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How to feel sexy?

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  • Men Allowed How to feel sexy?

    I don't know what's holding me back lately.

    But the last time I was with a guy...

    I didnt even Feel attractive or sexy or whatever...

    and yes you don't need to feel like that when you have some kind of sexual haze/lust..

    but i was wondering.. how do you feel like it again?

    lately sex has become more of a "given thing"..
    almost like.. I dont know. I expect guys think they want sex.. instead of them feeling like sex because of me.

    And I don't know how to deal with it.

    I just feel very afraid of not measuring up to expectations.

    I used to feel like the most attractive person around. But lately I don't... or for sure not when other (more) attractive girls are around.. it makes me go from "i look easy" to "I look attractive" to "do they pity me?"

    how to deal with this?

  • #2
    Again sounding like you need some time away from someone. Maybe try that, and upon returning, keep the following in mind; Fun and teasing are the real 'attractive'. Teasing someone until their wild side comes out, will make you feel like a goddess (again).

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    • #3
      Originally posted by ijjjji View Post
      Again sounding like you need some time away from someone. Maybe try that,
      haha maybe a mental break and isolation.
      Actually the last time I felt like this was not with the guy I needed a break from. Guess it's my own inner issue. Always went from feeling bad about myself to feeling good about myself. alternating like crazy. (also caused and helped by (changing) looks though)


      and upon returning, keep the following in mind; Fun and teasing are the real 'attractive'. Teasing someone until their wild side comes out, will make you feel like a goddess (again).
      yeah.. so right LOL Thanks.. this is kind of the easiest and best advise ever.

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      • #4
        Its not necessary to feel sexy, it is an ego thing really "I need to feel sexy so I have power over things" but the thing is, it doesn't give you power over things, only the illusion of it. So, your reaction is because your ego is heavy with expectation (you expect life to change by itself) humility (not dependence or submission) will help lighten that load (you can't change it all at once).

        You will probably go down to the store tomorrow and get stared at and "know" you are attractive to that person, but so what?
        The deeper issue here is that you don't trust who you are, so are feeling uncomfortable with being honest in how you meet and conquer challenges.

        Discard the notion of sexual attraction as a tool to feeling in control, realise you are not in that much control, let it be.

        Best not to go around getting validated by others for internal issues anyways.


        Don't go after others in order to feel better, it only makes you feel worse, because of course they will respond, and then what?
        At a certain point you have to realise what you are to them (those attracted to you that you think you control)
        Its often not as nice as you told yourself, and THAT is why you feel unsettled.

        You feeling off isn't a mistake, its a clue, to the reality around you, that you have not been seeing.


        Also:
        can be diet related
        gym can help your body feel good again (ij goes on about this a lot so I assume he'd answer this too)
        and take time off to chill and dance and stuff (don't get all bogged down on things because its possible to over saturate yourself)
        then get to teasing later

        One thing you don't want to do is say "fuck it I give up" and mope about for a while, don't do that (I know you want to do that)
        Just keep tapping the desk, moaning about stuff but doing it anyways, and you'll pull through
        Don't be a pussy :P


        And another thing... (in a vein similar to PE)

        Sometimes the body has natural down swings (especially for girls)
        In those times you either weather the storm or go out to a cafe or whatever to help snap yourself out of the funk (study in the park or whatever, things like that)
        It is best to keep it simple in those times, eat, laugh, sleep, chat etc. (I know my main comment is all about the integrity of your position on things, but when applying it you can't do it like a bulldozer, you have to know thats the case then treat yourself well enough to get to a place where you can work on it properly. You obviously can't apply it immediately even if you do agree with it, so yeah.. Create space for yourself)

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        • #5
          It may not be inner game related at all. You talked about not caring about gaining weight a few months ago. Have you passed the threshold though and are actually genuinely less attractive now? If so take a month to eat healthy and exercise a bit more and you'll be all set for the summer!

          I feel less attractive when I AM less attractive. Usually a clear sign that I've gotten a bit too lax on the health side of things and let myself slip.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by pureevil View Post
            It may not be inner game related at all. You talked about not caring about gaining weight a few months ago. Have you passed the threshold though and are actually genuinely less attractive now? If so take a month to eat healthy and exercise a bit more and you'll be all set for the summer!

            I feel less attractive when I AM less attractive. Usually a clear sign that I've gotten a bit too lax on the health side of things and let myself slip.
            Ha
            Yeah, lets be honest here :P

            Did you blimp out?

            JK
            Haha, of course it isn't about turning into the hindenburg, I'm sure evil just means, have you looked at it practically and pulled yourself out of the situation yet?
            Cuz it helps to be pragmatic, not just sort of flip flop and mosey about sometimes

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            • #7
              here are some things you could do:

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              • #8
                hmm thnx for the advise.

                Cosy: as usual thinking through what you said (is there ever a time when that's not the case?)

                Have been doing gymclasses more and more again and maybe PE was right.. It all starts with my health/fitness being less than it was/used to be. Maybe also because I have been comparing my fitness&figure to the girls who are in those gymclasses I went to and feel lacking majorly.

                On the other hand, there is this mental component from my youth.. telling me I would never be found attractive and stuff. It went away once I started doing sports regularly and got rid of stuff that made me insecure lookswise.. (contactlenses, taking care of hair.. getting rid of the clothing rules my mom would approve of)

                hmm skills.. basically those are things i usually avoid (excelt special occasions) think most of those things dont make for lasting attractiveness... they could make anyone look gorgeous but.. dont really work in the bedroom, unless you are highly conscious

                edit: cosy. Reread what u said to pull in the context. Yeah maybe it's related to my discipline and studies as well. As usual *sigh
                ok scrap maybe.
                Last edited by Kit; 06-01-2016, 01:38 PM.

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