Ad

Collapse

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

why keep playing games if its a done deal

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Men Allowed why keep playing games if its a done deal

    Looks like you all have a good forum here except not much for advice for girls. Maybe y'all can help me out. I hooked up with a guy who happens to be a few years younger than me but is the new guy in my bar buddies group of friends. Initially turned him down but afterwards though what the hell, I have nothing to lose. I am moving to another state in a few months so I am definitely not interested in any committed relationship and also am on the rebound from a different situation that will not go anywhere (even though I want it to but also am realistic to know when to walk away.) So, new guy and I go at it, and the sex is fun, uninhibited and a good time. It's been going on for a little over 2 months every couple of weeks, pretty much whenever I show up to the bar to hang with that crew. My problem is the dude likes to be touchy at the bar, holding hands, grabbing my leg under the table. And its ok enough to set the mood up for later, and yes the attention is good. But then he says stuff like, you can't move, now that I found you. And all I want to do is punch him in the face. We do not hang out sober, no dates, no movies, no dinner, no cuddling. I do not think he should say these things. I am completely OK, meeting up, having a few drink, screwing around, and leaving it at that. Another time we were at the bar, and an old friend from hs shows up and me and a couple other people were talking to him. (about his recent marriage and new baby on the way) I realize I should have introduced him, but I didn't, oversight. The guy I was with started to get jealous, started whining and stuff. Now here's where my confusion is. As far as texting goes, he plays dumb games, texts something like hey & I respond back, sometimes with an open ended question to see if a convo gets going and sometimes with the same response. Then get nothing back. The hey text is annoying. I started to not respond to a hey text because I think they are childish...if i do not respond I get a text that calls me a jerk. I know he is seeing other people and that is not an issue for me at all. He has also tried to make it sound like an accusation if at the end of the night I say I am going home , want to come over. He has actually responded with, Oh you just want to fuck me..... um, yeah, that's it.

    so thats the background... my thing is why would he pretend to want a relationship (at the bar before the sex), especially if he really does not want one, based on the fact he is seeing other people, leave right after the sex, and has no texting game at all.

    How do I get to the point where I can just text, come over? Have him come over and send him home after!! I get there are games, I am not a fan of playing them, I can, and I can be good at them, but really don't care. Most likely should just walk away but seeing as I am leaving town soon, I don't want to try or start anything new (yup I am lazy) also a girl, and emotions can play into starting something new.

  • #2
    A breath of fresh air to me is when I woman can quit playing games and just say honestly what she wants. Not saying you are playing all the games, but this guy can't read your mind.

    you: "I just want to hang out casually, then have you come over and fuck my brains out. Capiche?"

    This guy sounds like he is having you be his stand in girlfriend when it is convenient. Nothing wrong with that in concept, but his actions are a little on the needy side in execution. Jealousy is always a bad sign. It indicates some kind of ownership/fear of loss, and should be discouraged.

    you: "When you act jealous and pissy, it really lowers my attraction for you."

    Why is he doing that? Because he thinks that is how you want to be treated. He acts a certain way, he gets some sex, reward for the behavior. When he goes to hold your hand, just look at him like he just farted or something, and remove your hand. He will either get the hint and correct the behavior, or he will get butthurt. Obviously one is better than the other, and you have to hope he makes a smart move.

    A few weeks ago my FB and I were at a friends, sitting on the couch, watching movies. She put her hand on my leg, so I went to hold her hand. She pulled her hand away and gave me a look that said "No you don't!" Guess what, lesson learned. No hand holding, but she can put her hand on my leg. Ok, micro-calibration. Wise move, and we have amazing sex a few times a week (which is too much, but I've been having a dry spell).

    Texting to me is always a logistical planning tool. Flirting hasn't worked out for me, so I stick strictly to the time @ place info. You could try it with him, but in my experience, it's the guy who has to initiate, plan, and take responsibility for the meet. You could try it, but I have no real advice for a girl in this regard.

    If this was a girl sending me texts I didn't want to respond to, that's exactly what I would do... nothing. When I want to see her, I send a text like, "Hey, I'm free Tuesday night, come over to my place around 8."


    Welcome to the forum!




    - Tech

    Comment


    • #3
      That guy is a control freak and a dickhead. He's not just playing games in the traditional relationship sense, he's trying to get you to feed his ego, and he's also very insecure. He's not so much 'pretending he wants a relationship'... it's not really about relationship, it's more like controlling egotistic behavior and testing to see if you're still 'his'.

      Just text him 'come over' or any other standard booty call text. If he gives you shit then leave it. He can go fuck someone else then.

      Don't even bother with the games. Just ignore him. Guys like that annoy even us guys. If you're leaving town soon then just ignore him, fuck him if you want, then leave and never contact him again even if he contacts you first.

      Comment


      • #4
        Just tell him when he is over doing it and say "relax" with a little feminine smile and go do whatever you want.

        People get too involved in their own inner monologues when they are not exposed to a person who is comfortable enough to just move past trivial stuff like that.

