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Why do men get overprotective?

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  • Men Allowed Why do men get overprotective?

    So Ive never really understood why some men get so overprotective about a woman going out on a date (especially if its their daughter/ sister). What's the big deal? What are they afraid of? That she's gonna have sex? That the guy is going to hurt her somehow?

    A male co-worker was giving me the third degree tonight because a woman we were working with was talking to me about the guy im going out with tonight. He wanted to know where this guy is taking me, etc, etc. He seemed almost agitated about it, like an overprotective dad/brother. I don't think hes interested in me, he has a girlfriend. Whats his deal?

  • #2
    Beta male insecurities, they're afraid of alphas getting their fill.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by kant View Post
      Beta male insecurities, they're afraid of alphas getting their fill.
      Hmmm...that's an interesting perspective. I wondered if it maybe had something to do with male competition and men thinking other men are bad for some reason.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Lovergirl View Post
        I don't think hes interested in me, he has a girlfriend.
        One has nothing to do with the other.

        This is his safe, beta, would-never-dream-of-busting-an-actual-move way of expressing that he IS interested in you.

        Like "provider" or "just a friend" or "dancing monkey," "protector" is one of the many cloaks an AFC will don when he thinks his sexual interest in you is inappropriate/embarassing/impossible to fulfill, or otherwise needs to be concealed. Oblique expressions of interest are a hallmark of the smitten AFC.

        "If he hurts you I'll kick his ass!" is just another way of saying, "I wish I were fucking you tonight and he wasn't."

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        • #5
          scarcity

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by DNYC View Post
            "If he hurts you I'll kick his ass!" is just another way of saying, "I wish I were fucking you tonight and he wasn't."
            ...and all girls except Lovergirl apparently, know this very very well.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by DNYC View Post
              One has nothing to do with the other.

              This is his safe, beta, would-never-dream-of-busting-an-actual-move way of expressing that he IS interested in you.

              Like "provider" or "just a friend" or "dancing monkey," "protector" is one of the many cloaks an AFC will don when he thinks his sexual interest in you is inappropriate/embarassing/impossible to fulfill, or otherwise needs to be concealed. Oblique expressions of interest are a hallmark of the smitten AFC.

              "If he hurts you I'll kick his ass!" is just another way of saying, "I wish I were fucking you tonight and he wasn't."

              Okay, that makes sense. He talks about his girlfriend a lot and seems pretty into her, but maybe some part of him wants to sleep with me. My boss was kind of the same way though, does he want to fuck me too? Haha I don't think of the people I work with as potential sexual partners so I'm super friendly with everyone but I don't think I give off an interested in more kind of vibe.

              That still doesn't explain the guys who act like that over their daughter/sister. That doesn't mean they have incestuous desires does it?

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Jack Gignac View Post
                scarcity
                He's a nice looking guy and I think he's 26. He's not lacking social skills, he's funny and sometimes women come up and flirt with him when we are working so I doubt he has trouble attracting women, plus he has a live- in girlfriend. Maybe in his head he has a scarcity mentality, but he's really not someone that should.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by hangman View Post
                  ...and all girls except Lovergirl apparently, know this very very well.
                  Do they? I think most women are fairly clueless as to the inner thoughts of men.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    is all about projection (most dudes want to fuck anything that walks, nothing wrong with that) but we tend to project our thoughts, intentions, what we would do onto people we care... With that being said, a "coworker" is an unusual situation... I have seen one of my coaches in gymnastics act the same way when i am present messing with girls.... It is a form of whitenighting.. In his case he wants to come across as a different, sweet, nice guy... Unfortunately as known in the forum and how must dudes including myself got started, DOES NOT WORK.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      It's the whole madonna-whore complex guys feel of themselves sometimes and see other guys also having.

                      The last guy I went to bed with also was talking about how he would never let his daughter out of his sight too much and would take care of her/protect her.
                      His argument?

                      "I know how guys think, I am a guy... I know how guys think"

                      Just like this one guy I ever made out with.. during/after the make-out..
                      "Just accept it.. you can NEVER be friends with a guy without the guy wanting more.. unless the guy has a girlfriend or is gay"

                      Once a guy knows/feels attraction towards you AND he is more on the madonna/whore complex side of his psych,than his "you are a human being" side
                      he is not always fully capable ( or perhaps capable but not always willing) of respecting you in the whole "human being', or "madonna" way but only in the "whore" way, and consequently may not pay attention to your needs.

                      Not all guys are like this, but they have seen this tendency of themselves or have known other guys who are. It's the stereotype, so even guys who wouldn't be like that would feel like it's their right to have sex with you when they place you in the whore category, without freely (out of respect,love, understanding or whatever else) giving you anything back for it. No respect, no time you demand, no gifts etc.(sometimes wrongly confused with alfa-beta, it's definitely NOT) It's about them even being capable of hurting you, just because they don't want to see you as a whole.

