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Hi, I'm new here! You're pretty cute, can you show me around? :Bliss Introducing Himself.

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  • Hi, I'm new here! You're pretty cute, can you show me around? :Bliss Introducing Himself.

    This is my first post. I'm not a PUA but I desperately need to change my life. It's been about 3 years since I've had sex.

    I'm 29 and live in a quite place just north of San Diego.
    I have no car, can barley pay my bills, and public transportation to down town shuts off at midnight so I never go out.

    There are two local bars within walking distance. One shuts down at midnight the other at 2am. They are rather quiet, but I might be able to use them for bouncing or pulling the rare single who walks in. Don't really have the money to go in every night and buy an $8 beer though.

    An ex girlfriend told me that I was a B/B+ in the looks department. I'm over 6 foot tall. Not fat, not muscular.

    The straw the broke the camels back was that I had a crush on a coworker for 2 years, then I switched jobs. She works where I shop so I see her every once in a while. She's a wild child, rockstar groupie type. I never felt like I could compete and knew that I liked her too much to handle her weekend road trips with style and comfort. I don't want to be with her anymore because I find her behavior distasteful. But I still think about her and all of the "possible option" girls in my life way more than I should. I'm still crushing on them even if I know they aren't very attractive. It's like I need to fill a void in my soul. Most guys seem like they just want girls to fuck. While I like kinky fetishes the thought of "hard fu*king has very little appeal to me. It just seems like a high effort alternative to masturbation.
    I crave love, let's just say I never got enough of it from my mother or anyone else. That said, I am ready to master the art. I don't trust women to be loyal and feel like the only way to maintain my sanity is to have a few of them loving on me at the same time so if one drops out I don't feel like an unworthy piece of shit.

    I think my biggest sticking points are:
    1. Being Fun/Interesting.
    I spent years as the "too cool for school" silent type. I can be fun but only once I've gotten into a playful touchy/lovyduby state with a girl.
    2. Things to say.
    When I'm with new people my brain flat lines. Only after I've gotten to know someone through forced proximity (or them being awesomely social) do I seem to have the ability to talk about anything and everything with them. --not sure why that is.
    3. Flirting & Escalation
    from "We're talking" to
    "We both want the f**k out of each other right now".
    4. Daygame quick lays I don't have faith for dating because of my transportation and money issues, so If I can just get some quick lays here in the local shopping center that seems more logistically achievable.

    Yeah, so that's me. "Hi all!" For some reason this feels like I'm at my first AA meeting. "Hi my name's Bliss and I have a problem"... Hopefully pathetic is only a phase.


    Last edited by Bliss; 11-19-2014, 11:20 PM. Reason: My spelling is atrocious.

  • #2
    Happy birthday! And welcome! 1st thought.. why worry about girls now, if your town is too small and your job doesnt pay enough? Isnt there other life hacks you need to focus on for now?? 2nd thought.. online dating? 3rd thought.. did you let your health/fitness level go down? (given that you come off as a sucky life-hacker in this intro..)

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    • #3
      Originally posted by ijjjji View Post
      Happy birthday! And welcome! 1st thought.. why worry about girls now, if your town is too small and your job doesn't pay enough? Isn't there other life hacks you need to focus on for now?? 2nd thought.. online dating? 3rd thought.. did you let your health/fitness level go down? (given that you come off as a sucky life-hacker in this intro..)
      HA Thanks, I entered the wrong birthday when I signed up. Ok 1st thought, & I totally agree in general. I've spent the past 8 years obsessing about financial freedom via starting my own business. A couple of months ago I had to get a night shift job and balance it with another part time day job, I don't know if it's the exhaustion or if I just need a break from the business thing, but I have temporarily put financial freedom from my mind because I am so sick of focusing on it all the time. I spent so much time sacrificing all the good things; I traded in friendships, lovers, health, all trying to free myself from financial slavery... and it got me nowhere other than feeling like I might have had misplaced priorities.

