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Massive approach anxiety - ok online - stumped on what to do and looking for ideas

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  • Massive approach anxiety - ok online - stumped on what to do and looking for ideas

    I haven't been able to overcome this on my own so I figured I should post. I've been doing reasonably well with online game, 3 successes in the last month. I also have 3 dates set up in the next 4 days via online. I'm having some difficulty keeping the successes around, but that is for another post.

    My real problem now is approaching in person. I've literally done it once in the last month, she said she had a boyfriend in a very kind manner and I didn't think to continue from there because the anxiety overcame me, I apologized and walked away (bad, I know). Every time I try to approach I have an excuse about the time, how I'm feeling, what I would say. The typical approach I imagine is on my college campus. Best possibilities include: at a table during lunch, in the library, a bench or table outside. One item that changes things a bit, but not much, is that I'm 27 but I'm also a student, so many of the women on campus will be substantially younger. Also, the topic I'm studying includes almost no women.

    The only semi legitimate issues I have to avoid is that I'm on a college campus I will be on for a number of years, so I can't deliberately totally burn out in a way that would be majorly off putting if the person saw me around campus later to get me over AA. I also don't have much time to go out to another location for practice due to time constraints. I might be able to do another location before one of my online dates which is 30 mins away.

    However, those semi-legit issues aren't the core issue. Even in a bar where cerebrally I don't particularly care what happens, I can't approach.

    I'm stuck and need some ideas, maybe find a local group of PUAs? I know stuff like this has been written before but maybe putting keys to the keyboard and engaging with the community again will help me break out of this rut. Thanks!

  • #2
    College campuses can be intimidating bc there are a lot of other young studs marching around. Whatever there's plenty of pussy for every bull.

    I wouldn't worry about feing old. Chances are you look within range.

    The fact that you will be around campus for years is great. You don't have to be outcome dependent. You can get familiar with environment and logistics. Etc etc. Seeing girls again enables you to close later if you feel uncomfortable. Perfect for newbie.

    Just be fuckin playful. If asked say I'm studying the most useless and boring subject lol! No one gives a shit about majors anyway it's just a common question bc college kids have nothing else going on in their life or personality at that age.

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    • #3
      I think you grossly over-estimate the potential social stigmata from talking to female students! Ive seen guys who do it, and they are generally thought of as cool social people. So lets at least get _that_ out of the way.

      Start in the cafeteria/offices areas where students from various faculties will be hanging around (non-mobile). Maybe bring one of your friends, so you can have a conversation with that person going, and pull others in.

      While there, inquire about student organizations you can join!

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      • #4
        My real problem is that it isn't just college campuses that I find intimidating, it is any approach where I don't feel there is a real reason. I no longer have a problem going up and talking to people I'm not interested in, that used to be difficult too, but regardless of the situation, on a bus, at a club, on the street, I can be paralyzed by anxiety.

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        • #5
          First order of business is to get the physical in order. Reduce physical tension to zero and then your brain will work better to avoid anxiety. I've listed all the materials before, so I won't continue to spam.

          Mentally, what always helped me was visualization. After a failed approach, just go home, lie on your bed and play out five or six different scenarios where you generate the best possible outcome.

          It may sound ridiculously simple, but in my opinion, the reason you don't know what to say is that you don't know what to say. Figure it out and then you eliminate that problem and the anxiety that comes with it.

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          • #6
            I had the greatest AA you could imagine. I couldn´t approach any girl on my campus, in clubs, anywhere. So it was not easy for me to somewhat overcome AA. The result was no dates, no GFs, small social circle and lots of frustration.

            There are probably some deep reasons for your AA. Most probably there is something negative going on in your mind.
            This is how I overcome AA...
            1. approach as much as you can. Dont forget....Crash and burn is part of the game. Check out GLL on his AA program.

            2. google Richard Bandler...
            Try to visualize an approach. You know with opener,...., close. What do you see, feel?
            I found myself visualizing negative reactions from my target all the time. It took me some time to realize that what Im thinking is just crazy. I create rejections in my mind. As if the reality is not enough.
            So I had to reprogram myself. Imagine success, use positive feelings is very effective.

            3. google "growth mindset"

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            • #7
              I hear ya.

              I had approach anxiety last night with the 4 hottest girls (9+) at an event in a bar not too far from my dorm.

              NOBODY in our society was talking to them lol. Amazing how when you get to the upper reaches you polarize so strongly.

              But yeah I felt like shit for not saying anything. It's silly. I would go with the visualizations like other dudes have said.

