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  • #16
    porn can effect it even if you're not jacking off - messes with dopamine.
    I've never come from a blowjob either - I come to regularly to be able to but I can get off from sex

    another girl for novelty may help but u said he claimed that's not the case (he might be lieing to avoid drama)

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    • #17
      Originally posted by Jack Gignac View Post
      porn can effect it even if you're not jacking off - messes with dopamine.
      I've never come from a blowjob either - I come to regularly to be able to but I can get off from sex

      another girl for novelty may help but u said he claimed that's not the case (he might be lieing to avoid drama)
      I am "another girl". He's married and we have only had sex 4 times. So not a lot I can do about novelty. Would a guy watch porn if hes not jacking off? I wonder...
      Check out my blog!
      http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

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      • #18
        I think the best idea you have so far is your own.[

        QUOTE=Lovergirl;162631]I suspect he's not getting into the right headspace to relax too. [/QUOTE]

        Except that it may of may not be a relaxation issue it might be an increase in tension issue. So a couple ideas.

        He may be worried about getting you pregnant. I get that condoms reduce sensation and some guys cant cum with them but there are other guys who don't feel safe without them. This is just a guess but it might not hurt to make sure that he is not holding back for fear of entanglements.

        Some times there is a physical issue like too wet or not wet enough or not enough friction or not the right tempo. I am doubting this one since you are pretty experienced and would probably already tried most of the logical variations. Titty fuck with natural or artificial lube, where he can press down against you and give it more intense pressure is the only one that I have not seen you mention that you might try.

        Another one you might try to dig a little deeper into his mind. Without putting to much anxiety on him you might see if he has something that can grab his emotions by the balls and soak it out of him. Power games, kinky shit or the opposite and more relaxed approach.

        Speaking of which he might have a point quite early on that he puts himself in a mindset to fuck and not cum. I do this but I can turn it back off most the time. You bypass that if you can get him good and hard before you insert and then get him in the mindset to explode rather than fuck. Just guessing here but if I am doing a rare quicky it is a different mindset for me. You might try getting him to have a quicky with you early on NOT after you have fucked a long time and relieved much of the emotional tension. By that I mean the guy is still getting rid of a load with you even if he doesn't cum. At least I bet so. I do when I don't cum. There is orgasms that do not involve cum and I bet he experiences those.

        So here is another possibility but this one is pretty personal and you may not be in a position to go there with him. On the other hand if you did go there it might get you to an intimate enough level it might help him cum. Anyway, some guys do not fap with their hand. They lay on their dick and trap it between their belly and another object, bed, pillow, tub, etc. Over time this is really bad for the internal plumbing. It gets the cock used to a lot more pressure than any vagina or mouth can produce and it also kinks the tubes. Van deferen I think the tube is called. Anyway, you might ask if he masturbates face down or if he used to. If he does you can encourage him to quit as it will/is causing problems and you will also know you need a lot of pressure. You have a pretty nice big set but let him get his cock between his belly and your ribs. Enough lube that it doesn't hurt and probably some encouragement so he knows you are enjoying this.


        If you do get him to cum and ever want it again, make sure you let him know how much you liked it. Even if it means you miss a few orgasms of your own. It might be a subject you can broach with him to ask him about times in the past that he has cum. If it was out side an orifice what did he do with the cum? IE spread it around, you lick it/taste it/worship it/ whatever. . . Talking about it has a side benefit of getting him connecting with the idea of cumming too. NLP kind of thing you know.

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        • #19
          Originally posted by Uncle Walker View Post

          Except that it may of may not be a relaxation issue it might be an increase in tension issue. So a couple ideas.

          He may be worried about getting you pregnant. I get that condoms reduce sensation and some guys cant cum with them but there are other guys who don't feel safe without them. This is just a guess but it might not hurt to make sure that he is not holding back for fear of entanglements.
          I'm not sure- the only thing he's said about it was like the third time we had sex, he stopped mid-thrust and asked me "are you on birth control?" like it had just occurred to him, lol. I said "no" and he said "good to know" and kept going... I'm pretty sure he's never cum inside me, unless he is super good about concealing it.

          It would be really hard to have sex with a condom with one of these guys that lasts hours and hours. That would be pretty painful (for me) due to the constant friction of a condom. Not that I wouldn't agree to it if he asked, but he hasn't shown any inclination to want to. The other thing is that he seems MOST close to cumming during a blow job but it hasn't happened.

