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Why is he acting like this?

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  • #76
    Originally posted by Skills360 View Post
    lovergirl at the end of the day a lot of the things many guys are saying and you, are just speculations based on projections of how most of us are in similar situations, so nothing is 100%...

    But your behavior with the 20 dollars was bad, and all texts like pe says.... Forget about the past and the incident of the past(the sleeping together, the he wanted you back then), people change and evolved.... And you slept with his friends. ( i personally would not make you main just based on that)

    the thing with him, is like he is attractive and he knows what he is doing(seems like), and he is not making moves, you made a move and he flaked...

    So my projection, if i was him, yeah i would not want you mainly cause we work together and i recently break up, i would want to date multiple women fresh out of a break up or some rebound girl...

    Also he knows you like him, and post break up we are feminine energy depleted we want some of that does not mean relationship per se, maybe he was getting that from you.

    If his gf dump him, he still grieving and maybe subconsciously wants her back...(though he is working on moving on, and he probably know that they should not get back and is done, but is the biology makes you want your ex back)

    When he had a gf it is easier to try to sleep with you, cause the subcommunication to you is sex and nothing more... Now that he is not longer with a gf but single this changes game tactics to him thinking, she may think she has a chance but we work together...


    But the dude not making a move and playing stupid is for me a sign that he is just not that into you..(great movie to watch lol)
    Yeah he was not over the girlfriend when we talked about it. They broke up close to two months ago and he hasn't brought it up recently but maybe because I got onto him when he was posting super sad sounding stuff on Facebook. Meanwhile she was posting stuff about how fantastic her life is. I told him it made him look like the weaker one and that wasn't a good look and he agreed and pulled it down. I'm sure that is going to take time. That's one of the reasons I have not been concerned about him making a move. It seems a little too soon. That and he has no money, yet. He can't afford to take me on a date, lol- he had to borrow money from me just for gas. Plus, I would not be surprised at ALL if his (ex) girlfriend is/was mad about him coming to work with me. I'm sure she suspects something is up there, just from the way he was acting towards me when they were together. Thing is, nothing has happened and he can still say nothing did.

    Nothing has happened but I don't believe its entirely out of the realm in the future. That's why I was asking advice NOW and not later. I know there is a big risk of me screwing it up and maybe, at this point, I already have.
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    http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

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    • #77
      Originally posted by pureevil View Post

      I said "be chill and slowly qualify him to yourself." As in, don't allow yourself to get emotionally invested like this until he qualifies for it in some significant way over time. You can be very quick to the draw and emotionally invest way too much way too quickly based on dreams and fantasies in your mind, and then endlessly analyze his behavior for reasons why the dream will come true this time. You do this at a point where guys haven't earned all that from you! This creates self-sabatoging behavior in you that ultimately makes sure the dream never comes true.
      Yeah, I guess I just need to put my focus elsewhere and not worry about him and see what he does. That's what I was trying to do but it is hard because I just really like him.
      Check out my blog!
      http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

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      • #78
        Also, in regards to me having slept with his friends, I honestly donít feel like with him that would be an issue. The woman he was dating before slept with/dated some of his friends too.

        In any case I was dating one of his close friends and then ended up having 3somes with that guy and my best guy friend from back then (who is and was also one of his good friends). So yes, he has watched me have 3somes with two guys and I wouldnít let him join in but whatever lol. He was even driving the car once when we were having a threesome in the back. We were kind of wild kids.

        Thankfully hes really not the slut shamer type or someone that would be looking for a virginal girl. He likes to have fun. Hť thought it was funny when I told him our top sales guy (who also happens to be the guy that was his biggest rival from another school in football) is married to a stripper. He was like stripper ę now Ľ? And was cracking up but heís not really judgmental about stuff like that.

        Today I totally shocked him by offhand mentioning that my ex husband was in ministry. He seriously did a double take haha. It took him several minutes to stop looking flabbergasted by that, lol.



        Check out my blog!
        http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

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        • #79
          Originally posted by Lovergirl View Post
          Also, in regards to me having slept with his friends, I honestly donít feel like with him that would be an issue. The woman he was dating before slept with/dated some of his friends too.