      So now I feel like I need to reconnect with people and make the best of my situation before I die. You're only young for so long.

      I may have a new job in the works, which a friend recommended me for, but generally after applying to 400+ jobs I've never gotten a single response from anything that would be better than minimum wage. Even If I get a better job which would allow me to get a car again I still would go back to trying to start my own business, it's just who I am. I just need a vacation from that obsession for a bit -- I need to replenish my soul and the first priority after financial freedom was girls, hence why I am here.

      Online dating? Rarely had any luck with it especially here, it was better in Riverside. But I want to be better at picking up girls, I deeply do, and I feel like online dating is a cop out. Plus+ the whole "dating" idea just seems wrong to me as getting to mediocre dating venues literally takes me 1 and a half hours of walking, then 1 and a half hours walking back if the date doesn't go well. It'd work better (IMO) if I could rope them in locally. Once they have slept with me then we can take there car to dating venues. IDK, what do you think? Are my thoughts on all this a bit out of touch with reality? What is realistic?

      I picked up smoking to cope with social/work stress, but I generally eat healthy, I need to run more, I need to build my shoulders. But I don't look unhealthy until you get my shirt off and even then I think I'm in better shape than the average chump. My body tend to make huge strides with just a few weeks of effort so If I get back into it I'll be a guaranteed B- in the fitness category with in 3-4 weeks.

      Thanks for the input ijjjji, I've read a ton of your posts over the past few days, any additional thoughts that you may have on this are appreciated. Be ruthless if you must, I take criticism well.

      Comment


      • #4
        We have a user here, format, who started out in a very similar situation to you: Lived at home with his parents with no car and no job, and was depressed about his lack of success. Take a look at his old posts; a lot of the advice he got will fit you as well. You can go to his profile: http://www.pua-zone.com/member.php?786-format and then click "find latest started threads".

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        • #5
          I have a couple of totally practical life suggestions:

          Would a beat up used motorcycle be out of reach... If you could get a little over time and save up? I know that with out transportation it is very hard to shop for transportation, do you have a friend with a car who might help... Dirt cheep bikes abound on crags list... and they are easy on gas... Get a small one if you are inexperienced 250-350cc... and practice allot before taking it out. Remember your logistics, and shop for one that somebody can ride on the back of... and get 2 used helmets. Being off the road in Southern California is isolating and depressing so maybe getting on the road could be a first step priority.

          I really like Arden Leigh's theory of personal branding. I have used it my self, although my "brand" is about as different from yours as night and day... Basically she says find the erotic sexual stereotype that fits the way you already are the best, and make your self even more that way. If you are tall lean, scruffy, broke, quiet... just kind of standing there with a cigarette... quietly with good eye contact and not chasing... boots... jeans that accentuate your physique (Levis 511 usually for a thin guy) that is smoking hot... James Deen. I suggested the the bike both because it is a very cheep alternative to a car in a warm dry climate, and because it reinforces the sexy drifter mystique.

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          • #6
            I really like Arden Leigh's theory of personal branding. I have used it my self, although my "brand" is about as different from yours as night and day... Basically she says find the erotic sexual stereotype that fits the way you already are the best, and make your self even more that way. If you are tall lean, scruffy, broke, quiet... just kind of standing there with a cigarette... quietly with good eye contact and not chasing... boots... jeans that accentuate your physique (Levis 511 usually for a thin guy) that is smoking hot... James Deen. I suggested the the bike both because it is a very cheep alternative to a car in a warm dry climate, and because it reinforces the sexy drifter mystique.
            This is excellent advice.

            I definitely do this, play up the dark mysterious artsy musician type

            Comment


            • #7
              Progress Plans

              Cool, Thank you Tub. I'll give them a read.

              Thin Man: Yeah, I've just been thinking more about that motorcycle thing these last few weeks. I had been "anti" for a long time because a close family member died on a motorcycle, but at the same time the freedom would really improve my life. Besides, other than getting laid what better thing could there be to do other than conquering an irrational fear?

