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Intro and a plea for advice

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  • Intro and a plea for advice

    Hey pick up community! I've lingered here for a few months and finally decided to get serious so here I am. For starters I'm here to stay until I get good, really good and then I'll just stick around for fun.

    Today however, I need advice as I currently find myself incredibly frustrated yet I feel its self inflicted. I'm 24 and have slept with one girl in my life. Now, I'm not about living in the past or dwelling in it, but many of my years were spent productively. I have a great job and can afford a great place with an awesome nyc view at the age of 24, so I'm not entirely unhappy I didn't "focus" on getting laid in college. However, I am unhappy with the fact that I've lived here (nyc) for a little over half a year and haven't gotten laid once. Now let me preface this further by saying, I'm a reasonably good looking guy and have pristine conversational skills (worked in the service industry for a long time). I have plenty of friends and really don't get stuck on asking people questions. (I'm not anti-social) The other caveat I should mention is that all my lady friends are convinced I'm banging 6-7 chicks at a time because they just sense that vibe (odd). I totally understand today better than ever that money, good looks, ....etc dont matter. Game matters.

    Here's what I've been doing. I go out every week without fail. Sometimes 4-5 times a week, but at least twice. But its always with friends and I always drink, many times heavily. I've realized this isn't working. Drinking doesn't enhance anything as the night progresses, it many times inhibits my responses and the night take a downward turn as opposed to an upward one. Also, going out with friends isn't working either as I just stand around and talk to them. I've been to enough venues to realize weather you go out alone or with a group, no one really knows nor cares weather your there alone or not.

    Secondly, not sure why, but I don't ever approach. I do just fine, many times even hold long conversations when other friends open. I also don't mind asking for directions or whatever during the day, but at a bar I can't seem to approach. I guess walking up to a girl and saying anything seems like I'm hitting on her otherwise why would I be talking to her? But none the less, every piece of material I've watched/read has talked about approaching so I really need to get this handled.

    So you see my frustration. I live in the greatest city the world, have achieved a great deal and really feel like I am the shit. But I'm not approaching, not getting laid and it feels like I'm not doing anything about it, which is leading to a shit-ton of negativity. Any thoughts from anyone who's been through this pain period, what you did and how got through it would be appreciated.

  • #2
    Its just nerves man,
    Don't worry too much it takes some time to get into the swing of things and thank baby jeebus you aren't too bedazzled by the whole concept.
    Just start small with bite sized pieces, be positive and chill with girls and dip your toe in the water. You'll naturally feel the urge to do more sooner or later.

    Let it come

    PS Try not to make pleas, it makes honest people uneasy and "ambitious" people... salivate
    which isn't exactly the best thing

    Welcome though

    Comment


    • #3
      Alright my quick advice.

      I think looks, social status, fashion, etc ... do matter more than 'game.' Effort matters -- not sure if that means game.

      I personally subscribe to a lot of the theory that GoodLookingLoser espouses, but maybe because it just makes sense to me personally.


      If everything is buttoned up (your style, your looks, your body, you confidence, your social freedom, your social skills) --- then the other thing missing is going for it. Making the effort, the leap of faith, the killer instinct.

      You can go out alone. It takes some getting used to at first, but now I literally have no care whatsoever. I usually do so when my friends don't want to go out, but at this point I sort of even prefer it --- you can do whatever the fuck you want, be whoever you want to be.

      I went out alone last night and had one of the best nights in a LONG time. Surprisingly, a few girls DID ask me who I was there with, which is unusual. I lone-wolf approach even when out with friends, and never get asked that unless I'm actually alone it seems! I was trolling at a gay club with lots of girls that are surprisingly DTF. Doesn't matter why, I have my theories. But a straight man alone at a gay club trolling for ass? I usually tell them I'm there with a gay friend, haha, because half the time I am.

      Second point: Learn to approach when you're with your friends. Or just bail on them once 'in the venue' -- circling back to ping them every so often. Rejection happens, they'll see you get rejected. Who gives a shit. They'll also see you make out with people or do whatever sleazy shit you do, sometimes. There's a lot they won't see, too. It's not like approaching attractive women in a bar or club means you have a third eye. It's a quite normal thing, even if most guys there are too chicken-shit. Learn to 'love the spotlight' or having 'all eyes on me' -- because you will get that feeling when approaching.

