I want is to give you a sore vagina?"
              Good line, I might do some alterations, so that it fits me better and use it. By the way, A few lines and concepts from from your excellent book are part of my toolbox.



              Originally posted by No More Mr Nice Guy View Post
              Why not add some details to your profile? At least answer the commonly asked questions. But use shiort sentences with lots of white space. Nobody wants to read a wall of text.
              I will have to write a new profile in German anyway. Right now it’s only two sentences long. I want to avoid bragging about my job.

              Comment


              • #9
                This is something (epiphany i just learn today and it makes sense)

                When you are a beginner/intermediate (time is against you), so you need to be brief and fast cause chances are you will fuck it up (sarge is a good example )


                when you are a cool/attractive guy already (advanced, i am using the term for clarification) the more the girl experence you the more attracted she will get to you... (which is why long texting always work for me)


                Hope it makes sense...




                Comment


                • Delenclos

                  Delenclos

                  commented
                  Editing a comment
                  You are right, Skills. The longer the interaction, the more opportunity to do things wrong when you are unexperienced and nervous.

                  I remember that AFCs were sent on challenges in the old forum. Tasks like. »Go to the mall and say hi to 20 women. Don’t take the interaction any further.« I guess these challenges were designed to build confidence.

              • #10

                It may just be a culture thing ... from what I've heard German/ Swiss women need more comfort and going through hoops. Latin American women are hot blooded and it takes very little to fire things up.(field tested).. if you're white in Asia it's like shooting fish in a barrel... my point being there is nothing wrong with your game.

                It may just need a few small tweaks to adjust it to the locals.

                Comment


                • Delenclos

                  Delenclos

                  commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Cheers, Khali. That’s my experience too. Been tweaking my game in these days. It’s actually a good thing, because I had a few new ideas.

              • #11
                Thought about this a bit over the last couple of days.

                The problem I saw was not the question in itself (Can you tell me more about yourself? or What do you do for a living?) The problem was the reply that I thought was expected: an efficient but dull, list of facts that engage the mind and kills all mystery. Probably thought I had to fit in and do what the locals might do.

                When I noticed this, the solution became evident. It’s so easy, I didn’t see it straight away: One only needs to answer in a way that engages her feelings too, increases the mystery and makes her more curious. Yesterday, I compiled a list of lines that show off some of my good traits using emotional, associative language. Most of it, I took from my OKC profile.


                The second problem was caused by my experience. I have learned that women who want to chat a lot, are attention seekers who don’t really want to meet up. They also tend to fall in love with a perfect, unrealistic image of me, they create in their head, the longer we chat (yes, women put men on pedestals too). When we meet up, it’s hard to compete with this ideal. Because of this, my interest and attraction for a woman usually diminished, the longer she wanted to chat.

                Easy solution again: I just have to appreciate that this is my past experience and now, in a new country, this will probably be different.

                Comment

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