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Rookie Just Stepping Up to the Box ;)

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  • Rookie Just Stepping Up to the Box ;)

    Alright this might be a ranty or long post, but I think it will be filled with good material, even though I'm biased...

    To give a break down of where I came and where I'm going:

    I turn 25 friday, just got out of a 4mo relationship with a 21yo who started to betaise me and I'm fairly certain she has multiple signs of BPD. First 3 months were great in the relationship, I was pretty observant of her red flag behaviors and knew from day one that if I started a relationship with this girl it would most likely end how it did..

    Official reason we split "we were on 'break'(bullshit), i walked into a bar with a girl who was ugly and only a friend, and my hot gf at the time freaked out and cried at the bar and yelled at me and slapped?(dont remember) me... So i caved in, tried to calm her down, yada yada.. week or two goes by we agree to a meet up at the bar(classy chick eh?) and it goes well for 9/10th of the time and then i say something that is truthful and somewhat of a neg to her and she freaks out again cries immediately leaves, i stop her tell her i'm happy for her, she texts saying she wants to hang out again, i agree to six flags(we have season tix), the next day I see her at the bar randomly, we're cordial and fun, i ignore her slightly, she starts bitching at me telling me my humor sucks(after i made another truthful and sly remark about her/us) which is why we broke up, i laugh at it and ignore her and walk out to my friends, she says she can still hang with me and my friends for five minutes more(who cares about 5 minutes) so i tell her she doesn't have to if she doesnt want to, she freaks out on me again, i smile at her and walk out.. Here is where i fucked up though, I ended up getting really hammered that night and texted her at 2AM something along the lines of "right when i was starting to feel and trust in our connection you pull this bull shit and drop everything only to move on to something new."(fucking hammered emotions god damnit) she texts back angrily at when I call her out on what just happened, tells me doesn't want to talk, i say good i don't want to think of you... next day i text her "have fun at your event.. " just to throw some bs in there.. no contact since... and i don't plan to ever be with her in a relationship again unless she somehow miraculously changes, but we all know that's like asking a gorilla to shave his whole body without slicing himself

    So that's as fast as I can give a breakdown of who i am and where I've been recently, but where I'm going should be a pretty great place.

    I've learned an incredible amount on how to no-bullshit interact with women in the last weeks on here than I did in the last 6 months. I use it every waking moment of my life now. Although I may not be a 3 gal a week slayer like some people, I am still fairly confident with women.. And I've been number closing most positive encounters I have with girls I'm attracted too..

    I've already disconnected myself from my exs emotional manipulation and all that nonsense, I have no harsh feelings towards her I just smartened up and realize that I deserve what I know works for me..

    I'm looking forward to a healthy discussion with you guys on here, it seems like many of the posters know what they're talking about. Cheers!

  • #2
    Welcome to the community CE.

    Sounds like from your OP you already know where you went wrong with this one but, if you haven't already seen it, i would like to direct you to a Hall of Fame forum post by Tubarao called Relationship Rules 3.0 and in particular to the 2nd and 3rd last paragraphs starting with " When selecting women " and " In a relationship: ".

    From my own perspective I believe if i had known and followed the wisdom there i would have saved myself a great deal of time that I could have been out meeting emotionally healthy women instead of some of the broken examples i spent time on. There is an opportunity cost to getting into an LTR - make sure she is worth that cost.


    • #3
      Welcome to the board bro!

      I think you are on the right path, just be firm on the way... it is a ever lasting journey.


      • #4
        That Tubarao thread "relationship rules" is great, thanks for the lead. I seem to prefer the crazier girls because crazy in the head is crazy in bed, most of the time, but I noticed I would get attached to it without realizing it (until recently ) and ending up in a bat shit crazy cave.. If that makes sense?

        Anyways, onward and upward. I've been interested in this whole NLP thing too, not just for talking to women but also for interacting with everyday people on the streets who seem to be kinda of distant and depressed, really interesting stuff NLP is. And then I've browsed only a little of Brent Smith's stuff and that is a really cool perspective on things as well.

        Kind of a lot to completely take in right now though. I've always been kind of an outlier with women, I can be really good with a lot of women one month, and then go on a month or so dry spell of being completely out of the loop.. I'm sure this board and some other life changes will help me to center my views and go for what I really want when I see it no matter where it is..