      You're also afraid of letting a girl know you are hitting on her. Why? You have to let the poor girl know at some point that you want to have sex with her, before you actually insert your dick into her. Okay, maybe not sex, but that you are attracted to her/ like her.

      You're right that when you go up to a girl at a bar and make small-talk, or dance with her, she assumes you like her. But even then, who knows. You like her looks but you're feeling her out, seeing her personality. Also it's possible if you don't escalate fast enough, she'll think she's not attractive enough. So there's that. But yeah, you like her. Duh. Why the fuck else are you talking to her? To make new platonic friends at the bar? Nothing to be ashamed of -- you have a penis. Man likes woman. Any questions?

      Here's my initial idea: ijjji had a GREAT post recently about dance floor game, where he listed a bunch of A+ posts that he liked. Check out those posts. You DO NOT need to know how to dance to do dance floor game.

      That'll be good for you. Approach girls. Dance with them. Make it sensual and nonverbal. After a bit, find a reason to isolate to a couch or somewhere, escalate a bit, then try to change venues/ or bounce somewhere/ get contact info.

      That way you don't have to think too hard, about saying anything --- and the dancing is a more 'direct approach' -- which you can get used to/ comfortable with. It's really no big friggin deal. Plus, it's goddamn fun.

      Comment


      • #4
        Welcome.



        Be proud of what you've achieved so far in your life/career. Not everyone can say that even at the age of 34.

        Originally posted by Mystique View Post
        ...have pristine conversational skills (worked in the service industry for a long time). I have plenty of friends and really don't get stuck on asking people questions. (I'm not anti-social)
        In your case it might be not about whether you can talk to people, but what you're saying and how you're saying it. (You've started here with a plea.)

        Originally posted by Mystique View Post
        ...all my lady friends are convinced I'm banging 6-7 chicks at a time because they just sense that vibe
        This is VERY GOOD. There literally isn't better position to be in to get laid A LOT. Just let them spread the word.

        Originally posted by Mystique View Post
        I totally understand today better than ever that money, good looks, ....etc dont matter. Game matters.
        Not (completely) true. Game matters, YES. But the other stuff makes it much easier.

        Originally posted by Mystique View Post
        Here's what I've been doing. I go out every week without fail. Sometimes 4-5 times a week, but at least twice.
        Good if you like to party and are looking for ONSs.

        Originally posted by Mystique View Post
        I've been to enough venues to realize weather you go out alone or with a group, no one really knows nor cares weather your there alone or not.
        It's about the vibe you're giving off. Being a cool guy who doesn't need a group of babysitting buddies is certainly attractive. But having a cool group WITH THE SAME MINDSET around is also fine.


        Now to the core:
        (I apologize for any profanities I might use)

        Originally posted by Mystique View Post
        I do just fine, many times even hold long conversations when other friends open. I also don't mind asking for directions or whatever during the day, but at a bar I can't seem to approach. I guess walking up to a girl and saying anything seems like I'm hitting on her...
        Woohoo, oh yeah, you are fucking hitting on her. Don't make a big deal out of it. Because it isn't.
        Just think about where the pressure comes from. If it's from your buddies, than fuck them and find new ones. If it's from yourself, than you need to fucking man up, grab your balls and just go approach.

        Originally posted by Mystique View Post
        ...Any thoughts from anyone who's been through this pain period, what you did and how got through it would be appreciated.
        1. Approach
        2. Talk like you would to any other person.
        3. Isolate.
        4. Escalate.
        5. Get laid.

        It's a few steps to get laid but everything starts with the first one. Throw the fucking roadblock out of your head and go approach!

        Comment


        • #5
          Thank you all for the advice. Each of you has a point and I've already been doing better since. Pick up is a lot of things but the approach is how it all starts.

