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GF getting desensitized to clitoral stimulation + tips on getting her to orgasm vaginally

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  • GF getting desensitized to clitoral stimulation + tips on getting her to orgasm vaginally

    Hey guys. I'd greatly appreciate your input and ideas on two specific questions relating to clitoral and vaginal orgasms, as per the title of the topic.

    First question

    I've been seeing my current GF for about three months by now. We get together 1-2 times per week, which always includes sex. In the beginning, fingering her clit led her to orgasm really easily. And I mean REALLY easily - within two-three minutes even. Therefore, I had been relying on it rather heavily - by fingering her to orgasm two-three times per meet-up. More so, because I have not been able to get her to orgasm vaginally so far (more on that in the second question below) and because I sometimes have PE issues which makes the length/quality of "classical" sex inconsistent (e.g. from 2 minutes one time to a solid 30 minutes the other time). Hence, my mind was in any case at ease, knowing that I can always leave her satisfied by fingering her to orgasm several times per night.

    However, at one point I started to notice that fingering her to clitoral orgasm gradually takes more and more time - as if she was getting desensitized to it as time went on. And by now, it has gotten to the point where she's not able to reach orgasm that way anymore. I can see and hear her getting very excited but then it just kinda fades away (this is how she describes it herself as well) - and this pattern repeats itself many times until either of us gets tired and/or its obvious it doesn't lead anywhere. I also try to vary the pressure, angle and tempo but without result. She also feels bad about it herself, so its possible the issue is additionally amplified by her putting pressure on herself / worrying about it. So far I have been able to nevertheless get her to orgasm via oral, however, I'm somewhat worried that the same process will start to affect this as well.

    I'm hoping you can give me some good advice here - is there something I can do to counter / avoid this "desensitization" process? Overall, sex is still very good with her and I also haven't noticed any decline in her attraction towards me (quite the contrary even).

    Second question

    I've also tried to get her to orgasm vaginally by massaging the smoother part inside her vagina (the deep spot, to my knowledge) right after the more textured part which is more in the front (the g-spot, I assume), as far as my fingers reach. I'm using the "come hither" motion with my middle finger and fourth finger or middle finger only, by applying pressure upwards on said spot. It definitely works well, as it always gets her moaning and breathing very heavily (I can also hear the "squishing" sound from inside her vagina), and she says it feels amazingly good, however I don't think she has orgasmed that way yet. She has also said several times that she was very close.

    Also, when I can see her excitement level ramping up, I tend to increase the pressure & tempo of the motion as well. However, as the spot is already as far as my fingers go in, this tends to tire my hand and arm very quickly. Maybe this has also something to do with my position - usually I'm leaned over to her so I could kiss her / suck her tongue as well. I have tried switching hands, of course, but in the end (e.g. after 15-20 minutes) my hands still tire to the point that I have to abandon the mission.

    She hasn't had a vaginal orgasm before and in the beginning, g-spot/deep spot massage didn't have a noticable effect on her - so the trend in this respect has in any case been positive.

    In short - I can get her to feel really good and obviously very close to orgasm with this method, however I'd really appreciate your tips on how to finally tip her "over the edge".

    ***

    Many thanks for your advice already in advance!

  • #2
    Slow down in start, make her body as sensitive as it can be for everything you do, by doing less (reference point kind of thing).. get her aroused heavily like that already, be teasing, don't give all she wants, add in dirty talk about that

    Start teasing her more once she's at the edge, don't let her cum, slow down, tell her she cannot cum yet and is a dirty little girl for wanting to cum so badly already but she cannot (hah)
    Get closer to that edge a few times and back off, until she will inevitably wants to cum, make her beg for it that she can cum
    eventually once she's tensing up so much she will explode I Will tell her to cum for me

    Have her touch yourself and you just focus on fucking her, again she cannot cum yet, only get close

    You can tell I enjoy teasing girls and not allowing them to cum until I tell so, might wanna give that a try

    Focus on the build up of pleasure inside of her and play with that, not on the cumming itself

    advice above only was about the clitoral stimulation. I also dunno hpw congruent it is with how dominant you are in bed. I just know I enjoy it

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Da hype View Post
      First question
      .
      I can relate with PE. I will directly answer the question you asked with specific advice, but first I want to say a few things to lay the groundwork. Mind you - what I am about to say may or may not be applicable to YOU. It is general info and I dont want it to be mistaken that I read into something you have said. so dont take any of it personally

