Ad

Collapse

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Why is he acting like this?

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Men Allowed Why is he acting like this?

    So Iím completely baffled by this guyís behavior. Iíve mentioned him in other threads but hereís the short version.

    Ive known him most of my life, since high school, and we have always been friends. We had sex a few years ago, once, and he wanted a relationship with me but I was going through a breakup and just not up for it. We decided to be friends and we didnít really hang out though he asked me once or twice after that.

    He started dating someone else for a couple years and they recently broke up. I bought a car from him so was around him for awhile and he was always flirty but it didnít go anywhere. Then I got him an interview where I work and now he works with me but in a different department.

    He is currently training. I have seen him a few times at work though I keep a weird schedule and come in and out whenever I want so we arenít there a lot at the same time. He was always super friendly, would hug me and tell me how great i look, etc.

    A few times he called to tell me all about his breakup and his money issues, etc. and I would listen to him. All ďfriendlyĒ stuff. He said Iím like an angel to him in his life at this time.

    When Iím not there at the office, Iím told he always comes looking for me and asks where I am. Not surprising since he knows me better than anyone there. Any time he has a break from training heís in my office.

    Anyhow the other day he came in and I was getting ready to go to a basketball game (for work related purposes). My good female friend, who was in the office says I should take him with me since I was going to go alone and I was like yeah you can come if you want to, I have an extra pass. I said I will be working but you can come along.

    He responded ďhow can I say no to that?Ē But there was something in his tone that made me think he didnít want to come. After my girlfriend left and I was finishing up some work he started making excuses. First he reminded me of his financial situation with the job switch and said something about driving there and gas. I was like no big deal you can ride with me if you want and we get free food there because our company pays them money.

    He acted ok with that but I could kind of tell he wasnít. Then he goes out of the room and made a phone call and came back and said he couldnít go because his disabled relative that he takes care of needed him. I was just like ok and went by myself.

    I felt a little bit weird about the way he acted (and kind of rejected) so I texted him that now I felt weird and that I didnít want things to be uncomfortable. He said donít feel that way, he just had to take care of his relative and I let it go.

    He called me the next day, seeming in a bit of a mood and said he had lost his wallet and asked if it was in my office. I said no I hadnít seen it but I hadnít been there and offered to give him the code to get in but he declined and said he would look around the house. It was a weird and kind of cold seeming conversation. He never called back so I assume he found it.

    The next day I didnít go into the office until evening and he was there during the day. My friend said he came in asking for me and she told him I would be in later. She asked him about the game and he told her he wasnít able to go because of his disabled relative that he needed to care for.

    Ok, so today I go in the office and he is in training. I know he took a couple of breaks but he never came and said anything to me at all. He is always very friendly so it seems really out of the norm. I know he knows I was there because I had to walk past like a million times for things and there is a big window he can see out of.

    i was laughing and joking with some of the guys in the office (itís pretty much all men) but nothing flirty or anything itís all very platonic. He did not smile or wave at me and I avoided looking at him.

    Then he left at the end of his day and said absolutely nothing. I am so confused. Why would he suddenly act like he is angry with me?

    Do you think he is taking the invite to the game super seriously, like I was asking him on a date? Iím so bewildered because to me it was a friendly offer and it was my friend that mentioned it anyway. Itís just weird how he acted.

    WTF? Iím feeling kind of angry now, like how is he going to treat me like that when I havenít done anything to him?

    Check out my blog!
    http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

  • #2
    Could you potentially still like this guy as more than a friend? Doesn't seem so at this point.

    He might've come to this realization and now he's butthurt because he unwittingly put himself in that position.

    When people break up they usually experience some sort of trauma, causing them to look at themselves honestly from a new perspective. It's kind of ego-shattering and cathartic (ask me how I know).

    He was divulging all his shit onto you within that period and it probably felt good, but now that he's hardened up again as a man, he's probably regaining some sexual energy and experiencing the withdrawal effects.

    It seems like a lame attempt to get out of the friendzone to me.





    Comment


    • #3
      he is embarrassed of his financial situation, my guess....


      Comment


      • #4
        He is going to make really good money here, I know he will because he is good at sales. But I guess he got himself into a bad situation financially the last couple of months and when he broke up with this girl (she also went to high school with us so I know her too). He said he feels like heís going through a divorce, that they had been planning a life together and she is living in the house that they had gotten together and paid several months rent in advance and he had to move out and get his own place.

