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What does this guy want?

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  • Men Allowed What does this guy want?

    Backstory: A couple of years ago I slept with this guy that I have known since high school, after running into him at a funeral. The funeral was for a friend of mine that he had been sleeping with so kind of weird but that's how it went. That night, he kept saying he wanted to date me and I kept telling him I wasn't ready to get serious that quickly. He was like come on we've known each other 20 years this would be great, but I was still getting over someone else and there were a couple things that I worried could be red flags with him.

    Not that he's not a good guy, he is, its just he has a little bit of a past (not that I can talk, but I wanted to make sure he was over that before "dating", you know). Anyway, we did end up in bed and I made a joke about it being "once in a blue moon" (because it actually was a blue moon and he didn't like that. He kept begging me not to make it a one night stand.

    For whatever reason we didn't have sex in high school, I was sleeping with a couple of his friends and I know he tried to sleep with me but I didn't want to at the time. He claimed that he'd had a crush on me since high school but I figured it was probably just a line. Afterwards he tried to get me to get together with him a couple times and I kind of blew him off and he stopped calling. I figured if he was really interested he would have tried harder anyway.

    A couple months later he started dating another girl, someone we also grew up with, who is a friend of mine but not someone I was super close with. She was at the funeral but he was more focused on me then. I was happy for them because they seemed happy. They are still dating.

    So fast forward a couple years and like I said they are still dating. I contacted him because he sells something I needed (a car, lol) and he had said before he would give me a good deal. So when I went to buy a car I brought a male friend that I work with because HE used to sell cars also and I wanted to doubly ensure that I was getting a good deal.

    The guy kind of surprised me at his reaction to the guy I work with. He really gave him the cold shoulder and work-friend was like "does that guy want to date you or something? I can tell he doesn't like me." I said I didn't think so because he has a girlfriend. We went to pick up a female friend during the test drive and he was nice to her but not flirty (and most men try to hit on her). SHE commented that it seemed like he liked me too.

    A couple days later the car sales guy came out to a ball game I was working at with this girl. I had told him that if he wanted we had tons of free tickets, so he shows up with his girlfriend. First thing he does is comes up and hugs me and says hi. My friend commented that it almost seemed like he was trying to make me jealous by bringing the girlfriend (she doesn't even know I've ever slept with him).

    Maybe a week later he came to another game I was at, working with someone different. He came up with his girlfriend and she and I were talking and the whole time he's just staring at me. Like, he was staring so hard that I looked up one time and it completely broke my concentration while I was trying to talk to his girlfriend and I had to look away. He again hugs me (so did the girlfriend). His girlfriend came up to me later by herself and tells me how cute I looked.

    So another time I had to go to the dealership because I ran over a nail. He got them to fix it, though he was in the middle of a sale. He came over to me and was like "next time you come in let me know first because I really want to be able to give you more attention". The next time I came in, to pick up my title, he took me to fill up my tank with gas (a courtesy they offer) and told me how good I looked at least 5 times. He hugged me like 3 times. He said he would have my car detailed if I brought it back on a different day and I asked how long I would have to sit there. He said maybe 45 min "unless you want me to take you out". I didn't comment.

    Another thing he does is whenever we are together he wants to call the guys I used to sleep with that he knows and tell them he is with me. They aren't people I would sleep with now. One is married and the other was disabled after being jumped back when I was in college, but its like he wants to brag that he is there with me and he actually put me on the phone with one of the guys.

    I haven't gone back since but he's been liking a lot of my pics and hearting things on Facebook. When some stuff happened in my life he called asking about tickets and told me he wanted to be there for me if I ever needed him. He called me once asking about job openings with my company in sales. I wondered how his girlfriend felt about him liking all my stuff and noticed they are no longer Facebook friends. I know they used to be because I'm friends with both of them and they would post pics together and stuff but haven't for a while.

    Anyway, I feel like he wants something- probably sex but I don't know if its more. What do you think? Is he trying to get a side piece? Do you think he wants more than that? It would be totally scandalous for me to sleep with him or anything more because of him dating someone that I know and all our mutual friends know.





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  • #2
    Why don't you ask him

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Young Blaze View Post
      Why don't you ask him
      Because he has a girlfriend that I am friendly with and because that wouldn't be socially appropriate.
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      • #4
        To completely frank, theres no possible way anyone responding could know what this guy is thinking, even less than you judging that we're getting all of this info as a third party. Any guess as to what this guys intentions are are just shots in the dark

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Young Blaze View Post
          To completely frank, theres no possible way anyone responding could know what this guy is thinking, even less than you judging that we're getting all of this info as a third party. Any guess as to what this guys intentions are are just shots in the dark
          Speculation is fine
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          • #6
            Ok- what if I want to fuck him again? How can I get him there without being obvious about it? Or if I want to take him away from his girlfriend? Tips? Not saying I necessarily do, but it's crossed my mind.
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            • #7
              Originally posted by Lovergirl View Post
              Ok- what if I want to fuck him again? How can I get him there without being obvious about it? Or if I want to take him away from his girlfriend? Tips? Not saying I necessarily do, but it's crossed my mind.
              Same shit women do, like all of his stuff on instagram and facebook... and pm him same shit all women do "how you been, you have been lost" "how is the relationship going wiht_____" as soon he talks bad about the relationship, and flirts with you is on...

              ^ i am sure you already know this...