      OK. Sometimes there are certain medical conditions, and thats it own thing, but for most cases of PE the underlying need is to calm down. Men with big Egos and healthy Prides can come up with all sorts of strategies to work around the PE issue. Some learn to use their fingers and tongue. Others learn the arts of emotional manipulation. Etc. Sometimes these workarounds can be highly developed and even extremely effective in the short term. but the underlying problem of being jittery is unresolved. It becomes a matter of time before a woman catches on that something is wrong. She will not be able to vocalize it, it probably wont even be in her conscious train of thought. She will simply feel that something is not right. Take for example the "solution" of being really good with your hands. For 5 times its great, she gets off and its wonderful. After 10 times its still pretty good, but she has already "been there & done that" and is less tranced out. She already knows whats coming, and at this point she may feel pressure to perform, to avoid hurting your ego. By the 15th time you are intimate she is like "wtf is this weird enthusiasm with his hands ... I just want to get fucked ... maybe he has a fetish ... whatever ... hey lets see what CrassMoFuggah is doing tonight "

      In order to keep women interested, to be the best lover possible, you have to actualize the potential of your mind and body. and then you have to constantly be switching it up. you must be able to have different gears, a healthy transmission, to be a constant enigma, she doesnt know if she is dealing with Don Juan or 50 Cent (on a minute to minute basis..). This is the place of magic. You are familiar with PE, familiar with "being in your head". understand that she is also in her own head with her own stories. Understand her head is its own Pandoras box. However when you achieve this ability to have different rhythms, when you get to this place of moving fluidly, she feels safe, trusts you, she comes out of her head and lets go into submission. Now you play..

      So in short: "how to avoid desensitizing her clit" is the wrong question. if she is your partner, work together. if she is not your partner, use her for practice. fuck her for 2 minutes, when you are about to cum pull out and give her a message for 30 minutes. then fuck her again for 2 minutes. then go down on her for 15 minutes. get her edging, then pull away. eventually, over 2-3 hours of this, at some point you will hit your stride and fuck for 30 minutes. string together 7 of these 2-3 hour sessions and she will think you are a thougthful lover, and you will tighten your game..

      But - to answer the question head on - avoid direct clitoral stimulation. play around her clit. dont forget her inner thighs. her clit is like a wishbone, only the tip is protruding and visible. most of the muscles of her clit are "inside" her inner thighs...

      Second question
      .


      Firstly - understand that most women do not orgasm vaginally. Not that they cant, they just havent. and so thats "normal" and "common".

      And, im going to take a guess that - based on the earlier descriptions - this is not going to happen for you right now. hangman said it once that women who cannot cum are a lot of work. its loads easier to find one thats already "fixed". BUT - if you have decided to work with a woman, then one ingredient is her "letting go". And based on what I described earlier, there already may be tension in the air, she is in her head and already feeling a lot of performance anxiety, pressure to perform, etc. thats why I say that it wont happen (right now). You describe a lot of technical stuff, but its not a case of technique (besides, it sounds like you know more than enough, generally speaking you do those things and see what elicits positive responses. And you ask, seductively..).

      so, good on you for trying many things, switching it up, trying to learn, to grow, to connect, all that jazz. but my overall suggestion here is to be less results oriented. "make sure a woman cums every time" is not always possible. JWS said it once - within the context of seduction - "dont startle the pussy". I think its an appropriate sentiment within intimacy too..

      Comment


      • #4
        Firstly - understand that most women do not orgasm vaginally. Not that they cant, they just havent. and so thats "normal" and "common".

        And, im going to take a guess that - based on the earlier descriptions - this is not going to happen for you right now. hangman said it once that women who cannot cum are a lot of work. its loads easier to find one thats already "fixed". BUT - if you have decided to work with a woman, then one ingredient is her "letting go". And based on what I described earlier, there already may be tension in the air, she is in her head and already feeling a lot of performance anxiety, pressure to perform, etc. thats why I say that it wont happen (right now). You describe a lot of technical stuff, but its not a case of technique (besides, it sounds like you know more than enough, generally speaking you do those things and see what elicits positive responses. And you ask, seductively..).

        This is all true. Most women just don't have orgasms vaginally and they have to let themselves go in order to do so. Very hard for women to do this especially with how bad men are at being lovers.

