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  • #76
    Tell me, thecostof success, how did you overcome the initial anger of jealousy?

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    • #77
      Originally posted by openwife View Post
      Tell me, thecostof success, how did you overcome the initial anger of jealousy?
      It was painful, I can tell you that. I literally had to stop myself storming over and punching the guy. Or wanting to grab her wrist or whatever.
      Her digging knives in didn't help either... calling me names in heer head (it wasn't necessarily out loud).
      I had this like pounding heart and urgency.
      I stopped myself cuz I knew I was being wrong... but that lead to me wanting to say "I am not wrong" and scream at anyone with a different view.

      For a fair while, my view was made to be more conservative, and when I heard guys talk about "just let her smell a beautiful flower" I scoffed (a good friend said that, he's not wrong, just wasn't for me at the time very convincing). I had this urge to just, flip out, prove I was sexier than her, so I went out to seduce chicks (was so easy it seemed cruel to the girls, so I stopped). I then affirmed to myself, that I'd get through it, the right way, even if I felt it was unfair, and that I was buried under it, and that my worth was suffering as a result of it. I wanted to end the questions it was raising about me, so argued in my head why I was justified.

      But then I'd stop myself and force myself to understand another side to it. And I did it over and over again, until I really didn't want to do it anymore and wanted to give up. Then I gave generously, and my heart started to glow, and lead my intuition, towards acceptance. I then slowly began to better understand reality again, without it feeling forced. And then eventually as I looked at her, I started to realise I couldn't just keep feeling jealousy towards her actions anymore. I grieved it... And found new power in myself, and how to be there for her without that streak in me.

      Now, I have no jealousy, just a sort of discomfort, around it. And I manage my impulses to act dismissive or flippant. And I've slowly worked on my "voice", or my real opinion, which is that "I desired exceptions, and hated that I was made to accept rehabilitation... but that its not about her... its about what love I couldn't even accept, or ask for"

      I dunno, its complicated when jealousy cuts SO CLOSE.
      How it peels back the illusions of how close we are to such scary things...

      Now, I dunno, I shine with love, just cuz, thats who I choose to be.
      But, I dunno if I do it only for her peace of mind. It got so hard to validate that. So I do it in order to respect my larger self.


      Jealousy is at its worst, closest to your love.
      I'm a seducer, but when I get close to my love, I lose all power.
      Its true of women too...

      Part of it is having compassion for yourself and respecting yourself enough to not solve it today or right now.

      I dunno, it sucks. Really brought me to limits I didn't know I had.
      But, I learnt stuff I suppose, real stuff.


      --- Self control
      --- Benefit of the doubt (not that bad shit didn't exist but I could see it different by keeping open enough)
      --- Get away from justification, move towards questioning, mystery of life type feels
      --- Grieve in order to let your emotions move (not in order to exhaust yourself or amplify a sense of the problem) hopefully it becomes graceful/comforting
      --- Find your inner leadership again (not built in anger, but in reflection and grace)
      --- Peel back illusions and develop a steady voice and clear view, (neutral outcome dependency, but with the awareness nudging towards the best directions for you)
      --- Have a well of generousity to let out, like a roar, so it gets into your blood (lets you finalise all the grief through love)
      --- Become curious, cat-like, but manage the instinct to flee or be too ellusive
      --- Develop a settled sense of competance and awake knowledge of things
      Last edited by thecostofsuccess; 11-08-2016, 02:59 PM.

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      • #78
        open wife, this is a bit off topic... But i would recommend to you, to read the passion trap when you get a chance...https://www.amazon.com/Passion-Trap-...e+passion+trap
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        • #79
          Thecostofsuccess,
          I can see myself in so many things you said. Thank you. It's encouraging.

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          • #80
            Will check it out. Thank you!

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