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I guess introductions are in order?

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  • I guess introductions are in order?

    Greetings everyone.
    I thought I'd make a post here and introduce myself and maybe get some advice.

    Past
    I was an only child with no dad. My mom did everything for me so I learned early on that if I didn't do anything things would take care of themselves. I had low social skills and ended up always being the outcast in school. Towards the end of my teen years I learned that it was actually possible to change my behavior permanently if I worked at it. This has helped me a lot but I feel I'm still trying to catch up to things I should've learned in my childhood.

    Then I met my exwife who helped me with the self improvement and I've changed a lot since then. I ended up buying a house with her and her mom + brother (long story - dumb mistake). Her mom was extremely dominant. Me being beta and focused on changing myself ended up becoming a complete doormat, more than I already was. Eventually my relationship turned into friendship and we got divorced. I was happy about it. I have my own apartment now and am finally doing only things I want.

    At work I met a girl. It was almost love at first sight I guess. Whenever I'd imagine a dream girl earlier in my life - that's what she's like. I'll spare you all the rosey descriptions. She had some issues (fear of commitment and stuff) that made it so the beta I was, was perfect for her. In the beginning. She eventually took the initiative to kiss me, and we then progressed to doing the whole holding hands, having sex, thing for a couple of months. Through all this she'd coach me. She'd tell me "if you want to do something just tell me instead of asking". I was so beta I had a hard time doing even that. She basically tried teaching me to maintain frame. She said that compared to a friend of hers spending time with me was like spending time with air, where her friend was a mountain. I improved a lot but there was still too big a gap for her from where I was and to the alpha she desires.

    Eventually I stumbled on blackdragonblog.com and my eyes were opened. I'd always suspected something was off with how people were living their lives. If I was supposed to be monogamous why was I looking at porn and other girls when I was with my ex? Turns out - everything this girl had been trying to explain to me was put into words. My mind was blown. Then I blew hers by showing her what I'd found. Turns out she's basically living the Alpha 2.0 lifestyle - or at least the female equivalent of it.

    So anyways - here I am being really beta, suffering from oneitis. Since she's outcome independent she has no problems and is already flirting with a new guy. Every day I'm reading Red Pill and Alpha 2.0 material. The thing is me and her have become very good friends. I know, rationally, I'm probably long overdue for doing a hard next. I just really don't want to lose the support I have in her in my process of becoming Alpha 2.0 but even I can see that she may be the very thing that's stopping me from doing it. I'm guessing this is a classic situation you've seen a million times.

    Sexual Experience
    A female friend tried to sleep with me when I was 17. I'm not sure why, but I couldn't get an erection and when we stopped trying I found myself sitting on the bedside shaking.

    When my ex and I started having sex I had huge problems and I think it took like a year of trying before I could finally have sex like a normal man.

    When the girl I mentioned and I started having sex I was having problems again so it seems every time I'm with someone new I get anxious. It was nowhere near as bad as my previous experiences though and we ended up having the most mind blowing sex I never thought I'd get to have.

    I'm thinking this limited experience isn't helping my oneitis. When I got divorced I seriously thought to myself: "I'm gonna be involuntarily celibate for the rest of my life". Then I meet this girl I find drop dead gorgeous, cute as fuck and intelligent and my brain is going "you'll never find someone to surpass that".

    Future
    I'm currently reading the Alpha 2.0 book and it's helped my understanding a lot. I'm taking small steps to get out more because theory is all well and good but I need to try stuff out too if I want to continue.

    I'm hoping doing this will eventually convince my subconscious that it's possible to pick up other girls and that my oneitis might go away so I can become outcome independent and save the friendship with this girl (I know, I know - you're all going "my god dude, will you fucking stop it with the friendship stuff?").

    Question
    I like visualizing things as it helps me understand it better. I've tried to visualize the different types of guys and I'd like your opinion on the following. I was thinking about which animal could represent these types.

    Beta - Golden Retriever - Eager to please, submissive all at his own expense.
    Alpha 1.0 (or Red Pill) - Lion - Does whatever he wants and doesn't care about whether it's at the expense of others.
    Alpha 2.0 - Bear - Tough, willfull but has a soft side as well if need be.

    Advice needed
    1) Due to my unpleasant past experiences I'm fucking scared that if I managed to pick up a girl for a night I'd have erection problems again. I'm guessing becoming confident and outcome independent might make this problem disappear?

    2) If you listen to metal and thus hate night clubs where do you go? I was thinking I'd start taking classes. I have plenty of hobbies (music, photography etc.) and I could use cooking classes too so I can make better use of my lifting (will be starting in 20 days).

    Conclusion
    So yeah - if you're still with me, thanks for sticking with it. I'm basically looking for any helpful advice. No filters please, if you think I'm a fucking pussy and I need to grow some balls, then come right out and say it.

  • #2
    Welcome! This is the place to change you from a stumbling wolf to a hunting wolf!

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    • #3
      Hah, thank you that's what I was hoping!

      Comment


      • #4
        Welcome, your username, and question on visualization remind me of a statement someone told me once, that I have firmly implanted in my mind now.

        "Be the wolf amongst the barking dogs"

        1) Due to my unpleasant past experiences I'm fucking scared that if I managed to pick up a girl for a night I'd have erection problems again. I'm guessing becoming confident and outcome independent might make this problem disappear?


        More experience will make this less of a problem, you already know this from a previous statement you made in your intro, I'll quote you below:

        It was nowhere near as bad as my previous experiences though and we ended up having the most mind blowing sex I never thought I'd get to have
        Everyone runs into problems like this from time to time, whiskey dick, etc. For example, this past week, got an amazing BJ from a lady, and even after recovery time for a bit, I couldn't get a damn thing going again, so made sure to make her come in other ways, then went at it again in the morning. So, don't beat yourself up over it, sex, just like life sometimes is messy. Sometimes the messier the better.

        Your fear is based on your head making up stories of how bad things will be, but your experience has already shown your anxiety is misplaced. Just accept that your anxious for now, and keep that in mind as you progress.

        2) If you listen to metal and thus hate night clubs where do you go? I was thinking I'd start taking classes. I have plenty of hobbies (music, photography etc.) and I could use cooking classes too so I can make better use of my lifting (will be starting in 20 days).


        Learn to like something other than metal. My favorite genre is also Metal, but its full of energy that is not conducive to PU, attracts fewer women than other genres, and a metric shit ton of angry self hating guys, who largely have self esteem issues as well. (I am generalizing here, so anyone about to tell me stories of guys otherwise, remember I am 'generalizing')

        Hobbies are great, and an area you can meet women, but really are about you making the life you want to live, and women coming into that life and enhance it..

        Cheers, and good luck on your journey!

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by ricerocket View Post
          you already know this from a previous statement you made in your intro
          Hah... oops I think I'm a bit overwhelmed at the moment. I've been reading a lot and watching series looking for clues (Mad Men and Suits seem to be good sources).

          You're completely right about the erection stuff. My friend also reminded me of the fact that a dick shouldn't be the only tool in my toolbox. I knew that already but sometimes you get caught up in worries.

          I actually write and listen to synthwave too (1980s synthesizer stuff in case you don't know). My country being tiny I don't think there are any places that have that kind of music. Then there's the whole dancing thing. I haven't danced voluntarily since 1992 or so. I suspect that might change if I grow confident though, as what's holding me back is the fear of looking like an idiot.

          Thanks for the encouragement.

          Comment

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