          Some times there is a physical issue like too wet or not wet enough or not enough friction or not the right tempo. I am doubting this one since you are pretty experienced and would probably already tried most of the logical variations.
          I'm generally usually pretty wet, except in rare cases when we've been going for hours and he'll just pull out and go down on me for a bit so I feel like THAT part is fine. The first couple times we tried anal, he didn't use any lube but he brought some this time (probably because it was obviously painful for me the last time). He didn't cum with anal either and of course then he wouldn't have to worry about pregnancy...

          I wonder a little bit about the tempo. There are some guys that really have to pound the shit out of you right before they cum and he may be afraid of hurting me? There have been a few times where he has gone REALLY hard and fast for a bit and after made a comment about me looking "terrified" haha. Well, I don't know what the expression on my face was and not sure I can control that but maybe I need to reassure him its ok? He's very dominant in bed and very strong and that is a good thing, but sometimes it can, in the moment, be a little scary... It's not bad but maybe he is afraid of freaking me out too, or of what I can handle. As far as anal, he's the only person I've actually "allowed" to have anal sex with me and its still pretty difficult so he has to be slow and careful and not do it very long.

          Titty fuck with natural or artificial lube, where he can press down against you and give it more intense pressure is the only one that I have not seen you mention that you might try.
          Lol, I don't think I've tried titty fucking anyone in like...decades...haha! I'm not sure if he'd be into that or not, but if its anything like regular sex or a blow job with him, he'd probably be crushing my ribs before anything came out of it, haha. (See how I did that? ) Who knows maybe its worth a try sometime though...

          Another one you might try to dig a little deeper into his mind. Without putting to much anxiety on him you might see if he has something that can grab his emotions by the balls and soak it out of him. Power games, kinky shit or the opposite and more relaxed approach.
          Yeah I'm not sure yet what he is into. He appears to enjoy being dominant in bed and will do fairly mild hair pulling, putting his hand on my throat, pinning me down, but nothing too crazy. This last time he brought a (new, in the package) vibrator and was using it on me and sometimes while we were fucking and he kept saying he loved THAT, but it obviously didn't get HIM off. He's only had me get on top of him once and didn't let me ride him for very long before he was taking control of everything again. Yet on OKCupid I saw a question where he had answered that in his ideal sexual situation the other person took control, so THAT kind of throws me off.... lol I suppose I could try more dirty talking or something... I mean I have said a little bit here and there but not a lot... Any tips on what to say? Lol

          You know what's funny though? This last time there were times I wasn't saying anything out loud, but thinking it to myself and he would ANSWER what I was thinking (like saying "yes" to something that was in my mind that I didn't say out loud), so obviously we were in tune.. and he did that a LOT during a blow job, but would just seem to be putting up resistance when it came to any thoughts about him cumming- he'd get silent.

          Speaking of which he might have a point quite early on that he puts himself in a mindset to fuck and not cum. I do this but I can turn it back off most the time. You bypass that if you can get him good and hard before you insert and then get him in the mindset to explode rather than fuck. Just guessing here but if I am doing a rare quicky it is a different mindset for me. You might try getting him to have a quicky with you early on NOT after you have fucked a long time and relieved much of the emotional tension. By that I mean the guy is still getting rid of a load with you even if he doesn't cum. At least I bet so. I do when I don't cum. There is orgasms that do not involve cum and I bet he experiences those.
          During a blow job, he will say over and over things like "oh my God you are going to make me cum, don't stop.." so I keep going but eventually its like he just gets past it- if that makes sense, like relaxes a little bit but not to the point you would if you had an orgasm. Maybe I could get him to have a quickie, not sure if he does those, haha!

