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  • Sexual Anxiety?

    Hey everyone,

    So I'm about to talk about something I've been dealing with for a bit now. Just saying, it's hard for me to admit there's something off but hopefully I can get some clarity.

    I've noticed about few months ago that when I get sexual with a woman I think I start to get anxiety. Things I feel are increased heart rate, faster breathing, light sweating sometimes. It makes me feel shitty because I get women that ask..why is your heart beat so fast? are you nervous? Then i get super conscious and it makes even more pressure to perform. I've lost some girls due to this and they'd get super turned off then leave.

    This isn't always the case however. Sometimes if I have a drink or 2 I'm bit calmer and can perform. Recently I was with my fb and I started to notice when she in control I feel all these things but when I took control most of it went away and I calmed down a bit. Btw, it's not just sex when this happens but other parts of my life too. I just want to get this under control.

    Anyone here go thru or did go thru the same thing? How did you handle it?

    Tagz

  • #2
    Its the sympathetic nervous system becoming overly dominant
    Try doing things that trigger the parasympathetic nervous system, like eating, relaxing, putting on music with deep bass in it and grooving to it slow

    Also try to learn to slow down with girls but still function, like, maybe you rush to catch up to her to talk but as you get closer slow down, dont get outta breath, slow down more and talk normal pace

    Its a physical response so surely you can sort of train it out of your system,
    Like in martial arts we train it out by grounding our stances, and drilling kata with slow intent
    This helps draw attention away from the flighty urges we all have and consolodates the energy lower in your body

    You wanna sort of squeeze down, like a cute puppy or something,
    Itll stop you being all frazzled and erratic

    I dont know direct techniques cuz only some guys get this
    For me I just change my body frequency like a radio, down down down till I've got the right smooth feel (like honey)
    But I doubt my reaction is as intense as yours


    Try a little self hypnosis
    Close your eyes
    Feel a very slow swaying
    Like you are underneath the water
    But unlike normally where you float you notice how easy it is to sink
    You sink way way down
    Even your bones now feel the weight of the water above pushing down
    Every step is heavy, like you are moving in syrup or honey, everything seems to slow down
    Breathe it in, breathe it out, feel it permeate through you, and let your body settle


    Try finding porn or something that gets this reaction from you then train it out

    Comment


    • #3
      I appreciate this! I'll try what you suggested and see how that goes over.That song is very soothing btw!

      Comment


      • #4
        I dont have this too often but I like to
        - focus on endlessly teasing her during foreplay (work your way down and then around the clit .. then go super softly and slowly down on her, read each tiny movement).. make her super sensitive to your touch and desire to be touched more so she will enter a higher sexually immersed state and she can infect you in a way
        - moaning, breathing, grunting
        they open up (expansion by breathe) or release tension (grunting involves some contractions and helps you to release), its also sexual and more immersing!
        - talk, already set up an open communication, meta stuff during seduction, and try to keep talking during foreplay.. it will open up some blockages and obstacles... try to be verbally dominant.. tell her to take off her top dominantly or to take off yours.. then reward her verbally when she did... perhaps mention how it turns you on so much when she can listen so well to you already. Makes you feel in control and is a good distraction!

        Comment


        • #5
          A couple of techniques came to me

          demo6.jpg

          Notice the hand in front of his body, held down low and rolled over
          This helps with squeezing down the energy an is percieved as cute and sexy
          Both hands infront like you just are about to zip up a jacket, both near the crotch is good too
          demo.jpg

          Also hands on the top of your head, in self stroking, self soothing motions, can appear sexy, but also help you start the process of halting anxiety rushing up your body.
          You want to touch and slowly lower your mood into sensuality so the hands start moving down, potential down all the way to the crotch with an arm infront helping you squeeze down, like a cat might half stretch.


          The worst body language you can do, is static, facing her square on, and too open shouldered

          demo2.jpg

          This waiting position has your heart really exposed and aimed at her, waiting to just start beating fast with nothing to block it.
          Wide open to feeling shocked or exposed. Or accidentally turning creepy.

          Put a bit of twist in your body
          demo3.jpg
          Don't fully cross your arms or anything, more squeeze them together or closer to your center line, with loose over turned elbows
          Twist in your body will help distract incoming energies, keep it more dynamic, making it so your energy doesn't just rocket upwards straight to the top like a thermometer.