        Anyways it's on you to inspire the condition for her to let go. It is also her responsibility to feel orgasm. Fuck it if she doesn't want to follow your lead there, but you have to know how to lead her there. It is very important you mix it up, try different movements and focus on different areas. She needs this variety as it is not a mission to mars for her.

        You say fingering her clit, this is weird. You finger her pussy and rub her clit. What you can do is lick her clit while caressing her g-spot and deep spot. This can have the effect of orgasm being associated with the touch of her g-spot and deep spot even thought he primary sensations came from the clitoris. If you do this right she will associate all the pleasure in the g-spot and deep spot.

        See david shades stuff for more information on all this. The material is brilliant.
        -Supernova

        Comment


        • #5
          TL;DR, but let me just add; Clitoral is bullshit (shallow O, unreliable). You need to broaden your repertoire.
          Loves: Shy Girl-coding into Starry-eyed Extroversion, spamming Open-loops and Mini-cold-reads and lots of light kino.
          Hates: Putting pressure on others. Things that feel 'brainy'.

          Comment


          • #6
            Here's the trick: go watch some JAV porn which the dude makes girl squirt with his 2 fingers (middle + ring), mimic that motion next time (up and down pretty fast with fingers bending upward) and if she still doesn't cum, sue me (assuming that she was very close to O when you massaged her deep-spot already)

            If your hand gets tired easily, try using that only when she's already extremely horny. I love fucking my girls till they breath and scream heavily, then pull it out, stick fingers in and make her squirt and O like crazy in 10 seconds.

            About her desensitized clit, of course it does if you keep relying on it again and again for her orgasm. You severely lack VARIETY man, switch it around, find new ways to bring her to O. Go read Sex God Method and David Shade Manual

            Comment


            • #7
              Anal
              "I'm the kind of guy you don't want to bring home to mom. Cuz I'd fuck your mom."

              "I don't have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination"

              Comment


              • #8
                Thanks to all of you for the good ideas and advice (and to CrassMoFuggah for the especially thorough & helpful response), much appreciated! Will try to keep in mind and implement everything you have said, e.g. to be less predictable and experiment with different approaches, so as to rely less on any one specific method.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hey Da Hype

                  One thing you should practice is recognizing the G-Spot by feel.

                  If the woman is lying on her back, the G-Spot is on top of the vaginal passage, usually anywhere from 1" to 3" in.

                  Do a google image search to find diagrams showing where it is.

                  It's under the Skene's gland (female prostate) and as she gets aroused, it becomes sort of ridged, and you can feel that.

                  A great way to stimulate the G-Spot is using your middle & ring fingers, facing upward.

                  Using the G-Spot is a great way to get women more orgasmic, and with more fulfilling orgasms.

                  Note that there is all kinds of BS out there about the G-Spot, with some morons claiming it doesn't exist at all, others claiming it is places that are really the anterior or posterior fornix, or the A-Spots. The good info is out there though, so persevere.

                  Also, IME once you've found the Skene's gland spot and felt its unique features, you'll never miss it again. Persevere.

                  I should mention, though, that the G-Spot is different sizes in different women, and at varing distance from the vaginal entrance. I have never met a woman without a G-Spot, but anatomists have found that a very small miniority of women (a fraciton of a percent) have no Skene's gland, or possibly one so small it's undetectable, so it's conceivable you could come across a woman with no G-Spot. I would theorize that there are ways to us hypnotic languaging to help a woman with no G-Spot achieve enhanced orgasm, but have never come across such a woman.

                  Also, I have gone through the White Tiger Tantra series of DVDs by Steve Piccus ( http://www.sensualawakening.com/ ) and it is fantastic. It has illustrations of the ring & index finger stimulating technique plus other ones.

                  There are multiple benefits to giving a woman enhanced orgasms. She is more likely to be able to orgasm from PIV sex, and she gets better at fucking you.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Use your tongue. Fingering is for newbies.
                    Check out my blog!
                    http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Lovergirl View Post
                      Use your tongue. Fingering is for newbies.
                      what if a girl can't orgasm from oral? I met 2, either my tounge technique is bad or their clits were too sensitive (feel very good at first, but tickled and a bit irritated after awhile (more than 10 mins). They had no problem orgasm vaginally tho.

                      Comment

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