          So here is another possibility but this one is pretty personal and you may not be in a position to go there with him. On the other hand if you did go there it might get you to an intimate enough level it might help him cum. Anyway, some guys do not fap with their hand. They lay on their dick and trap it between their belly and another object, bed, pillow, tub, etc. Over time this is really bad for the internal plumbing. It gets the cock used to a lot more pressure than any vagina or mouth can produce and it also kinks the tubes. Van deferen I think the tube is called. Anyway, you might ask if he masturbates face down or if he used to. If he does you can encourage him to quit as it will/is causing problems and you will also know you need a lot of pressure. You have a pretty nice big set but let him get his cock between his belly and your ribs. Enough lube that it doesn't hurt and probably some encouragement so he knows you are enjoying this.
          He MAY be one of those and I have wondered about that. How else is he getting off if he says he would get carpal tunnel from jacking it? See though, I have tried this blow job technique, that works on a LOT of guys where you aren't really sucking on his dick, but like jacking him off with one hand (and lots of saliva or lube) while pushing your tongue hard up and down against the sensitive underside of his cock. It would kind of simulate something like that (because remember your tongue is the strongest muscle in your body) and he LOVES it and that is what gets him close to cumming, but he doesn't get there. I've tried doing the same thing where I'm more like sucking (slurping? ha) the sensitive spot there too and that seems to drive him crazy but still no orgasm....

          If you do get him to cum and ever want it again, make sure you let him know how much you liked it. Even if it means you miss a few orgasms of your own. It might be a subject you can broach with him to ask him about times in the past that he has cum. If it was out side an orifice what did he do with the cum? IE spread it around, you lick it/taste it/worship it/ whatever. . . Talking about it has a side benefit of getting him connecting with the idea of cumming too. NLP kind of thing you know.
          Oh I will definitely let him know!! See, we haven't TALKED much about sex at all. Its been a lot more doing than talking so I may need to just get him to open up more about what he likes too.... I don't even care if I cum every time but he is one that seems to really want to get me off a lot (and he does) so that isn't a problem except that maybe he's so focused on that he isn't allowing himself to receive much.
          Check out my blog!
          http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

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          • #20
            5-8 hour sex sessions? I think that may be the problem. Sometimes I only manage to cum the first five minutes of the session. If it takes any longer, I'll remain hard but it will take a very long time until I can cum again, if at all. During my early adulthood, I used to take pride in my endurance even though it wasn't always as good for me as I wanted it to be, but all for the woman! I couldn't have been more wrong, and I didn't see it until a gf of mine told me that 1) she just got sore after a while, and 2) sometimes she liked really quick sex more than long winded sessions. She also said that sometimes she enjoyed it more when the dude didn't give a fuck about how she felt, and just enjoyed the hell outta her for purely egotistical reasons.

            This was a great relief for me, because suddenly I was sorta allowed to cum whenever the hell I wanted to, which of course pleased me a whole damn lot while it also made me appreciate my gf even more. Now it gives me a lot of options as to what role I want to play in bed, i.e. that of the selfless giver, or the selfish taker, or if I want to go slow or fast.

            Just one more question: Can he cum on his own? If he can't, well, then you have your answer right there I'm afraid... However if he can, the answer is most likely psychological and related to self image problems like the one described above.

            The only advice I can think of: Make it clear to him that he can cum anytime he likes, even if he thinks it's too early. Also tell him that you sometimes like it fast. Give him those options, and I'm sure you can make him cum.

            One last note: I've never cummed from someone sucking my dick. It just can't be done. It doesn't turn me on in that way. While it's definitively is pleasant, it's just not as pleasant as fucking. However I found out that telling women this would instantly make it a challenge to them. So to all the guys out there, if you really like long blow jobs, tell her you've never cummed from one.
            I know HTML (How To Meet Ladies)

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            • #21
              Originally posted by Ratata View Post
              One last note: I've never cummed from someone sucking my dick. It just can't be done. It doesn't turn me on in that way. While it's definitively is pleasant, it's just not as pleasant as fucking. However I found out that telling women this would instantly make it a challenge to them. So to all the guys out there, if you really like long blow jobs, tell her you've never cummed from one.
              Isn't this often very dependent on how deeply you are into it with your partner?

              the guys i have given bj's to, when i was into it, came. (not that the sample is that large)

              The ones and the times i didn't really want to didn't.....
              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIb6AZdTr-A

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              • #22
                Originally posted by Kit View Post
                Isn't this often very dependent on how deeply you are into it with your partner?

                the guys i have given bj's to, when i was into it, came. (not that the sample is that large)

                The ones and the times i didn't really want to didn't.....
                I am going to call this a nasty generalization. Nasty just like the guys who say "Make a woman cum every time." So what if you are with a partner who is absolutely wonderful but just not wired to cum in that way? You throw away perfectly good relationships because of something that doesn't really matter. Some women orgasm tons and some don't cum but still enjoy the hell out of sex and keep coming back for more. Some men just don't cum to blow jobs.