                      On the other side of the spectrum are the guys who would see you as a whole, or at least try to. Who have grown up with the assumption that you have sex with a "whole" person

                      Nothing to do with alfa-beta ( but ofcourse also influenced), nothing to do with waiting before sex or not waiting before sex, or religion etc. (also influenced by this though)

                      It's a guys way of saying that he likes you as a human being and respects you when he says you should beware of other guys.
                      Also it is him acknowledging that he wants you to beware of guys not respecting you enough.

                      And truth to be told, you are less likely to end up at the whore- side (at the guys who are at the madonna-whore side of the spectrum) at (potential) sexual partners
                      when you are not having sex with that person + are not known as liberal with sex or sexuality...
                      ______________

                      And then why other guys take an interest or feel like "protecting" you for this?

                      They like you more than some stranger most likely, and therefor feel the need to "protect" you for something they believe you possibly don't know or can't see.
                      They think they can see it better and are aware of that thing happening, of guys taking advantage of girls while fucking her with that mindset.

                      And considering most girls are not aware, or at least not consciously, it makes sense they believe it's their duty to help you screen.

                      (even though often they are even less capable of screening than you are, and their own sense of what a madonna and what a whore would consist of fucks their screening proces up, they may even project their own ideas on the guys you are meeting, but hey, at least they care.)

                      That's what I think.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        there are many forms of showing interest as an AFC:

                        -being the protector
                        -being the therapist
                        -being the guy who helps her out with stuff
                        -etc.

                        all INDIRECT ways of showing interest tend to be beta/afc.

                        Thats also the reason why being shamelessly direct (combined with a playful/outcome-independent attitude) in your approach gets interpreted by girls as alpha and why they giggle to such an approach.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Kit View Post
                          It's the whole madonna-whore complex guys feel of themselves sometimes and see other guys also having.

                          The last guy I went to bed with also was talking about how he would never let his daughter out of his sight too much and would take care of her/protect her.
                          His argument?

                          "I know how guys think, I am a guy... I know how guys think"

                          Just like this one guy I ever made out with.. during/after the make-out..
                          "Just accept it.. you can NEVER be friends with a guy without the guy wanting more.. unless the guy has a girlfriend or is gay"

                          Once a guy knows/feels attraction towards you AND he is more on the madonna/whore complex side of his psych,than his "you are a human being" side
                          he is not always fully capable ( or perhaps capable but not always willing) of respecting you in the whole "human being', or "madonna" way but only in the "whore" way, and consequently may not pay attention to your needs.

                          Not all guys are like this, but they have seen this tendency of themselves or have known other guys who are. It's the stereotype, so even guys who wouldn't be like that would feel like it's their right to have sex with you when they place you in the whore category, without freely (out of respect,love, understanding or whatever else) giving you anything back for it. No respect, no time you demand, no gifts etc.(sometimes wrongly confused with alfa-beta, it's definitely NOT) It's about them even being capable of hurting you, just because they don't want to see you as a whole.

                          On the other side of the spectrum are the guys who would see you as a whole, or at least try to. Who have grown up with the assumption that you have sex with a "whole" person

                          Nothing to do with alfa-beta ( but ofcourse also influenced), nothing to do with waiting before sex or not waiting before sex, or religion etc. (also influenced by this though)

                          It's a guys way of saying that he likes you as a human being and respects you when he says you should beware of other guys.
                          Also it is him acknowledging that he wants you to beware of guys not respecting you enough.

                          And truth to be told, you are less likely to end up at the whore- side (at the guys who are at the madonna-whore side of the spectrum) at (potential) sexual partners
                          when you are not having sex with that person + are not known as liberal with sex or sexuality...
                          ______________

                          And then why other guys take an interest or feel like "protecting" you for this?

                          They like you more than some stranger most likely, and therefor feel the need to "protect" you for something they believe you possibly don't know or can't see.
                          They think they can see it better and are aware of that thing happening, of guys taking advantage of girls while fucking her with that mindset.

                          And considering most girls are not aware, or at least not consciously, it makes sense they believe it's their duty to help you screen.

                          (even though often they are even less capable of screening than you are, and their own sense of what a madonna and what a whore would consist of fucks their screening proces up, they may even project their own ideas on the guys you are meeting, but hey, at least they care.)

                          That's what I think.

                          I think that's probably true. The whole madonna/whore conundrum. This woman is an actual human being! We have to save her from having sex because that's only for "sluts".

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by animal View Post
                            there are many forms of showing interest as an AFC:

                            -being the protector
                            -being the therapist
                            -being the guy who helps her out with stuff
                            -etc.

                            all INDIRECT ways of showing interest tend to be beta/afc.

                            Thats also the reason why being shamelessly direct (combined with a playful/outcome-independent attitude) in your approach gets interpreted by girls as alpha and why they giggle to such an approach.

                            Yes, because indirect communication is more the realm of women and more feminine. Being direct is a masculine quality.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Not exactly with every guy like that. Some: ofcourse.

                              Others: we should stop her from having sex. The guy may start behaving like she's a slut!

                              She possibly wont be treated right outside of a "real" relationship. Because guys are guys and stuff.

                              I disagree though. You just need to get the guy past the emotional involvement point.

                              Comment

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