              I tried dirt biking once but it was a really big ass bike and I didn't have enough control over it. Any ideas on how I could "practice" riding motorcycles if I don't own one yet?

              I have friend who has a motorized bicycle, its not street legal but it would be better practice than nothing. I'll ask him if I can rent it. But ideas on how to practice riding real motorcycles would be helpful.

              The idea for the 511's is great too. I never know what to shop for but the pictures of them look like they are right up my alley. Thanks.

              Thanks for the input guys. Appreciate it.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Bliss View Post
                Cool, Thank you Tub. I'll give them a read.

                Thin Man: Yeah, I've just been thinking more about that motorcycle thing these last few weeks. I had been "anti" for a long time because a close family member died on a motorcycle, but at the same time the freedom would really improve my life. Besides, other than getting laid what better thing could there be to do other than conquering an irrational fear?

                I tried dirt biking once but it was a really big ass bike and I didn't have enough control over it. Any ideas on how I could "practice" riding motorcycles if I don't own one yet?

                I have friend who has a motorized bicycle, its not street legal but it would be better practice than nothing. I'll ask him if I can rent it. But ideas on how to practice riding real motorcycles would be helpful.

                The idea for the 511's is great too. I never know what to shop for but the pictures of them look like they are right up my alley. Thanks.

                Thanks for the input guys. Appreciate it.
                I promise I'll get to the part about Motorcycles and clothing but hang in there with me because there is something else here too...

                Most truly successful people have been down and out at some point in there lives... or even a couple of times. Character really does matter, and hardship helps you learn how to prioritize. Men that are too privileged are like indoor cats, they have claws but they don't know what they are for. They don't know how to take risks, partly because there is too much at stake. They fail as men. They suck with women... Explore who you are as a man and bring that, not what you think women want...

                There are sexual images that you find over and over again in women's erotic literature. Among them are the sexy drifter, the quiet cow boy, the financially broke but spiritually rich surfer, pirates, outlaws, destitute poets, soulful musicians, sweaty mechanics etc... If you have never done it read a few romance novels... Women don't masturbate while reading about cosmetic dentists that drive their beige Lexus to shop at South Coast Plaza... They get off on the idea of quiet but passion filled drifters, with ropy bodies, that whisk them off into the night on old motorcycles that burn oil...

                Ok... here are some baby steps... Ride your buddies' motor bike on some back streets just to get the feel... When you can afford it buy a 250- 350 street bike preferably black. Drive it around a quiet block again and again... In full disclosure the last time I drove a motorcycle the Soviet Union was still a country... but I learned by practicing in an empty church parking lot on week days. Treat it with respect... Stay off of the freeway. Practice with a passenger on quiet back streets again and again. If you bring a date home that way you want to be confident.

                If the 511s work consider a tight black T shirt... Try both a V and a crew (round) collar see what looks better on you... A white T shirt is more classic but the black one makes the look a little more modern.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Tubarao View Post
                  We have a user here, format, who started out in a very similar situation to you: Lived at home with his parents with no car and no job, and was depressed about his lack of success. Take a look at his old posts; a lot of the advice he got will fit you as well. You can go to his profile: http://www.pua-zone.com/member.php?786-format and then click "find latest started threads".

                  Very depressed. Oh man those were some rough days. But I got out of it and came out clean on the other side. Well relatively clean as they say. I was really down in the dumps. Good thing for this site and guys like Tub and Ockwick, and some of the other guys over here that gave me some good advice. Some of it was brutally honest, and exactly what I needed to hear at that moment.
                  The hardest thing to do will be to beat the depression. That's what you should focus on first if that's a problem for you. I had to do it too. Otherwise you'll be alright, just keep trying, get out in the field, and stay positive. Try everything. Daygame, online, approach as many woman as you can. hit up any venue that's close to your house. Have you ever tried using Lyft? or Uber? those are online taxi services that are really cheap and should service San Diego areas.