        Anyhow, I almost offered him a loan because I know how much they get paid in training and itís not much (for 6 weeks- then they go full commission and can start selling) but I decided against it. I trust him but I just didnít think him owing me money would be a good thing for either of us. I told him that and kept telling him I know you will figure it out but if you ever are desperate let me know. He agreed and he told me later that his mom had helped him out some but I know heís in a rough spot financially. Itís actually kind of a good thing because heís in sales and when you need that commission youíll work 10x harder and I know that will get him off to a good start.

        In any case itís just weird for him to suddenly seem less friendly and itís kind of hurting my feelings. My girlfriend is in the office today and said he didnít even say a word to her and she walked right past him and normally he is friendly and asks about me.

        Thanks for your thoughts- they are making some sense.

        Check out my blog!
        http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

        Comment


        • #5
          you could try doing smth out of the ordinary, very female type kinda thing
          ..

          like baking cookies and bringing them to his place or invite him over for a movie or whatever

          dont limit the convo's / exchanges to work maybe
          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIb6AZdTr-A

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Lovergirl View Post
            He is going to make really good money here, I know he will because he is good at sales. But I guess he got himself into a bad situation financially the last couple of months and when he broke up with this girl (she also went to high school with us so I know her too). He said he feels like heís going through a divorce, that they had been planning a life together and she is living in the house that they had gotten together and paid several months rent in advance and he had to move out and get his own place.

            Anyhow, I almost offered him a loan because I know how much they get paid in training and itís not much (for 6 weeks- then they go full commission and can start selling) but I decided against it. I trust him but I just didnít think him owing me money would be a good thing for either of us. I told him that and kept telling him I know you will figure it out but if you ever are desperate let me know. He agreed and he told me later that his mom had helped him out some but I know heís in a rough spot financially. Itís actually kind of a good thing because heís in sales and when you need that commission youíll work 10x harder and I know that will get him off to a good start.

            In any case itís just weird for him to suddenly seem less friendly and itís kind of hurting my feelings. My girlfriend is in the office today and said he didnít even say a word to her and she walked right past him and normally he is friendly and asks about me.

            Thanks for your thoughts- they are making some sense.
            yes i am sales guy and i have been in his situation, he right now feels like a total loser, worthless and he likes you, so he is conflicted he likes you but at this point does not feel entitled....

            he is a proud dude, he is not in a good place right now, give him so space, but be there for him.... Please do not lend him money... And be friends do not get with him, since you work together...

            Finally breaking up is really tough, even if you have access to other women, he needs time to heal and process...


            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Futureproof View Post
              Could you potentially still like this guy as more than a friend? Doesn't seem so at this point.

              He might've come to this realization and now he's butthurt because he unwittingly put himself in that position.

              When people break up they usually experience some sort of trauma, causing them to look at themselves honestly from a new perspective. It's kind of ego-shattering and cathartic (ask me how I know).

              He was divulging all his shit onto you within that period and it probably felt good, but now that he's hardened up again as a man, he's probably regaining some sexual energy and experiencing the withdrawal effects.

              It seems like a lame attempt to get out of the friendzone to me.




              Future- I do like him as more than a friend. Iíve had a thing for him for awhile but heís been in a relationship so I tried not to be obvious about it and now he has only been broken up about a month. Iím not even sure they wonít get back together but he says he doesnít think so this time (He says they broke up and got back together a few times in the past).
              Check out my blog!
              http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Kit View Post
                you could try doing smth out of the ordinary, very female type kinda thing
                ..

                like baking cookies and bringing them to his place or invite him over for a movie or whatever

                dont limit the convo's / exchanges to work maybe
                I donít want to come on too strong. Like I said heís getting over a breakup and Iím ok if we stay friends and just see what happens in the future. I donít want to scare him off by being aggressive about it. I mean, he wouldnít even come along to a basketball game with me for work as a friend , I doubt he would agree to something date like. I wouldnít feel comfortable at all asking something like that.
                Check out my blog!
                http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Skills360 View Post

                  yes i am sales guy and i have been in his situation, he right now feels like a total loser, worthless and he likes you, so he is conflicted he likes you but at this point does not feel entitled....

                  he is a proud dude, he is not in a good place right now, give him so space, but be there for him.... Please do not lend him money... And be friends do not get with him, since you work together...

                  Finally breaking up is really tough, even if you have access to other women, he needs time to heal and process...
                  Yeah I agree that he needs time to heal and process. Iím not too worried about us working together. If anything happened between us, we are in different depts, our GM already knows he and I are close because I referred him and both of us told him and he (the GM) refers to him as ďĒĒyour guyĒĒĒ to me, lol. It doesnít seem like it would be a big risk in that regard, at least we wouldnít lose our jobs or anything due to that.
                  Check out my blog!
                  http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    So hereís what ended up happening today. I finally came in the office right around the time he was finished with training. I walked past him once because I needed to talk to the bookkeeper. He was in conversation with some other people in that section of the office and I donít know if he saw me or not.

