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Time to face the problem. ED

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  • Time to face the problem. ED

    Dude Junior failed to show up (pun intended) for the big game... When you can't get it up as two hot chicks are fingering each other's buttholes in your bed it is time to stop making excuses and face the facts.


    Fact: most of the time I have no problem getting it on, even with so-so looking girls.

    Fact: once in a while it just doesn't work, it's like my mind isn't there. When it happens, usually it does get up at first but then weirdly gets back in its shell after a few minutes.


    Looking for pointers and 101s on ED so I can do a little bit of research and maybe come back to you with more precise questions.

    Thanks boys

  • #2
    I have written about it past threads but never keep track of them so I will ramble a bit.

    First, almost everyone experiences this and often they are shocked and OMG floored when it happens. So if you can get morning wood, an erection from masturbating, or hard about any time then it isn't a physical thing. Not sure what medically they mean by physical but you can get the idea that it is more about where your mind is. There are still physical factors so drugs and stuff can make it easier but my one attempt at drugs (Viagra) was a waste of money so I am not the one to talk there.


    What you are experiencing Dude is not as big a deal as it is just under certain situations. When I was recovering from my D it was a lot more common. The psychological stress and loss of ego was considerably higher and more to deal with. If you have a serious problem go get serious help and do a little research so you can find the right type help. No more said there as once again that aint Dude's problem.

    So dealing with not being able to get it up when you want to. Not really full on ED.

    Hey I have read advise on here about when to let her know you have wood while on the dance floor. That's been a while. . . . . Be realistic. Age is a factor. Your own body and style is another factor. How long since you last orgasmed? How long a refractory period do you have? Spend some time looking at when you have a problem and see if you can identify the catalyst. Is it stress that gets you or lack of emotional investment or being too worried or not worried enough. These problems can be highly individual and pretty specific so spend some time on it.

    Now some fixes:

    First thing I hear a lot and Dude this might be you. You are standing there watching two women and nobody is sucking your cock. Make sure there is enough physical stimulation of the cock and ideally the kind of stimulation that excites you. If she is just stroking you with long hard pumps and you like to be teased, or vise versa, it wont be good. Get the woman involved; if she wont help go find one that will! Women get all kinds of stupid fucking shit in their heads. "Oh I don't turn him on." Then she sits back and does nothing to help and expects god to come down and make her sexy. Come on bitch put that cock in your mouth. Then some of them think they should go s l o w. I mean they might like a guy to slow down and warm them up gently and softly but that is not always the best thing for lighting a fire in your groins.

    Second, don't put to much pressure on yourself. Reciprocal determinism is a thing. If you are sitting there sweating in constant worry it probably isn't going to go well. One of the games people play is to say that as a couple you are going to play around but you are not going to have sex. Take the pressure off and he will often respond.

    Three, get in touch with what excites you. People are fucked up kinky fuckers and maybe you are one of them. Find what turns you on and see if you can play with it. Even if its just mental.

    Which is the fourth thing anyway. Learn to play with your mind. A guy and I were laughing our asses off last summer when it finally came out that one of us always dreams of being with a different girl and one of us never does. Find what you can do with your mind that makes your body work. I have found myself having super deep emotionally gratifying incredible sex and realize I was losing my hard on. A disconnect between mind and body there.

    I think a fair number of guys find nothing more sexually exciting than a woman who is super into it. Teach your girls to be expressive. Play with them and get them going. Oral can get me hard a lot of times if I am having trouble, both giving and receiving.

    Positions. Some are easier if your pushing a wet rope. Girl on her back legs on both sides of you. Move them up to shoulders or down lower, wherever it lines dick and pussy up best.

    Once you get going pay attention to the rhythm that works best for you. A lot of guys seem to like steady and I like to change it up.

    Condoms can be a problem as they reduce stimulation. Not enough lube can be a problem. To much lube can be a problem.

    Use masturbation to teach you about your dick. Learn what keeps it hard and how to control orgasm.