                In my case I think the difference between cum/not cum has a lot more to do with the woman's skill and effort than my emotional attachment. However, that would be a stupid assumption to generalize that and say "LG, you suck at BJ and have no skill because the guy didn't cum." The real point here is to help LG with some helpful ideas that might make it happen but if this dude still doesn't cum, it does not mean that he or she is not into it. That give it meaning that may or may not be accurate.

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by Kit View Post
                  Isn't this often very dependent on how deeply you are into it with your partner?

                  the guys i have given bj's to, when i was into it, came. (not that the sample is that large)

                  The ones and the times i didn't really want to didn't.....
                  I'll just write that comment up as proof of concept. Most women put great pride into making their man cum. Meeting that one guy who's just not into blowjobs kind of tends to make their minds boggle. Probably why it's such a great way of getting longer bj's... I'm sure the same principle would work on many other things women put great pride into. ^^

                  It's not that I don't enjoy it. I truly do. It's got nothing to do with connection either. It's just that I like vaginal sex way better. Or I could of course put it another way; it's just not possible for me to get that into getting a bj, since it doesn't really do anything for me. At times it can even be an annoying stop before actual sex, especially if the girl really wants to prove something for me, while all I want is to fuck her brains out.
                  I know HTML (How To Meet Ladies)

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Ratata View Post
                    Or I could of course put it another way; it's just not possible for me to get that into getting a bj, since it doesn't really do anything for me. At times it can even be an annoying stop before actual sex, especially if the girl really wants to prove something for me, while all I want is to fuck her brains out.
                    loool. i actually had my "main" guy stop having actual sex once cause he really really wanted a bj :')
                    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIb6AZdTr-A

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                    • #25
                      Instead of vanilla sex, maximise pleasure through perversity or reckless abandon... e.g. dirty talk, role-play, BDSM, public places etc. He'll either come or have fun trying...

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by Ratata View Post
                        5-8 hour sex sessions? I think that may be the problem. Sometimes I only manage to cum the first five minutes of the session. If it takes any longer, I'll remain hard but it will take a very long time until I can cum again, if at all.
                        Yeah, he did make a comment once that it was the "downside" of being able to go a long time in bed (not cumming).

                        During my early adulthood, I used to take pride in my endurance even though it wasn't always as good for me as I wanted it to be, but all for the woman! I couldn't have been more wrong, and I didn't see it until a gf of mine told me that 1) she just got sore after a while, and 2) sometimes she liked really quick sex more than long winded sessions. She also said that sometimes she enjoyed it more when the dude didn't give a fuck about how she felt, and just enjoyed the hell outta her for purely egotistical reasons.
                        Yeah, I mean I'm FULLY enjoying it the whole time, so that's not an issue, I'm not getting sore (well unless we are talking about my ass, haha, but we don't do that for a very long time). Still if he wanted to cum more quickly I would be okay with it. Maybe I need to make it clear to him that its okay to be selfish sometimes (not all the time, some guys would run with this but probably not him). I'm not sure how to express this to him in a way that he will believe me, but I will see what I can do.

                        I have had long, drawn out sex that I wished would end faster, but that's not what is going on here at all. We both seem to be having a lot of fun... It's just not ending in a climax for him.

                        This was a great relief for me, because suddenly I was sorta allowed to cum whenever the hell I wanted to, which of course pleased me a whole damn lot while it also made me appreciate my gf even more. Now it gives me a lot of options as to what role I want to play in bed, i.e. that of the selfless giver, or the selfish taker, or if I want to go slow or fast.
                        Yeah, that's a good thing.

                        Just one more question: Can he cum on his own? If he can't, well, then you have your answer right there I'm afraid... However if he can, the answer is most likely psychological and related to self image problems like the one described above.
                        I'm not sure. When I commented that he could probably get himself there in under two minutes he said no he can't and that he doesn't even jack off because he would get carpal tunnel. That's all I have heard thus far....

                        The only advice I can think of: Make it clear to him that he can cum anytime he likes, even if he thinks it's too early. Also tell him that you sometimes like it fast. Give him those options, and I'm sure you can make him cum.
                        Hmmm... I will have to figure out how to get that message across. As far as fast, haha, he has gone REALLY fast a couple of times and it was a little scary in the moment but I'm sure I could handle it at least a little longer.