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              • #8
                Those sound like desperate girls though. I don't want to be that. I want to be the one HE is chasing, not vice versa. How do I get him to that point? I mean he does the stuff i mentioned but I want him to take it further. I haven't mentioned his relationship. Maybe I should ask if they are going to get married and see what he says lol.
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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Lovergirl View Post
                  Those sound like desperate girls though. I don't want to be that. I want to be the one HE is chasing, not vice versa. How do I get him to that point? I mean he does the stuff i mentioned but I want him to take it further. I haven't mentioned his relationship. Maybe I should ask if they are going to get married and see what he says lol.
                  Yeah the easiest way is to ask about his relationship and listen? chances are he is not happy, as soon as he talks bad about her, you show him how would you "in her shoes" would have handle the stuff different...

                  I used to sleep with married women a lot, not a fan of it anymore, just do what i used to do, reverse it for a dude http://www.theskillsmethod.com/how-t...married-woman/


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                  • #10
                    I'll have to try that and see what happens. I imagine it would be fairly easy to have sex with him but what are the chances you think he would leave his girlfriend? Not much right? Any way to get him to? Lol
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                    • #11
                      His and her Facebook behavior is interesting though. Like I said, before they would post stuff together and now they aren't even friends. He poStwd one of those Facebook videos and I am in it with him and she is not. Then he posted a video of a concert that he and I were both at a couple years ago. We weren't together but we talked about it because we had both put up videos and he looked to be a couple rows behind me. She on the other hand keeps posting things like bikini photos and stuff she is doing herself or with female friends and a pic with a guy they (not him, hes nowhere in sight) were with at a concert. It makes me wonder if something's up.
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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Lovergirl View Post
                        Ok- what if I want to fuck him again? How can I get him there without being obvious about it? Or if I want to take him away from his girlfriend? Tips? Not saying I necessarily do, but it's crossed my mind.
                        I don't think that should be too difficult, since he seems really in to you.

                        If he has a girlfriend, make sure you don't get him in to trouble by texting him when his GF can see your number come up on his screen, Have you taken care of that aspect, and does he usually initiate conversations with you?

                        I would not outright lie to someone, but I think as long as you're honest (doesn't mean you need a big speech) about your intentions, there should be no problem. For example if he asks you to be his other GF, just say "I'm not ready for that yet", and follow Tubarao strict FB Rules, which IIRC means no more than once a week to see each other.
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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by JWS View Post

                          I don't think that should be too difficult, since he seems really in to you.

                          If he has a girlfriend, make sure you don't get him in to trouble by texting him when his GF can see your number come up on his screen, Have you taken care of that aspect, and does he usually initiate conversations with you?

                          I would not outright lie to someone, but I think as long as you're honest (doesn't mean you need a big speech) about your intentions, there should be no problem. For example if he asks you to be his other GF, just say "I'm not ready for that yet", and follow Tubarao strict FB Rules, which IIRC means no more than once a week to see each other.
                          He usually calls me on the phone, rather than texts, when he initiates a conversation.. I've texted him a few times but it's not like we call or text just to chat. It's usually related to something like my car, or him asking me about something work related or asking about tickets to a game or something. I don't think his girlfriend cares about that. Like I said we all went to high school together so its pretty much accepted that we are going to be friendly, hug each other, etc. She doesn't strike me as particularly jealous or anything.

                          I doubt he would admit to wanting a second girlfriend lol. Not many guys would... but he might want that, haha. I'd be pretty leery of his ability to be discreet if we were having sex. I think he would definitely be telling people or making it obvious. So that, worries me a bit. Plus, I'd have to watch out for my own propensity to get attached in this situation. I don't know that I would want to be just a fuck buddy.
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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Lovergirl View Post
                            I imagine it would be fairly easy to have sex with him but what are the chances you think he would leave his girlfriend? Not much right? Any way to get him to? Lol
                            You have no business wrecking a man's relationship, That is deeply anti-secret society and not cool at all. Discreetly sleeping with him is okay, but if he wants more than just sex, he's the one who is going to have to dump his girlfriend with absolutely no encouragement or provocation from you. That's on him.

                            The problem is that he seems to have no concept of discretion and can't keep his ego in check, which is why he publicizes his interactions with you to everyone who will listen and that is just pathetic. So even discreet sex may not be possible with his big mouth, unless he plans on dumping his girlfriend for you. So I'd ask him about the two of them and subtly inquire if they're moving in together or whatever. See how he responds. Either way, make sure he knows that you want to keep things discreet, if anything, and even if he does dump his girl, you're not going to be monogamous with him. If he can't handle any of this, forget about him. He does not know how to act cool in this game.
                            SLUT SHAMING IS HATRED OF MEN

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by NWP View Post

                              You have no business wrecking a man's relationship, That is deeply anti-secret society and not cool at all. Discreetly sleeping with him is okay, but if he wants more than just sex, he's the one who is going to have to dump his girlfriend with absolutely no encouragement or provocation from you. That's on him.

                              The problem is that he seems to have no concept of discretion and can't keep his ego in check, which is why he publicizes his interactions with you to everyone who will listen and that is just pathetic. So even discreet sex may not be possible with his big mouth, unless he plans on dumping his girlfriend for you. So I'd ask him about the two of them and subtly inquire if they're moving in together or whatever. See how he responds. Either way, make sure he knows that you want to keep things discreet, if anything, and even if he does dump his girl, you're not going to be monogamous with him. If he can't handle any of this, forget about him. He does not know how to act cool in this game.
                              I remember the days when "ethics" weren't allowed on this forum. In any case, no one tries to shame guys on here if they want to do something people consider unethical.

                              I am concerned that he has discretion issues. He seems to want everyone to know everything. Not sure what's up with that....
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