        • #5
          Hey welcome! I love NLP myself, I've been studying and practicing NLP\Hypnotism hardcore for the last year, it's wild and fun, I love it. One thing I learned from NLP is that a lot of people that look distant\depressed actually aren't; in fact a lot of the traditional indicators of low self-esteem (looking away when being talked to, looking at the ground when standing or walking) are explained in NLP as people looking in certain directions to access parts of their brain that contain specific information @_@ that was a real eye opener for me @_@


          • #6
            That is a good observation, I've become a lot more aware of the tone and pattern of peoples speech, as well as the mannerisms and eye locations they use when they mention certain things, although I don't know what any of the eye spot locations mean. I swear, you can tell some girls are just bat shit crazy when they have those eyeballs that dart all around, or look way past you, or have the top whites of the eyes bulging, stay away.. But it's all interesting to understand the dynamics of how individuals respond and act in social contexts, I mean that's what PUA is all about, finding whatever girl and trying to understand her so you can decide in what way the two of you will get down later on..

            NLP is something I'm going to try to really understand though, I could imagine that it would go over really well if you have already established eye contact and some sort of visual communication so the both of you can already "feel" each other somewhat.. I just read a good example of it in this thread .. Truthful stuff in there


            • #7

              I texted her for a reference to a show we watched. I don't plan on getting together with her anytime soon (unless she 180s out of her shit show and comes over with no bs) so I figured a text isn't a big deal. I'm still a rook so I don't know if I'm fucking myself over somehow. Anyways, she texted me Fri. 12:01 AM for my birthday, but I was asleep otherwise I would have said 'come over and give me a present' I responded to her text the next morning with a thank you I have something to drop off of yours still, and she repeated texting me three more times about random bs continually wishing me a great bday..

              Today I text her:

              me: what was that show we used to watch with all the monsters that see the other monsters but some people can't tell..
              her(quick reply): The one with wherewolves and blah blah and that! Grimm is the one I think your talkin about! Did you have a good birthday?
              me(delayed): Yea that's it, it's a weird one. Yea we had a fun time aside from being forced to work sun by my boss.
              her: Yea it's a great show! That's cool, did you go anywhere for your bday? blah blah blah(forgot what she said)
              me: (*I said something in response but didn't answer her question again) Is nannying still going good?
              her: sort of, It's stressful blah blah blah I'm potty training them now
              me: didn't you already do that?? is (the kid) shitting himself now?
              her: lol no it's (the other kid)! blah blah blah we're working on it
              me: ah crazy little guy is growing up right in front of you, and with your lovin too

              no text back from her, frankly don't really care, but I'm curious as to what some veterans might say about the basic exchange back and forth.. after we broke up a month or so ago. The only thing I noticed is that she was much quicker than normal to reply, except for the last text. Oh and she was really nosy about my birthday so i figure she's trying to get whatever she can out of me.

              So, radio silence from here on out? Basically I'd like to make her a FB and show her I don't deal with her bs, but I'm not going to ask her back


              • #8
                I am not a veteran but here's what i think the veterans will probably say ( I am happy to be corrected) ...
                • If she was building up to missing you, you have unfortunately killed that by re-establishing a dialogue with her. Why would she contact you now when she knows you will likely contact her?
                • You are texting with her in a ping pong 1:1 ratio - dont do that. You should text less than her - think 2:1 or 3:2 ratio ( but you shouldn't have been contacting this particular girl at all i think , given the drunken text in the OP )
                • You should have been the one to not text back and not taking 5 iterations to do it. Instead she didn't text back so if you contact her now you will come across as needy...
                • texting is generally to be used for logistics only - unless.. you can get her buying temperature up like this
                • GFTOW


                • #9
                  Ah thank you Komisar, it makes it so much easier to understand what happened after the fact sometimes. I agree with you. However, in my own fucked up head it is almost as if I'm teasing her into thinking I miss her, even though I will GFTOW as soon as possible.. I mean I need to do this tonight.

                  My texting is something I seriously need to work on though. Not only did I fuck up with the ex yesterday, but the night before I scared a girl off because I sent her a little rowdy text meant for another girl.

                  With this convo, I shouldn't have texted her back at all after I got the answer, but I slinked into little bitch mode, damn. I need to be more brash with texting. Maybe not brash, but assertive instead of responsive like you mention Kommisar.

                  Thanks for the input. Texting is something I need to stay on top of.