                        One last note: I've never cummed from someone sucking my dick. It just can't be done. It doesn't turn me on in that way. While it's definitively is pleasant, it's just not as pleasant as fucking. However I found out that telling women this would instantly make it a challenge to them. So to all the guys out there, if you really like long blow jobs, tell her you've never cummed from one.
                        Never say never..... The times I have made a man cum with a bj who said he never did before, I actually always found out after the fact. Its too much pressure to have that hanging over my head and I lose incentive/enthusiasm when someone tells me it "can't" happen. It hasn't happened "yet" is a challenge, you "can't" do it, makes me feel defeated.

                        I have actually made at least a handful of guys cum with bj's that say they never did before. The one guy I am sleeping with regularly (the radio station guy, not the married man) says no one else ever made him cum with a blow job but I manage to do it every time, lol. My favorite technique works on a lot of guys, but not everyone. Some guys like things that I don't really like doing (deep throating, etc) and that makes it less likely. It just depends on the guy.
                        Check out my blog!
                        http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by Kit View Post
                          Isn't this often very dependent on how deeply you are into it with your partner?

                          the guys i have given bj's to, when i was into it, came. (not that the sample is that large)

                          The ones and the times i didn't really want to didn't.....
                          Sometimes that is true and sometimes it isn't. I know with this particular guy I have been VERY into it and he has seemed the same. Still, he hasn't cum.
                          Check out my blog!
                          http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

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                          • #28
                            Originally posted by Uncle Walker View Post
                            I am going to call this a nasty generalization. Nasty just like the guys who say "Make a woman cum every time." So what if you are with a partner who is absolutely wonderful but just not wired to cum in that way? You throw away perfectly good relationships because of something that doesn't really matter. Some women orgasm tons and some don't cum but still enjoy the hell out of sex and keep coming back for more. Some men just don't cum to blow jobs.
                            I feel like a lot of times people don't give men enough credit for having different sexual preferences. They are definitely NOT all the same and don't all react the same way to things. That said, they may not cum for a blow job NOW but some time in the future that can also change. Not cumming from blow jobs seems to be a fairly common thing really... especially with guys that last a long time in bed and are used to putting on a performance rather than focusing on themselves. Whats funny is that the times I have managed to get a guy to cum for the first time with a blow job, its usually happened pretty quickly, not after trying for some marathon amount of time.

                            In my case I think the difference between cum/not cum has a lot more to do with the woman's skill and effort than my emotional attachment. However, that would be a stupid assumption to generalize that and say "LG, you suck at BJ and have no skill because the guy didn't cum." The real point here is to help LG with some helpful ideas that might make it happen but if this dude still doesn't cum, it does not mean that he or she is not into it. That give it meaning that may or may not be accurate.
                            People can make whatever assumption they want but I can TELL he really enjoys it and is into it. He has said I've gotten him closer to cumming with a bj than anyone in his life and in the way that he said it, the way it was brought up, it sounded pretty sincere. I suspect he's pretty experienced in the bedroom too.
                            Check out my blog!
                            http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by Ratata View Post
                              I'll just write that comment up as proof of concept. Most women put great pride into making their man cum. Meeting that one guy who's just not into blowjobs kind of tends to make their minds boggle. Probably why it's such a great way of getting longer bj's... I'm sure the same principle would work on many other things women put great pride into. ^^

                              It's not that I don't enjoy it. I truly do. It's got nothing to do with connection either. It's just that I like vaginal sex way better. Or I could of course put it another way; it's just not possible for me to get that into getting a bj, since it doesn't really do anything for me. At times it can even be an annoying stop before actual sex, especially if the girl really wants to prove something for me, while all I want is to fuck her brains out.

                              I can see that, there are times I feel that way when a guy is going down on ME too, but others when I really enjoy it. I think its one of those things thats always subject to change under the right circumstances. That's probably why women see it as a challenge. Plus its really the only thing we can prove we are "good at" in bed because most of the other stuff is the guy doing stuff to you...
                              Check out my blog!
                              http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

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                              • #30
                                Originally posted by Kit View Post
                                loool. i actually had my "main" guy stop having actual sex once cause he really really wanted a bj :')

                                I've definitely seen guys do both.
                                Check out my blog!
                                http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

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