              More importantly, rejection is actually good. Because once you get rejected a few times, you stop giving a shit. They aren't rejecting you, merely your approach. They don't know you. This isn't about you.

              Edit: I would also add that the most important thing is to treat them like any other girl. IOW: not a clown making jokes whatever opener, but a sincere, putting-yourself-on-the-line, humble approach, like 'You seemed interesting so I wanted to come and introduce myself' or something. All those kinds of chicks ever​ get is this cocky-funny circus-show. They're tired of it.

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              • #8
                bro you just need a canned opener with a root, for single sets try asking 5 oceans opener....and the root is your friend texted you the question and you cant figure it out...or you can sit with a friend and pull a group or lone wolf with the can i borrow a penny or nickel or dime I gotta show my friend something coool (run the penny nickel dime gambit style uses , its on youtube)

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                • #9
                  bismarck thats funny you say thats the opener to use, on our private facebook page a guy approached a hottie with that and she said i hate when guys come up to me like that. I do like direct I am coming around to it, I run direct openers like this , you know what they say about girls who wear thumb rings (or whatever unique item or hairstyle they have) they usually go no what do they say , I tell em its bad you still wanna know, they still say yes, and I tell em nothing Im fucking with ya its cute.

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                  • #10
                    I agree with Godmeister, when I do approach I usually go direct. Sometimes I forget to have a second thing ready to say, and stumble. That will probably vanish with practice.

                    I did one approach yesterday at a cafeteria I was chilling with friends and I noticed a lone wolf who I'm pretty sure was looking my direction. My friends left and after tossing my silverware and getting some ice cream I walked towards her and she was facing away, but then right when I was within 10 feet she began getting up to go. I approached anyway and said that I noticed her and wanted to say hi. She smiled but said she was just leaving. I should have said something interesting, a hook, or suggested chilling for another minute, but for some reason I just said 'oh ok, later'. I went to eat the ice cream by the window and when she walked out I'm fairly certain she looked my direction through the window and smiled.

                    So, things to learn: Just do it. Be persistent and don't just give up immediately. Don't worry about rejection, and this was hardly a rejection anyway. Now I must follow my own advice here again tomorrow.

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                    • #11
                      Again I would suggest remembering/learning to be playful. Maybe not a clown but joke enough to lighten your otherwise direct approach. I used to tease girls a lot. After becoming working professional I got way to business oriented and that resulted in some AA. I started being playful again and AA is gone.

                      Joking around and being playful has several advantages. It takes momentarily takes women off their own current mental worries, makes you seem fun and interesting, makes your approach seem a lot less about sex, etc. Plus the girl is going to SMILE. Chances are she will smile and feel good every time she sees you or even thinks about you.

                      Playful approach also loosens you up about as good as a wine spritzer at 4pm. You probably just need to loosen up a bit.

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                      • #12
                        Oh ya another thing about being fucking playful. She is going to laugh because of you. But that's the whole point of teasing joking being playful. So it's almost impossible to fuck up the approach unless you outright insult or assault her. You are actually trying to elicit giggles and bubbly girly shit.

                        This outlook is good up to about a 3 set. I do start to get uncomfortable with four or more bc the group may treat you like a performer. Then it gets hard to establish rapport and you pretty much have to play yourself offstage to avoid looking like a douche.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Bismarck View Post
                          I hear ya.

                          I had approach anxiety last night with the 4 hottest girls (9+) at an event in a bar not too far from my dorm.

                          NOBODY in our society was talking to them lol. Amazing how when you get to the upper reaches you polarize so strongly.

                          But yeah I felt like shit for not saying anything. It's silly. I would go with the visualizations like other dudes have said.

                          More importantly, rejection is actually good. Because once you get rejected a few times, you stop giving a shit. They aren't rejecting you, merely your approach. They don't know you. This isn't about you.

                          Edit: I would also add that the most important thing is to treat them like any other girl. IOW: not a clown making jokes whatever opener, but a sincere, putting-yourself-on-the-line, humble approach, like 'You seemed interesting so I wanted to come and introduce myself' or something. All those kinds of chicks ever​ get is this cocky-funny circus-show. They're tired of it.
                          Here is my personal attitude towards a 9+ Especially in groups: you should pay as much attention to what she is wearing and who she is with as to her actual beauty level. These things are going to clue you in to how she perceives herself and what her worth is to the world. Being confident to cocky is a must. I can't imagine being shy would work more than one in ten times. If her clothes and friends are 9+ too then she is communicating that she expects baller level game. You will just seem crazy for giving her anything less.

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