                    I go back to my office and a few minutes later my friend sees him walking out the door. She was flabbergasted that he didnít speak to me and said she was going to go say something to him. So she went out in the parking lot and was pretending to get something out of her car and shouts to him hey you arenít you even going to say hi, or something to that effect and asks how he was doing and somehow got him to come inside again.

                    He saw me and looked and acted really happy about it and said he didnít know I was there. I said i just got here. Then we got in a long conversation and he was asking about my kids and my difficult 18 yr old and giving advice. He said he is really happy to be there and loves everything about this job. He said he is doing much better and that he did get a paycheck today (I know itís not a big one) and that his mom had really helped him and heís doing better now.

                    I got a work phone call and needed to leave after that and he had to go pick up his son from school but before he left he told me he is working on an outside call on Saturday and that he would be in the office on Monday. He asked if I would be there and I said yes at some point because I have meetings on Monday, He actually said ďĒevery time I come here Iím always looking to see if you are hereĒ.Ē

                    So- see why im confused? Itís like in so many ways he acts like he likes me (my friend thinks itís all over his face when he talks to me) but then he acted so weird about the basketball game and after.
                    Check out my blog!
                    http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Lovergirl View Post

                      I donít want to come on too strong. Like I said heís getting over a breakup and Iím ok if we stay friends and just see what happens in the future. I donít want to scare him off by being aggressive about it. I mean, he wouldnít even come along to a basketball game with me for work as a friend , I doubt he would agree to something date like. I wouldnít feel comfortable at all asking something like that.
                      it's different because at the workthing the context would be different, it wouldnt be confused for friendly anymore

                      dunno @ the ex thing
                      at some point you decide to leave it in the past

                      @the update:
                      sounds like funnnn!!
                      ​​​​​
                      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIb6AZdTr-A

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        So today he came in the office to talk to me and starts asking me how my weekend was. There were two other women in the office- my friend and this girl who works for her. The 2nd girl starts taking crazy.

                        I told him I had heard they were going to let him out of training early and asked if he was ready to start selling. He flexed his arm at me and made a fist and said something about how oh yes he was ready.

                        i donít even remember what exactly he said but this 2nd girl pipes in with ďwow, you look at her like you want to RAPE herĒ (wtf?! My friend has commented before that you can see the ďchemistryĒ between us on our faces when we talk and he does always look at me and make a lot of eye contact when we are talking but Iím not sure what prompted her to say that).

                        Anyhow he looks at me and says ďyeah but in a nice wayĒ

                        She says ď oh ok, with lubeĒ

                        He said ďno, I donít need any of that, I can make things happen naturallyĒ

                        He like tried to hold a normal conversation with me but it was awkward because they kept interrupting with jokes, etc.

                        Then he says heís getting ready to leave because he had to meet the plumber and that he is having a problem with his pipes.

                        This girl and my friend immediately turned that into a sexual joke because he also said something about the floor being all wet.

                        I laughed a little but I didnít really get into commenting on that stuff or say anything sexual myself.

                        Later I texted him that things were a little crazy in the office and that I was kind of embarrassed but super excited about them letting him start selling now and that I hoped everything was ok with the plumbing.

                        He said ďwell I may need some help the plumbing is real backed up nowĒ. It took me awhile to try and decide if he was serious or joking and being sexual so I finally replied ďthatís hardĒ becauSe I knew it could go either way.

                        He said ďit is very hard right now lolĒ

                        Ugh- now Iím all worried and stressed that he just wants sex or a fuck buddy. I donít want that with him. I like him too much and I didnít reply because i didnít want to make him think thatís okay.

                        Ok so obviously he is sexually attracted to me but is there any way I can turn things into a relationship with him rather than just sex? I donít feel like it would be good to have a casual thing with him.
                        Check out my blog!
                        http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          uhm, you would have to talk that with him
                          we cant tell you how to turn it into more, you would have to be open and clear about that with him
                          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIb6AZdTr-A

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Iím sure there are some guys here who can offer advice as to how to steer things in the direction I want them to go. Iím not trying to get used for sex or to ruin my reputation at work​​​​. If we were dating it would be one thing but just sleeping with him- not so much. I know he would talk. And not just that- I would end up getting my feelings hurt.
                            Check out my blog!
                            http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              ugh when you know someone as long as you have known him..it makes no sense to play games LG
                              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIb6AZdTr-A

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X