          In any case I was dating one of his close friends and then ended up having 3somes with that guy and my best guy friend from back then (who is and was also one of his good friends). So yes, he has watched me have 3somes with two guys and I wouldnít let him join in but whatever lol. He was even driving the car once when we were having a threesome in the back. We were kind of wild kids.

          Thankfully hes really not the slut shamer type or someone that would be looking for a virginal girl. He likes to have fun. Hť thought it was funny when I told him our top sales guy (who also happens to be the guy that was his biggest rival from another school in football) is married to a stripper. He was like stripper ę now Ľ? And was cracking up but heís not really judgmental about stuff like that.

          Today I totally shocked him by offhand mentioning that my ex husband was in ministry. He seriously did a double take haha. It took him several minutes to stop looking flabbergasted by that, lol.


          nothing with m/w you said you wanted a mono relationship with him, for ME based on that history i would have screened you out for mono, but not for poly...... but yeah he does not care since his ex based on what you say did the same...


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          • #80
            So today he came and talked to my friend and I in the office. We laughed and played around and he hung out for a bit. He made a comment about how he liked to cook and we asked when are you bringing food to the office and he said when he can afford to feed more than himself. I can tell he's sincerely broke. He later asked me to borrow $20 again. I gave it to him and he said this time he will make sure to pay me and not give it to anyone else.

            My friend and I had gone to the grocery store to get sandwich stuff because we decided we needed to eat healthy and lose weight and he was like neither of you needs to lose weight. He looks at me and says "you are tiny and you don't need to lose any weight, don't say that". Anyhow I texted him when we got back and told him there was some extra sandwich stuff in the refrigerator if he wanted to make himself something to eat.

            He asked if I was still there and came to get me and I followed him back to the kitchen to show him where the stuff was. That's when he asked to borrow the $20 again. He also was telling me I looked good and complimenting my outfit. When I walked out of the kitchen and he was making a sandwich he said "I love you so much".

            My friend thought it was cute that he started apologizing to me about not calling after his most recent sale this weekend. I had never mentioned it or that he didn't call and he was explaining why he didn't.

            I don't know lol- I'm still watching to see what happens with him. I went out on a date with another guy today, one that has asked me out multiple times and this was like our 4th date. I didn't sleep with him or anything but we did kiss. I'm just not feeling it with him but I'm trying to give him a chance.
            Check out my blog!
            http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

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            • #81
              Also, my friend thinks he might be intimidated by my position at work. He will eventually make more money than me but right now I am in a good position, managing a department that is doing really well right now and making good money. She thinks he wants to impress me by showing he can do well there because I got him the job.

              She was like, guys think differently, when they are focused on a job they donít even register relationship type stuff. She still thinks he likes me because of how he acts around me and always coming looking for me when Iím not around. Ok

              That may be partly true, that that is a big focus right now. Hes doing fantastic, my boss was telling us that he is at a 50% close ratť so far and thatís pretty amazing. He will see the money soon enough but it takes a little time.
              Check out my blog!
              http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

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              • #82
                So today he asked to borrow more money from me. I'm not sure how I feel about it. On one hand I'm totally fine with him borrowing it (another $40, so $60 total). I'm doing fine financially, he knows that, and its not a huge amount. I trust him to pay me back and I know he has already made several sales and will get a good paycheck next week. I also know he's struggling and I get that, even though somehow he got himself into that situation.

                On the other hand I have to wonder why he is asking me and not someone else. He's an outgoing, friendly person and has lots of male friends- not sure why he doesn't ask any of them. Clearly he feels comfortable asking me, and I'm not sure if that is a good thing. Would a guy even ask a girl that he is remotely interested in to borrow money?

                He was like "I promise I'll pay you back and I owe you forever, friendship and love and hugs forever". I said "don't I get that anyway?" and of course he said yes.

                He was also hinting that he wanted me to come and watch the game with him today. I couldn't because I needed to take my daughter somewhere but he asked a couple times what I was doing for the game and said he hadn't figured out what he was doing yet. He said something about not wanting to go home to watch it.