                  Just don't give up. We were all in your position at one point.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Act 1: Get 'er done!

                    Explore who you are as a man and bring that, not what you think women want...


                    @Thin Man I think I understand what you mean but I'm finding it very difficult to come to terms with. Who I am is who I have been, quiet, reserved, thoughtful, observant, accidentaly goofy, etc.. This is not who I want to be. I don't find it effective.

                    In terms of the man I want to be, that IS in large part based on what women want. I wan't be stronger, more masculine, more alpha, less needy, I want to hide my "quick to love" nature -- because that is what I think women want. But I don't know. I just know that who I am doesn't work, and I want to be better. So who I am as a man? That's a hard concept for me. Who I wan't to be, IS what women want... whatever that is.

                    There are sexual images that you find over and over again in women's erotic literature. Among them are the sexy drifter, the quiet cow boy, the financially broke but spiritually rich surfer, pirates, outlaws, destitute poets, soulful musicians, sweaty mechanics etc... If you have never done it read a few romance novels... Women don't masturbate while reading about cosmetic dentists that drive their beige Lexus to shop at South Coast Plaza... They get off on the idea of quiet but passion filled drifters, with ropy bodies, that whisk them off into the night on old motorcycles that burn oil...
                    I don't really fit into these niches. I'd be a traveler if I thought I could survive financially. I'm quiet but no cowboy (and not having things to say when I'm meeting and trying to get to know new people has been one of my greatest weaknesses since middle-school). I used to break the law but I don't really want to go that way with my future. I wan't to be enjoyed for who I am, but keep hearing that is a delusional "Disney" fantasy. Perhaps I just have to fake it until I make it? But then again, some how acting like a stereotype seems kind of chumpish. It's one thing to learn how to be more attractive as myself, it's another thing to fit into the mold of a cultural stereotype. Like what Thin Man said, I guess I just have to explore who I am and not try to fit into what women want. "I'll fit myself into any God damn hole I want to young lady! and I don't care what Disney has to day about it!" What I am becoming? IDK, but I'm glad to be committed to some sort of transformation.

                    The hardest thing to do will be to beat the depression. That's what you should focus on first if that's a problem for you. I had to do it too. Otherwise you'll be alright, just keep trying, get out in the field, and stay positive. Try everything. Daygame, online, approach as many woman as you can. hit up any venue that's close to your house. Have you ever tried using Lyft? or Uber? those are online taxi services that are really cheap and should service San Diego areas.
                    @format I wouldn't say that I'm "depressed" (though it happens periodically, I suppose just like anybody else). It's more of a neutrality and ambivalence that I suffer from. A lack of passion, expression, and excitement. I know I have these characteristics, but they so rarely come out. The better my social life is the better I am at being a fun guy to hang out with. Its kind of a catch 22 because it would be easier to have a social life if I could force the fun guy out of me instead of having to wait for those rare moments when I'm with people I resonate with. But for now, everything seems to be a dull grey haze.

                    I know the uber and lyft are in my area but it's still more than I care to spend. I'd only be able to afford to go out once a month at my current income level, which is 12 times per year, not a great learning speed. I'm pretty sure the best thing for me to do is day game pickup at the local shopping center and ca couple nights per month doing late hours at the two local bars.

                    Approach and conversation is definitely my big issue right now. I would like to do a thread about it but I may not have permission unless I sneak it into an action (no action) report.

                    I have been listening to a lot of self help stuff lately which help keep my spirits up, keeps the hope a float, but I know that I have to get out there and start making progress. I've tried a few things since I started this thread and would like to report the stories as well as the important lessons I've learned since my last post. I'm thinking I have a few brief theory posts in store but again, I don't think I'm allowed to post to the theories section yet.

                    Thanks for the welcome guys. I read all the format threads and spent a week reading blackdragon's blog. I've also started watching all the videos at Tubarao's Joy In the Now. But as David D says ~"learning is not the accumulation of knowledge. When your behavior has actually changed, that's when you have learned".

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