    If you masturbate by laying on your cock or pushing/squeezing really hard STOP it. Your cock get used to a lot more pressure than a pussy will generally provide and you have created you own problem.


    Another thing, an old member here complained that he would cum way to quick. We got talking about how quick his refractory period was and he learned to fuck a chick4-6 times a night and cum every time. He could get hard again in no time. Another guy might be done for hours after a cum. Get to know yourself and work within your parameters.

    Another really important one. Just because your cock is not cooperating doesn't mean you are done. You have fingers and a mouth and maybe some toys or other things that might even get you over the humps and hard. Sex is about a lot of pleasures and dick in vagina is just one of many. Don't quit when you should be just beginning.

    There are time I find myself chuckling. I think those stupid fuckers on NEXTASS would be quitting and going to cry about now. Even the girl I am with is starting to act like WTF? I just keep going, keep trying different things, or maybe taking a little break and come back to it. Then later I will be so hard I think she must be feeling it in the back of her throat. Guys think having an always hard throbbing cock is what its all about and when the day arrives it doesn't they have nothing left. Learn human depth. Learn to be sexual when it is not easy. I have read advise from women to other women that says to find a man who has had dysfunctions. He will have understanding and have patience. He will know what its like to be human.

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    • #3
      That sucks, luckily with modern medicine your not done it will just be a pain in the ass to deal with if you take that route.

      Comment


      • #4
        Sage advice from the archives of Sedfast:
        Originally posted by Dude909 View Post
        Have you considered that you might be gay? You never know man if you're not attracted to chicks that would explain it. Nothing wrong with being a dude who likes dong, really.
        Just couldn't resist!

        Comment


        • #5
          I wouldn't worry about it. (For real: worrying about it makes it worse.) Do go see a doctor please. Not that you need to, I just want to hear what the doc says when you tell her: "When you can't get it up as two hot chicks are fingering each other's buttholes in your bed..."
          Seriously though, if it works most of the time it's not Li'l Dude. It's probably in your head. Can you identify your thought patterns when this happens? What thought patterns do you go to, to get yourself in the mood?

          Edit: I was in a hurry to be the funny man, wouldn't want Skills to beat me to it. So I had not read what UW posted. Excellent! You're in good hands with UW. (No homo.)
          Last edited by Sase; 01-19-2016, 04:16 AM. Reason: Edit added

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          • #6
            Do you work out? I'm still proud of junior's performance (10-15 min break, I can always get it up again and I'll go all night until I am physically exhausted), but there is a marked difference between say, ages 25 and age 30. I don't get random nap boners (used to happen all the way up to law school, where I'd fall asleep in class and wake up with a raging hard on) anymore. If I'm mildly sick I don't get morning wood anymore. If I don't work out, I can tell there is a marked difference in my T levels. In fact, if I skip leg day, I can notice a difference.

            By working out, I mean doing squats and deadlifts. Jogging used to make a difference but not anymore.

            Getting older sucks.

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            • #7
              Are you sure its not just performance anxiety with a new situation? This actually happens to guys a lot at swinger parties, especially when they are new. Or maybe you were feeling left out or grossed out when they were fingering buttholes, instead of turned on. Its ok, really.

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              • #8
                If it's purely performance anxiety, try to be more outcome independent, be in the moment and focus on the sensation. Practicing meditation helps.
                On the other hand, if you have the habit to fap too much then it could definitely lead to ED. In this case you should give Nofap-challenge a go.