                I had left to go to the store to pick up some stuff for lunch (and to get change because he asked to borrow money) and he called me to ask where I was. When I told him he said ok because he was thinking about going to wash his car but he would wait. I pull up in the parking lot next to him and he comes over to my car and says "hey gorgeous" like he is flirting with me. I said something about having bought vodka and that my girlfriend and I were going to drink it and he asked if she and I were going out tonight. I said no, we are going to drink this now, like before a meeting we have and he looked surprised but I didn't invite him to join and he left pretty quickly. I thought about it but didn't.

                Anyway, I'm still really not sure what to think.

                Check out my blog!
                http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

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                • #83
                  You are friends, he borrowed money, he needs more money, figures it would be easiest with you to keep up, since you both will keep track of how much is borrowed and you know he will pay back.

                  Also: you are a friend right now, you are not a romantic interest and you have never given any indication, besides some superficial flirting that you want more with him (at least, i suppose it's like this). Then when you go to drink something with someone you don't invite him in and you wonder why he doesn't think you want more?
                  he flirts, you accept but don't act...
                  I am pretty sure he has already given up on you as a romantic interest, but idk, you should see for yourself.

                  Now you figure out why he asks you.
                  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIb6AZdTr-A

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                  • #84
                    Originally posted by Kit View Post
                    You are friends, he borrowed money, he needs more money, figures it would be easiest with you to keep up, since you both will keep track of how much is borrowed and you know he will pay back.

                    Also: you are a friend right now, you are not a romantic interest and you have never given any indication, besides some superficial flirting that you want more with him (at least, i suppose it's like this). Then when you go to drink something with someone you don't invite him in and you wonder why he doesn't think you want more?
                    he flirts, you accept but don't act...
                    I am pretty sure he has already given up on you as a romantic interest, but idk, you should see for yourself.

                    Now you figure out why he asks you.
                    I havenít really given much indication. I donít indicate that I want more- at least I donít think i do. Iím a little afraid to. I think he does like me as more than a friend though- just the way he acts.

                    I donít want to come on too strong because men donít like that. My friends husband thinks I should though. He thinks I should just flat out ask him about us- but heís one of those kinds of guys that thinks a woman can do that and all will be fine. My friend and I think thatís crazy. He was like fine then have her (his wife) ask him to come over casually to their house when they have a bunch of people over and he (the husband) will watch how he acts, lol. We may go that route.
                    Check out my blog!
                    http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

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                    • #85
                      Originally posted by pureevil View Post
                      and then endlessly analyze his behavior for reasons why the dream will come true this time. .
                      ..

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                      • #86
                        Originally posted by pureevil View Post
                        ..
                        If you donít like it you donít have to participate in the conversation.
                        Check out my blog!
                        http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

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                        • #87
                          Originally posted by Lovergirl View Post

                          If you donít like it you donít have to participate in the conversation.
                          I'm attempting to note a series of repeated behavior patterns in you that work to prevent you from getting what you want. Its the most useful note in this entire discussion in my super humble opinion. Anyone playing into your analyzation game too deeply is just feeding you that which is working against you. Do you actually want to land one of these guys at some point or not?

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                          • #88
                            Originally posted by pureevil View Post

                            I'm attempting to note a series of repeated behavior patterns in you that work to prevent you from getting what you want. Its the most useful note in this entire discussion in my super humble opinion. Anyone playing into your analyzation game too deeply is just feeding you that which is working against you. Do you actually want to land one of these guys at some point or not?
                            How is discussing it going to prevent anything from happening? Sticking my head in the sand and not trying to figure anything out is better?
                            Check out my blog!
                            http://lifeofalovergirl.wordpress.com/

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                            • #89
                              Originally posted by Lovergirl View Post

                              How is discussing it going to prevent anything from happening? Sticking my head in the sand and not trying to figure anything out is better?
                              You want to avoid becoming fixated on someone. That throws your vibe and all your actions in ways that tend to be unattractive. Common advice to men here is GFTOW when they start to obsess like this over a particular girl, becuase this type of behavior works against getting what you're actually after.

                              There's been a steady string of guys you move into obsession turf with over the years here, where you'll analyze them for months with whoever is willing to be a soundboard, and you actually get what you want from none of them. This completely adds up.

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                              • #90
                                LG: I feel like daring you to flirt with him until there is nothing else to do but move forward physically
                                https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIb6AZdTr-A

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