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  • Dodging cunnilingus

    Girl has never asked for or brought up cunnilingus (or fingering her), but has given me plenty of bjs, takes anal, BDSMy stuff, etc. and always does what I want in bed.

    This is as I want it. I'd prefer not to bring up or do fingering or cunnilingus, b/c I just don't like it and b/c I believe this helps maintain frame of me as the dominant one and things being about my pleasure. I give her plenty of powerful orgasms during vaginal and anal anyway.

    If she does bring up cunnilingus/fingering (for example after seeing it in a movie we are watching together), what's a good way to deflect it? Tell her straight up I don't like and I don't think she'd like it better than vaginal anyway, or tease/joke/redirect/reframe it away, something else?

    If I did do it, what's the best way to maintain frame while doing it? Tie her down (we do this already), act like I'm doing it cuz I want to, etc?

  • #2
    Originally posted by ganon View Post
    Girl has never asked for or brought up cunnilingus (or fingering her), but has given me plenty of bjs, takes anal, BDSMy stuff, etc. and always does what I want in bed.

    This is as I want it. I'd prefer not to bring up or do fingering or cunnilingus, b/c I just don't like it and b/c I believe this helps maintain frame of me as the dominant one and things being about my pleasure. I give her plenty of powerful orgasms during vaginal and anal anyway.

    If she does bring up cunnilingus/fingering (for example after seeing it in a movie we are watching together), what's a good way to deflect it? Tell her straight up I don't like and I don't think she'd like it better than vaginal anyway, or tease/joke/redirect/reframe it away, something else?

    If I did do it, what's the best way to maintain frame while doing it? Tie her down (we do this already), act like I'm doing it cuz I want to, etc?
    Instead of trying to "dodge" it, maybe you should learn to like it. Sex isn't just about you, its about making the other person feel good too. Many dominant men go down and do it well. You do it more dominantly by not waiting until she asks or gets pissed that you never do it. Pin her down while you do it and come from the frame that you are dominant and it will be.

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    • #3
      Also, it isn't about whether she likes it "better" or whether you give her orgasms in other ways. Women still enjoy oral sex, just like men do. Do you want her to stop giving you blow jobs because she thinks you should like regular vaginal sex "better"?

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Lovergirl View Post
        .. maybe you should learn to like it..
        is that really possible? is it possible to change what you like and dont like? and if so, why do it?

        personally, I LOVE eating pussy (and by the way, we are talking about good pussy here - proper hygiene, no foul smells, etc). And there is absolutely nothing submissive about it, its very much the other way around IMO.

        to the OP - I really dont get not wanting to eat pussy. I dont know how a straight guy who loves pussy could be turned off by it.. but I have seen weird fetishes, so I am not one to try understanding, or judging. If you really dont want to eat pussy (AND its not some belief about it being a submissive act - its not. at least - it doesnt have to be. if you think it is I would re-evaluate the thing completely and start totally from scratch, rebuilding your way of thinking and pussy-eating skills from the ground up), then dont eat pussy. if she wants you to - tell her that its not something you enjoy doing. After all - why do something you dont enjoy? I guess you can lead her on or "deflect" for some time, but sooner than later her frustration will come out.

        if I had to guess tho, from reading your post, it would be that you have some limiting beliefs.

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        • #5
          is that really possible? is it possible to change what you like and dont like? and if so, why do it?
          Yes, of course it's possible and if you want to be good in bed, from most women's viewpoints, then you need to acquire a taste for it. Just like women don't get to go around saying "I just don't LIKE blowjobs". If they do, they suck, in the wrong kind of way. If you have to, use some flavored lube or something. Better than not doing it at all.
          Last edited by Lovergirl; 03-10-2014, 04:48 AM. Reason: fixed typo

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Lovergirl View Post
            Yes, of course it's possible and if you want to be good in bed, from most women's viewpoints, then you need to acquire a taste for it. Just like women don't get to go around saying "I just don't LIKE blowjobs". If they do, they suck, in the wrong kind of way. If you have to, use some flavored lube or somethine. Better than not doing it at all.
            I think we are talking past each other.

            I do not disagree that a good lover must satisfy the needs of their partner. Its my opinion that straight people should be unrestrained in their attraction to the opposite sex (barring trauma or some limiting beliefs). I have yet to come across anyone who is experienced and who also has hard limits about what they will not do in the sack (within the non-fetish realm). nevertheless, I remain open to that possibility existing, even though it makes no sense to me, which is why I responded to the OP in the way I did.

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            • #7
              Who cares? You're getting anxious about a scenario that, from what it sounds like, is highly unlikely to happen. If she doesn't get her pussy licked, let that be a lesson to her that you don't get what you want (if she in fact wants it) without using her words and asserting so.

              It's not your job to please women. Everything is A-OK in your relationship. She is probably highly turned on to the specific fact that you DON'T seem to care about going down on her / pleasing her in that way. Women love generous lovers, and they also love selfish lovers. They're pretty happy as long as they're getting some dick.

              And for the record I love eating pussy. But if you don't, don't do it. Anything that requires you to "acquire a taste for it" is usually not worth it (alcohol, cigarettes, etc).

