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Asperger's syndrome and pick up

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  • Asperger's syndrome and pick up

    At the end of 2017 I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, which explains a lot of the problems I've had in the past. (I did a forum search but could not find anything on the topic.)

    On the positive side, I have an exceptional memory and can tell a lot of entertaining stories, which is something girls appreciate. I do not have social anxiety (like many others with the same condition) and I go out regularly.

    I am able to understand body language and social codes, but have serious trouble with verbal and written communication. I also easily loose concentration in a club or bar setting if there's a lot of people (also a common trait amongst "Aspies")

    Does anyone here have experience with Asperger's syndrome and pick up? Any advice appreciated...

  • #2
    I can't speak for Aspergers, but I have ADD, and also have difficulties in crowded clubs and bars.

    Online is probably not a good fit either, if you have trouble with written communication.

    Do you have any experience dating within your social circle? Another possibility is getting together with people who share your interests.

    I've met and dated a couple of women on hikes that were organized via Meetup.com. (note that this is NOT a dating site - don't message women unless you have already met them at an event, and they seem to like you)

    Are you any good at reading body language? I've heard that also can be difficult for people in your situation.
    You go to war with the women you have, not the ones you wish to have.
    -Ronald Dumsfeld

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    • #3
      I hardly have any social circle left, but I'm trying to build a new one.

      I'm reasonably good at reading body language, since it's a visual and direct form of communication. Trouble starts when verbal messages contradicts body language, but this depends a lot on the individual. Metaphors and indirect messages confuses me, and I use too much energy trying to understand it.

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      • #4
        Tank_ has some of this iirc. Maybe check some of his posts:

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        • #5
          I have it. Yeah it's really difficult, girls just constantly lose interest at random times and I have absolutely no way of identifying why. And socially I feel like I've reached a "ceiling" where I'm decent, and most people can't even tell in regular conversation, but smoothly wittily and seductively talking to girls is another level of social skills that I have yet to really be able to reach.

          I can tell entertaining stories, I can be funny, and I look pretty good, but typically girls don't feel connected and don't feel chemistry.

          I wish I had an answer / solution, but I haven't found it yet.

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          • ijjjji

            ijjjji

            commented
            Editing a comment
            Quick question - is it hard to do GWM when you have this issue?

          • Tank_

            Tank_

            commented
            Editing a comment
            Quick question - is it hard to do GWM when you have this issue?
            It's not hard to do it, Gunwitch gives a good breakdown of the actual process, think sexy thoughts, lower eyelids, lower voice tone, get closer, touch, that's no problem it seems.

            I have a hard time knowing WHEN to do it, it never seems like an appropriate time, I can't read the girl at all. Hence see my conjecture in my other thread, that perhaps calibration of this sort is something I will never learn and maybe I'll be better off with the sloppy but filtering/screening game approach of just always going heavily "GWM" from the beginning of a pickup, as opposed to going on dates and going for long conversations and cleverly and timely bringing that in.

        • #6
          Example:

          I'm at a concert/social gathering (I play in one of the bands, but we haven't been on stage yet, so I'm a little anxious, which is quite normal before a performance). There's a girl I know from my social circle who is a friend of one of the other artists. When he's on stage and we stand in front and listen, she says "and I've fucked that guy over there" and points to someone in the audience. Why is she telling me this?

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          • #7

            She wants / like to fuck .... People say a lot of dumb shit .. don't take them seriously

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            • #8
              I've wondered about Asperger's myself. But then I remembered hearing about sociopaths who fuck tons of women.

              Supposedly sociopaths have no emotions, yet they still get women. So, I would say Asperger's is much the same.

              If a sociopath with no emotions can do it, so can an Asperger.

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              • #9
                Originally posted by SargeMaximus View Post
                I've wondered about Asperger's myself. But then I remembered hearing about sociopaths who fuck tons of women.

                Supposedly sociopaths have no emotions, yet they still get women. So, I would say Asperger's is much the same.

                If a sociopath with no emotions can do it, so can an Asperger.
                Sociopaths not having emotions is a major myth that most people believe along with the idea that they aren't capable of experiencing guilt. Even some psychologist who haven't kept up to date with recent findings will parrot these incorrect ideas! While there are some socios who genuinely don't feel anything, the vast majority of them are simply able to turn certain emotions off at will. Think of it like a light switch.

                More importantly, most sociopaths are very good at recognizing emotions in others and are talented at picking up on patterns of thoughts and behaviors that people will exhibit which is one of the main reasons they are often talented manipulators. This is why they can get women with ease where as aspies often cant.
                http://www.BecomeTheWolf.com/

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                • #10
                  yeah sociopaths know what's going on but don't care

                  aspies don't know what's going on lol

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                  • #11
                    Originally posted by SargeMaximus View Post
                    If a sociopath with no emotions can do it, so can an Asperger.
                    ERROR: Invalid comparison: sociopaths and aspies are different parameters. (First one is a mental illness, second one is a syndrome)

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                    • #12
                      As far as I know aspies certainly know what's going on, except it overpowers them. They say that people with autism avoid looking into peoples eyes because it's not only like reading an open book, but like feeling every flick of emotion in there too, personally, and physically. Thus it quickly overpowers them. Think of the Vulcan who must remain emotionless and logical to keep the most violent of emotions from uncontrollably erupting. On top of that, put difficulties in understanding certain social cues, and especially irony and sarcasm. That means they can definitively feel things, but it can be hard to know how to respond. A logical step-by-step treatment of the psychology of social situations – especially pertaining to the opposite sex – thus seems to be the best prescription for how to behave in a manner that gives the best outcome when dealing with social situations.
                      I know HTML (How To Meet Ladies)

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                      • SargeMaximus

                        SargeMaximus

                        commented
                        Editing a comment
                        I would love it if we, as a community, developed such a step-by-step system. I find that kind of thing helps me a lot. Also, having principles to go by generally would help as well. So like, when I first started sales I didn't know anything but I learned that the closer someone got to me, the better it would be for the sale because that meant they were interested.

                        I don't think I'm an aspie but socially stunted for sure, but learning those kinds of cues has definitely helped.

                        I think a game version would be awesome.

                    • #13
                      Maybe this could be a place to start: How someone with autism views all your ridiculous dating habits

                      Personally I do not agree with everything here. He does not discern between different types of social norms, or bring up the fact that also some neurotypicals may refuse to follow certain social norms (i.e. monogamy).

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                      • #14
                        Originally posted by _-oOo-_ View Post
                        Maybe this could be a place to start: How someone with autism views all your ridiculous dating habits

                        Personally I do not agree with everything here. He does not discern between different types of social norms, or bring up the fact that also some neurotypicals may refuse to follow certain social norms (i.e. monogamy).
                        Yeah, I’m not seeing any solutions in there.

                        For me, a good solution would be things like common “cues” to watch out for ( like not answering texts is a cue you said something bad or the girl doesn’t like you in some way. But even better would be to identify, list, and have memorized behaviours you need to do, or emotions you need to illicit and how to accomplish them. Currently I understand that you need to get the girl feeling adventurous and that can be accomplished by talking about travel, sex, etc. for example.

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