                Source: personal experience

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                • #9
                  What helped me in similar situations:

                  - the woman giving oral. Just love it!
                  - telling each other stories. The first time I did this with my gf and I invented some really stupid story about how we're in the middle age, she's a supposed witch and I'm an investigator knight who's been sent to investigate if women could actually find pleasure in sex. Because, as everyone knows in the middle ages at least, women cannot. It was getting super hilarious after a while, and she loved it. Suffice to say, I didn't have mental space left to think of whatever else like performance anxiety because I was so focused on telling the story. Of course, in the story the knight will find to be bewitched by the witch and finds out that they are not evil at all, just more curious in many fields, including sexuality. I don't remember the exact ending, but I remember it was a pleasurable journey for sure :P I discovered that my gf really enjoys the stories I tell her, especially if they include her and some fantasies of mine, like her working together with another woman to give me a shared oral and then getting so horny they'll just have to play with each other. Never done this so far, but I imagine it would be pretty cool to have two women give you oral at the same time and then "find each other" down there. I'm working on that one
                  - A few weeks ago I was feeling kind of bad about not getting it up with my gf, but she used to tell me she likes it when we are just together without moving much, feeling, until our bodies take over, so that's what I did. She was laying on top of me, doing nothing, and neither did I. After a while I started breathing very deeply because I went in some kind of trance concentrating on my breathing (it just happened, whatever was the reason). I found out that I could bring her whole body up just by breathing in very deeply, and I started enjoying the challenge of heaving her up as much as I can. Must have done this for at least half an hour, I guess, which sounds boring, but the whole breathing thing must have created some kind of trance-bubble for us both. After a while I started to get horny as fuck, and since she was dripping wet as well the resulting sex was pretty amazing. Actually the whole breathing and getting into your body stuff is powerful, especially if you do it together to go into trance state.

                  Jester

                  P.S.: I talked with a woman the other day about threesomes and she said that she simply cannot understand how men usually think they have to be awesome performers all the time while at least for her, just being together and sharing the warmth of two (or more) bodies is a nice experience to start with. I've heard this from many women now, and it seems to be true. So don't worry as much

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                  • #10
                    This has happened to me a couple of times lately, and it's clear it's mostly psychological. I get a girl naked in bed and suddenly lose my wood when it's time to stick it in. I know that worrying about it isn't going to help, but it's kind of annoying (and causes awkward situations with the girls).

                    Anyway, we'll see. I'll figure it out somehow. (Strangely, I have a couple of FBs that this has never been a problem with. It's only been a problem with new girls.)

                    Any advice? I figured I'd add to this thread rather than start my own for a similar problem.

                    Thanks guys!

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                    • #11
                      Guys put so much pressure on themselves. It's like in your mind you have to be superfuckingman with a cock that responds perfectly every time. I guess because it is attached you think it should be like your arm, you can move it exactly like you want and flex that muscle any time you please. Lil Donkatus doesn't work that way. Look at the ideas I put above but also give yourself a break. If it's not working just right try something different.

                      What would happen if late in foreplay you said something like "I take a lot of stimulation to get me hard are you up for the task?" I grant if you are facing LMR this might not be something you can do but I have done it with good results. If she is down, you can stretch the agreement if you think that rather than physical stimulation you want mental/emotional stimulation. IE "No I don't need you to suck my cock, I need you to be my dirty little slut and. . . . (Insert your personal kink or action your regulars do)"

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Uncle Walker View Post
                        Guys put so much pressure on themselves. It's like in your mind you have to be superfuckingman with a cock that responds perfectly every time. I guess because it is attached you think it should be like your arm, you can move it exactly like you want and flex that muscle any time you please. Lil Donkatus doesn't work that way. Look at the ideas I put above but also give yourself a break. If it's not working just right try something different.

                        What would happen if late in foreplay you said something like "I take a lot of stimulation to get me hard are you up for the task?" I grant if you are facing LMR this might not be something you can do but I have done it with good results. If she is down, you can stretch the agreement if you think that rather than physical stimulation you want mental/emotional stimulation. IE "No I don't need you to suck my cock, I need you to be my dirty little slut and. . . . (Insert your personal kink or action your regulars do)"
                        Thanks for your response Uncle Walker. I guess you're right that I just expect my dick to respond to my commands... Honestly I think the problem is I need to find girls I'm more attracted to. Maybe I'm too old to be banging girls who are just "ok" at this point.

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