        Comment


        • #5
          Great advice, you guys. This makes me think the Women's Forum might have been a good idea.
          Increasing the happiness in the world, one man at a time.
          Until I can get an MFM.

          Comment


          • #6
            Thanks for the welcome & the advice!

            I did not start off with playing games. I started with trying to gauge what he was looking for. I was clear from the very start, before we hooked up that I was applying for a job within my company but out of state and I am not looking for a relationship. I think Rico said it correctly where he has his own agenda and game going on. I have not figured out if he just lacks experience or this is what really turns him on.

            Assman referenced him as an asshole in training and I had to laugh b/c this kid looks up to one of the biggest douchebags (not really proud)towards woman and just people in general that I have been friends (friends can be applied loosely to someone I drink with on Sundays and/or any other day that sports are on, darts are being played, birthdays...basically we are alcoholics) with for 18 years. But yes, if he continues to actually look up to him vs. hang out and have his own opinion, he is absolutely an asshole in training!

            It is probably because I am moving that instead of walking away I am more emboldened to play back with his own games and just see what happens. Rico said he was probably testing to see where he stood. I have been having fun playing that back! ha maybe i'm the asshole...

            Comment


            • #7
              Present, I'm wondering why the women's forum wasn't here earlier!

              games, it doesn't matter that you were clear from the start, the guy is very insecure. He thinks he's some sort of cool douche player type that 'owns' girls. It's not so much that it 'turns him on' sexually, it's just an ego thing. Unless you mean 'turn on' in that it feeds his ego. And we all know ego = insecurity.

              If you're gonna play games but are still interested, either ignore his bullshit and only meetup when there's no bullshit or do what cosy said. If you wanna tool him completely then just take the piss out of his 'big man' posturing. e.g. he says 'you can't move now that i found you' ... You say 'is that a line you stole from Twilight?'

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by games View Post
                I have been having fun playing that back! ha maybe i'm the asshole...
                Yup.

                "Why does he keep playing games? But also I'm really enjoying playing these games with him."

                ...

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by games View Post
                  My problem is the dude likes to be touchy at the bar, holding hands, grabbing my leg under the table. And its ok enough to set the mood up for later, and yes the attention is good. But then he says stuff like, you can't move, now that I found you. And all I want to do is punch him in the face.
                  Ugh, that does sound annoying. I mean, someone you are having sex with you want to be respectful of but "you can't move now that I found you"...blech. I would just be like "hahaha" then get up and walk away and ignore him.


                  Another time we were at the bar, and an old friend from hs shows up and me and a couple other people were talking to him. (about his recent marriage and new baby on the way) I realize I should have introduced him, but I didn't, oversight. The guy I was with started to get jealous, started whining and stuff.
                  Yeah, "seriously, chill out, what are you my boyfriend now?" That should let him see that he's acting silly, unless he does actually want to be your boyfriend, but it doesn't sound like that. Maybe you should just say "I was under the impression we had a casual thing going on, didn't know you wanted to be introduced".

                  Now here's where my confusion is. As far as texting goes, he plays dumb games, texts something like hey & I respond back, sometimes with an open ended question to see if a convo gets going and sometimes with the same response. Then get nothing back. The hey text is annoying. I started to not respond to a hey text because I think they are childish...if i do not respond I get a text that calls me a jerk.
                  Hahahaha, the "hey" text. We were just talking about that in chat the other night. What's funny is that right while I was reading this post I got one from my current worst offender, The Host. He texted "hey beautiful". Now I will probably respond but he rarely texts back after that. Its like WTF is the point of this??? Someone in chat said its just guys trying to keep themselves on your radar, keep you thinking of him. So, id probably just text something lame back. "hey" works. Then he won't get pissed and just will leave you alone. Like I will text back "hey handsome" to the host and guaranteed I'll get no response.


                  I know he is seeing other people and that is not an issue for me at all. He has also tried to make it sound like an accusation if at the end of the night I say I am going home , want to come over. He has actually responded with, Oh you just want to fuck me..... um, yeah, that's it.
                  "Yep, I just want to fuck you. Is that a problem?" Be straight with him. Let him know he doesn't have to play the boyfriend game. A lot of men think they have to, even with a fuck buddy.


                  so thats the background... my thing is why would he pretend to want a relationship (at the bar before the sex), especially if he really does not want one, based on the fact he is seeing other people, leave right after the sex, and has no texting game at all.
                  They pretend because they are conditioned to believe that is what women want, or that we will stop fucking them.

                  How do I get to the point where I can just text, come over? Have him come over and send him home after!! I get there are games, I am not a fan of playing them, I can, and I can be good at them, but really don't care. Most likely should just walk away but seeing as I am leaving town soon, I don't want to try or start anything new (yup I am lazy) also a girl, and emotions can play into starting something new.
                  Be upfront. "I am moving soon so don't want to get too attached, can we just play it cool?"
                  Check out my blog!
                  http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

                  Comment

                  Working...
                  X