          James dean does these things well
          Also with your hips
          They are better when a bit forward and curved, to create a question mark shape to your body

          demo5.jpg










          Those are sort of the body language tricks to help
          Along with self hypnosis and training the grounding

          Comment


          • #6
            demo4.jpg
            This sort of face and attitude helps too, its taking nervous energy and turning it into softer more joyful energy


            Comment


            • #7
              I used to have anxiety somewhat similar to this. If it was a hot girl, I would get nervous and then I couldn't get it up. I would then think about it and it would make me more nervous and totally fuck shit up with the girl. It fucking sucked.

              Then I watched these videos and focused on the shit they tell you to do and I haven't had the problem since:

              https://nextasf.com/forum/nextasf/se...-multi-orgasms
              -Supernova

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by thecostofsuccess View Post
                demo4.jpg
                This sort of face and attitude helps too, its taking nervous energy and turning it into softer more joyful energy

                The buttplug he looks like he's obviously wearing probably doesn't hurt either. Well maybe going in.

                To Tagz...

                Have you tried completely focusing on her smells, her tastes, her eyes the skin on skin, the sensations in your penis? Imagining doing whatever your kink is to her later?

                That's where my head tends to go as a totally relaxed experienced guy. I almost never even think about my state unless i'm trying not to cum, pinching my thigh or bicep, trying to zone out to last longer.

                Otherwise I am trying to consume her physically and relish the experience.

                Rather than "don't think about pink elephants" "try not to be nervous" "don't go inside" of course you will.

                Maybe try S.T.H.S next time Smell. Taste. Skin. Sensations STHS really savor all 4.

                As for the rest of your life, unless you have an actual anxiety disorder at a chemical level, it's probably the same issue, you aren't enjoying life, you are trying to conquer it so hard that when you get the win you aren't savoring it.


                Gun



                My all new material for 2017. 42 Verbal Hooks, Emotional Stimulators, Sexual Arousal and Social Frame Gambits!

                Comment


                • #9
                  is this the cute guys topic???

                  ok actually reading this topic made ME go anxious..
                  while my initial reaction was more like: quick heartbeat: cool/hot/sexy

                  i like to see a guy affected and bothered by what he is doing tbh. Makes the attraction seem real.. dont worry too much maybe? if you really want to you could give it a hot twist ofc
                  like tell the girl that's what she does to you (jokingly or intensely said.. both ways can be hot tbh)
                  ​​​​
                  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIb6AZdTr-A

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Kit View Post
                    ....
                    i like to see a guy affected and bothered by what he is doing tbh. Makes the attraction seem real.. dont worry too much maybe? if you really want to you could give it a hot twist ofc
                    like tell the girl that's what she does to you (jokingly or intensely said.. both ways can be hot tbh)
                    ​​​​
                    Yup. This is gold.
                    I've had to fake nervousness just to match a girls state and help her relax.
                    Me: Are you nervous?
                    Her: Yeah, a little.
                    Me: Oh my God, me too!!! Lets' sit and have a coffee (drink.)
                    Then lead, smile, warmth, etc. This is not a time for negs, etc.
                    ....
                    Or just:
                    Me: You make me so nervous. [out & done.]

                    BTW, "you make me nervous" is chickspeak for "I like you./ I am attracted to you." If anyone here needed it translated.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Tagz View Post
                      Anyone here go thru or did go thru the same thing? How did you handle it?

                      Tagz
                      By removing resistance against it and perceiving everything you do to be GOLD. So in your world nervousness should be cute, then just allow it to happen. And if you don't get nervous that is okay too, then you instead make her feel relaxed by being relaxed yourself.

                      If you perform badly and reach orgasm before her, you rest assured that you made her feel super sexy, making you orgasm quickly like that, etc.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Wow some really solid advice from everyone and I really appreciate it! I thought about it a bit more for each encounter I had and came up with this:

                        Maybe the reason as to why this happens is because I'm not really in the moment so I panic moving fast. I think I have this sense of how sex should be vs reality. For the times I don't have this problem is when I've had couple beers so im relaxed..or super hot girls that make me horny. For other areas of my life I'm not exactly the happiest I could be (which I'm working on) but I'm not exactly hating life either.

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