          Since this post I've been to two bars alone, the first time I literally went in walked around got a drink and left. But the experience taught me I could do it and isn't a roadblock anymore. The second time, I was merely stopping in for a drink before heading to a party and I got approached! And then another guy came and approached the two girls who were talking to me. Just experiencing it removes the road block and I've been approaching in bars now. Oh and the girl did the entire pickup and got my number.

          Comment


          • #6
            Just do it.

            Comment


            • #7
              Stop thinking of rejection as failure. Its not. You learned what approach didnt work and thats a success. You also learned to not waste time on that girl anymore. All from one "rejection". Also as long as your body language doesnt indicate you were rejected then all the other girls at the bar just think you were talking it up with a hot chic which is good too.

              Comment


              • #8
                Sounds to me like you believe very deeply that hitting on girls is not okay. It sounds like you are trying to pick up women without even them noticing it.

                Why? Why is it wrong? What kind of damage are you inflicting on the world by hitting on girls? What are the good things that can happen from it? Do you think that women don't like sex? Whats worst thing that can happen?

                Comment


                • #9
                  More common than you think. Shame guilt all that good stuff from childhood.


                  Originally posted by hangman View Post
                  Sounds to me like you believe very deeply that hitting on girls is not okay. It sounds like you are trying to pick up women without even them noticing it.

                  Why? Why is it wrong? What kind of damage are you inflicting on the world by hitting on girls? What are the good things that can happen from it? Do you think that women don't like sex? Whats worst thing that can happen?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by seduski View Post
                    More common than you think. Shame guilt all that good stuff from childhood.
                    The questions were supposed to be jumping off points for the OP to reconsider whether there are any OBJECTIVE reasons not to hit on women.

                    Once he convinces himself that there aren't any, it becomes self-evident that this is pure social programming (shame, guilt, childhood, etc are part of that).

                    Then de-programming oneself is fairly easy, at least if his mind works like mine does.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Mystique View Post
                      Hey pick up community! I've lingered here for a few months and finally decided to get serious so here I am. For starters I'm here to stay until I get good, really good and then I'll just stick around for fun.

                      Today however, I need advice as I currently find myself incredibly frustrated yet I feel its self inflicted. I'm 24 and have slept with one girl in my life. Now, I'm not about living in the past or dwelling in it, but many of my years were spent productively. I have a great job and can afford a great place with an awesome nyc view at the age of 24, so I'm not entirely unhappy I didn't "focus" on getting laid in college. However, I am unhappy with the fact that I've lived here (nyc) for a little over half a year and haven't gotten laid once. Now let me preface this further by saying, I'm a reasonably good looking guy and have pristine conversational skills (worked in the service industry for a long time). I have plenty of friends and really don't get stuck on asking people questions. (I'm not anti-social) The other caveat I should mention is that all my lady friends are convinced I'm banging 6-7 chicks at a time because they just sense that vibe (odd). I totally understand today better than ever that money, good looks, ....etc dont matter. Game matters.

                      Here's what I've been doing. I go out every week without fail. Sometimes 4-5 times a week, but at least twice. But its always with friends and I always drink, many times heavily. I've realized this isn't working. Drinking doesn't enhance anything as the night progresses, it many times inhibits my responses and the night take a downward turn as opposed to an upward one. Also, going out with friends isn't working either as I just stand around and talk to them. I've been to enough venues to realize weather you go out alone or with a group, no one really knows nor cares weather your there alone or not.

                      Secondly, not sure why, but I don't ever approach. I do just fine, many times even hold long conversations when other friends open. I also don't mind asking for directions or whatever during the day, but at a bar I can't seem to approach. I guess walking up to a girl and saying anything seems like I'm hitting on her otherwise why would I be talking to her? But none the less, every piece of material I've watched/read has talked about approaching so I really need to get this handled.

                      So you see my frustration. I live in the greatest city the world, have achieved a great deal and really feel like I am the shit. But I'm not approaching, not getting laid and it feels like I'm not doing anything about it, which is leading to a shit-ton of negativity. Any thoughts from anyone who's been through this pain period, what you did and how got through it would be appreciated.

                      If i were you i would advise to work on your approach anxiety: http://www.goodlookingloser.com/appr...xiety-program/

                      Comment

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