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  • #16
    I have a very bad feeling that the original poster proposed to his girlfriend on New Years Eve and he is now ashamed to come back here.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by no_mas View Post
      Second, and I know it is pretty frowned upon here, but have been in a monogamous relationship for the past 3 years and have been pretty happy in it. My gf is 30 (I am 33) and has been putting the screws on me to get hitched and lately it has been getting quite strong.
      Your first sentence is contradicted by your second. You're obviously not "pretty happy" with it. She is the boss.

      Here's the good & bad of it:

      Good-
      Great sex, never used as a weapon, very open and varied
      She's using it as a weapon now!

      Pays, she pays the rent in NYC! And let me tell ya, it ain't cheap!
      That's BAD! You're her baby! Eventually, she'll resent it. Women want to fuck daddy, not baby! If she does it for a child, she can't be allowed to do it for you. By being financially dependent on her, she has you by the balls, thus making a break up impractical. You are trapped and she is taking away your discipline by killing you with kindness. It's a female betaization tactic.

      Considerate - bakes, cooks, cleans, buys me gifts, does all that
      That's BAD! She's pampering you. Pampering is a form of betaization. She's taking away your discipline and providing an artificial safety net for your relationship that she's hoping you'll lean on if your feelings for her will ever go away. You saying, "I want to break up, but then I'll have to do my own cooking and cleaning," would make her a master manipulator! You're already saying that this is a mitigating factor when it comes to you putting your foot down.

      See how clever women are? She's trapping you and you call her "considerate." No, she's playing you like a violin!

      Bad-
      Most of the time very good but can get up caught up in random emotional outbursts. It starts with a snarky email. Then it builds and builds. Uses a lot of circular arguments against me. She won't let me ignore her,
      You can't ignore her because you live with her.

      "Why are you ignoring me? Can't you see I'm upset? Why would you let me be upset?"

      "Why don't you care. I love you so much and you don't care" (yeah, explaining to her doesn't work)
      My response:

      "Exactly. So why would you want to marry a man like me? A man who you say ignores you, doesn't care about you, and is acting like a jerk? You are a great woman with very high self esteem. For this reason, I don't want to see you broken. So I think I should do the respectful thing and give you at least a week to rethink this entire relationship. Ask yourself if you want to be married to someone who ignores you and doesn't care. Think hard! Ask yourself if this relationship is working. Talk to your girlfriends. Do some soul searching. Decide what kind of man you deserve. Call me when your thoughts are calm and clear, sweetie. I'll be waiting."

      Then kiss her on the cheek and leave! And say the above with a dominant smirk and more than a little hint of sarcasm!

      If she ever yells at you again, say the above again. If the fight is real big, tell her you need some space. She'll probably come back to you and apologize, while asking you how much time you need. Tell her, "as long as I need to heal." LMAO!

      So it's possible everything is great but I can't seem to pass her shit tests.
      Because you are dependent on her, both sexually and financially. Thus, you care!

      Any suggestions with that? And to the bigger question, she is pressuring me for marriage. I'm not a big opponent of marriage per say, I have read all the pitfall stuff and I don't expect Disney happy ending but i think we make a good partnership. I am sexually satisfied,
      Then your sexual satisfaction will be the first thing to go!

      If you're sexually satisfied, why do you want marriage? Is it just that your balls are empty and your wallet is full, and you're asking yourself how to reverse those two situations?

      although I look at other girls I don't really have any huge urge to be with anyone else.
      Until she starts withholding sex because she owns you now and starts getting resentful at the prospect of continuing to pamper you, starts calling you a bum, and orders you to pick up your own damn socks! Aaaah marriage!

      She has a great career and high paying job and has no problems taking care of me.
      Listen to yourself! No wonder she feels entitled! You're talking like a baby!

      She gets along with my family GREAT and especially my handicap sister!! That's a very big deal to me.
      Irrelevant!

      I never thought I would get married and the idea still bothers me but if I were, she would be the one.
      I will never get married. But if I did, she'd be the exact opposite of the one.

      But these arguments drive me nuts. Another example of what I got today:

      "I am 100% sure I want to marry you
      My response:

      "Really? You want to marry a man who, by your own admission, doesn't care about you or your feelings? Should I make an appointment with a therapist honey? Please, I'm only thinking of you and your healthy appraisal of yourself."

      but you don't seem ready and have doubts and I'd like to know why"
      My response:

      "I know a really good therapist. If I am to make a life commitment, I need to know you aren't marrying a jerk. Maybe we need some time apart to reassess our feelings and figure things out. Your self esteem is very important to me."


      "I can't force you to love me.

      "I thought we were talking about marriage! How's Tuesday for you? Dr. Anderson can see you."


      Please just tell me where your head is at."
      "I'm worried about your head. If you love me, you'll do this for me. Tuesday at 8."

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