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              • #8
                Hereīs a suggestion: Since you donīt like going down or fingering her, but you did mention liking BDSM kind of stuff, get a magic wand dildo. Women come in seconds of using those. Tie her up and make her come a little harder than she is used to. If you want to make it more fun, anchor the intense orgasm by sucking her earlobe at peak, that will be a fun trick to play with later as you are fucking her in the ass.

                Hope you have fun!

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by ChitownMaverick View Post
                  Who cares? You're getting anxious about a scenario that, from what it sounds like, is highly unlikely to happen. If she doesn't get her pussy licked, let that be a lesson to her that you don't get what you want (if she in fact wants it) without using her words and asserting so.
                  Good chance she cares, and other women will in the future. If she does "use her words"? Then what is he going to do?

                  It's not your job to please women. Everything is A-OK in your relationship. She is probably highly turned on to the specific fact that you DON'T seem to care about going down on her / pleasing her in that way.
                  Highly, highly, doubtful. I've never in my life heard of a woman being "turned on" that a man doesn't go down on her. I've heard a hell of a lot of women complain about it though. Not going down = bad lover, for a majority of women. Do you know men who get "turned on" that a woman doesn't give blow jobs? Me either. It's the same damn thing. Human beings crave oral sex.

                  And for the record I love eating pussy. But if you don't, don't do it. Anything that requires you to "acquire a taste for it" is usually not worth it (alcohol, cigarettes, etc).
                  If you don't mind a woman thinking, and telling her friends, you suck in bed, I guess it's okay not to go down. I'd like to encourage guys here to be better in bed. I'm telling you what a lot of women won't, until it's too late.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Lovergirl View Post
                    If you don't mind a woman thinking, and telling her friends, you suck in bed, I guess it's okay not to go down. I'd like to encourage guys here to be better in bed. I'm telling you what a lot of women won't, until it's too late.
                    I only go down on chicks if I'm in an LTR with them, or close to it. Every once in a while I'll feel the need to go down on an FB, but that's rare. It's an intimacy thing. And you know what, I don't really care what they tell their girlfriends, if they're telling them I'm bad in bed, they're probably doing so so their girlfriends won't want to test out the goods I don't hear any complaints anyways.....they still keep coming back....strange as that may be.

                    Fuck this noise.

                    Cunnilingus is a privilege not a right.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Peaks View Post
                      I only go down on chicks if I'm in an LTR with them, or close to it. Every once in a while I'll feel the need to go down on an FB, but that's rare. It's an intimacy thing. And you know what, I don't really care what they tell their girlfriends, if they're telling them I'm bad in bed, they're probably doing so so their girlfriends won't want to test out the goods I don't hear any complaints anyways.....they still keep coming back....strange as that may be.

                      Fuck this noise.

                      Cunnilingus is a privilege not a right.
                      Smh... So are blowjobs. If you are bound and determined to be bad in bed, that's your business, Im just trying to help. There is a reason most men over 30 go down and are considered better in bed. Presumably, its because some women have set them straight along the way. Maybe men just have to learn the hard way.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Peaks View Post
                        Cunnilingus is a privilege not a right.
                        you certainly are entitled to have your own opinion on the topic and stick to it, but this type of thinking often leads to a "slippery slope"

                        you're turning something which is supposed to be fun into a huge massive deal. What would you think of a chick who's so stuck up on "blowjobs are a privilege not a right" or even "sex is a privilege not a right"? Because I'll think that she needs to loosen up a bit and get laid more often

                        -M

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Lovergirl View Post
                          If you are bound and determined to be bad in bed, that's your business, Im just trying to help.
                          Chica, why are you equating eating out a chick to being good in bed? There's a lot more to it than that. Believe it or not, there are other ways to please a woman....

                          Getting a BJ is a lot different than getting eaten out. Two totally different things.

                          A guy's dick is on the outside of his body. The girl can see everything they're putting your mouth on. And, as long as a guy is relatively clean, it won't smell. Who knows what's going on up inside a chick....telling guys to throw caution to the wind and just dive in their with their tongues is horrible advice.

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                          • #14
                            Is this a troll thread? Where is OP? Am I on Reddit?

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Peaks View Post
                              Chica, why are you equating eating out a chick to being good in bed? There's a lot more to it than that. Believe it or not, there are other ways to please a woman....

                              Getting a BJ is a lot different than getting eaten out. Two totally different things.

                              A guy's dick is on the outside of his body. The girl can see everything they're putting your mouth on. And, as long as a guy is relatively clean, it won't smell. Who knows what's going on up inside a chick....telling guys to throw caution to the wind and just dive in their with their tongues is horrible advice.
                              A woman's clit is OUTSIDE. There is no need to stick your tongue up inside to give cunnilingus. Look up a diagram of the vagina. The place that needs attention is outside her body. Sticking your tongue inside for a bit is ok for novelty reasons if you want to, but it really doesnt do much for the woman.

                              If a woman smells bad, she either has very bad hygeine or an infection. Most women don't have those issues and if she does you might want to rethink having sex with her at all. Ive gone down on 4 women and none of them smelled bad. Also, cunnilingus is the least likely way to transmit an std, which is why lesbians have lower std rates than any other group.

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